Dear Diary and the Dichotomy of Small

Pictures and captions ... not sure if I'll find something everyday, but it's going to be fun to look. This account (sorry, don't know the name -- I don't follow it, just see it occasionally) does it in this format. It's creative. Mine aren't nearly as clever, but, again, fun to practice. If I see the account again, I'll note the name (maybe even follow it).

Dear diary, 

Today I saw a frustrated fungi and ...

(blue ball .. hahaha)

... a leaf practicing levitation ... 

(hard to see)

... and a tree with a heart of stone. 

(but lovable anyway)

I hiked (10.5 miles, 1800 elevation) and my feet were miserable from the jump. I don't think the trail runners have enough support. I ordered new shoes and this should help a lot. Otherwise I was fine. Tired by the end, but it's not a hard hike. 

The 2 hikes I'm training for are 11.5 and 12.5 miles with 2600 elevation. I'm more concerned about the mileage than the elevation. 

I registered for 2 training hikes with the club. One has a 1/4 mile of ridge line and I'm going to challenge myself to do it. It's dangerous if it's wet because it's sloped granite. If rain is expected, I'll drop the hike though. 4 miles are a steep climb up and down all granite before a long loop in the woods. I don't want to die on the ridge line (hah) or get injured slipping on the mountain. 

Hiking for hours left me time to think. 

Something on my mind was I'm missing SMALL things in my day-to-day that make me happy. Like noticing and taking pictures. The day is too crowded. I'm saying 'yes' too much. Leaving that space leaves space for those small things. Time to make a last minute garden donation. Time to read a poem with my coffee. Time to text a friend more thoughtfully.

AND, I'm starting to play SMALL with my life again. Not choosing the bigger life. Go out at night -- eeek, no. Choose harder hikes with a long drive -- nah. Make an effort to plan travel -- I'm too busy. 

It's an odd dichotomy -- missing small bits and needing to play bigger. It's along the lines of what Gretchen Rubin says, give yourself grace and expect more from yourself. Both sides of a coin.

I'm course correcting both (again!!!). My default seems to be the opposite. It happens slowly and I don't notice it early on. Usually some circumstance comes into play that starts the change (appropriately so) but then I continue off course well after the circumstance is finished. 

It feels good to back on track. Even this trip to Asheville. I almost talked myself out of it a couple of days ago because driving a big rental SUV (playing small) is out of my wheelhouse. I'm perfectly capable of driving a bigger vehicle. Going another time to setup for the kids is massively inconvenient. I don't want to get smaller and smaller as I age. I have the freedom and the health to live as large as I want right now and what a life disappointment to not take advantage of that privilege.

So I'm going large today -- large car, "large" decision. 

And, I'm going small. Finding the little moments I love. 

Hope you have a good day.

Later gators. 

P.S. I title the post after I write it. I particularly like this one today. 😍

New Day

The little shift over the last couple of days feels like it's making a difference.

I feel more like myself again. 

When this happens, I wonder if it's hormonal or circumstantial or stress. Something goes sideways and I have to fight to want to do anything. Fight the feeling of burying in the bed and ignoring the world. 

I pushed past that feeling, got a few things worked out, feel more myself again. I hope THIS feeling stays for a bit. 

I'm hiking mid-morning. Weather is cooler so I don't have to get out at the crack of dawn. If my foot stays happy, I'll hike 10 miles. If not, I'll go as long as I can. Trying to build up for the higher level hikes coming up.

I'll leave for Asheville early morning tomorrow and come home Friday afternoon. There's a big storm front again over the weekend and I don't want to drive over the mountain in this rental car durning a storm.  Fast turnaround. 

Get in.

Clean.

Sheets.

Setup. 

Maybe a mountain walk and coffee Friday morning. 

Things we do for our kids. 

This little one was on the porch pillar. Gave him a toss into the woods -- not good for the garden. 

P.S. I donated another 4 pounds of peppers yesterday. That never gets old, always a delight. The food bank was excited to get a midweek donation and that's such a good feeling.

P.P.S. Made a big eggplant stew with the final 7 eggplants -- that plant went crazy late summer. 

I haven't been taking as many pictures lately.

This is part of the off-kilter. 

Forgetting the basics.

I'm not staying present enough to notice. 

I can feel the difference. 

I saw this account on IG that takes pictures and uses imagination to describe them. 

There was a picture of an orange cone up against a stretched out hose -- "watched a cone cross the finish line and win the race."

The pictures are so endearing with the whimsy caption. 

I might give this a try -- one a day. I'll see what I find. 

I've neglected all-things-creative lately. I haven't painted a rock in MONTHS and MONTHS (in part because of my neck). My fall garden is dismal. Planted for the food bank, but MY planting is bonking. I need to clear out the rest of the summer garden next week and get busy. Might be a little late in the season.

I'm not sure I should "declare" anything for October given the summer declaration flop (hah), but I want a focus. 

I have space in the calendar -- filling, but still space. 

I want to use that space for getting back to MY basics. 

Rock painting.

Creative moments (need a Christmas project idea)

Visualization meditation.

Garden.

Spooky reading -- mood reading.

Hiking.

That energy is back today. 

*Please don't be too fleeting* 

On that note, I'm going to get moving for a meditation before the hike. Yesterday I couldn't muster one tiny bit of desire to hike, today I'm excited to get on the trail. 

What a difference a day makes. 

Fresh start. 

I hope you get the same if you need one.

Later gators.

A List and a Ramble

Let's do a list. 

(1) The dealership found a car for me -- maybe next week. Same everything except the tow package which we didn't want anyway. I joked that it was even the same VIN. It's not over till it's over though. We'll see what happens. 

In the meantime, I have a large plug-in hybrid to drive to Asheville with only a reverse camera. Oh boy, this will be interesting driving. I'm going on Thursday-Saturday now. Quick turnaround. 

(2) Planning the neighbor group night out actually went smoothly. Date, confirmed, wow. Pressed the EASY button on this one. 

The ghost tour is from 8-10:30 PM!!!!! My lord. My idea. I'll love it and simultaneously regret it too. We'll go to dinner first so that'll help staying up.

(3) I'm not leaving until Thursday because I spent most of the day at the dealership yesterday. I can't get my stuff together without incredible rushing and it's not worth it. Weather is fine the entire week. I'm going to set up for the kids so it's not "fun" anyway.

(4) Look at the moon this morning. I wasn't sure if the camera would show the nuances. Glow rings, star at the top, sliver moon with shadow. Astrological art.

Now for some reflections -- rant? Probably not, but probably a ramble.

I'm not doing well with the calendar balance. I'm scheduling less so I have more time for the things I need and that time is being sucked up by circumstances (the car being the biggest one, but not the only one). Scheduling less, not seeing results. 

I'm still toying with the idea that this is a bigger problem in my mind, than it's an actual problem. 

I'm annoyed so I'm tossing my hands and saying "seeeeeee, it's not working." But is the issue from my annoyance or not doing the things? Does that make sense? I think I'm piling onto the problem and making it bigger. 

Missing meditation is one thing. Being mad all day about missing meditation is another. 

Something for reflection. 

On another note, I'm taking more control of decisions. It's funny how easily I give away my agency in certain areas and don't even realize it. 

Did that with the car. I felt strongly and no one else agreed. I acquiesced over and over. But yesterday made that decision on my own. Asked to talk to the GM. Didn't tell my husband. This wasn't a committee decision. Did what I felt was the right decision for me. Done. Came home with the rental AND plans to trade the car. 

This feels like a strange moment for personal growth or personal reckoning. Something is shifting or needs to be course corrected. Not sure exactly what or why, but the status quo is not working anymore. Changing feels necessary. Standing up. Speaking up. Being myself without apology. Take or leave me, but this is my life. 

Sounds dramatic, but it feels oddly very important. It's a must-do kind of thing. 

Okay, thanks for listening. Let's end the ramble for today.

Have a good one. Later gators. 

No Car

Latest car news while I'm waiting for my phone to update because it was shutting off randomly. Apparently there's a fix out for it now. New technology, not my favorite thing.

Picked up the car. Got help setting up one of the app features that was giving an error. Tech got out of the passenger seat and it started misfiring again.

They were able to hookup while it was happening. Tons of error codes that have no fixes. 

P.S. They also said they had no idea it was misfiring continuously like that. They thought it was only occasionally according to the report. 

Spoke to the GM and they're looking for a new car to trade. I should know something in a few days. It probably won't be green. 

For now, I have a HUGE red rental hybrid SUV. Oh boy. It's a challenge for me to drive something that large. 

Monday -- The Good Kind??

This Monday isn't my usual Monday love. 

It's a day of my least favorite chores (indoor plants and monthly paperwork) AND we pick up the car. It's going to be a battle. My guess is they still won't "find" anything "really" wrong with the car and then I'm left taking my chances it doesn't happen again. 

Nothing like having a new car that shakes violently, alerts, won't drive ... and a service department that says the computer shows nothing but some engine misfires. "Great news, nothing's broken." I can't even with this logic and attitude. 

Anyway, the cake was a hit. Delicious. Everyone enjoyed it. Yep, I ate way too much, but totally worth it. Cakes by Courtney knows how to do a cake recipe -- especially her frostings. I'm not usually a frosting fan, but I love hers. My grandson said "I love the cream." 

Regret topping with the
toffee crunch because it
was hard to cut.

Black chocolate cake.
3 layers. Tastes a little
like a leveled-up Oreo.

Family said the chili was also "the best." I used a new recipe from Half Baked Harvest and the spices were a little different. She recommends make ahead and reheat for better flavor melding. Of course, it was the first fall cooking of the season and that always tastes a little better. 

I enjoyed the HS call too. Just 4 of us and we used teams instead of zoom. It was a better flow to the conversation. We've also decided to do a text thread instead of messenger to communicate this year until our friend goes overseas again.

UPDATE: Got a call from the car service department with an explanation that seems reasonable. If it is the reason, it won't happen again and then it can be forgotten. Fingers crossed. This was the head service tech and his attitude was a lot better -- and I told him I appreciated that he acknowledged the frustration. I'll pick it up today. 

Also, in other good-service news, the roofer who ghosted us for 2 weeks, stopped by yesterday during the rain to make sure the leak held and it did. Maybe it's fixed too after two floods? He was really kind to stop by to check. 

Maybe Monday is shaping up better than expected. 

THAT would be a great theme for the week. 

The good kind of Monday showing up.

New week, new start. Have a good one. 

Later gators. 

Happy Updates (as promised)

Quick hello and upbeat updates. 

☺There were four of us for bookclub. We scheduled our next meeting and chose books through January. Guess bookclub lives until 2027!! The new member actually came.

☺I made the birthday cake -- I'll take pictures today. Black chocolate cake (tastes like an Oreo), vanilla bean icing, sweet & salty potato chip, pretzel, coconut toffee topping. GF and I can't wait to try it. 

☺ Chili is finished too. I made MINE first in case I ran out of time. We could do takeout for other food if needed, but I was able to get it finished. Cooked from 2-8 o'clock. 

☺HS call is back on for this morning. It'll be good to catch up.

☺Roofer finally showed up. Didn't "see" a problem, but resealed the vent area. I think it would've been helpful to toss water to test the vent instead of guessing, but what do I know (and this is a happy update). Last rain it POURED in so it's not a subtle leak. Storms fizzled out until tonight so we'll see.

Those are my happy updates. 

Hope you have a good one. Later gators.

Maybe a Lemon?

The espresso machine was, in fact, a sign for the day.

Went to drive my car for the first time since taking it home from the dealership and it left via a flatbed tow truck. (No spider issues on the run though -- phew.) 26 miles on the car.

The car was shaking violently and emergency alerts as soon as I started it. 

Service from the dealership was disappointing at best. "Just go through the warranty." "Not sure if we have a loaner car for you." "We got this car from a dealer trade because you wanted the green color, so it's the other dealerships responsibility."

They hooked the car up and found NO PROBLEM even though it did it repeatedly for me, my husband, and the tow truck operator. Even the car said there was something wrong (I took a picture of the alerts).

"The computer noticed some occasional misfirings of the engine, but there is no fix protocol at this time."

They're keeping it until Monday. If it doesn't do it on Monday, then "we're good to go." SERIOUSLY??? The car was un-drivable. 

This is a mess. Can't drive the loaner out of state. Trip to Asheville is questionable now and do I even want to drive it to Asheville?? If this happens in Asheville it's an entire other level of inconvenience. I have the option of taking my old car back from my son for the week, but now, I'm essentially borrowing HIS car. He's on vacation for the week.

Had to cancel my physical. 

I DID get to the movies. Verity was a lot more disturbing visually, but the twists, scares, and ending are great. The movie theater was really nice. Finally got to go (though this was close to getting canceled too).

Roofer was a no-show for the FIFTH time. Storms starting tonight through Monday morning. We'll be spending all night/day/night dealing with water if he doesn't come today.

Yep, it was a sign.

I have a full weekend -- of course. The car situation backed me up on getting ready for Sunday. Football day and celebrating my DILs birthday. Doing a big meal and homemade cake (so I can eat it too). I was planning to have the grocery shopping finished so I could fit the cooking and baking into plans today. Can't get started with no ingredients. I'll need to shop at prime time on Saturday afternoon and somehow fit it the work before football at 1 o'clock on Sunday. 

I'm tempted to buy the cake and do takeout. This means I'm left out of the eating, but also, no work. I'm on the fence.

Bookclub for brunch. Will they / won't they show up?? My guess -- 3 people including me. Two people and I'm calling my efforts finished. Guess I need to figure out my favorite summer read too. I've been so sure it was bombing, I didn't give it any thought.

Probably Lonesome Dove or The Wall. Couldn't be more different. 

I also didn't realize it was Youth Day today. Lots of roads closed for the parade and festival. Oh well. People can figure it out. I'm not giving them another excuse to cancel. 

That said, I'm not in a horrible mood, but I am annoyed that my attempt to balance out my schedule is going to shit again. This weekend and coming week were set to run smoothly and the car situation has it going sideways. The space was supposed to be for quiet things for ME. This weekend is tight and busy now. Asheville will be a quick trip to just get the house ready for the kids to stay -- very little fun Asheville time. 

I've said no to a few things. I'm prioritizing hiking to prepare for the advanced hikes at the end of the month. My foot is painful, but holding steady. In shoes, I'm fine. This is a win.

I did suggest a group thing with our neighbors for October -- walking ghost tour in our town. It's turning out to be a bigger deal than I planned, but I'm going to give it a go and see if I can get it together. My effort has a limit though. I'll take it through one pass of organizing and then I'll tap out and we can just go to dinner. 

I know that I have a lot of fun things I'm doing and my life isn't drudgery -- it's a good time. But I'm struggling a lot to get the quiet spaces back. The spaces that ground me. The spaces that leave enough stillness so I can FEEL what I need. 

Coaching suggested looking for spaces within the rest of the day. Can I find a quiet moment in an unlikely place or can I make the time for a quiet moment in what looks like a full schedule. 

Maybe that's my work. I'll give it a try today.

Hope you have a good day.

Later gators. 

P.S. Read this back and it's whomp, whomp. I'll make an effort to be more upbeat tomorrow. Hah! I do have a lot of good stuff happening too.