Fairy Houses and a Rant

It was a total cancel day and it was just what I needed. 

I absolutely used the time wisely -- relaxing AND productive day. 

Yea, me. Not a given (as we know).

Working on the fairy houses and another one started. Sometimes the thing that clogs the works is deciding WHAT to paint. That's why I added a 3rd house because I'm momentarily out of ideas. 

Our back porch is getting screened in today. One day project. Do we believe it? I'm unavailable for the next 10 days if they need to finish up so, fingers crossed. What often happens is they think it's only a partial day so the early morning start happens hours late and then they can't finish. I sound a little bitter and burned, huh?!? I hope they prove me very wrong.

I'm working a library shift today. This is always so much fun -- and it seems like it would be boring, but it isn't. Of course, I don't volunteer very often and that's probably the reason. 3 hours of reading, talking about books, looking at books, organizing books, in the quiet of a library. Lovely. 

Then dinner out with my women's action group and the monthly meeting. It should be a good one (and a long, late night).

Bit of a rant ahead -- trying for short and sweet. You've been warned lol.

UPDATE: More than a bit ... hah!

"The" person who is giving me all this head drama and indecision, also belongs to the women's group. There was no way I could join and not tell her without a big fallout. She's a sideline gal though and has only attended 2 meetings -- nothing else with the group, even though she was heavily pumped for it at first. 

I don't think she's going tonight because the pickleball league she and my husband play in has makeup games tonight. And I'm so happy about it. 

She's also starting language that mildly puts the group down -- like she does with people. I hope this means it's fading out for her. I notice she does this -- if she's not the "most" in a situation compared to her friends, then it's poo on her shoe kind of thing. But she loves to watch -- join the group, see who's doing what, keep tabs. Sounds just like my mother. 

I really, really need to stop thinking about her. It happens when it looks like we'll see each other -- or I'm worried we'll see each other. Another sign she's not for me. If it was just her, I'd be long gone. It's this dang group and the women in the group that's holding me back. I like them.

That said, I trust my gut on this. It's not conformation bias. I've spent a lifetime with a mother who does things like this and I'm skilled at recognizing it. If you haven't had that experience, you won't recognize the game play. I haven't been wrong when I've seen it before, it's just that it's taken me so long to believe it because I question whether I'm seeing zebras instead of horses. 

Even with this person, my spidey senses were tingling from minute one, but I thought it was okay. And then there was something I disagreed with her on -- game on. I need to run for the hills at any tingling. I got drawn in and that's HER superpower. If you play the game like she wants you to, it's all sunshine and roses.

I know I have friend issues I'm working on, but those get worked on -- on my end. It's my reactions and expectations that I need to modify. And sometimes a behavior "feels" like something my mother would do, but it's not a pattern.

With this person it's an escalating pattern and that's the difference. I'm not reacting the way she's "demands" of her friends so she keeps upping the situation with me. When this happens with others in the group, they give in, acquiesce and it's over. Back to sunshine and roses. I don't because I decided I won't be treated like that anymore and won't bend myself in ways that aren't authentic to me. 

I think I need to get coached on it and stop ranting here lol. 

Okay, enough of that today. Got to get moving for the contractors arrival. Have a good day. Later gators.

It's a Cancel Day

I got everything done yesterday and it was an accomplishment. 

I showed up for myself.

Had a lot of fires -- on the volunteer front and personal front. 

Handled myself well.

Then I crashed. I slept SO SOUNDLY last night. I could feel it when I woke up. I dreamt vividly and I could tell I was processing the stress. What a difference a night's sleep makes. 

Today is a full cancel day (I expect) and I'm here for it (sort of).

1. Tuesday hike group. 

I need to be available for my aunt's procedure today in case she has another problem. That meant I needed to hike at the regular, agreed upon hiking time. So what happened? "That" person changed it, but first asked someone else in the group if she was okay with the change before she changed it. She was, I wasn't, but apparently my objection didn't count. And I already let her know I had a time constraint. MESSAGE RECEIVED (!!)

But, let's talk my crazy mind. I had a feeling the time would be pushed back because it's below freezing this morning. I said a little ... please god, I really wouldn't mind not hiking today. A pushed time would pull me out. 

Got my "prayer" answered and promptly was ... how dare she!!! Hah -- of course I was.

I know this is still about my indecision about staying in the group. Do I actually need to make a decision? Am I trying to create an issue so I will make a decision? Gray areas are tough for me. For absolutely sure, I won't quit on a bad note. I'll only leave if after a good hike I still feel like this isn't for me ... or should I say, SHE isn't for me. The group is fine. SHE is not. 

It's probably an ego thing too. We were the original Tuesday hikers. We made the decisions even when the group grew. Then she pushed me out and took full control. Now she's making it clear where I stand. She's done this to others -- it's game play for her. I don't want someone like this in my regular life. 

Okay, this is going down a rabbit hole I didn't plan. Not available to hike until April now so you can have a break until then lol! Moving on ...

2. Rock painting. 

My cancel friend texted last night. She has a cold that's lingering. Maybe she won't come with her granddaughter today. Decision this morning when she wakes up. Of course, I don't want a cold so a cancel is polite. If it doesn't happen today, I'll call it though. This is the 3rd time we scheduled. Setup takes work and effort. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. 

3. My aunt.

She's very hopeful that this 3rd go of things will be easier than the other 2. I'm still on-call, just in case, but she expects it's going to be unnecessary. Of course, the other 2 weren't meant to be hard either. 

Yesterday was a bit of shit storm. Today is smooth sailing. 

As usual, I need to use this unexpected time for GOOD, not for BAD (habits).

Paint.

Read.

Quiet time.

Reflection time. 

Writing postcards for the local campaign.

Restore myself. Fill my tank. Get ready for whatever is next. 

I feel a lot better this morning.

I'll leave it on that note since I've rambled enough this morning. 

Hope you're having a good day.

Later gators.

And Now a ...

... not really a mood exactly, but not feeling energized or off to a good start. 

I had a really nice Sunday, but I'm BROKEN today hah. A first outside run after the fall, lugging soil to my son's garden, a 2 year old for hours, horrible recovery sleep ... every little bit of me hurts. 

Oh, and the damn HOUR time change. Nope, I'm not adjusted. Yep, my body continues to be an hour off with EVERYTHING. Bedtime, wakeup time, hunger, morning bathroom (TMI). What the what is my problem?!?

Time change with babies, dogs, and apparently menopausal women is havoc. 

Storms and rain and severely dropping temperatures today. I have to go north to haul a carload of things in said rain and storms (volunteer situation). I looked at the calendar for a possible postponement, but I can't find a better option without canceling other plans.

I also have a few fussy things on today's to-do list that aren't bad, but feel like a lot because I slept so poorly. I need to shake off the cobwebs for the mental load of these issues. 

On that note, I think I'll go and try to do just that. Organizing my week always makes me feel better. I planned to do it last night, but I was hauling soil at 8 o'clock -- which really felt like 7 o'clock. (BUT, I'm very glad the garden bed is filled and finished -- part of my son's Christmas present from me). 

Hope you have a good Monday. I hope to rally this rocky start and redeem the day. Later gators. 

A Now a Good Mood

I'm enjoying the eclectic nature of my life right now. 

It feels fun and full and interesting (to me). 

(And, I know I also complain about "so much.")

I did the FS meditation (visualization) exercise a couple of weeks ago and one of the moments held an element of slowing down INSIDE. Enjoying what's happening now and not in my head 5 steps ahead -- wondering, planning, worrying. 

That's how it doesn't feel like too much. 

I'm practicing here and there. Yesterday was a good practice day and it made a difference. I don't often do it well -- and I forget all the time. Why?? It should be obvious, but it isn't.

Gardening.

Thrifting with my aunt.

Rock painting.

Porch time with hubby.

Author talk at the library with a friend.

Bookclub planning.

Movie night (Nuremberg).

Nothing felt overwhelming. I'll try the same today.

Another mashup day of all-the-things and I'm going to practice staying in each element and not working the day like JUST a to-do list. It has potential to feel like too much, but it won't be if I stay present. 

Can I? 

Will I? 

Maybe. 

Hopefully.

Painting a couple of mushroom fairy houses. Got these flat rocks at the thrift popup store for FREE.

Spring is springing. On the walk to the library in a vacant lot. How darling are these little flowers?

The thrift popup was spectacular. Organized, huge, nice things (all donated). My aunt and I went on the second day, but marking our calendars for next year to go day one. It's in March, but not the same weekend. Benefits a local town and they use donated space. We'll have to hunt down the date and location -- sort of thrifting to even find the popup.

The author talk was well worth the time -- very interesting. More on this as I read the book. I don't have it in front of me right now and I've chatted long enough this morning.

Okay, off to add some details to the fairy houses while I wait for the sun to come up. Hoping my aches and pains from the fall are okay enough to run outside this morning. 

Have a good Sunday. Later gators. 

Rocks and A Mood

Still on a rock painting streak.

Saw a few people taking pictures of the rock snake yesterday -- that makes me happy and hopefully gave them a little smile. 

(Is is a Rock Snake or a Snake Rock?)

Heads up ...

I'm a bit in a mood to ponder or complain or something this morning.

Had a bedtime drama again yesterday. It's not a big drama, but I'm trying to process how I feel about it. I had restless dreams over it.

The Tuesday hiking group mentioned the protest for the end of March. One of the woman's daughter helps organize the big Atlanta protest under the umbrella of an organization. It's fantastic that she's so involved. 

My town just got official permission (yesterday afternoon) to host a rally too and I know the woman who put it together. She organized a number of protests, a PRIDE walk, and other local events (all volunteer based). I want to support my town (and her) so I mentioned I was going to this protest instead -- gave my reason, kudos to the woman's daughter, etc. 

To me, this wasn't controversial. I waited until the protest got approved to mention it to our group. It's been back-and-forth and down to the wire to get an approval. The woman worked diligently (and she has a child, works full-time, etc) and our smaller protest needs people to attend. Without a lot of advanced notice, we need to spread the word.

I shared the link in case someone else wanted to go too or would pass the information along to friends and neighbors. A number of the protests have staggering times so people can attend more than one. Also, some people will absolutely not travel into downtown for a protest, but might be willing to go locally. 

It was not so subtly pointed out that the protest is not part of the original organization. I responded that ALL the protests have the same goal and it's great that there are many choices and opportunities. Crickets.

Now the group is divided. Some staying local (for convenience) and some going into Atlanta (defiantly because it's the official, official organization and that's where their loyalty lies).  I have no problem with any choice or any reason, but, what the hell is the snark about?!?

This kind of divide is a reason the left has trouble unifying. If you aren't EXACTLY doing left like I do left, then you aren't with me. Fractioned. Divided. Come on ladies -- do better than this! Haven't we learned this by now!?!?

Applaud everyone standing up. 

And, I'm going to bet money that the women who are up in arms about the local protest, don't do anything else. Don't make calls. Don't support local politics. Don't volunteer to help marginalized groups under attack. 

So shut up about "it's not official."

And, also, let's be clear -- these protests are about gathering to lift each other up. In and of themselves, they're not going to change the government. It's a networking opportunity, community building, momentum inducing. 

Probably the big Atlanta protest will be way more of this feeling and I'd actually love to go, BUT ... {all the reasons I said to support the local protest.} I was ready to go downtown. All set with MARTA. All set with a plan. And, I decided to pivot. 

It's disheartening to see this divide. 

I want to open up a conversation about it, but not on a text thread. I hope the people who are upset hike on Tuesday so I can talk to them. Let's work through this and be solidly together in our fight. 

Okay, that's enough of that. 

Today should be a good day. Big thrift pop-up market with my aunt this morning (last minute add-on) and a local author talk at the library this afternoon. 

Fun day. Need to move out of this mood though.

My plans for tomorrow and Monday are a bit messed up because of the volunteer crisis. I need to spend time up north both days. Trying to rearrange things. 

Have a good Saturday. Later gators. 

Released Into the Wild

Drumroll ... and TA-DA!

She outside, in all her glory -- only to get bigger and happier (fingers crossed).

I need to paint a few larger rocks and add a sign, but it's a great start. I hope people add to the snake -- I have a feeling they won't without invitation though because it's on our property. Maybe if I invite people with the sign. Hmmm ... have to give it some thought. 

Here's what I added to the other snake head/tail down by the water. If this one holds up, I'll add more. I hope people stop being a nuisance and throwing the rocks in the water. 

A little garden activity too ...

Kale salad with dinner.

Pinched some basil
from the grow room
because it was too tall.

Today is a relaxing and fun day. Lots of FS stuff to enjoy. Even the weather is showing up -- sunny, but cool.

Standing Friday action meeting.

Lunch with an old neighbor -- walking around our town.

Grow room adjustments -- pinching off the tomato plants.

Rock painting -- I'm on a streak. 

Postcard writing for the local campaign. 

A few fussy chores to get off my plate to end the week.

I like the plan for today. Full, but not busy. Comfortable day with time to enjoy all the little parts. 

I hope you have a good end of the week too. Later gators.

That Hurt

Duke and I went hiking. 

It was muddy,

There were squirrels.

He's attached to my waist.

Can you guess what happened? Yep, he chased and pulled, I slipped on the mud. We fell down an embankment. I'm bruised everywhere. Sore in lots of places. Lost my sunglasses. Broke my hiking pole in half.

Ended up on my back, head downhill, feet up the hill, Duke's leash caught in the underbrush. What a moment. 

Thank the lord above we weren't hurt more AND it's not spider season AND no one saw it hah!

The day went up from there ...

I hobbled off the trail and found this -- someone is trying to put back the snake rock AGAIN. I painted a rock to add to it tomorrow. I hope it takes. My snake rock will still be further up the trail so people don't toss the rocks in the stream, but I'm excited for this one too. Two snakes are even better!

Simple and effective.
I knew what it was immediately.

I had a volunteer training session that's relevant to what's happening with my case. Live zoom for 2 hours (while I worked on the rock). It was well worth my time.

Then I took my broken self for a test drive -- walked to return library books. One read, two unread. Grabbed lunch. My body is sore, cut, and bruised, but doesn't seem to be injured. 

Ended the day with another walk to a coffee shop that I thought was conservative because they're all Bible stuff -- nope, supporting the liberal, trans woman candidate for state house representative. I joined a campaign event with postcards I had written at home and got a yard sign. Met some good people supporting a good candidate. Wrote 50 cards -- took home another 75. Lots of writing ahead. I'm the first resident in district to put up a sign so it was a moment for the campaign -- very glad to be involved. 

As for today. It's another rainy morning -- not complaining (although we lost power for a few minutes and I DID complain lol). 

I have a hormone lab draw this afternoon and a stop to drop Monti's medications to a dog foster to give out. Boy, I miss that little guy. 

I need to figure out the grow room too. It's a wild jungle and I need a solution. I have zero ideas right now. I know I need more potting soil. Maybe it's a good problem to have or maybe it's the other side of a flop (too little vs too much). I hope not.  

Hope we all have a good, embankment-free day. Later gators.