S'Mores

 

Look at this masterpiece. 

Peanut butter cup, charred marshmallows, GF cinnamon graham cracker. 

I ate 2. 

We had a fun day. 

Laughed and chatted non-stop.

Shopped and shopped. 

Ate and ate.

PJ party around the fire.

It feels good to celebrate a good person. She knows how to live her life and it's contagious. 

To give you an idea of our day -- first store, going out of business, 60% off everything. The hens were clucking and shopping. We almost missed lunch hah!

I had a hiccup during our coffee break with the volunteer position -- emergency that needed help. Probably a point of no return. Hard and sad. I'm glad I saw the call. Fallout next week so I don't know how it will affect the week, but it's a priority. 

I am bushed today. Totally flattened. I didn't go to bed until 11 o'clock and I woke up at almost 8 o'clock (with time change). Wow. Sometimes I'm groggy from sleeping past my usual wakeup time, but it feels more than that today.

I'm happy for a rainy day with nothing on the calendar. I need to re-group for next week and JUST CHILL! I see books and TV guiding a lot of the day.

I don't need to water the garden (thanks, rain).

Day off from exercise (ran yesterday, big hike tomorrow). 

No company (sister ended up with pneumonia).

No chores (did them last week).

What I need to do is figure out plans for Tuesday. I meditated on a few questions. The answer surprised me -- what's holding me back from 100% going downtown is concern that I don't know what I'm doing or how to navigate. 

MARTA tickets.

MARTA route.

Bathrooms.

Umbrella in buildings (because possible storms).

Drinks (can't go all day with no water), but is it allowed in the buildings?

Good lord. I navigated the Paris metro myself and took it all over the city, changing lines, etc. Why am I suddenly up in arms over this? If it were local or I had a ride, it wouldn't even be a decision -- therefore, I'm going. UNFOUNDED fear is NEVER a reason. 

(As opposed to real fear -- something dangerous, risky, etc.)

And I'm bummed that the weather is factoring into the day. Dang. Another layer of figuring-it-out. 

Hubby got to spend the entire day with our son and grandson. They came over in the morning to drop my DIL for the day and then stayed until bedtime. Our grandson didn't want to leave -- wanted to stay the night. That's the best feeling in the world. 

Today's my youngest son and DIL's first anniversary. The year went so fast. They're away for the weekend celebrating. 

Okay, hubby just got up and I haven't seen much of him lately. Best get going. Have a good day. Later gators.

Celebration Day & A Decision

Girls' family day celebrating my aunt today. 

Making time for family and especially making time to be with women is something special. I'm lucky to have these ladies in my life and in my family.

I have a decision I'm contemplating-- I'm going to do a meditation for (hopefully) some clarity. It's not a big deal either way, but in the name of slowing down and seeing what feels important in a specific moment, I'm taking time to explore how it feels in my body.

A bit woo-woo ... yep, but it actually works. 

Tuesday is my normal hiking day and I haven't hiked with the group for almost 3 months -- eeek. This feels like a "should" since I haven't participated for so long with the foot injury. That said, I've been available with some parameters for the last several weeks and the group (specifically the group leader) chose what wouldn't work for me. Last week ... Hey, I need a local hike -- so she randomly picks a non-local hike when 75% of our hikes are local.

Tuesday is also an event in Atlanta supporting LGBTQ+ at the Capitol and City Hall. A few women from the action group are going. The event checks a few boxes for me. Obviously, supporting and learning about a subject that's important to me. And also, figuring out the MARTA transportation and how to get to these places. A lot of protests and events are held in this area and I've never managed going. I'll learn with a group and that'll make it easier in the future. It's a bit uncomfortable not knowing what to do.

I can always hike with the Tuesday group.

I can always figure out how to navigate MARTA to this area.

So the question becomes which is more important to me, right now, in this moment. Connection with the ladies I've barely seen in months, or supporting a cause that's important. 

And, if I'm really being honest, there's a part of me that wants to say "screw you" to the hike leader who could've done this week's hike last week and I would've been able to go. I feel it's a power move -- I know it is. When we first started hiking with the group, she did this with other people and told me that's why she did it. 

I want to keep the decision in the positive realm though. I don't want snarky-me to decide what I'm doing, but she's awfully loud. Time for a meditation to see if I can clear this up. 

Thanks for indulging me -- stay tuned for the decision. I think I'm leaning toward going into the city since this is a one time moment.

Have a good day. Later gators.

We Did It -- SURPRISE!!!

We did it -- full blown surprise and my aunt was thrilled. So much fun! AND, my cousin was on-time ... an actual first EVER. She left lunch early in a rush because she checked a camera and her dog was crying in its crate (she normally takes the dog everywhere), but she did what she needed to do.

Aunties and I hit up a few shops after lunch including a favorite consignment store. Got some goodies -- they were having a store-wide sale that day.

Vietri bowl

Farm basket, coasters,
picture frame

Pretty picture that goes
with my vintage purses

My sister called this morning and she's sick and not coming which is really disappointing, but it does take some things off my plate. 

Today should be a nice day and an easy day. Standing Friday coffee meeting, another plant pickup from the farm, pedicure. I haven't had one in about 6 months - best get the piggies ready for sandals. Hubby home in the afternoon. 

The hemorrhoid flare-up was short lived -- since you didn't ask lol. That's a relief. It's like a coldsore -- so much more painful than it should be for something that insignificant. I was worried running would aggravate it, but it didn't. 

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I need to be ready to get to the meeting. Garden season adds significant things to my morning.

Have a good end of the week. Later gators.

Can We Pull Off a Surprise?

The last day of my solo week -- it wasn't quite long enough. A couple more days would have done the trick, oh well. 

Back in the thick today with a fun surprise for my aunt. A lot hinges on MY execution and I'll give it the best I can. It's awfully hard to pull off a surprise like this. I made reservations for Saturday too and that's a relief to have it off my list. I told everyone a false time because of my cousin-in-law who is perpetually very late to everything. She's giving a ride to part of the group. We'll see if it works. It's a small restaurant and we're a big group -- not fair to hold up tables for her lateness (can you tell I'm bitter lol -- she's often an hour late to things, no exaggeration).

I finished about half the list yesterday. Started with the most important, bumped what I could to next week, and will close up the list today and tomorrow. 

Of course, I'm starting to fill up March. I am TRYING to be selective. Nixed a few ideas. I want to start hiking with the club again -- finding some hikes that fit my reduced fitness (building back up) and timing. 

There are a few things with my women's action group coming up too. I'd like to go, but it's a press on the calendar. Should I?? I'll think about it a bit.

It's a cycle for me -- too much, rest, too much again. Is this good or ridiculous? Probably the latter, especially since I complain about it all the time.

Short and sweet today after 2 long chats yesterday. I want to run and I need to get outside at first light for enough time to finish my morning before The Surprise begins. 

I'll end with pictures of flowers from Trader Joe's I got last week -- still beautiful. I shared 2 vases with my DILs. Best value for flowers. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Part Two

Hello again. 

The FS chat was long, so I'm doing a 2-parter this morning. 

Yesterday was just what I needed. I CAN NOT tell you how glad I am that I said 'no' to the other version of yesterday that was available. A version that sometimes is great and I would love a day like that -- just not yesterday.

Makes me wonder -- there's often other versions of the day available, and do I notice those choices? Do I leave room (space) for those choices?

Anyway ...

I gardened my butt off. The spring garden is planted -- flower pots too. I also transplanted the grow room to bigger pots with potting soil. Nothing much picture worthy because it's itty bitty seedlings or seeds. 

I lifting and carried and dug. Now my internal hemorrhoid (since pregnancy days) is acting up. Lovely. Are you glad I shared lol?!?

Here's the transplanted grow room. So far, things are growing -- no seed stall {*knocks wood*}. Some seeds were old and never germinated, but what came up is growing.

It's interesting how you can tell the plants by their smell. Lordy, nature is fascinating. I kept smelling cinnamon-- um, yep, cinnamon basil. I have no idea what you'd use it for, but it'll smell good in jar on the table. 

Sprayed the rocks from Monday. 

Cute, right?

My friend copied my rocks for hers -- just like I copied from pictures.

Hers on top, mine on the bottom.
It's fun to see different interpretations.

I painted a couple of little ones. 

Gardening and rock painting have been top on my list lately. Probably time to do some reading -- lots of library books available and I haven't read a word of them. Maybe a book and lunch or coffee today. Solo date after some work?

Speaking of today -- oh so many errands and things I barely want to do. It's a necessary day though. I've put some of this stuff off for too long. A bunch of walking errands and that makes me happy. I could drive, but I won't because I don't and that's how I like to be. Ta-da!

Good news is a lot of this is little and can get done pretty quickly -- I even did a few things ahead yesterday. I mean, some things are simply sending a text message, and, yet, procrastinated for days. 

One of the bigger things is figuring out my aunt's HBD plans for Saturday. Specifically, lunch and reservations. I need to get those reservations done!! Time is ticking. I have no ideas. My brain is tired of coming up with ideas for things. 

I'm supposed to be a part of another surprise for my aunt on Thursday -- her sister is flying in and I'm the vehicle to get her to a lunch where her sister walks in. The plans hinge on that aunt's DIL (my cousin-in-law) who is insanely late, insanely unreliable, and insanely unresponsive. So we sit and wait for her majesty to respond to timing for TOMORROW. Good lord. 

Okay, now I'm riled up and feeling overwhelmed about it all. I need to get started on this list. It's 15 things deep. Geez. I don't have to get everything done today, but most of it needs to happen. 

Have a good one. Later gators. 

FS Visualization and a New FS

I met a new Future Self yesterday.

Okay, I know that's a little woo-woo and a lot strange, but I swear there's something to it. I've imagined myself long before I knew I was imagining myself. In the last 8 or 9 years, I've finally realized that this imagination WAS a future version of me. 

It's not something I can force -- it doesn't work that way or feel the same. It's hard to describe. It's a knowing, and often a picture that's nothing special. I'm not imagining I'm successful or beautiful or something grand. It's a quiet knowing who this person is and it's always a different look -- Martha Beck says that makes total sense that your exterior look changes when you change. 

Anyway, I did the guided FS meditation from my first life coach. I do it about once a year. It starts by picturing your wisest self or high power -- whatever visualization works. For me, it's my FS and yesterday she was different. 

I even said ... well, hello. We haven't met before. Seems crazy, right? But it's somehow real. I won't "be" her for probably years, but I believe it's where I'm headed. Also, it doesn't matter if I believe it. Before I believed, it still happened. 

And, I'm a little like what?!?! Another version?? Why? Seriously, changing again? But she laughed and told me yep.

Do you want to hear about the FS meditation? Read on...

1. First visualization is one year from now. 

Saw a walk in the woods. Flowers, creek -- basic, pretty woods. I was in mud-style boots with jeans rolled up carrying a basket. 

I asked FS why this? I've walked in the woods many times. The answer ... this is you slowing down, enjoying the moment. You're gathering things from the woods to set a table. Exploring, curious about nature, relaxed. 

But why?

Because this is a step toward ME. 

That's all she told me.

2. Then 5 years from now.

I'm on a patio with overhead string lights crisscrossing between trees. People are around -- don't have a picture of them. Tables, nature. We're getting ready to have a meal. Laughing. Ease. I'm hosting, but people have contributed things. All homemade or from nature. Can't see anyone, but it feels like a mix of family and friends. 

Why this? You will have people who make you feel this comfortable and love spending time with them. Keep being you and you will find each other. Don't settle. Don't compromise who you want to be. Don't waste your time chasing what you don't want. 

Live your weird self and you'll find these connections, this matching energy. There is no scarcity in your relationships. Act from abundance and abundance will find you.

3. Wildcard.

How old am I -- 58, maybe 57.

Took a long time for a picture to form. Just felt connection, excitement, curiosity. I kept asking where I was. Finally I got a picture of a road and people walking. 

The Camino. 

Why am I here? Because adventure is life giving. Don't be afraid to go. This'll be a meaningful step toward ME. Take the jump. Don't be so careful with everything, so planned. Leave SPACE for adventure and space for life to show you what's possible. 

You're procrastinating going because you want everything to be certain, everything prepared and ready -- the Camino is all about uncertainty. GO!!!

It was an unexpected visualization. It always is. Hardest part is to not think -- I can't force a picture. Each time I wonder if a picture will come and it does. The best way to move through the meditation is to ask questions of this "wiser self" -- the answers come right away. It's wild. 

It's wild because I know it's me thinking these things. Why don't I know the answer before I ask the question? I have no idea. Could this be influenced by what's on my mind -- absolutely. In the exercise, it asks the "wiser self" to show you what you need to see. 

What I do know is I feel more grounded and more clear in some areas and that's a good thing. Cobwebs out. I also feel excited ... life is still going and changing and there's so much more to discover about me.

Ta-da -- woo woo and all. Later gators.

A Unicorn Day

It's been a minute since I've had a true day to myself in GA (of course, I had a day in Asheville recently, but it's not exactly the same). 

This is a day with nothing scheduled -- nothing!!!! I don't need to answer to the clock at all. I don't even need to speak a word if I don't want. Home alone too. I slept in a bit, slow-rolling the morning. 

Today COULD have been filled to the rim with people and commitments and I took SPACE and declined the invites. Nothing was appealing and I listening to that feeling. I'm very thankful I hadn't already said yes.

It's all things PLANTS and GARDEN today. 

But first, 

Journaling 

Coffee and tea -- in the most leisurely way

Short Peloton ride

Long FS meditation

Eeeekk ... it feels so relaxing that I'm all pumped and excited. 

I have some chores to do, but most will wait until tomorrow. 

Anyway ... yesterday was very nice. 

9 mile hike with Duke -- perfect weather. We were both tired in a good way.

Had an excellent afternoon with friends. We talked all things garden and painted rocks. It was so lovely. Both women are nice and the conversation was easy and interesting. 

My rocks.

Oh, here are the rocks from my family at the bottom of the picture.

Spraying the rocks from yesterday -- picture to come.

I don't know if I should even go into this today -- my day of SPACE. Let's see if I can keep it short (and actually make sense). 

I've been bothered by that spicy "friendship" again. It's kind of rearing its head -- big part of why I decided not to hike with the group today. 

I had to scroll through our texts to find something she recommended awhile back (for another friend) and I saw our chatter. How friendly it was. How fun it was. As I scrolled forward the change in the responses is striking. I'm not imagining that things are off or imagining how she's changed her tune.

This was in contrast to bookclub and yesterday's conversation. Easy, kind, fun, interesting. 

Why is this bothering me so much? My guess is that I need to make a hard decision and I'm struggling to do it. I'm not sure exactly what that decision is though. I want to stay connected to the rest of the group and she's a big part of that group. How can I distance from her AND stay connected to them? Or how can I not care about her snark and jabs and just focus on the others? Or do I need to let the entire group go? I don't want that to be the answer. But something IS the answer and I'm fighting it and that's why it's bothering me so.

Why do I care? I think it's because it felt good at one point and I'm forever chasing that now. She can be a lot of fun, although lately she's seriously hating on me.

I'm so temped to reach out to her to try and repair things -- hey, let's go to lunch. That's old me. That's allowing her game to work. She hasn't made one effort to reach out to me. Connect with me. She ignores most of my texts and when she answers, it's with attitude. 

But, her attitude with me won't go away unless I do that -- that's the rule of her snark. That's why things have been bad for this long with us again because I'm not giving her the "make up" she wants. When she gets mean (and game playing) with anyone, it lasts until that person offers her submission and some sort of butt kissing. This I refuse to do anymore -- because I never did anything in the first place. 

Does this sound nuts? Anyone reading this from the outside would say it's obvious. 

Y'all aren't friends. 

She's not someone to have in your life. 

Focus on good relationships. Let her flit and do her game playing -- stay away. But when the group gathers, it's always with her too. And, she can be mean -- everyone else seems to cower to her when she gets that way. How does that make the group time enjoyable?

Okay, I've spend enough time on this problem that I don't feel I have a solution. It's not her that I want, it's the group and I can't really have the group without her. I guess that's the dilemma. Can I have my cake and eat it too or do I need to make a hard choice?

UGH!!!!! Why can't I figure it out??????

Off to enjoy this unicorn day. Hope you do the same. Later gators.