Recovery Day

That was A WEEK. Hectic energy all over the place and a lot of my calming efforts out-the-window. I'm giving it a big regroup and reentry kind of energy today. Time for gardening and meditation today -- finally. I have a lot of organizing to do. The house is a relative state of disaster and that gets me crazy. 

Yesterday was super hectic with the rain and the concert. Back and forth to dry chairs, check if they had blow over. We decided to pack a dinner as a group and I won't do that again. Added a layer of fuss that wasn't fun. Room temp snacks (chips, cookies, etc) and drinks in a small cooler -- good enough. So much work putting together a spread. Coolers got muddy. Not worth that part. 

The 80s group was good, but not as good as the 80s group last year. Weather was sticky and humid, but the rain stayed away for the concert. 

Our friend came and was having a really sad day -- she cried most of the concert (tried very hard to be discreet and kept apologizing -- neither was necessary). We knew harder grief was coming and it's here. 

I'm whipped and my shoulder is a mess from carrying chairs, cooler, etc. I also need a break from being the organizer of things. Felt like a lot of herding cat energy for me yesterday. 

As I mentioned -- nothing today but ME and getting organized. I have what I expect is a nicely balanced week coming up. Lots of social, but easier social. Hikes might be rained out though. Hubby is in Asheville for the week and that leaves my evenings free, quiet, early. All the social stuff is mid-day (except hikes). 

My garden watering job finishes on Monday. Rain is forecasted all weekend so I think I'll only need one more visit to check it out and this HUGE time-suck is off my mornings. I'm also off the hook for any contractor stuff with the kids. 

Of course, I don't want to say any of this too loud because of a potential (and very scientific) jinx threat. 

I slept in today and that's a Catch-22. I got some needed sleep, but waking up late makes me feel groggy (like naps often do). Energy is zapped. I feel like I'm in a fog. Waking up on-time would mean a lot less sleep and I'd feel tired. Tired and groggy are two different feelings for me. My body like to follow a sleep rhythm. 

Anyway, best get to all the things. It's only 8 o'clock but it feels so much later. Sun is hot already -- waiting for the promised rain and cloud cover. 

Hope you have a good Saturday. Later gators. 

Lonesome Dove

Big storms yesterday ...

Good news: don't need to water this morning (time to journal).

Bad news: power was out all late afternoon and evening. 

Good news: I finished Lonesome Dove.

Bad news: didn't get to cook for the concert today.

Seriously ... why, universe?!?  I guess it was a good trade off. We need the rain (says every old lady gardener). 

Duke discovered the bird's nest in my herbs while we spent the evening on the porch waiting for the power to come on. We are now in crazy town. I moved them away from the chair so he can't jump, but he's close to getting it. Jumped all morning. We're going to have to bring out the dog pen to put around it. 

(Not sure if the video will load -- this dog is 10 years old with the craziest vertical jump.)

Loves to "walk"
on 2 legs

Packed day today, ending in an our town's monthly summer concert on the lawn. It'll be hot, but hopefully no storms tonight. We have a big group going -- 80's cover band. Best decade of music. I'm organizing our group and setting up chairs first thing this morning. 

A little lot more on Lonesome Dove. 

Hit my orbit after hearing a couple of podcast folks say it was their top book ever (or in top 5 ever). Took it out from the library and promptly returned it. Western clocking in at just under a dense 800 pages. Nope.

Mentioned this book to a friend while we were hiking (the one who came to Asheville) and her father had a connection to the author. This is one of her favorite books and she's read it 3 times. Back on my list -- this time I wanted to thrift a copy. I expected to take a long, long time to read it and wanted the flexibility to read it when the mood hit. 

Looked for months -- can't find a copy. 

She knew it was required reading in HS in TX so she had her HS friend thrift me a copy and mail it to her. It was part of her gift when she came for the week. 

I should NOT like this book. Western. Lots of horrible behavior and prejudices from the characters. Bugs, gore, violence. 

And it was amazing storytelling. The descriptions spot on -- felt like you were there. The message was strong. The last line of the book -- wow. I gave it 5 stars. And now it has special meaning for me because of the absolutely most thoughtful trouble she went to get me the book.

On that note, I have to get going. Chair setup, Friday meeting, volunteer court training, cooking, concert -- long day ahead. 

Have a good one. Later gators. 

Rushing

The latter part of this week is a blur and won't settle until the weekend. 

My mornings are rushed -- having to water my son's garden every day has taken any little bit of the morning time. Up at 4 o'clock again today (and tomorrow). 

Add to the watering (takes an hour with travel time) a favor for a friend (the one who's husband passed) and a favor for my eldest (still closet related) all before a 10 o'clock hair appointment. 

All this to say a quick hello and I'll probably not be back until the weekend. 

Have a good rest of the week. Later gators.

Hiking Gems

Good morning from a sorta slow roll morning. 

A little less slow roll because I slept in 2 hours longer than usual and I don't have a ton of time to lallygag around. Gardens are calling. Storms did havoc on my son's garden so I need to spend some time there this morning.

Was the sleep-in worth it? 

I'm not sure, but here we are. 

I had a good hike yesterday. Short worked for my tired back, but I'll still say it was a big rush in the morning for not the biggest return. Still, she's a friend I enjoy spending time with and that was nice. I'll just be a little more careful about what and when I schedule a hike with her. 

Mother Nature showed up. Even when it's not the pretty of spring or fall, there are little gems to find. Most of these pictures are hers -- she's our official photographer lol.

The afternoon was a crazy favor for the kids. Unannounced closet supply delivery. Long story. Truck didn't wait for me to drive 10 minutes to accept the delivery. Company had them return. Hours waiting at the house. Pallet almost fell off the truck. Delivery guy almost passed out. Lots of drama, but it's ready for their install later in the week. You're welcome. 

P.S. THIS kind of thing is how MY time gets eaten up, but my schedule is more balanced this week so I'm not as frantic about losing the afternoon.

The Tuesday group isn't hiking today. "That" person is on vacation. One of the other ladies offered up a neighborhood walk which I declined. I asked about a lunch, but no reply so guess that's not happening. I might take myself and a book out to lunch. We'll see if time permits. 

I am really proud of myself for the decisions I made this week. I know it seems like such a small thing, but it matters a lot to me. 

I'm hiking with the hike leader tomorrow and I'll tell her I'm all in for Slovenia. I had a horrible dream about it already -- falling off the ridge path. Geez. If I get on the trip, I'm going to need coaching hah!

Okay, I'm going to get going. Balance exercises (I see you, ridge line) and an arm workout. I also want a longer meditation this morning. I've been doing visualization meditations about "stronger and lighter." The more I repeat it, the more it shows up for me, the more I notice, the more I can redirect myself. 

It's all in the practice of the thing you want. 

(Another "back to basics" philosophy that I've steered too far away.)

Have a good day. Later gators.

Adventure?!?!

This is some *extra* meandering thoughts this morning. 

(Very quick thoughts because I have to leave at 6 o'clock to water my son's garden.)

I hiked with the same hike leader yesterday and a couple of the same women. During the hike, the hike leader turned to me and said I should come on a travel week with the club. She's leading a group of women in Slovenia next summer and thinks I'd love it -- including the people who are planning to go so far. 

What?!?! It sounds amazing and VERY, VERY out of my comfort zone. 

No time for specifics this morning, but things like sharing a room, no a/c (but elevation will be cold on the hikes), hiking 6 days, one ridge-line hike. 

There are some hurdles. 

First, I need to be quick on the sign-ups because it will fill lightening fast. 

Timing -- might be over hubby's 60th birthday.

Fear -- I have tons of it. 

And this could be amazing. Traveling with experienced travel hikers. Seeing the beautiful country (it boarders Italy and Austria). Trip is fully organized and planned. I just pay and show up. 

What this got me thinking about last night is I'm still doing that thing where I'm clinging to something that maybe doesn't work anymore for me (Tuesday group, looking at you) and ignoring what's in front of me. 

Something about "back to basics" is wanting people in my life who inspire, motivate, encourage. I also want to put my time and energy into people who appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I "force" people into doing things. Not sure if it's me or them -- but the interest is low on their part and that might be why things get canceled or fade or become a shadow of the original plans. I bark up the wrong trees and bark for too long. I try to lead people who don't want to be led. 

I sort of think it's because it's hard to find people who have that level of interests or are that interesting. That feels like a judgement or a snub -- it's not meant to be completely. I respect who people are and what works for them. I know "life" is redundant and filled with regular obligations. It's just very easy to find sort of dull people and much harder to find people who will say yes to a hiking trip in Slovenia. 

I often am and have been that dull person. That's a growth I'm working on. Problem is, it's hard to find those kind of people who will bring you along too. 

All this to say, if I can get on the hike trip, I'm going. 

I'm going to start finding that adventurer in me (safely, of course ... I'm still a chicken-shit). 

I'm going to put an effort into knowing people who are interesting and inspiring. 

I'm going to appreciate when they invite me into their circle a little. 

Maybe this works out, maybe it doesn't, but I want to be the person who gives it a go and sees where that takes me. 

I'm tired of saying "I can't this and that." 

What if I can? 

Especially with the random, rather dumb limits I put on myself. 

What if it's no big deal to share a room on a hike adventure? 

What if it's totally worth the adventure to be a bit uncomfortable?

What if I learn something about myself, stretch, and grow?

Thoughts for this Monday. Off to change for the itty, bitty hike (my back is glad it's short, but my morning routine says this is not worth it). Driving to my son's to tend garden. Driving home to meet at the trailhead. I might even drive the 1/4 mile (shock and awe) because the timing will be tight. 

The things I do for commitment to what I said I would do. I don't want to change this about myself, but I need to be smarter on what I commit to. 

Have a good one. Later gators.

It's Hard to Be Right All the Time (hah)

Well, well, well.

Was I right or was I right?!?

Monday's hike has been on the calendar for 3 weeks. "Let's do a long hike with elevation." My friend is starting training for a hiking trip and asked to do some "training" hikes with me. Her idea. 

I confirmed a few days ago. We decided on the trail, etc. She texted times yesterday because she now has an appointment at 10 o'clock. We're hiking from 8:15 - 9:30. I called it. It's a NOTHING hike. At her pace, we MIGHT get 4 miles hiked. Two of those miles are the in and out from the trail head. I'll probably text her and change the meetup location so at least the mileage is on the elevation part. 

If she modified because of the heat -- okay, I get it, but an appointment? Nope.

This is decidedly not worth my time. Lesson learned. I will hike with her, but I'll have control of my hiking next time. It's sort of okay because I don't want to hike a lot tomorrow, but if I didn't sign up for the hike today, I'd be very annoyed (mostly at myself).

Also, I'd like a sleep-in day and slow roll tomorrow, but I have the piddly little morning hike now. That's why tomorrow doesn't feel worth it. Again, lesson reminder on planning hikes with her -- she gets this one pass. If last minute modifications happen again, I'm allowing myself to cancel the commitment or modify my part because it's not what I agreed to. 

And, when we set up a hike, I'll be very specific from the jump. Hiking this trail, this time, this mileage -- yes or no. That's when the negotiations happen and we both have the chance to say what works for us. Just because I'm available doesn't mean the plan is up for last minute modifications. We agreed to a long, harder hike, but that's too subjective -- apparently. 

Still waiting on information for Tuesday to make a decision. She'll put out information by tonight if there's a hike. Based on rotation, I'm expecting a specific trail with the ONE restaurant that's crappy. If it's that one, I'm out. Just a guess. I probably can hike on Tuesday since Monday will be easy, but a "free" morning sounds too good to miss. We'll see. 

Just remembering I have to get to my son's garden this week. Dang. Hard to know if it rained at his house. Thunderstorms are scattered so I need to go everyday and check.

I picked a bunch of jalapeños yesterday and pickled them. Delicious. I'll give him a jar when he gets back. I also made stuffed peppers with things I had on hand. Rice, beans, my version of taco seasoning, goat cheese. Delicious. His peppers are going nuts and I got to enjoy them. 

I got stung by a bee when I was looking through the cucumbers. I haven't been stung in years and years. It hurt -- swollen, red, stinging finger. Lasted about an hour. Sorry, little bee. I startled him. 

Last night was a wicket night's sleep. Fireworks, big storms, power out 3 times. Sleep, startle awake, repeat. I imagine there's a possibility for the same tonight. Probably why I'm grumpy about tomorrow. I didn't sleep well. 

Hope you have a good day. 

Still clocking this heatwave for at least the rest of this week. 

Stay cool. Later gators.

P.S. I watched Project Hail Mary yesterday. Movie was good. I read the book a long time ago so I didn't feel the comparison to movie enough to be disappointed. Worth the watch and very funny. I don't remember the book being funny.

Hike Plans -- Back to Basics

No problem finishing the hike. The hike leader took a shorter loop to cut a mile off the hike because of the heat and we took extra stop breaks. I forgot how much I enjoy hiking with this club. 

The picnic was really good. People made food from their countries, fresh fruit, garden veggies (me), wine, beer, sammies. It was a spread. 

Because I handled the heat well, I signed up for another hike tomorrow. 10 miler (might be shorter with the heat), but this trail is a lot easier. I've only hiked it once, and I'd like to get to know it. Same hike leader, a few of the same people from yesterday. Much, much lighter traffic on a Sunday so it's not a horrible drive. 

I'm hiking with a friend on Monday, but she'll want to hike more slowly and less mileage. It's also possible she'll cancel from the heat. For all those reasons, I decided to go for the hike on Sunday and push through whatever happens for Monday. 

This brings me to one of the elements of "back to basics" for this year. Remember I said I had drifted from some of my foundational work? This is an area where I've drifted. 

Ramble coming up ...

I can default my life to living into other people's lives instead of my own. Letting others take the reins for my life. Not the big things, but the day-to-day stuff. It's nuanced --- let me try to explain. 

I want to hike on Sunday, but was wondering if that's too much for the hike on Monday. Do I need fresher legs in this heat? I've had the Monday hike on the calendar since Asheville trip with this friend. There's a big part of me that feels I owe this hike my best. 

Yet, she is someone who has a history of canceling (not lately though). The weather is miserable and she's just building up her hiking stamina. Chances are she'll dictate an easier hike than I'd like to do. Chances are she'll not give it her biggest, best effort -- because why would she push herself that much??

Why don't I give that same grace to myself? Why can't this be a hike that I take a bit easier? Why can't I be the possible limiter? 

Now, I don't want to flake on her or the hike (and I don't plan to do either), but, I want to choose ME as the priority, not someone else. Give my best to myself. Give good enough to others. 

Of course, not always and not every situation, but in ordinary moments like this, I get the top billing. 

And, if she does cancel or the hike is blah, I still did what I wanted to do and there will not only be no resentment, but I'll be extra proud of myself for living my own life and not just fitting myself into someone else's decision.

This also affects Tuesday's hike. I'm available on Tuesday with the hiking group, but no hike has been mentioned yet. Holding off on MY choices to accommodate just a possibility is not putting myself first. I won't be able to hike Tuesday if Sunday and Monday's hikes are as expected. That's fine with me. I can always join for lunch if it's a place I want to go. 

It feels good to remember to be in the driver's seat of my life instead of passenger's seat of someone else's. 

There is ABSOLUTELY a possibility that there won't be a hike on Monday or Tuesday and that would leave me very disappointed I didn't hike on Sunday. Of course, both can happen too and that leaves ME with decisions on what to do. I'm not at the mercy of other's decisions. 

That was a ramble. I hope it made a little sense. 

I'm off to tend to my son's garden. We got massive rain yesterday afternoon, so I didn't have to go over too early today. I need to check their ceiling too. Roof was replaced 2 days ago. I hope no leaks. 

Happy 4th. 

I love this country. 

I hate our government. 

I love Mother Nature. Heat dome?? Hail too?? Where ever he goes. Nice work!!!!!!!

We'll take the little wins where we can.

Later gators.