Driving the Threesomes Again

Still on the same subject of figuring out how much to "drive" and how much to "passenger."

When I was figuring out why sometimes I was happy in the pandemic and sometime not, I did the same thing. Also did it for Asheville -- why were some visits fabulous and others just meh. 

Seemingly similar days or trips, yet sometimes good, sometimes awful. What were the nuances that changed the experience? BTW, it worked and I figured out the differences so I'm doing it again. Prepare your hearts hahaha.

(My head chatter in bold.)

🚌  I was picking arugula for the food bank donation when a neighbor stopped by to chat. She lives a few streets over (we walk by her house a lot) and she's hosting the neighborhood social party. We had been on the list when we first moved in, but saw nothing after that -- probably an older list got into circulation and we never followed up.

Anyway, it's the 3rd Wednesday of the month. Only bring what you want to drink. Very casual. Fantastically easy.

Side note: the 3rd Wednesday of the month is ALSO the food bank Teams meeting AND the women's action group meeting. Seriously?!?! What's so dang special about the 3rd Wednesday of the month??

Anyway, lovely chat and texting followed. But now I'm sort of in charge of rallying our street (specifically the 3-some) to go. 

It's not a big undertaking, but it's still driving (coordinating). Is this my purpose in life haha or some curse?? I told myself I wasn't coordinating the "next" street social thing and here we are -- questions, back-and-forth, etc.

It's the right thing to do on all levels. I'm happy we're all going AND I wish I didn't have to be in the center of it again.

This feels like an obligation. This feels like I'm obligated to the 3-some every time something neighbor-y comes up. I'm also aware I told myself I wasn't going to do it again so quickly so am I feeling like I broke a promise to myself? Feels like I do work and everyone benefits from it. Feels like it's currently a one-way street.

🚌 A friend wanted to get together (the one who's recently widowed). I said yes, she asked me to plan it and we invited another friend (this is another of my 3-somes). Of course, I'm happy to take details off her plate, but this has always been her MO. 

I had to change up the plans because I forgot the restaurant is closed on Tuesdays. 

New choices on the table. She reminded me her husband always said I was the best planner. (He was like that -- finding something nice about someone and totally magnifying it. We miss him!)

So now I'm giving a walking nature and history tour of our area and ending up at the best brunch place in town. (Flattery works on me, apparently.)

I'm actually looking forward to it. I wasn't looking forward to coordinating the original plans, but this morphed into something more interesting to me. They both love nature and history. We'll see how it goes. 

This started as an obligation and felt boring. Change of plans to something that's actually interesting to me and can be useful when others come to visit. Plus it combines things that I like too -- nature, history, good brunch, walking. I don't mind doing the work when it's interesting to me. Also, the other women in the group does take turns "driving" and that adds a balance, lessens my resentment of having to organize when I do. That's a big positive to this 3-some.

I'm looking at these examples so try and get closer to figuring out why sometimes I'm happy to organize, sometimes I feel obligated, sometimes I absolutely hate it. 

I also notice that 3-somes feel like more work. Not really in this case -- everyone was on the same page and responsive and agreeable, but the potential was there. One person is an outlier and then what? Do we change, do we not change, do we have to keep coming to the table with an idea for all three people?

As I said, a 3-some is its own thing. Not the frustrations of a larger group, but can be hella tricky to organize. I think in a large group, someone takes charge, leads. In a 3-some there is not really a leader. It's a democracy of equals and that can be frustrating. 

Anyway, the tour and brunch this morning. Babysitting my grandson this afternoon. Good day on the books. 

Have a happy Tuesday. 

Later gators. 

A little brag on the garden ... of course!

Biggest harvest so far -- 3 lbs arugula 

Feeling the End-of-the-Year Mood

The little reminder to get back to myself seems to have unlocked something. 

I'm remembering how to do it.

Why do I forget so easily?

Figured out the Christmas table favor -- phew. I'm going to do cutout cookies with my grandson (my childhood recipe). He can make and decorate a cookie for each person. I'll put it in a little bag with a bow. How fun is this?!?! Perfect little treat he'll be proud to give everyone.

Hung the garland. I like it more -- still not awesome, but cute enough and a little nod to crafting and a little nod to completing something that interested me (keeping a promise to myself). Who knows, might stay up for longer than the holidays. 

Duke and I ran. 

Took the time to go to the running trail.

Beautiful fall vibes.

Duke being brave on our cooldown walk.

Baked the cake (also ate way too much of it).

Made the effort to make something from scratch.

Gathered as a family and enjoyed the moment.

Little sloppy, but delicious.

Figured out a few Christmas rocks to paint. 

Sometimes deciding WHAT to paint is the hold up. 

Now I can start the process, little by little. 

Stay tuned. 

My friend's mom from Peach Fest wrote me after my thank-you letter with a few questions. She made a darling Halloween card and even did cut out ghosts on the envelope, so I wrote her back a long letter inside a card from my aunt's art. Maybe we'll become penpals. 

Letter writing is a lost art. It's a specific style of communication. Difference cadence. If I wrote that way in a text, it would be strange. In a letter, it works. Vintage vibe and I love it. Inspires me to look for other opportunities to write letters. 

Hubby left for Asheville. I'd love to have a day to "play," but alas, it's all chores (including the dreaded court report). Best get going on it. The list is long (I started some things already). 

I'm feeling the energy of the end of the year.

Ending well.

Imagining next year.

Setting the intention. 

It's bringing me back.

Have a great start to the week.

Later gators. 

It's a Ramble (but a positive one)

I ran out of time to say hello yesterday morning. 

Finished up the ribbon garland using gifted ribbon from the year (happens to be one of the 26 for 2026 projects). Turns out the eclectic chain using ribbon scraps didn't really work. 

It's not eye catching.

Looks messy.

Not enough color.

But it was fun doing a craft project again. 

Not sure where I'll put it for the season, but then I'm going to toss it. 

I'm trying to think of the Christmas table craft for this year. 

This is the 4th year and I've run out of ideas. 

2 involved candy.

1 was a picture Christmas ornament. 

Might not be a craft this year. 

Hiked a new-to-me local-ish hike yesterday. It was shorter, faster, and somehow felt harder. It's along the river that I hike near me so it didn't feel worth the drive -- too similar. Plus very crowded, narrow trails, but a beautiful day to get out into the woods. I managed a couple of pictures. Not a rocky trail so I had my phone reachable. 

It was our anniversary (34 years). We walked to lunch and had a movie night at home (Sharper). We'll celebrate again in Paris. 

In between, I made the cake layers for tonight -- celebrating both 30th birthdays with dinner out and cake at home. Icing and assembly today. 

I'm starting to settle again. 

Getting back to myself.

Course correcting.

Grounding. 

Little glimpses here and there.

Reviewing the 26 for 2026 list has me thinking about next year.

Just hints of ideas at this point. 

Maybe flipping the script. 

This year was lots and lots and lots -- all in daily life. 

Trying new things, new people, quick adventures. 

It was interesting, fun, and RUSHED. Too much. Too full. 

Sampling a lot of things, but never a full meal. 

What if next year I focus on quieter, simpler days with bigger adventures here and there. Giving THAT my energy, time, effort while my days are the basics that ground me and make me feel good.

Still doing the things I love, but not adding to it. Prioritizing certain things, certain friendships, certain volunteering. Doing less, but doing it well. 

I like this idea and I'm going to mull it over and see how it feels. Balancing a little differently. It feels exciting when I think about it. 

The truth is I don't have the interest in planning the bigger adventures when my weeks are scattered. It feels like work, not fun. Dread, not excitement. 

When I have slower days (still full, but in a different way), I remember what I want, notice how I feel, can see next steps, feel the direction. The rush of things doesn't let me notice. 

Settle into knowing. 

Familiar things. 

Then bursts of fun adventure. 

This came to me because we're heading on 2 trips before the end of the year and I have ZERO desire to plan either. Why? Because I'm planning every day. Driving the bus for too many things, too many people. It's using up that mental space. Planning a day out at home vs planning a day in Paris. Looking for ideas to outings with friends because everyone seems to want me to plan everything, coordinate everything, execute everything. 

Next year will be different. Hopefully some of this year too (might be fighting a winless battle during the holidays though). I'm not going to take the reins on everything again. 

I know this is a ramble -- especially since it's only whisper of an idea, but a little more rambling ...

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how much a like little adventures though. Going downtown. Trying something new. Finding a unique thrift store. I don't want to stop doing this.

But I used to do MOST of it solo.

This year was with friends.

Why does it matter? Because with people I have the planning, coordinating, reminding, changing, etc. It's not the little adventures that tire me, it's the people who come along. 

Hmmmm. Have to ponder this more too. That's an interesting adjustment. Not how much I do, but how much I do with people. 

Also, solo allows ME to change when I want. Don't feel like shopping, would rather hike ... no problem. Doesn't work that way when I've made plans with other people. I'm stuck having to know 3 weeks from now, on a Wednesday, that I want to coordinate a drive downtown. 

THIS is what's on my calendar too much. 

THIS is what feels off. 

THIS is what I've been trying to describe. 

Maybe occasional little adventures with the people who help the planning and execution. Basic time with those who won't. Solo time with a lot more of the things.

Geez. Thanks for listening to this ramble (if you haven't given up reading). Didn't expect it to go there. Eye-opening to look at it in more depth. Slowly figuring it out. 

Best get the day going. 

Heading to the park to run with Duke.

Then back in the kitchen for cake work.

Have a good day.

Later gators. 

I'm Tired

Was it a good day yesterday? 

Not really. Of course, not a bad day in the way of all the important things (I'm aware), but it was an annoying day for most of the day. 

👎Getting my hormones renewed is ALWAYS an adventure in annoyances. Mis-sent RX, missing RX, multiple pharmacies, patient portals not working, systems down, pharmacy phone that just rings and rings -- that was yesterday. I spent all morning trying to get 3 RXs filled.

Two are finally filled. One is unavailable indefinitely-- patch shortage within 50 miles of me. Good lord in heaven. Still trying.

👎Then my car. 

Wasn't even looked at yesterday. 

Hooked it up today and ... surprise ... nothing is wrong with it. 

But YOU saw it malfunctioning, both times when I brought it in. So there IS a problem. 

I have pictures too.

"We can keep your car for a week and see if it happens."

Nope. 

But then I had a thought. It doesn't happen when I'm NOT there, but ALWAYS happens when I am there.

Sounds like a riddle. 

What's different?

The wallet digital key isn't in the car. 

The service manager said, "oh we were having troubles with this about a month ago." Apparently some are faulty and it can confuse the car. I think this is the problem. Me and my key are headed there this morning to test the theory. MY THEORY. I won't gloat too much because it's just a theory at the moment, but if I'm right, I'm a genius!!!!! Also, I want to be right because this is annoying and a time suck. 

Drove around in a loaner all day without my things, my car setup, etc ... AGAIN. 

👎Also, yesterday was so HUMID and warm. Miserable, sweaty day. Couldn't wear fall clothes. AC back on in the house. I was a grump about it -- so was everyone. It was really that unseasonably humid and warm. (Crisp morning is back today -- praise be.)

I know. I know. Nothing horrible, but it was stress all day and felt like wasted, inefficient time suck. Remember how I want to start rock painting again and a couple of crafty projects? THIS crap sucked that away this week AGAIN.

The week feels intense. Not grounded. 

Some of this is the booster shots -- left me feeling puny for a few days. My heart rate working out is much higher than normal. I have a headache. I feel tired. Good news is that's my immune system doing its job, but it's put another layer on this week. Maybe won't do both at once again. 

Now for some good. 

👏Massage was amazing. I feel much looser. She said my neck is still a mess though and I felt it when she was turning it, but PT and regular massage is helping.

👏Also, hubby and I had a discussion a few days ago about me feeling like I'm in the weeds on "driving the bus" for too many things and then not being believed when I speak up that it's too much. He's been considerably more aware of this in the last few days. I gave him a number of examples and I feel believed right now. (Not all things he's doing, but he would sort of eye-roll if I complained or said I didn't want to do anything more.) Decision fatigue. Detail fatigue. People hindering the process. People's expectation. People with only vetoing opinions and no ideas. 

The day redeemed itself.  

Today is a new day and I'm ready for a different theme. 

Still have BLUE WAVE hope and relief though -- never want this to end.

Have a happy Friday. 

Later gators.

Let's Chat BLUE

I have a BLUE happiness hangover. 

A day of hope 💙

We had "that" lunch I talked about and it was a CELEBRATION.

See, it was a good idea. 

We were a little obnoxious about toasting all the good things, but who cares.

Lunch was at a minority run, local restaurant and they were celebrating too. 

I lit our outside lights blue (still this morning too -- let's not cut the joy short). 

Blue pedicure. Couldn't be another choice yesterday.

I was on my phone in one manner or another for probably the most I've ever been on my phone in one day. Record breaking scrolling, hah. Up at 3am, bed at 9. I had to charge my phone twice before bed. Worth it and I didn't care -- scroll away. No record breaking today, but I'm still enjoying scrolling the memes. 

Okay, in other updates:

Car in the shop. Loaner for the next possible week. They'll let me know more today. It was supposed to be a 2 hour appointment. Guess they have no idea how to fix it. 

Hike canceled because of the rain. Granite rocks and wet don't play nicely. 

Massage this afternoon. This'll feel good. 

I need the day to get caught up. Celebrating the kids' 30th birthdays on Sunday and I have work to do. Baking a GF cake (my DIL is strictly GF). I'm making the same one I made for my other DIL because it was so good (the birthday kids were out of town so it'll be new to them) and it's one of the few cakes I can make GF that pleases all tastes. It's our anniversary on Saturday too. Lots of celebrations this weekend. Lots of work too.

A little update on the threesome outing for everyone curious (aka no one lol). 

I went into it with a good attitude. 

BE MYSELF.

I will morph (or be tempted to) if I'm the odd one out in a group of three and it feels uncomfortable.

I was the odd one in a number of ways. And I also wasn't in a number of ways. 

I stayed myself through it all.

Found out my neighbor who I have become friendly with (not the newest one) believes all medicine is a scam. No doctors, no preventative care, no vaccines, no nothing. Holy cow. That was a SHOCK. (Didn't feel compelled to morph on that insanity.) It was a shock to my other neighbor too who pushed back on her rant about how we're being scammed. 

This is the reason our friend passed in the spring. He felt the same way. Dead from a preventable heart attack. No care. Ignored massive, frequent warning signs for weeks before he died. 

She's playing with the same fire. 

And I wonder if there are other "theories" too.

Geez. 

It does bring me to something I've been thinking about lately. 

Can I have a level of friendship with people who I clash on these kind of things?

Can I let a friend be fundamentally different?

Where is the line that what we disagree on is a dealbreaker?

I realized I have a couple of friends who probably extend a pass to me. I'm not religious and they are (the kind, inclusive religious). This is a major difference that holds an extremely important life value for them, and yet, they ARE friends with me. I believe in a higher power, but not church. They believe in God, Jesus, church, but they know I don't share the same belief. It probably limits our friendship.

Her belief about medicine likely roots somewhere in mental health or childhood trauma or fear. She's not completely wrong. Medicine CAN be a scam. But at this level, it's a conspiracy theory and potentially damaging. She also didn't mince words telling me that medical people are part of the scam. Ouch. 

It's why I say this is rooted in something bigger -- her reaction was STRONG. She came out fighting. She wouldn't concede others make different choices (those choices were part of the scam, according to her). I told her a colonoscopy saved my life. She disagreed. Ouch again. 

I don't think this means we aren't friends, but it does mean our friendship will only go so far and I'm more cautious now. Something to overthink think about.

Okay, I've rambled long enough. 

Time to scroll (haha, sort of kidding). 

Have a good one.

Later gators. 

Blunami !!!!!!!!

It's a joyful morning. 

Blue wave was strong and far reaching. 

I love that GA showed up this election, but holly cow, TX!!!! She stunned the country. 

It's 8am -- I've been up since 3am basking in the glory. So much texting, scrolling, news watching that I already need to charge my phone. 

Have the best BLUE day today.

Later gators. 

Threesome Day

Lots of chores off my plate.

A few followups today.

Eat the frog first.

I got vaccinated yesterday -- flu and covid. Feeling a little blah this morning, but glad to have them in my system ahead of travel. I waited until after the big hikes.

Donated a big basket of arugula to the food bank. It's growing like crazy right now.

Using my new calendar strategy, I added some things that I really wanted to do, said no to some things, punted some things to January (already at that point in the year). 

I'm grateful to be asked and I don't take that for granted, but I'm more selective now. 

November is already slim pickings. We have a trip to Hilton Head, company in Asheville for a weekend, Thanksgiving. This leaves little time as the first full week is underway. Then we leave for Paris in the beginning of December. 

(Honest to god -- STOP traveling in November and December. Do I listen to myself? Nope. It always feels manageable 6 months away. I somehow forget about decorating, cooking, gift shopping, etc. Good enough has to be the theme this year.)

I wonder if trying these new strategies over the holiday months is akin to starting a diet during the holiday months. Probably not the most effective, but maybe helps a bit.

I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to say no to a few things that were simply too much for my schedule and my desire to do them. Too much work on my end. I think one of the invites was just so I could do the favor of hosting in Asheville. Big weight off my shoulders -- no 'yes' with conditions, no wishy-washy 'no,' and absolutely no 'maybe.' Simple and direct 'no thank you and thanks for the invitation' kind of response. Fantastic. Done. 

I've been using 'no' more with people I expect the 'yes' to become inconvenient for me. You plan it now (even though it wasn't my invite). You execute it (aka drive). You adjust it (to their changing schedule). 

This leaves room for 'yes' with people that don't do that and our time together feels easy and relaxed.

Okay, I'm beating a dead horse on this one, as usual. 

I hope you have a good day.

I'm heading out on the threesome for the day. While it'll be nice, it's a 'yes' that morphed. (Not all morphing is bad and I'm reluctantly flexible a lot more than I'd like, but things rarely seem to morph into something BETTER for ME. I've been paying attention incase I'm not noticing when it IS better for me ... but nope, it's rare.)

Later gators. 

P.S. I have been noticing "dear diary" pictures, but not been in the position to take the picture. Driving. Hiking with the group. That kind of thing. It's still fun to do.