Asheville #2

Yesterday was a better day. 

First day that felt like I could ground a bit.

A day where I didn't feel like I was catering to everyone else. 

I'll get that over these next two days too. Of course, I'm driving and cleaning -- not exactly on my list of "best of" ... but I desperately need some alone time and this will do well enough. 

I do this thing where I need some space, panic that I'm not getting it, need space even more from that panic ... and so on. I haven't felt this at THIS level for a long time. 

It's been a series of events that added up to now. 

Covid is the biggest offender. I'm still recovering. I'm still "off," not myself.

Anyway ...

Yesterday's bookstore day was really good. It's an adorable few blocks of gentrification in an otherwise industrial kind of area. Stores, restaurants, 2 coffee shops, one teashop. Easy-ish drive. I love that I know about it now and will be back. 

Top tear Indie bookstore. Shelves were well curated, great shelf talkers, good vibe. I got a few books. 

Lunch was really good too. -- Asian fusion. This friend also has food sensitivities so I knew her restaurant pick would be good for me too. 

We stopped at a teashop walking back to the car because the restaurant served iced tea from this store and it was really nice. I got a few loose leaf herbal blends. 

We made a date in July for another bookstore afternoon. 

I did a fun thing. Got a recommendation for a perfume scent flight from a small, women owned business in Denver, CO. Ode to Perfume. $70 for 5 samples of perfume that are hand selected from unique options. They send a questionnaire and then select for you. 

A little birthday moment for me. I'm back to enjoying personal scents. A friend got me hooked on Crown Affair -- hair perfume. It smells so good. I've also bought a few higher end body washes with more of a designer scent. 

Since June isn't the June I planned, I'm making another plan. Adding in small birthday delights. Little moments for me. Trying for at least one a day. Got a few in yesterday and ordered the perfume flight today. Hoping to find a couple of moments in Asheville too. Of course, not all are buying things hah, but nothing wrong with some treats either. 

I'm going to try an easy workout this morning -- first in almost a week. If anything hurts when I start, I'll bag it. 

Going to grab a few podcasts for the drive too. I'm looking forward to these 2 days far, far more than I expected. I thought this little trip would be the worst of them all, but I wonder ... fingers crossed for a nice couple of days.

Have a good one. Later gators. 

I'm back ...

I've been a little MIA. 

My back and shoulder are out and that's put a damper on ME. Both are improving, but ever so slowly. 

Asheville was nice, but kind of not fun. I was the driver of the weekend and felt burdened by it. I'm sure it was because I was hurting and all-the-things aggravated my shoulder, neck, back. It felt like I was doing for everyone else at my expense. One ask after another. 

No one person was too much, but it was a full house and everyone needed something. Trying to rest my shoulder, and another "need." Also, literally driving the car and that was the worst and that's all I did for the weekend. Being in charge is the achilles heel of hosting.

 

Chauffeur extraordinaire. 

Constant conversation.

Questions, asks, favors, people-pleasing. 

Came home to more "obligations" for others yesterday. 

I have an extremely strong urge to run-away and be totally alone lol (!!) Desert island without the island (sand, sun, ocean). 

That said, Asheville was also good. Party was fun. Happy to be with family. Got some good thrifting. Here's my new nightlight hahaha! No mountain walk, no teahouse though. Too busy pleasing guest agendas -- aka, hosting.

She glows red when it's dark.
Cracks me up!

My days are PACKED until June 20 and it doesn't feel great. I'm regretting it. Dang. Not the feeling I wanted for June.

So I decided to make a shift. My birthday is the end of June and that will signal the beginning this year. Instead of June being "my month," I'm pushing it forward to July. Hubby is away for a week and that'll be my secret birthday celebration and the birthday year planning, etc. 

All the pressure is gone to make these next 10+ days "perfect" and worthy of menopause and 56-- now I can accept it for what it is instead of holding the expectation. It's worth remembering that my secret birthday celebration needs to be solo. 

Pride walk on Saturday -- I'm volunteering before the funeral. The day called for sharpie pride shoes. I didn't have a yellow marker though.

Color with sharpie. 

Brush 91% rubbing alcohol over to get a blended look. 

Dry, rinse, dry. 

I rinsed them this morning. They'll bleed color for a few times, but they look fun.

Two little things that delight me:

1. I stocked the LFL in Asheville and it got lots of use this weekend. Little joy whenever anyone stops. 

2. A woman who walks her dogs by our house in GA, stopped to say she took one of the free pepper plants and she has tons of peppers and a new love for gardening. 

Cue the happy dance. So much fun!

Today has been long on the calendar with a bookclub friend. Bookstore crawl and lunch -- her plans (aka I'm not driving this at all), but was bummed about the timing. Downtown, lots of driving, etc. Repeat of this weekend's thrift crawl antics. 

She texted to say she can't get something that involved planned -- she's not a plan executor. Kind of funny since it's been 2 months in the works. So we're doing a one-stop, close to home, bookstore and lunch. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!  I needed simpler today. We're taking raincheck on the other and it may never come to pass and that's okay. This is so much easier and will be just as fun -- I've never been to either. 

Then off for a 24 hour Asheville visit to clean and prep for next week. Probably no time to do much (teahouse or mountain walk), but we'll see. If I can get it finished Wednesday, maybe I can do something on Thursday morning before I drive home if I feel okay.

Okay, that's the update. Hope you're having a good week. Later gators.

Asheville Trip 1

Asheville or bust -- with my aunt. Kids come tomorrow. 

Thrifting all afternoon. So much so, we're packing lunch for the car so we don't waste time at a restaurant. My aunt is the EARLIEST bird and she just got home from Italy. That means EARLY riser to an extreme. It's a bit of a push for me this morning.

Car packing (partial packed, but most waits until day of).

Gardening tending (have to water pots and pick).

Workout (because I won't this weekend).

 

The good news is she wants to go to bed early too. 

I selectively use ChatGPT because of how much water the computers use, but there are times it's so helpful (like diagnosing Covid based on my strange symptoms).

I used it to plan a thrift crawl for Asheville. I know the antique stores, but not the thrift stores. Gave me a curated list which I refined and then asked it to map out an order based on several factors. Bam. Done. 

I didn't ask for more details, those I looked up. This list would've taken me forever and I don't think I would've done as well. There was one mistake -- one place on the list is permanently closed, but seems otherwise great. 

Three trips to Asheville in the next 2 weeks. All VERY different. 

This one is shopping and family. 

Next one is cleaning.

Then the big menopause/birthday week -- spa, hiking, all things me.

In between the trips is SO much work. One thing at a time and no use thinking about it now (so I keep telling myself). I had no way to predict the things that got added on. Emergency court report/date for my volunteer position. Kids are closing on the house (work for us). Closet sale came early and we are helping the kids do their closets. Two day funeral for our friend with some tasks for me. 

ALL in one week that already has obligations. It's a bit of a nightmare, but I'm trying to not let it affect my celebration week. I want to enjoy every moment of that week and not think of it as a task list. 

Anyway ... time is ticking and I need to get ready for my very early aunt. Have a good day! Later gators.

Too Much

I'm driving too many busses.

June keeps growing in ways that are work for me. Could I say no ... of course, but not really. 

My friend asked for even more help with the funeral service. I won't say no. 

Kids need help with their house situation. Also won't say no.

Both trips to Asheville with company have become complicated. 

Lots of little things adding up everywhere I look.

You know the reason?

Ease and unbothered summer declaration.

Dang, universe. You got me.

I'll try to hold that declaration while I dream about the quiet after these 3 weeks. 

In some good news ... first of the tomatoes. Delicious. I ate them straight from the vine. Cherry tomatoes grow like a mad woman, but produce early and well.

Pickled cucumbers with jalapeños -- everything from the garden. Garlic, dill, peppers, cucumbers. I tasted them this morning and they're amazing.

It was a cool, crisp morning so I ran a little after 6 o'clock. It was nice to get out early and be finished early. A few bits more on my morning and it's a day of errands and work ahead of an early start to Asheville tomorrow.

Hope you have a great day. Later gators.

Drumroll ...

Want to hear all about my return to the Tuesday Group?  Hah -- you're in luck, it's what's for breakfast. Let's do it in a list. 

1. "That" person ignored me for most of the hike. I saw her, said a happy hello and she turned away mumbling. Asked her questions during the group chats -- one word reply that wasn't actually an answer OR she's act like she hadn't heard me and talk really loudly to someone else. Chatting loudly and laughing loudly with the rest of the group.

2. Had a warm welcome from everyone else. Great conversations. 

3. I mentioned that I ran in the morning because this loop is on the shorter side (pre-hike workouts came up in conversation). Every time we've hiked here, we do one loop. After she heard me say that ... let's do more. It was actually great for me -- 7 miles. I had a big activity day. 2.5 mile run, 1.5 mile walk, 7 mile hike. I swear to high heaven she does this on purpose though. 

4. We were a little over a mile away from the parking lot when one of the ladies took a hefty fall -- she was pretty hurt. I used all my first aid supplies (have to restock today). I was the only one who carried water -- seriously?!?! One of the ladies grabbed my water bottle and poured all of it over her hand. Ugh. Not necessary to use it all and left me without water. I was PARCHED by the car. Fortunately, I had post hike drinks waiting for me.

She's okay, just banged up and quite a few bad cuts. Not one person carries anything but their phone and car keys on the hikes. That's going to bite them someday. 

5. Lunch at a really nice place, but $$$ for lunch. I usually love their seasonal salad -- everything is a work of art, but this one was bitter and unbalanced. I took most of it home to doctor it today for lunch -- something creamy and some protein. They juice some fun flavors too. All the veggies are from their organic garden -- amazing color.

Absolutely gorgeous, but
the taste wasn't great.

Ginger and jalapeno with
cucumber, apple, tomatillo,
pineapple. 

6. I gave "that" person a little birthday gift -- chocolate from PGH that my sister gives out. It's her favorite and you can only get it locally in PGH (she's from PGH). I saved mine for her. Her birthday is next week and I can't hike. 

Instant switch. Chatty. Went back and answered the questions I had asked during the hike. Asked me a bunch of questions. Texted me after to thank me for the chocolate and pin for her collection. 

Is all well? Maybe well enough. That's what I want. Not a one-on-one personal relationship, but okay in our group dynamics. Hopefully, that puts all MY drama to bed. You know you'll hear about it if it doesn't lol. 

The End. 

Finally a Tuesday Hike

Well, I was wrong. "That" person did organize a hike for today, just later than usual -- the furthest we travel with the longest lunch location in the opposite direction. All day thing because of the distance between home, the hike, the restaurant. 

Do I wonder if that was to hopefully weed me out? Yep, but also maybe that's a reach. It seems odd that during her "busy" season, after a vacation the week before, she'd suggest an all day thing. I'm suspect of anything that seems unusual for her -- there's often a reason.

I'm going today and I can't go for the next 3 weeks. I haven't hiked with the group since December -- almost 6 months. Good lord. My intention is for it to go well -- enjoy the group and the hike. Maybe she and I can find a ground where it isn't awkward AND she isn't so nasty hah!!

You know I'll fill you in. Stay tuned. 

I got a number of things off my plate yesterday and that feels better. Just in time to be asked by my friend to help with the service for her husband. Happy to help her and take something off her plate. 

I did a longer meditation yesterday asking for some clarity because I feel like I'm not grounded right now. Kind of free floating. Trying to be intentional but missing the mark. 

The message was that I'm trying too hard to rush to this next version of myself -- I need to stay grounded in this version as I take steps forward. Like rock scrambling, always three points on ground while you move one point. 

I was doing the opposite. 

So I'm remembering some things I forgot. Things that make me feel like myself. Remembering intentions that make a difference to me. And daily meditation.

I'll chat about this soon (not enough time this morning).

My heart is still having moments, but my energy is coming up. I'm going to do a short run this morning because the hike itself is short and easy. No pressure and if I feel off, I'll walk. It feels really good to have my energy coming up. I probably didn't give enough credit to Covid for how much it messed me up. 

That's good news because it felt like it was me being old hah ... nope, just sick.

Still thinking on a new birthday mantra for the year. The phrase that keeps coming to me is "stronger and lighter." This might be the one. I also like to check in with my 26 for 2026 list this month since we're hitting the halfway point. Birthday reflections in the works. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

A Monday and a New Month

I woke up in a panic last night -- all the things buzzing on my calendar had me wide awake. 

But here's the thing -- it's not REALLY a problem. Things need to get done. A couple of problem solving issues that I WILL figure out and a bunch of regular to-do things. And my nervous system is going berserk over it. 

Still leftovers from Covid?? or my normal mind panic??

The good news is I'm relatively calm now -- talking myself through the logistics that CAN work to fix some issues. Also, I haven't been meditating since I left for Hawaii. How do you know if something is working ... stop doing it. Yep, time to get back at it. 

Oh, and it's mostly fun stuff again that has me in this uproar. What in the world is wrong with me?!? One of the possible fixes is ACTUALLY FUN (i.e. a quick trip to Asheville in-between company weekends).

Not to belabor the point (but I will) ... I knew I had a few tight weeks coming up, but manageable. Very deliberately and carefully scheduled. But then things added-on, changed, COVID. 

Is this a side-effect of a full life OR am I shitty at planning a balance and saying no? Am I over scheduling in a way that doesn't allow for the inevitable hiccup? Questions I ask every time I get overwhelmed. I still don't have answers.

This could also be some languishing left from COVID too. Is this list really too much or am I still on 50% power and it just feels like too much?

Questions, questions, question!!

In other news ... I hiked for the first time since we got home. My heart was fine. 7 easy miles. New and reconstructed trails were nice, but muddy. Some of the humidity blew out and it got cooler as the morning went on. Felt good to be in nature on an early, quiet morning. 

Looks like s sting ray

Hard to see -- 3 deer
chilling in the early morning.

I have a big day today. The more I can get finished and plans figured out, the more I can relax into June. It's my birthday month and I want to experience it intentionally, really mark the occasion. 

Oh, just connected it's a Monday AND a new month -- love it. A little extra reason to make a good start of it. Have a great day. Later gators.