Oh those cravings!

Well cable guy didn't fix anything (and he was late).  Good news is hubby ended up home and relieved me to go to lunch with my friend.  (Lunch was good!)

I've noticed some craving coming back at night.  Wanting to eat - just to eat.  Not sure what that's about.  I especially want to kick back and relax into a bottle of wine.  I'm also really bloated lately and I think that's contributing to the "screw it" mentality this week.  It I don't feel great - what's the point?

Trying to focus on "health" as my motivator.  Also looking forward to being able to go full steam on my new fitness goals in one more week - eating well is an important part.  Yet these craving - ugh!

We have a long weekend coming.  Hiking, golf, Game of Thrones marathon ... good stuff, yet what I really want is to hang on the deck - cheese and cracker tray and a good bottle of wine - and go at it.  I don't know why these urges are showing up.  I plan to keep with my plan - but my resolve is fading a bit.

Just sitting in bed typing this - can't keep my eyes open.  That's good on a work night.  Until tomorrow ...

Cable Guy.

Woke up early - good since it's cable guy day.  Need to be ready.  And by ready I mean trip to Starbucks.

Still had an upset stomach last night- taking a break from fish oil for a couple of days.  I feel a bit more "settled" this morning.

Today is active leg rest day - my new favorite day lol.  Walk on the treadmill followed by arms.  Easy, quick, relaxing.  I need to start walking the dog again.  Mornings are cooler and he is feeling much better.  Not this week though - too busy - sorry pup.

Once I leave work and can take all the workout classes I'd like, I have to work out a new schedule.  It's hard to fit in my runs (2 days) and rest days AND my classes.  I'll need to give it some thought.

Quick hello this morning.  Need to get moving (to probably wait hours for the cable guy lol) but Starbucks is a must today!

The Final FOUR!

I'm telling you these days could not move more slowly.

So what's the what today?

Let's see ...
For some reason I have a stomachache from last night.  Might be that darn fish oil again.  I stopped the every other day and went to 1/2 tsp every day - thought is was easier to remember.  Still not a happy belly this morning.

My eating was good yesterday.  Did some basic cooking - I was on empty in the refrigerator and having to "cook" every meal from the start was a bother.  I'm good for a couple of days now.

Hair is good.  Got a lighter base ... not sure if I can tell, but I have the keratin treatment on now and that darkens it.  Feels good to have the ends all fresh again.

Rice crispy treat delivery was good.  Got a text back - it was just an oversight.  Glad I chose "nice."

The Happiness Project reading is coming along.  I really, really like some of her ideas (others miss the mark for me).  It gives me a place to start.  I think most of being happy is remembering to be happy.  Focus on happy, not on crap.

P.S.  I learned the highlight feature in kindle.  Great for books like this one!  Love that learning!

I have a relatively easy-going week.  Lunch out 2 days.  Weekend with just hubby as of now - hiking, golf, Game of Thrones (season 6).  Oh, and the cable guy this week - wish me luck!  Feels like a Monday.  I guess that's good?

Off for #4.

Hair Day!

I love a hair day.  This hair day is my no-highlight hair day - cheaper, quicker, but leaves my hair kind of dark.  I'm going to talk to my hairdresser about lightening my base (again) ... or something.  Since I pull my hair back, highlights are lost with just a gray cover-up.

Yesterday was a great day.  Youngest's house (and room) are awesome - he's doing great which is even 'AWESOMER" ... fun to see him for the afternoon.

BBQ was a blast.  My family is loud and funny.  Lots of laughs.

Food was manageable.  A few people not drinking, so that was no big deal.  I came home and had a desire to raid-the-pantry again.  I didn't - just ate a good dinner.  I guess "party" mode or "fun" mode gets me in the mood to eat crazy crap.  I've spent about 45 days of clean, healthy eating and it's so darn easy to slip back into bad habits.

W30 talks about habits giving one last push as they are ready to fade.  Maybe I'm having a push before some good things happen!?!?  I expect this week to be very good eating.  Nothing (food wise) on the schedule until Friday.  No junk in the house.  Whew!

I was talking to my (male) cousin yesterday.  He's younger (about 7 years maybe) but is going through the same sort questioning - searching I am.  He's actually getting ready to read The Happiness Project too (crazy - right?).  I mention he's a man, because I found it refreshing that he admits to the same struggles.  Feels likes he's grinding on and on and not really enjoying now.  Gave me some good references for more reading (and learning).  I love when conversations go "deeper" and it's a good lesson to be open and share.  Look what I would have missed otherwise.

Today is a do-something-nice moment.  Long story.  I have new neighbors ... neighbors who found the house because of running into me and hubby while they were at the club house with our old realtor (house wasn't on the market yet).  They seem grateful and ran into hubby again and were very nice.  I wanted to give them a welcome goodie (rice crispies) and our numbers.  I got their cell phone numbers, reached out ... "could I drop off something the next day" ... was told that didn't work, could I do the following day.  I was working ... texted both asking what other day works.  Never heard back from either of them.  I send nice chatty, friendly texts ... nothing at all from the wife.  The number is right.  I planned to forget about it.  But in the vain of do-something-nice (and hubby nudging) I'm doing it today.  I would have just left it, but weather is so hot.  I'm leaving it this morning.  Then sending a text.  Then letting it go.  I've done my "nice" and that's enough.  If it goes further, great.  If not, fine too.

A lesson in ego.  I think the problem is I feel rejected.  I tried to be polite (texting before).  I tried to be nice (making a treat).  I tried to be welcoming (giving our numbers).  I even thought of asking her to lunch just to break up what is usually lonely days when you first move.  And I got nothing.  This shouldn't be about my ego.  I'm not doing this for me ... I need to stop making it about me.

Anyway - workout time.  Home tabata.  Need to make a list - big arm day.  Later gators.

It Makes a Difference.

My overindulgence in dried fruit and nuts last night made for a groggy wake-up this morning.  My stomach is rumbling.  I have a "background" headache.  While this was an "allowable" food, it was not the right way to eat.  Lesson noted (I'd say "learned" but ... you know).  It does make a difference.

Tony Robbins said something to the effect ... you notice something is working when you stop doing it. Amen to that.

Right back to it this morning.  Run on the agenda - treadmill intervals.  I thought maybe I'd run outside since I'm usually up before it's light - not today lol!  Treadmill it is.

I planned to read last night, but got a call from a friend just as I started getting ready for bed.  We talked for 2 hours.  Great conversation.  Well worth the postponed reading.

I have a family bbq at my aunt's house today.  Out of town family will be there, my youngest will stop over (near his school), hubby will be home in time to go.  Fun day!!  My aunt doesn't want anyone to bring anything (I have a fun bag of goodies from the farmers market for her) but that leaves me at the mercy of what she serves.  Feeding-a-crowd food is usually not the kind of food I eat.  After last night, I don't want to eat crappy and screw things up any more ... all about feeling good (and being able to wake up easily).  Fingers crossed I can find something.

Before the bbq, I'm stopping to see my youngest's new digs - townhouse - fancy boy!

And a nice plus of today - I'm off Monday (that's unusual).  Makes today extra relaxing.  (Soon I can say that about every day!!)

My shopping yesterday included Gap for 40% off.  I got a yoga/running top - wearing it now - LOVE it!!  Super soft (won't chaff me), looks cute, pretty blue color and with the sale - great price. Winner!  There are certain things that quality counts - workout gear is one of them.  Some tops I've wasted money on (cheap stuff) leave me so miserable once I sweat and the seams scratch - not worth it.

Off to start my day.

And an Update ...

Today was nice.

Spa pedicure massage was one of the best I've had (but the paint job not so good) ... my toes are a nice reddish-brown (I needed a break from summer colors).

Trader Joe's run all done.

Called the cable company (wanted that horror off my plate - and it was a pain!) but they need to come out to fix.  UPDATE - they just called my hubby (instead of number I gave them) and said they fixed it and cancelled the service appointment - not fixed.  UGH.  But I started the process.  Currently restarting my TIVO box - didn't work.

Decided not cook anything (but lunch and dinner) - just want to relax.

I made a trail mix for hubby and youngest.  Made the mistake of sampling some of the nuts and fruit. Ate a bit more than I should have (not horrible, but definitely "snacky") and now I have a bit of a raid-the-pantry mentality.  I'm holding strong, but I hate how quickly that feeling comes back.

This cable thing is no big deal in the scheme of things, but it's making me grumpy.  Need to let it go.  I'm just annoyed they cancelled the appointment.

Okay ... time to get my jammies on and hit the TV :-)

A Day ALL to MySELF!!

Today is one of those days - all by myself (cue the song) but in a GOOD way.  I enjoy spending time alone - I need it, crave it, love it.  There's a difference between time alone and being lonely.

Usually, if I'm alone on a weekend, I'm on-call.  So this is an extra treat.  Tomorrow is a fun day with lots of family and I can't wait.  But today is quiet and just ME and I can't wait.  The yin and yang.

Today is also a complete workout rest day.  I'm tempted to take a power walk (because I feel like I want to sweat) but I really need to rest my leg muscles.  Without a real rest day, the week of workouts suffer.  Still not walking the dog since the no-pull leash (and he's a puller) sits right on his stitches - I'll give it a few more days.

Here's the fun for today.

First Starbucks (duh) and pup will enjoy the ride.
Then nails - think I'm going to try a different shade today (anything goes on my toes - fingers are a different story).
Trader Joe's run.  I LOVE the frozen riced cauliflower and I'm out AGAIN!  Bummer to go on a Saturday (hello crowds, but I'm out!).
Some shopping.  I have GAP $ and it's a 40% sale - I might check it out.  I finished one of 2 lipsticks and it's a bother only having one.  Had to wait until my unmentionable lip visitor was gone to shop for it!

After that - it's a free for all lol.  Maybe I'll start the latest season of Orange is the New Black or watch a movie and read.

I might make dog treats or do a cook-up of something ... if the mood strikes me.  Doesn't seem like it will.  I like have freezer food for work and I still have some meatballs.  That should last me this week.  Otherwise, I can just make as I go.  Maybe plan a cooking afternoon later this week.

My face has been a little breakout-ish with rosacea this week.  It's odd.  So I did an extra medication last night (cream) and it's better this morning - but not gone.  Usually on W30 it's super clear.

I decided I will take this W30 to 60 days and then stop counting.  The counting is feeding my all-or-nothing, love-a-good-streak obsession.  But I want to see what 60 days looks like.  According to W30, as your body is "healing" it may become reactive (i.e. rosacea breakout) before getting better.  I wonder if that's what's happening lately.  W30 does support taking it out 60 days if you still need to heal things but not longer.  It doesn't like obsessions (oh you know me well).

Disclaimer.
That said, 60 days seems good because I have nothing crazy on the calendar to break the streak.  If something "worth it" comes up, I will break it.  I don't expect that to happen though.  Goal is not necessarily 60 days.  Goal is balance - no more on-off.  With my big change on the horizon, that goal is UBER important.  It's the foundation to My Happiness Project and MUST be a priority.

Just about finished with all my morning drinks - so time to get a Starbucks.  Gotta hydrate!  Later gators.

Home Sweet Home

Glad to call this day OVER!  I'm bushed, but my tummy is nice and full.  It was really great to come home to my dinner made (thank you ME).  I had such a hungry day today.  Ate another avocado with dinner tonight.  I think it will help my energy.  I wanted want some fruit, but nothing in the house.  I was too tired to stop at the grocery store so that's that ... I'll do without.  If I still want it tomorrow, I know where to find it lol.

Now I'm sitting here drinking my tea.  One of the things I like about my collagen tea is the routine.  I have one glass to start my day and one to end my day (or at least end my eating).  It's a good signal ... a good habit .. a healthy routine.  Bam!

I am heading up to bed tonight super early.  That restless night's sleep has caught up with me.

AND I need to shave my legs.  I have a "spa" pedicure tomorrow (gift certificate from a friend).  The spa version is a lot of scrubbing and rubbing (yea to both) but freshly shaved legs with my sensitive skin means irritation and red bumps.  If I don't shave, I'm prickly ... so best to shave the night before.  Not too hairy, not too sensitive.  Just right.

Might be too tired to read tonight.

Okay off to bed ...

And then there were 5 ...

Five more shifts at work.  Whoop whoop!

I had trouble falling asleep last night.  My energy was buzzing, my mind was buzzing.  Eventually, drifted off around 9pm (last look at the clock) and woke up in a sweaty, panicked nightmare at 9:15pm.  The kind where I look at shadows and get a little freaked out (at least for a few minutes before the dream fades).  All night long, I had disturbing dream after disturbing dream.  Go figure. What was that about??  Glad my uncomfortable sleep is over and am looking forward to bed tonight lol.

So my big "push" pace run today doesn't seem likely.  Didn't wake up bounding with energy.  But you never know ... anything can happen once the run starts.  I have to say, I'm a bit nervous to run outside after my bad dreams, but, again, once the run starts my nerves calm down.

One of the joys of having the kids off to school (and I do actually miss them too) is the house is ALWAYS the way I left it (hubby travels and also picks up his own stuff lol).  I went to bed ... came down this morning ... no "mess" ... no change ... just as I left it.  Easy peasy.  I love clean.  I love organized.

I have all three meals cooked and ready today.  Also a good feeling.  I never regret taking a little bit of time to be prepared.  As much as I'm on a quest to add variety (uncertainty) to my day (life), I will never give up my "certainty" joy too.

I think part of MHP will be something I dabbled with recently.  Learn something new ... do something nice.  Not forcing it everyday (then it's a chore ... something to check off a to-do list), but reminding myself daily to LOOK for those opportunities.  It will add variety and up my feel-good factor.

This came to me last night.  Reading my kindle, I realized I never use the highlight feature (learn something new ... still need to learn it BTW, but I will).  Also, I donated to a work friend's charity event last year and it's that time of year again.  The charity is near and dear to her but I honestly didn't plan to give this year.  Then she posted the request to my Facebook wall.  I was a bit pissed - too pushy.  But I took a minute and decided to donate.  She wrote me the nicest thank you - saying I was the only one at work who ever donated to something so important to her (and she's been doing this for over 10 years) and it meant so much to her.  Do something nice.  I felt good.  I felt happy.  And I realized doing something nice is easy.  And that SHOULD be my default setting.

Okay, I've waxed poetic for too long.  Got to get my run on.  Later gators.

Yea ... the dentist.

No cavities.  New hygienist (fresh out of school) ... using special tools ... much less painful.  Winner, winner chicken dinner!!

Pup had great post-op appointment.  Healing well.  No more restrictions.  Love him tons!

Did a quick cook-up for the next couple of days.  Chili (again - but so easy to make), salmon, veggies, sweet potato ... all set.  Also, got the cancelation off my plate.  Yea me!

Yoga was okay today.  Really easy.  Me getting better??  Probably not so much.  But it was a needed lighter workout.  I'm feeling pretty good this afternoon.

I am noticing my nails growing well.  I keep having to file them.  Thanks collagen.

It's funny how "done" with work I've become in 3 short days.  I only have 5 more shifts and I'm moaning and groaning in my head.  It's less about the work and more about the commute.  I'm over it in a big way.  The decision is sitting much better.  I'm now more excited than worried.  I want to get on with MHP!

Cute, right?!?!

I also read today ....

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  Buddha.

Good words.  I'm ready.  Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but I feel a change on the horizon and I AM ready.

I realized today I have worked out (i.e. some form of cardio) and ate (junk until pants tight, then diet) basically the same for 30 years!  I'm long overdue to evolve and grow and change in these areas.  Kind of shocking to me.  Why haven't I really changed in all this time?

See you all tomorrow bright and early.  Run day.  I hope to feel energized and have a "push" pace tomorrow.  My workouts have been easy this week.

UGH ... the dentist.

I have a dentist appointment today.  Thanks to a sensitive snaggle tooth - I HATE going!  Because I hate it so much, I go every 3 months so it's not as bad.  And, apparently, I just "naturally" build excess tartar.  (One of my many talents.)  Every time the appointment comes I fantasize about canceling it (there's no cancelation fees) but I don't.  Once I had strep and had to cancel ... I was actually excited to have strep ... yep - still and forever crazy.

Dog has his post-op appointment today too.  Tumor came back benign ... AWESOME!!!  (Can't believe I forgot to write about that yesterday.)

So all my stressors are quashed.  Gave notice at work.  Dog will be fine.  Hubby's lung "spots" are nothing more than markers on the lung (misread by primary).  All is well in my world again.  My tribe is happy, safe and sound ... and that make for a HAPPY ME!!  Breathe ...

Chapter 2 of THP ... great ideas.  Some I already do, some I can still improve on.
Sleep.
Organization.
Pretend to have energy.
Get through tasks you've been putting off.

I'm already working (and mastering ... for now) my sleep.
I'm reasonably organized, but I do have some projects once work is through.
Pretending to have energy falls in line with Tony Robbins.  Change your physical state and everything will follow.  It works.
I usually get through my "unwanted" tasks because I hate them lingering.  That said, I have two I need to do this week.  (Cable company problems - goodbye hours of my day lol ... and canceling an automatic order.)  I'll do cancelation today, but cable company will have to wait until I have a block of time.

I don't expect to follow her path step by step ... and I'm not doing the "monthly" time table, but I do like trying her ideas.  I'll be tweaking my own list after work is finished ... creating my own HAPPINESS PROJECT.

I have a hair appointment Monday - yea - goodbye gray.  My hair is really long right now (for me) ... down passed my collar bone.  Really doesn't matter ... I put it up EVERY DAY ... same, same ... boring ... but not horrible looking.  I don't like the feel of hair on my neck and I have curly, frizzy, fine hair that becomes a mess in the humidity.  Before our move to the south, my hair was always short-ish.  I liked it.  I miss it.  But I need to manage the frizz in our summer weather.  I was actually thinking about going shorter for winter ... short enough that I can't pull it up ... then I got caught in the rain yesterday.  My hair was good.  My girlfriend did not fair as well (she has beautiful hair but also curly ... the rain was too much.)  A trim it is ...

I still feel a little run-down this morning.  I slept well ... added an avocado (might be low on fat consumption) ... don't know what else to do.  I wonder if I have some allergies acting up (my nose is running a lot and my throat is mildly sore - not enough to get me out of my dentist appointment - believe me I thought of that lol).  Maybe I'm just old!!  Or maybe I need more full rest days (from workouts).  I'll play around with it.

Okay folks.  Time for my class and then a rush to the dentist.  Wish me luck.  By 12:15 my dentist woes will be over for three months (unless my "watch" spot is a cavity ... oh lordy please no.)

Super Day!

I LOVED today.

Farmers Market was amazing ... cool stuff ... inexpensive.
Lunch was a chicken, fennel and peach salad.  Peach was grilled - delicious.  Chicken was perfect.
Shopping - found another lace bra-lett ('cause my boobies have shrunk to nothing lol).
GREAT conversation about EVERYTHING!
Finished Stranger Things - wow - unique, well done.

Now I'm bushed.  Actually been extra tired all week.  I could have slept a lot longer this morning.  Even my easy workout felt hard.  Bed early (going to do some reading) and a full night's sleep.  Hope to see improvement in the morning.

I find my energy is good all day ... then suddenly I'm done.  Tank goes to empty and I can't wait to go to sleep.  Still healing?  Maybe.  I'm doing everything I know to get back my stamina.  I'll keep on keeping on.

That's all for tonight.  I want to get reading The Happiness Project ... my girlfriend is going to read it too and we're going to have a MHP together!!  Awesome!!

Farmers Market

Today is a trip to a HUGE Farmers Market and lunch in a cute town.  Super excited to see it (I've never been).  This is a day with my drinking buddy - the one I crave alcohol after seeing lol - guess we've just had too many fun nights together.  I bet I'll crave some tonight.

Speaking of cravings ... had an unexpected rough afternoon in the craving department.  Regular breakfast, tabata, lunch (grilled chicken salad with olives and veggies) - home mid afternoon and wanted to throw in the towel and eat the pantry.

I was actually hungry (even though lunch was just a few hours earlier) so I decided maybe I didn't eat enough.  I fixed a VERY early dinner (second lunch) of meatballs and cauliflower (at 3:30!!!) instead of snacking.  That did the trick.   Felt fine after.  Around 6pm I had a small mini-meal.  Crisis averted.

Here's what made me proud:

I sliced a peach - it was a bit grainy.  Not horrible, but not "delicious" so I threw it out.
Listened to my body and fed it with real food - not snacks - even though it wasn't the "right" time to eat again.
Lived with the cravings.  I'll probably never be craving-free, but I don't have to be ... all I need to do is not give-in, not give-up ... acknowledge the "why" and deal with it.

Good win yesterday.

Tabata was good (but Tuesdays are leg days - I need arms!).  So many workouts focus on the legs.  I need more arms and more rest for my legs.  Once I stop work, I'll have a better workout balance.  That said, today is a leg rest day (light walk on the treadmill) and some arms.  Easy, breezy day.  Love these "active" rest days.  It's a new thing in my workout rotation.

After 20+ years of the same, same, same (i.e. running) it time to change things up for the next stage of my life.  Muscle mass, strength, balance, agility and flexibility need to step up.  My instructor told me yesterday my posture is improving (not a huge thing per se, but I'll take it!!) and she doesn't compliment just to say something (so there lol!).

Tonight will be the final episode and a half of Stranger Things (love it!!) and some time reading The Happiness Project.  Hubby was home last night and we stayed up talking, so haven't done any reading.  I'm excited to get to that book!

More on our talk later ... did some trip and activity planning ... yea!!  MHP is beginning!

Time to get it going.  Later gators.

Tuesday Tabata!

I missed my regular classes last week.  Excited to get back to Tabata today (I'll miss Friday b/c of work).

Speaking of which ... resignations had it's ups and downs, but ended with ups.  I'm so relieved.  HUGE weight off my shoulders.  Five more shifts.  Yesterday was a grueling day - supports my need to change things up - back, neck, body worn to a nub.

Relief of stress = want to celebrate = want to eat junk.

I'm in a good place right now.  I acknowledged the feeling, understood "why" and ate my normal dinner.  Well done ME!

I need to be a bit careful.  I'm starting to get slightly obsessed with being "on-plan" and slightly fearful of going off.  As though going off will slide me back to immediate pants-too-tight mode. I have said before - the best part this time is not having the mental beat-down every day.  I eat well.  I'm proud.  I have no regrets.  My mind is at peace.

I'm afraid allowing treats will undermine my peace - because one becomes two - two becomes three ... you get the picture.  How do I moderate ... REALLY moderate ... not cycle between on and off.

W30 book on the very subject is out in October.

Leaving work = change = busting up my good routine.  I MUST be diligent during this transition.  My Happiness Project is not a sit on the sofa and get fat project.  I'm really looking forward to planning MHP.  Some things are taking shape (I'll write about this later).  It's exciting!!  I was too tired yesterday to read the book, but will finish it before work is done.

Okay folks.  That's my story today.

My Happiness Project

That is the title, theme, purpose of my hiatus from work.  PERFECT!!

I started a book with that title last night.  It's like the author was in my mind.  The first chapter EXACTLY described my search, my discomfort, my quest.  My HAPPINESS PROJECT will be ultimately different than hers, but destination will be the same.

I'm so excited to have the words to describe what I NEED.  Maybe this is a mid-life crisis of sorts.  Coming of age, empty-nest syndrome, generational awaking ... who knows. What I know is I have a destination.  Now I need to find the journey.

It's starts with the first step.  Today.  My resignation.

Anything worthwhile is a little scary, a little uncertain, a little exciting.  That's how I feel today.

I spent time in my head worrying about the "what-ifs" last night.  What if this is a mistake?  What if I should work a little longer?  What if I never find another good job?  What if I'm bored?  What if this isn't the answer?

I remembered to remember all the what-ifs.  What if this IS the answer?  What if this changes my life?  What if an incredible job is waiting for me? What if this creates better friendships, marriage, mothering?  What if I grow?  What if I learn?  What if I live my life?  What if I'm exponentially happy? What if this is an amazing year?

What if I never did this? That doesn't pass the rocking chair test.  This is a must in my heart (for some reason I can't explain right now).  Other things in my life have been a must too ... nagging feeling until I finally JUST DO IT.  Every single one has been life changing (but first a little scary, uncertain, uncomfortable).

Oh boy.  Here I go.

Sleeping Late

I woke up around 5am, took a visit to the bathroom and promptly fell back to sleep until 7am.  Unusual for me lately.  Must need some extra rest.  I liked the sleep.  Didn't like the sleeping on my back (I must have fallen back to sleep zippy quick) ... now my hips are stiff.  Workout will work it out!

Crazy dreams about work. I'm turning in a 3 week resignation tomorrow.  Oh boy.  I feel some guilt, some fear, some worry.  Guilty about leaving work friends during a shortage.  Fear that I'm going to be bored (spend my days on the sofa watching TV) and fear healthy habits will go out the window.  Worried about less money coming in.

I remind myself it's all unfounded.

Work has some bandaid fixes to use, but keeps declining them.
I am in control how to spend my days.  When I leave, I'm writing the bucket-list.  I'm saying YES.
We have plenty enough money.

I won't dwell on this.  Wrote it down.  Don't want to linger on it.  Done.

I'm feeling a little uninspired for my workout today.  Tomorrow is a run day so I think I'll do a tabata workout.  I'm sure I'll get pumped as soon as I start.

My youngest is coming home to pick up a few things.  I was planning a visit to him, but I don't want to leave the dog that long (he's doing well ... still need to see him poop though lol).  We will lunch and do a grocery run.  Hubby already started the 10 hour drive home.  I have a few "chores" left on my list and that will wrap the day.

Time to start it all.  Later gators.

Stranger Things

IS AWESOME!!!  Episode 3 (of 8).  OMG!!!  Crazy shit.

===============================================================

Did some "surfing" on the old www today.  Here's some inspiring stuff I found.

Timely message in my life right now.

I LOVE this picture - so much so that I ordered a print to frame.  It's "my" message ... just the direction I'm working toward.  Fun, uncertainty, spontaneity, a little wild, a little crazy ...

Also read a quote by Melissa of Whole30 talking about emotional eating, food addictions or binge-behaviors.
"And then we go through the same cycle of guilt and shame when we are done because that experience promises rewards but doesn't actually deliver happiness."
Wow.  She nailed it.  I'm really looking forward to her new book in October.  She has an amazing ability to "get" it and then teach it.

On her recommendation, I started the collagen peptides.  I've been taking it for about 3 weeks.  My knee is feeling significantly better.  I know the movie theater injury is healing, but it feels even better than before the injury.  I'm no longer "saving" trips up the stairs - only mild discomfort when I go up.  I can also bend my knee all the way back.  I'm ready to credit the collagen.  Looking forward to hair, nail and skin positivities as an extra bonus too!

My health quest is going strong.  I'm proud of myself.  I'm walking the walk.

I'm finally getting some traction with my healthy behaviors.

The busy continues ...

Eldest, his girlfriend and hubby left early this morning (and have safely arrived in VA).

I got to work IMMEDIATELY and am super happy to say the house is back to normal.  Rooms cleaned, beds made, everything organized and spit-shined ... candles burning ... jammies on.  Feels AMAZING!!  And it's only 3pm.  Time to chill, relax, begin the Netflix binge-watch.

Update on our sweet dog - surgery went well (but was a lot more extensive than expected) - signs point to benign (will know this week).  He was hurting horribly yesterday, but seems so much better today.  Loving his special canned food :-) and nicely drugged on pain medication.  What a huge relief (I had such a tension headache last night!).

Two more stressors on my plate right now ... not in the mood to think about it though, so I'll wait to write about it.  Giving energy to my "problems" is exhausting.  Not today.

Okay, maybe I'll check back in tonight.  Planning to start Netflix "Stranger Things" ... scary ... can't wait!

Busy, busy day.

Oh boy - it's surgery day.  God bless my sweet boy.  I'm worried, but I still don't want to dwell on the worry, so that's all I'm going to say.  XO Parker.

This is the busiest day in a long time.  Surgery, cleaning ladies, mucho errands, eldest packing for school, last BBQ, cooking, baking ... big, busy day.

I got my "friend" yesterday.  Should be feeling better by lunch time.

I'm going to have a very light workout.  I was thinking about taking today as my rest day (instead of tomorrow) but I need to move a little and de-stress this morning.  These next 3 days will be whatever workout I'm in the mood for - mentally and physically - back to regular stuff on Monday.  Today is a power walk to happy music and some arms.

Lots to say, but no time today.  It's the big tease ... a cliff hanger ... stay tuned all you readers.

Deep Breathing

I slept better than I thought.  Took some time to fall asleep, but I did some yoga deep breathing and it actually helped me to relax.  Maybe it's focusing on the breath?  Maybe it's physical relaxation response?  Whatever ... it worked.

I'm actually looking forward to work today.  My boss is off and I can relax about my "secret" today.  I have honest-to-goodness guilt pains when I look at her ... I know ... I'm still (and always) crazy.

Something I want to do in the next couple of weeks - make a bucket-like list for what I want my time-off to look like.  I think it will be fun.  Sort of a vision board or goal workshop ... keep me focused on fun and growth and happiness ... make the most of this time.

I woke up in a much less bitchy mood.  I've stopped "hating" the world - it's a good sign.  Come on monthly friend - let's do this thing already.

My cold sore is in the final, final part of healing.  Just a small scab, a little dry and discolored - but covers but well with makeup.  Don't want to do that again anytime soon.

In very non-important news ... my manicure has lasted a MONTH!!  Wow.  I've been filing my nails - just one little chipped section.  I love getting an "american" - such a clean look.  Also, since I did a polish change on my toes (2 times actually) my pedicure is also lasting forever.  I realize I paid for the polish change, but so much less expensive than a full pedicure.  Both need to be done this coming week.  Look at me saving money!!

I've been taking the collagen for about 3 weeks (I think).  No signs of anything yet.  I don't know if I'll notice any changes per se.  My knee is feeling better, but I don't know if the collagen can take any credit.  Most reviews say changes (hair, nails, joints) in 1-3 months.  I'll give it that much time.

Speaking of hair - I need some length off.  My appointment is the end of the month - yea.  I've also noticed my hair is really dry lately (unusual for summer).  Then I remembered I switched the type of shampoo and conditioner to a "straight."  I've used my heavy duty moisturizer mask a couple of days and it's way better.  Guess I need to switch back.

And finally this morning ... I have to say I've enjoyed the summer olympics this year.  I'm normally a little bored with the coverage and a little annoyed nothing else is on TV.  It's a nice break from crappy news (like the election) and there are a lot of really unusual events - hello hammer throw?!?!

That's all I've got.  Inspiring?  Thrilling?  Insightful?  Amazing?  Probably all-of-the-above lol.

Evening Update.

Well, I think it's good news for the "am I sick" question ... nope.  I feel fine now.  Fingers still crossed just in case that's the reason I dodged the bullet lol.

My exercise class was interesting.  It's like a speed yoga with weights.  The idea is to add some cardio element to yoga with extra strength training.  It gave me some yoga-time.  I joined a yoga studio to do yoga and I do everything but yoga.  So for that reason, I liked it.  It's a good filler class when I'm in the mood.

Eating was fabulous today (if I do say so myself).  Cooked lots of veggies up so made for delicious dinner and probably just as good of a lunch tomorrow.  Out to eat with a totally compliant salmon salad for lunch today.

(Extra impressive since I'm really stressed about my sweet boy.  He came home from groomers - looking gorgeous - but then started limping this afternoon.  I'm really worried about him.  Trying not to give my "worry" too much power, so I'll keep this short.  I love this dog.  Enough said for now.)

My knee is really improving.  Woohoo - some good progress.  I could sit "pretzel-leg" in class today and bend it all the way back.  Fighting the good fight on this one.

It's going to be hard to fall asleep tonight.  Way too much running through my mind.  I was tempted to take a benadryl, but resisted.  I need to work on some meditation techniques or do some sheep counting.  Usually by now, I'm barely keeping my eyes open.  I'm wide awake tonight.

See you all in the morning.

Do It Now

Message I need to see today.  Love this.

Hump Day

Oh goodness ... I might be getting sick.  "Everyone" at work is hacking, complaining, sneezing ... all over everything.  They got sick over the weekend.  It started last night for me and continues this morning.  Maybe allergies??  Maybe run-down??

It's the back-to-school cold.

Please, please, pretty please - not another cold.  What is wrong with my old body?

I have proudly been on no meds (i.e. cold, advil, benadryl) for over a month.  I was popping them like candy during the "sick" run I had the month before.  I'm no martyr.  If I have a cold, I WILL take cold meds (not that that's the end of the world, I just liked the pure thoughts of pill free ... and I love a streak lol).

In my eating world ...
I didn't go to GNI.  Got home too late - decision made for me.  But I was tired, feeling yucky, moody etc.  Boy that open bottle of wine was calling to me.  Fortunately, there was no way I was missing GNI just to drink at home.  So ate some peaches (hello sweet), dinner and headed to bed.  Fell asleep long and hard.  I hope my pissy mood yesterday means I get my "visitor" today.  I'm ready to get through this month.

In my work world ...
My resignation is going to be a really big deal since we have such a big nursing shortage.  My boss chatted with me yesterday (just about how hard this time is) and OMG this is going to piss her off.  And I'm really stressed about it.  I hate keeping this secret, but I selfishly don't want to give so much notice - I think know work will suck once I give notice.  I don't have it in me to give 7 weeks.  On the other hand, the department is dragging it's feet on getting a traveler ... that would help significantly.

Busy day today.  Hopefully, fun too.

Taking a new class at the yoga studio.  All over, combo workout.  Have no idea what to expect so it's exciting.
Pup to the groomer.
Out to lunch with a friend.
Quick trip to the grocery store.

My back is feeling pretty good.  Just gives some occasional grief.
My knee is feeling the best it has in awhile.  I can go down the stairs nicely now - just a little pain.  Up the stairs is still a bit dicey but improved.

Okay folks (I'd about die if there was actually a "folk") ... have a good Wednesday!

Spoke a Little Soon ...

I'm in a "monthly" mood - even though I boasted (just yesterday morning) how stable my mood is on Whole30.  Oh Universe ... you love to taunt me.

Just mega grumpy.  Wanted to go ape-shit on a tea bag that wouldn't open this morning.  Yesterday, I ocellated between sad and grumpy.  I have A LOT on my mind this week and I guess add PMS and not even W30 can overcome it.

Maybe a run with INCANTATIONS (umm ... happy ones) will help.  And a mental reminder I'M NOT ON CALL!!!  The week after call ends is glorious - just feels so good to not have call lingering.  We all go through post-call euphoria - it's amazing lol!

So good in fact, I want to give immediate notice at work so I won't have to do another call.  But I shouldn't make a rash decision.  Remember the plan.

GNI doesn't seem likely tonight.  I feel a bit blah (monthly love) and need that extra sleep.  Up early Wednesday with a really busy day.  I have such mixed feeling about it.  One one hand, I want to go - see the girls, catch up, laugh, have some fun.  On the other hand, I will be TIRED (and still have to shower and hair again), won't get enough sleep, don't want to eat/drink junk (temptation will be strong with PMS) and I'm in a crappy mood.  I'll still plan to see how I feel tonight.

I want to be a "yes" person, but still cautious on feeling good, not overdoing, not getting run-down. My (almost healed) cold sore is a reminder I'm still struggling.

It's only Tuesday, but I'm looking forward to the weekend.  We'll have some news about puppy (he'll, hopefully, be recovering well) ... I can relax and just have some me time.  I think Saturday will be a Netflix marathon, PJ's most of the day kind of day.  Sunday I go to see youngest at his new townhouse (looking forward to it!!).

Okay dokey.  Run time ... I'm braving the outside world again.

And the other stuff ...

Love my Top Ten List.  Wanted that to stand alone.  There are some overlap in successes from each W30, but every one is it's unique experience.

I'm proud to finish it!

I know it was slightly modified (i.e. I ate out and there were probably some hidden non-compliant micros and sugar) but that's how I will do any future W30 - works for me.

Time to "ride-my-bike."  Not sure how that will look yet.  Ideally, I'd like to keep things spot-on until Labor day weekend.  I'm still working at get my immune system back, my energy back, etc.  The next couple of weekends are plan free (hubby out of town, kids moving back to school, etc) so there shouldn't be temptations.

I don't want to make a choice just because I'm allowed ... I want to make it because it's special, important, etc.  I want to see if I can continue to feel even better. (And this is a "lifestyle" ... I hate when people say that, but that really is the goal.  Feels a bit born-again, drank the kool-aid kind of statement ... but I said it lol.)

Okay - enough of that.

Today's workout is Tabata-at-home edition.  I wrote out the workout - should be fun.  I'm going to miss my regular classes this week.  I did register for a class on Wed - I'm excited to try it - combo class.  I'll keep you (me) posted.

Oh, yeah ... NOT on-call anymore (well technically 30 more min, but can't be called in now).  Whoop whoop.

So the day looks like this:
Workout, walk the dog, Starbucks, take the kids to lunch, make rice crispies for work and pack food for tomorrow.
Regular day with some fun mixed in.

Mondays are awesome (when I'm not working lol)!

Top Ten

Whole30 recap with top ten BEST changes this round.

#TEN
I feel better.  Energy is climbing after months of being tanked.  Returning to normal.  Stamina is growing.

#NINE
Sleep - faster to sleep, stay asleep all night

#EIGHT
Waking - wake up easily, before alarm, no food "hangover" ... energized.

#SEVEN
Sweating - no night sweats most of the time, no random drenching sweats during the day.  But heavy sweating during workouts - feels good.

#SIX
Better muscle recovery after workouts.  The "push" feels hard - no noticeable extra energy during a workout, but recovery is better.

#FIVE
Knowing my food triggers.  Yes, sugar makes me feel like crap ... but now I know so does too much of a whole list of healthy things.  Threshold.  I can control my stomach issues.

#FOUR
Cravings - under control, manageable. Woo hoo!

#THREE
Mood - stable and HAPPY.  Even during that "special" time.  It's amazing and appreciated by my family too lol!

#TWO
MY CLOTHES FIT!!!! I don't use the scale (rarely) so not sure about weight, but my body has slimmed down.

#ONE
No regrets in the morning (or late at night).  No beating myself up.  No constant negative chatter in my head.  No promises broken.

Knock Wood.

Quiet call day today (*actively knocking wood*).

Ran on the treadmill.  Made a family dinner.  Watched TV.  2 Starbucks (piggy, I know!).

Found myself suddenly bummed out this afternoon.  Bored? Grumpy? Sad? Worried? Who knows.  Made an intentional effort to adjust my mood.  It worked.

Opened a bottle of my favorite wine tonight for my son's girlfriend.  I'm on-call, so didn't matter if I wanted it or not - no go.  But tomorrow is different.  I really, really hope the open bottle doesn't "call" me.  I don't want to dump it because the kids (23 years old) will drink it.  This is my final day of W30 and I'm now craving some wine. Bummer.

Tomorrow I plan to review my Whole30 success list - maybe that will cure the craving.  For now, I'm tired so bed it is.

Goodnight.

Woo Hoo Last Call Day!

(For a least a month!!)

I did get called in.  Relatively-ish easy.

We went out to dinner last night with hubby, eldest and his girlfriend.  Korean restaurant - yum and double yum.  I stayed as complaint as I could - Korean thin sliced beef over salad with pickled veggies.  I'm sure there was some type of sugar in the marinade, but no big deal.  I passed on all the other stuff - didn't miss it.

I did wake up sweaty last night with a headache (still lingering this morning) and slept through until a later alarm.  And the meal sat heavy on me.  Probably didn't need to eat the whole thing.  Maybe salty too?  Maybe something that doesn't agree with me? Still feel a bit "full" this morning.  (But I need my morning regularity to hit - missed yesterday.)

Speaking of which - don't know why I'm regularly irregular.  I don't need magnesium - I'm not really constipated.  I'm not a fan of this new schedule!

Workout planned for today - better get to it soon before call-backs.  I'm torn on what to do.  Thought about running on treadmill.  Thought about walking on treadmill and arms tabata.  Maybe I'll do a little running and see how I feel.  Short run, quick arms ... maybe??  I can't do my usual classes this week - I'm all mixed up lol!

Making dinner for the family tonight (if call cooperates).  T-minus 2 family meals before BREAK time!!!

Youngest all moved into his townhouse.  It's a great place.  As much as I moan and groan about the kids home, I miss him already.  My boys are such great young men.  I know I'm their mom, but it's true!!

Okay - time for petal to the metal.  Later folks.

Hello Morning.

Slept well (other than the freakishly loud amber alert on my phone at 2am).  Up before my alarm (thank you Whole30).

Practically nothing on the agenda today.  I probably will have a call-back today.  Might run to the grocery store later.  No workout ... but always time for Starbucks!  Just waiting on the pup to wake up to go (he LOVES riding in the car to get coffee ... that's the buzz word ... go get COFFEE!!).

My cold sore is still lingering.  I might have been too aggressive scraping off the crusty bits (gross, I know).  So I'm leaving it alone today.  I'm paranoid I'll have another eruption.

Whole30 is rocking along.  My official last day is tomorrow.  I have no immediate plans to stop.  Really "working" the lifestyle angle this time.  Must be really worth it. (And I'm a little "scared" to go off it - it's happened before.)

I realize what I like most about W30 this time is that I get up in the morning with NO REGRETS.  I don't "wish" I hadn't eaten _______.  I don't feel compelled to exercise off what I ate.  I don't mentally trash myself and make promises I probably won't keep later.  PRICELESS feeling!

It's so PEACEFUL!  That's why I don't want to go off yet.  I LOVE my quiet, peaceful mind.

I have a GNI group on Tuesday but it's after work - so hit or miss getting there.  If I didn't have to shower and get ready, it would be a lot easier to make it.  And I get up at 3:30 (3:25 to be exact) and by 8 or 9 I'm bushed.  I don't plan to eat off plan or drink.  She's serving pasta, but I'll just eat before I go.  No alcohol and driving (especially being tired).  She's one of three people who live outside the neighborhood - which makes it a bit more difficult to muster the energy to go.  But she's one of my very good friends.  It will just depend on work.  Letting the cards fall where they will.

I hear my puppy getting up.  Time for Starbucks!!  Woot woot!!

Rocking Friday Night

Made it home.  Relaxing in bed.  Hoping to get a full night's sleep without a call-back (there is one looming).  Horrible commute this morning ... another validation to leaving work.

Treadmill wasn't bad.  Intervals go quickly.  Glad I ran inside.

That's that.  Not much to say.  Probably not worth the post ... but got to keep the readers happy lol.

Call Team!

It begins.  Call weekend is here.  Good news it's either my last call weekend or the second to last.  Hang in there old girl - you'll get through it.

Slept like a baby last night.  A little surprised since I have a lot on my mind, hubby home (snores) and call weekend (I worry about enough sleep for Friday lol).  Woke up 15 min before alarm (3:10 am ouch) so I got up.  Cold sore was throbbing (double ugh).  I was awake and didn't want to fall back in a deep sleep, but I feel like I could easily go back to bed.  Fingers crossed for an easy night tonight.

Outside run scheduled for this morning.  Yesterday neighbors discovered a number of cars broken into overnight.  Makes me a little uncomfortable running today.  I don't want to "happen" upon something while alone.  It's a big leap from car break-ins to assault, but I'm overly cautious.  I'm very temped to do a treadmill run today.

Maybe I should ... I could do some intervals.

Anyway, got a ton of stuff done yesterday ... including baking for eldest girlfriend's arrival.  Brownies with homemade chocolate butter cream.  She's a fan of brownies and chocolate.

W30 ends for me on Sunday.  I had started early (a few days before the group of friends) but then drank wine a few days in ... puts me 3 days behind the group.  I wasn't "doing" a W30 but then decided I should commit.  No big deal.  Call weekend means home anyway.

I comfortably fit into a blouse yesterday that only fits when I'm in good shape.  So HAPPY!  It was actually a bit roomy.  (It's not a "sexy" blouse ... it just doesn't have any "give" so even a few pounds makes it uncomfortable.)  I'm ROCKING IT!!!!

I really like the change up in my workout schedule.  Don't know if it's just because it's a change (something new) or it's a great schedule.  Either way, LOVE it!  It gives me a rest day Saturday and a fun workout Sunday.  That also eases my call anxiety (can I fit in my workout before getting called, etc).  I don't have to get up as early to workout (early call are less likely ... playing the odds).

It's that time.  All my drinks are drunk.  I have 4 going ... a bit crazy I know.  Finishing water bottle from last night, hot tea with collagen, coffee, fresh iced tea (I make a big pot and take the rest in the car).  I like to hydrate in the am ... especially before work.

Treadmill.  Oh boy.

Cold-Brewed Coffee

I watched Food Network yesterday and they explained how to make cold-brewed coffee.  Put coffee grinds in water and put in refrigerator overnight.  Easy.

I did it with some of my flavored decaf.

Obviously, you need to filter it before drinking it.  Now this is a lesson in patience.  I'm glad I don't "need" coffee to wake up in the morning.  SLOW, SLOW, SLOW.  And I accidentally dumped the filter into the filtered coffee about half way through.  Old Michael Finnegan begin again.

It's good - much stronger than I expected.  I actually think I'd like no-flavor better.  Next time I buy grinds, I'll try a bit of regular decaf.  And I won't make it too often.  Three mason jars, 2 filters, lots of messy grinds later ... seems like work.  Of course, I'll have better filter process next time!  (Always learning lol.)

I wonder if I use Starbucks beans if it will taste like my americano.  Okay, now I MUST try that ... adding to "bucket" list.  Coffee exploration is my new thing lol.  And since nitro is a bust ...

My cold sore is healing.  Huge, bumpy scab came off today.  Now it's flatter, but still wet ... probably will scab again.  I need to figure out the day to replace all my toothbrushes, throw out lip gloss, etc. - maybe in a day or so the contagiousness will be done. (I'll google it.)  Fortunately, I had a lip stick and lip gloss that were just about empty.  I've been using them - so they can get tossed.

I really wonder why I got a cold sore.

I'm in a better state of mind today.  (Love W30 and incantations - I'm a way more reasonable person.)

I'm still worried about the pup (of course) but I'm in a good head space about call weekend, etc.  Only 2 call weekends left - do a little dance!!  Actually feeling good today.  (Maybe the scab falling off gave me a boost lol!)

Busy day ahead.  Busy and good.  Later gators.

My Sweet Boy.

Surgery next Friday for my sweet pup.  Could be a malignant growth.  Won't know until removal and pathology.  My heart is sad and worried and a little broken.  Praying hard it's a benign growth.  Odds aren't promising.

Trying to push it out of my mind until we know more.  Worry could be for nothing.

Lordy, I wanted to open a bottle of wine, slice up some cheese and fall face first into a salted caramel cupcake.  I didn't.  But I want wanted to.  I guess a victory that I didn't and I really didn't even come close.  I just knew I couldn't.  I'd feel 10x worse if I did and the slippery slope would be too much to handle.

Got to say ... STRESS is building for me.  Between work, my sweet pup and all the usual suspects, I'm stressing.  (Got a big old reminder on my lip!)  And my tooth hurts.  The "sensitive" one ... it's throbbing.  Root canal in my future??

I'm tired of handling thing after thing.  I know these are not big problems (except my sweet dog), but the relentless conveyor belt of crap is getting old. (I need this stupid cold sore gone ... it's sticking around and pissing me off.)  I want my back to be better.  I want my knee to be better.  I want my sweet boy to be well.  I want to be done with stressing about leaving work.

Ugh.  Well enough of the pity party (I'll have another tomorrow as I move into my call weekend - got to pace myself.)

Tabata/yoga mix tomorrow.  Yoga studio offered a great deal today on the year unlimited membership.  I signed up.  When I leave work, I'll have lots of availability to do the classes.  Progress on my fitness changes.

Lunch tomorrow with a friend.  Grocery store (lol) and some baking for my eldest and his girlfriend (she's coming Friday).

I need to think happy thoughts for my sad heart.

He is an amazing love.  I adore him.  Please be well sweet boy.

My God, My Lip!

My lip IS healing, but you'd never know from looking at it.  It's HUGE, UGLY and a multi-colored mountain sitting for the world to see.  I'm not a tremendously vain person ... but this is disgusting.  Lord I hope it's better looking by work on Friday.  My new work nickname is "Herps" ... can't get away with anything with this bunch lol!  And I hope this is not a new, regular "thing" to deal with ... ugh.

Speaking of growths ... vet this morning with the pup.  I hope it's just his normal lumpy bumpies.  Gosh I adore him.  If all goes well AND weather cooperates ... dog swim at the lake.  Talk about JOY!  He is so happy (and so am I).  Loves to swim, loves to play ... nice and cool in the heat.  But I think thunderstorms are threatening (need to check hourly forecast this am).

Now speaking of weather ... cooler temps this week, but the humidity amped up.  Didn't think that was possible.  No relief ... actually feels worse!  Fall cannot come fast enough (for lots of reasons).

This morning I'm no worse for wear over fruit-gate yesterday.  That's the beauty of W30 ... good food is forgiving.  Back to "normal" intake today.  No fruit though.  Fruit needs to be a treat for me or just part of a recipe.

Craving is gone ... got satisfied by all that goodness yesterday.  That's the difference between craving real food vs junk food.  Real food cravings can be satisfied.  Junk food cravings just grow.

Today's workout is one of my new favorites.  Leg REST day.  Walk a couple of miles on the treadmill enjoying great music (maybe some incantations).  Then tabata arms (abs too if my back feels okay).  Both my back and knee are improving A LOT!  Now just to keep it going.

Rest of today is up in the air.  If the swim is not in the cards, then probably some errands.  My eldest's girlfriend arrives Friday and I want to have some goodies and dinners for them.  This marks the last of the FAMILY cooking for the summer.  YES!!!  As I've said before ... cooking W30 AND cooking for a family is a lot of cooking for me.  I really can't image having a big family.  It will be a nice break.

Time to hit the workout.  Later gators.

For the Love of Fruit.

Fun day today.  Foot massage and reflexology.  Uber relaxing!  The only pressure point that hurt (I looked it up after the massage) was a point that correlated to the brain.  Interesting.  Still healing the brain maybe?  I believe in reflexology but maybe not completely or exactly.  Coincidence?  Maybe, maybe not.  Just don't know, but it's worth a pause.  And you can't argue with the relaxation response.

Had Korean soup dish for lunch.  DELICIOUS!

Tabata was really good.  Hard but my legs feel less tired.  Good sign.

My eating tonight was a little off point.  I've been really craving good watermelon for about a week.  It's been a little anemic looking so I've passed on it all week. Today it was perfect, red, juicy ... amazing.  But only the cut mellon in the big container (the small containers looked mediocre at best). Winner!  Ouch.  Ate it all.  Then I ate the 2 white flesh nectarines that were perfectly ripe (hard to find the white ones).  Double ouch. (I did share with the dog ... if that helps!)

Fruit overload.  Probably going to be fighting the sugar cravings tomorrow.  Not thrilled I ate so much fruit (and no veggies at dinner) but it was delicious and the season is coming to an end.  Some regret, but still Whole30 compliant (though not recommended).

If that's the most "bad" I do ... not too shabby.  Trick is to keep it at just too much fruit.  My brain IMMEDIATELY tried to talk me into "giving in" ... "enjoying a treat night" ... "you deserve this."  Oh that crazy, sneaky brain.  I'm happy to say it didn't win.  Made my collagen tea and went up to bed.

It's never worth it (throwing in the towel that is).

I also get extra cravings when I go out with this particular friend. She's my drinking buddy.  I always "want" after I see her.  Nothing to do with her ... I'm just conditioned lol.

That's the good word tonight.

Well ... No Traffic

Got out of work so late, traffic was light.  That's the good.

The bad is spent the last 2 hours of work "coding" a young patient.  Plays with your mind.  I don't think she will survive.

Sadly reinforces my resolve to do some "living" now ... life is short.  (I know you see what you look for, but it's all too easy to see that message in a hospital.)

I have my exit plan from work.  Good plan, still nervous.  I'll give notice after Labor Day and give 4 weeks.  My last day will be September 30 or October 3 (depending on a couple of things at work).  I feel like I'll be hated.  Probably extreme thinking, but a cold shoulder will make me sad.  Leaving for other reasons would be excepted.  Leaving to have FUN ... leaving during a shortage ... leaving after my 7 week health issue ... not going to be well received.  It will be part of a growing strain on the nurses in the department.

But I don't need to worry and over-think this for now.  Still have all of August to work "normally."

Okay ... enough heavy stuff.  Here's the fluff!

Knee is slowly improving.
Back is also feeling better (have to be careful in tabata today).
Cold sore is healing but looks like a UGLY ASS sitting on my lip.  Red, yellow, scales, wet, big, gross.  Lovely.  (We have new neighbor ... was going to bring a welcome treat ... not this week lol ... scare them off!)

Best part of today ... Korean Bath House with a friend.  Foot massages, relaxing in salt and mineral huts, just experiencing a different culture.  I've been before ... it's neat.  I don't do the naked part.  Maybe someday.  I'd do it if I wasn't with a friend.  Too much exposure for me!

They have amazing food too.  I will struggle to find something compliant.  I don't want to eat crappy - still working on that feeling-better thing.  I can probably find something.

Okay off to get this day started.

Rainy Monday

We've had such a dry summer, I'm out of the habit of checking the weather ahead of a run morning.  Woke up to rain.  If it stays light, I'll still run outside.  Have to do a thunderstorm check though.

I'm NOT in the mood for a treadmill run this morning, but might have to muster it ... mood or not.

Didn't sleep well last night.  Or I should say, had a hard time falling asleep.  Cold sore zinging, back cramping and my mind racing about leaving work.  "When should I give notice?"  "How long should I stay?"  "Will they hate me?"  "There goes my running schedule."   That sort of relaxed thinking lol.

Once I fell asleep all was well.  It's been awhile since I've woken up fantasizing about bedtime.

My back is okay this morning.  I can find "comfortable" positions.  Cold sore is in full bloom (hopefully not still growing) and the zinging seems less this morning.  Ugh I hate cold sores!!

Still struggling with morning regularity.  It's strange this time.  Big slow down of systems.  I have a magnesium supplement for such occasions, but when things move along, magnesium might be overkill.  I'm hoping for a win in that department today.  I wonder if it's the collagen powder??  I can't remember the timing when it started.

All school districts are back as of today (our county starts this morning).  Hello traffic!!  Focusing on the fact that I only have a couple of months to put up with it.  As I said yesterday, since I've FINALLY made the decision, I can't leave fast enough.

I want to give significant notice, but I will be a bit "punished" when I do.  It's happened to others.  Stay later, given the ugly cases, cold shoulder ... that sort of thing.  So I'm torn.  I'd like to give notice now, but it's not wise.  Uncertainty stresses me out.  I'll know more this week.  September schedule will be done.  I'll look at "requests off" for October to see when notice should happen.  I wished there was an update to the construction project start (that's part of my "why").  Hard to give notice when I'm not heading to a new job or moving or something specific.  That's why the construction date is important to me.

Okay, better check the weather.  Monday has begun.

Yuck.

Cold sore.  Emergent run to CVS for Abreva.  Lip is ugly and painful.  There is some physical stress in my body, some immune disfunction, some fight still going on.  That's why I'm sleeping 9+ hours a night, tired from regular activities, sore from easy workouts.

I'm doing the right thing though.  Eating well, sleeping, reasonable exercise.  Got to keep it up.  It's only been 3 weeks (even though it seems longer lol).  I must need more time.

Hubby and I had a long talk this morning.  I'm going to end my current job in October and take about a year off to travel and have fun.  We had some wakeup calls this year (2 friends passing and my head injury) and time is precious.  We've worked hard and are in a good place to enjoy some things now.  If not now, when (to quote Oprah).  I'm super excited.  A little scared.  A little guilty.  Change is hard, but it's time.

Rocking chair test - huge regrets if we didn't get to live the dream we've planned for over 20 years!  We have health, money and time.  Trifecta of perfection.

I love my job but a few things are changing.  New "big" boss, new immediate boss, nursing staff shortage, massive construction project starting on route home (4 years of it!) that will jack up traffic like crazy.  Signs have aligned.  I'll miss it though.

Turns out I'm a little crazy (no big surprise).  Took some serious convincing for me to agree to what I know is right - October it is.  Now that we made the decision, I wish it was October tomorrow.  Yep - crazy!  I'll decide on my last day next week when we finalize a few things ... mid to late October.

Got all my stuff done today.  Relaxing on the sofa with heating pad to my back.  I really have a good life.

Quick Hello.

People stirring upstairs.  I slept in.  Felt great - but hell on my back to be in bed that long.

I might be starting a cold sore on my lip - UGH!!  I'm watching it like a hawk.  I haven't had one in years and years.  Ugly and painful.  My body is still stressing and healing I guess.

I remembered I need to get a special treat for a friend's birthday at work tomorrow.  So off to the bakery today.

Bye.

Found the "edit" button.

I'm back!  Hubby taking pup for a walk.  His cut is good, but it's a tumor in his mouth.  I'm worried about my sweet boy.

Thought I had "nothing" to do today, but I have a list of less than fun stuff to get done.  Payments for kids semesters, apartments, etc. ... grocery store after all (why I'm surprised I don't know) ... blah, blah, blah.

I think I need some incantations for my workout today.  Keep me at HAPPY ME.

I'm still "counting" the 30 days in my Whole30 head but I really want to make this a lifestyle.  I know ... you've heard it before.  I found God - it changed my life  - I will NEVER do ____ again.  I'm not so naive to think that (feels like a rookie mistake to me) but I need to see this as something other than 30 days.

I have a smidge bit of Whole30 fatigue right now.
I'm sick of cooking (but it should get easier when kids are gone and it's just the 2 of us ... que that song!).
I want to socialize with some alcohol.  I do and I don't.  I want the "fun" feeling, but I don't want to lose the healthy feeling.  My cake and eat it too.

I'm struggling with FOREVER in my head.  It should be FOREVER, but NOT ALWAYS.  But when is it okay?  I've gone through some big social events last couple of weeks without alcohol, staying on program and been great for it.  So when do I "need" to go off program.  When "should" I go off program.  Once I go off, it will be harder to say no (streak done).  Slippery slope.

I am curious to see what happens if I just live this lifestyle for a few months.  What will my body and mind do?

Up, Down and Sideways

Today was all over the map.

I finally remember to go to the Farmers Market - first time all summer ... it's cancelled due to a running race.  Ugh!  Found good corn at WholeFoods though.

Test drove vehicles with hubby.  He's trading in the convertible - yea - not safe enough.  Picked the expensive one lol!

BBQ was delicious.  Ate a little too much, but all compliant foods.  Had a moment or two when I wished I could partake in the sangria, the corn, the cheesy potatoes, etc but my food was delicious too.  And of course I'm very proud I held strong now.

Cooked a marrow bone for my pup.  His joy.  Unfortunately, he cut his mouth after about an hour of chomping.  Looks like he has a tumor (lumpy bumpy) on his gum that got cut.  He has loads of bumps (common to his bread as years go by) but this is the first in the mouth.  Not sure if it's the same ... it feels hard, not soft like the others.  I'm worried.  I'll make an appointment at the vet's this week.  Sweet boy.  Breaks my heart.

So today was good, bad and otherwise.

Up to bed tired again.  Guess my body is still adjusting to EVERYTHING.

Tomorrow holds practically nothing.  Arms workout followed by who knows what.  Day of leisure I guess!

C'ya in the morning.

Oh My Aching Back

It's true.  My old golf injury (lower left back) is acting up.  I felt a twinge during tabata stretching so I stopped.  Twinge is full-on problem now.  Ugh.  Honestly, said it before, say it again ... always something!

I'm falling apart.  Time to trade in for a new model.

Glad today is a rest day.  But on a good front ... my arms are really sore - building muscle baby - WAY TO GO!!

I hate making apple pies.  Family loves them.  It takes forever and worst part - makes a huge mess in my oven.  I wrap the racks but it always runs over.  I've tried putting a pan underneath - ruined the pan.  So this morning is self-cleaning oven time.  Heats up the house so much and takes hours.  Thought it best to get it over with now.  Otherwise can't use the oven without a smoke storm.

5 hours.  Lordy.

Anyway.  Drinking my collagen and iced tea.  Waiting for pup to wake up for his walk.  It cracks me up how he sleeps in.  Just adorable.

I'm looking forward to an afternoon with the family.  Just hanging out.  I don't think the food and drinking will be a problem for me.  I have plenty of good stuff for me too. (And problem or not, the answer is no - still on my Whole30.)

(The house is smelling like burnt apple pie lol.)

I hear the dog stirring upstairs.  Want to do his walk early so I can get the good stuff at the farmer's market today.  That's all from the home front.  Here's to a good day.

Apple Pie

Prep ready for end of summer bbq tomorrow.  Pies made (one for tomorrow and preview pie for tonight).  Menu finalized.  Grocery shopping done.

Lunch was fun - new restaurant opened yesterday.  Cute New Orleans theme - interesting foods.  Had a seafood salad and club soda.

Tabata was more balanced today.  Lots of "arms" which is perfect.  Odd aches and pains in my leg.  Always something lol!

Tomorrow is a rest day.  Longer walk for pup tomorrow.  Then off to farmers market for some fresh corn and tomatoes (hopefully).  This time of year produce should be amazing.  I forget to go every weekend (only open Saturday mornings).

Should be a good day!

Pleasant Dreams.

Solid night's sleep with nice dreams.  I've been having rough dreams last few nights.  Glad to be back to something pleasant.  Up before alarm again.  Guess when I go to bed ridiculously early, I get up early too.  Yikes - I'm becoming my mother!

Might try to work in a dog walk, quick arms and Starbucks before getting ready for Tabata.  Or some combination of the above ... (dog's still asleep - bless the old man - I love him like crazy).

Have to scope out some restaurant menus today.  Lunch today and lunch in a couple of weeks are my choices (say my friends).  Want to choose with options that keep me on point - but are still fun lunches.

That's the what-what for today.  Later gators.

Hungry + Tired = Tungry??

Tomorrow will be a rushed morning (maybe not even time for a post).  Cleaning ladies coming early (oh 1st world problems).

Tabata, lunch with a friend and prep for family bbq this weekend.  Should be a nice day.

Got all my stuff done and time for a polish change on my toes.  I love doing just a polish change - cheap at $10 and extends the pedicure a lot.  And it's zippy quick!!  Hot pinkish reddish color.  Nice change.

Did my combo class today.  Okay workout but it helps with stretch, balance, etc.  The stuff I need.

Eating was interesting today.  I overate a bit last night at dinner ... grabbed food as dinner was getting ready so combination was a bit much.  But all was well this morning.  Today I didn't have a lot of food prepared (actually no food - everything is in the freezer).  I fixed all meals on the fly.  Not bad, but not enough.  Hungry going to bed again.  I'd eat something if I had anything to eat!!  Definitely need a grocery run tomorrow.  Not a good idea to run so low.  I'm holding my freezer stuff for call weekend.  I could eat fruit but I'm trying to settle my stomach.  Me and apples don't get along well (especially at night).

I must be in fat-burning mode.  I had an easy workout, ate a lot yesterday, ate big portions for all meals ... and I'm really hungry.  It's a good place to be.  Just need to hold strong.  I remember having a moment my first W30 where I felt I couldn't eat enough - period.  I was always hungry.  It stabilized out but the cravings were strong during that time.

Okay fine folks - time for bed.  It's funny I can be so tired and so hungry at the same time.

All Better.

Good night's sleep and I'm cured!!  Actually woke up wide awake an hour before alarm - feeling good.

TMI alert ...
Now need to get my stomach back to normal.  There's a slow-down in the usual activity!  I'm long over the extra-regularity from caffeine.  But my normal regularity is off this week.  Could it be the collagen peptides??  Shouldn't be a problem.  My other routines are the same (and I'm very much a "routine" goer).  Honestly, if I don't get some action this morning I'm going to opt for a home workout instead.  Yoga and backed-up belly don't sound appealing.  Temped to hit caffeine ... but that's not the answer.
TMI all clear ...

I'm doing this Whole30 with a friend (and a couple of her family members).  It's been fun to chat about the program with someone.  If you're not a Whole30 peep, you don't want to hear about it ... can be a little like a born-again health nut conversation.

Each time I learn more about food-body, food-mind connection for me.  I need to take what I learn and apply it to what I want from my life.  How I want to feel.  How I want to live.  

This is my 3rd rodeo and I think I'm "getting" it this time.  I finally realize I need to "work" at balance too.  I need to make an informed decision each time  Worth it?  Not worth it?  It's okay to say NO to myself if I'm having a momentary unhealthy craving.  Giving in is NOT BALANCE!!  It's giving in.  Balance is deciding to enjoy a glass of wine with a friend, not opening a bottle after a hard day and saying "I deserve this."

REMEMBER ...

GIVING IN IS NOT BALANCE!!!

This is a big realization for me.

'Nuff said.  Later gators.

Good Lord.

I might be getting sick again.  I feel run-down, achy ... just not myself today.  Energy was low, work felt hard.  I have fingers crossed a good night's sleep will cure me.

My stomach is a mess today too.  I wonder if it's the fish oil.  I'll give it some time, but might try a trial of no fish oil if it doesn't feel better.

I'm still doing the work.  My immune system is messed up right now.  I am focusing on myself and my health to get me back.

Tomorrow is the yoga-like class.  Perfect workout for a rundown body.  Car appointment and AC repair (final fix on the bandaid repair) for the afternoon.  If I feel up to it - grocery store too.  What else lol ... it has been a day or so since I've gone!

Until tomorrow cyber land ...

End of Work Week (Second Week in A Row!)

Very usual that I have two back-to-back Fridays off.  Today is my last work day of the week again.  I'll take it. (Especially since I'm on-call next weekend.)

I've been filling up my dance card over the last couple of days.  Lots of fun stuff on my days off.  I needed to get back into the social groove of my life.  Life is better with friends!

My stomach is bugging me again.  Bloated, gassy (the usual).  I haven't been taking my digestive enzymes.  Probably should start again.

My maintenance list is growing longer and longer.  Enzymes, fish oil, vitamins, collagen, eyelash grower, nail appt, hair appt, massage, Yoga studio.  I'm getting expensive in my old age.  I really try to do what is necessary (not that nails are - but I consider it a work need lol!) and not get caught up in taking stuff that's part of the latest fad.

Switching gears - got new panties from Gap Body.  They are designed for workouts (quick dry).  Love them.  So comfy and cute boy shorts (my favorite style).  Wish I picked up more during the sale (just got 3 to try).

Would like to take a minute to toot my own horn.  I've been committed to feeling better and I'm really sticking with it.  Also pleased how I'm handling the ups and downs.  I can get frustrated by stuff pretty easily, but I'm taking it in stride.  Looking at the long haul picture.  (I'm an immediate results kind of girl.)  Tabata not the answer this month ... plan B instead.  That kind of thing.

Okay it's run time.

Nitro is a Bust.

No Starbucks Nitro in foreseeable future for Atlanta area.  Bummer.  Dream shattered lol.

Tabata also kind of a bust today.  New month = new goal.  This month is cardio (aka no arms).  I go for the all-over workout - cardio I can do at home.  And because cardio is my thing, it was easy ... like didn't even need to breathe through my mouth easy.  Might take the month off tabata and switch to barre.  I'll give it this week and then decide.  Maybe she'll incorporate more arms next class.  Came home and did a quick arm workout.

Last class was the best ever - so doubly disappointing - I had such high hopes.  I swear the battle is long trying to get overall better strength and cross training.  Obstacles at every turn.  If nothing else, I'm proving I'm willing to work for it.

And my knee still hurts.

Rest of the day at home.  Chilling.  Relaxing.  No make-up.  Curly hair.  Nice.

That's it.  Nothing fancy today.  Actually still a fun day.

Starbucks Nitro

I read an article months ago about the new Starbucks Nitro coffee coming end of summer to select Starbucks.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I've been stalking info about it ever since. I actually want to do a whole girls coffee outing to try it. (Only downside is it's caffeinated but one won't kill me!).

Problem though.  Starbucks is being very quiet about which locations.  Even about what cities.  It's not my little itty bitty Starbucks. But there is a Starbucks not far - considered an "evening" location (meaning it has wine, small plates, etc.)  I have hope they might be previewing.  They previewed the "evening" stuff really early on.

Fun fact - first Starbucks I visited in Atlanta while house shopping.
Fun fact - also happens to be in the plaza where Sprouts is located (where I get my decaf blends).

I'm almost out of coffee so Sprouts run today.  I'm going to stop in Starbucks and ask about Nitro.  Please, please, please!!!  Yoga is about 1/2 way to the plaza so I'll go right after.  That will be my "adventure" today.

(Car can still wait a little ... I'll call today though.)

I was just going to say how happy I am that I DON'T need to go to the grocery store today ... as I just said I'm going to Sprouts.  I'm not counting Sprouts lol!!  It's just a fun grocery store.  Between Whole30 and feeding a family of boys men grocery store all I do some weeks.

An interesting Whole30 aside.  One of the benefits of the program (as the founders claim) is that you regulate your hunger hormones and hunger comes and goes as it should.  I really notice that this time.  Not hungry between meals - then suddenly hungry.  Hungry in the morning.  Less hungry at night (even though I've had some hunger at bedtime).  My dinner meal is getting smaller as my lunch gets bigger.  The way it should be.  When I'm eating like crap, I can go most of the day without eating and then huge calorie binge in late afternoon/evening.  Then the cycle repeats.  Not good.

Okay folks.  Off to start my day.  Come on Starbucks don't leave me hanging!

Monday done.

Hectic, busy day -- but it was a good one.

Run was okay this morning.  Incantations were uplifting.  Run was a struggle ... knee, ankle, muscle fatigue.  But I did it.

Up to bed super early.  Can't muster anything else.  Came home and did dishes, cooked dinner, helped eldest set up payments for various things.  Put a fork in me - I'm done.  Snoring hubby last night didn't help matters either.

Really hungry day today.  Ate well.  Ate a lot.  Actually hungry again now.  I must be in fat burner mode because I really did eat large portions - and this is real hunger.

P.S.  Poke cake was a hit at work.

Today was fish oil, collagen peptides and eyelash vitamins - I should be a down right machine tomorrow!!

No plans after my workout tomorrow.  Might try to do car service (still on my list - I have 500 miles left).  We'll see.

I sort of let go of my weekly challenge.  I still look for one of the three things (variety, learning or giving) but haven't focused whole heartedly.  Most days I find something.  It was a nice idea (in theory lol).

I'd like to say it's now a presentable bedtime - but it's not.  Who cares - I'm calling it.  Good night.  Fingers crossed for a great Whole30 sleep.

Nightmares.

Horrible dreams last night.  (No laugh-out-loud last night!)  Hubby snored all night too.  Combination led to a crappy night's sleep.  (Probably pissed about snoring and it translated to bad dreams lol).

Actually glad sleep is done.  But I'll be happy to try again tonight!!

Knee is improving - yea!  Left ankle is feeling off (trade me in for a new model).  I'll try to run on it but I'm not sure.  Ugh.

Anyway ... enough bad stuff.

Already downed my protein this morning.  Excited for possible good stuff but it does add "something else" to my morning routine.  Even though I prep for work the night before, I have a list of stuff I do before I run.  Now it's list +1.  I know it's small, but all the small add up.  I'm actually considering prepping a little more.  I like zen-time before the day goes crazy - not run around and do lots of little stuff time.

Hmmm ... maybe I'm in a bad mood this morning.  I feel annoyed.  Bad dreams feelings staying with me??  Or chicken and the egg ... bad dreams because of bad mood.  Let that roll around - mind blowing lol.

Either way, hope workout and incantations brighten me up.

Shall I leave you with a quote this morning?  I'll get my book, open a page and let the chips fall ...

"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.  It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing.  It's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it."  -- Margaret Thatcher.

Interesting.