A Morning Chat

Let's talk about "that" person ... briefly-ish, I promise.

She's at it again, but with someone else. It's interesting to watch her dynamic from afar. She's done this many times over the year+ I've known her, but lately, it was just me. I guess I've pulled back far enough that she needs another conflict. It's her behavior with other people that led me to pull back, that led to her to start coming at me, and so on. 

If you treat others this way, it's only a matter of time before you treat me that way. Yep. 

I'm still (obviously) in the processing phase of letting go of this relationship. I'm still trying to see what that looks like within the group dynamics. I'm questioning whether I want to be friends with people who accept this behavior from someone. 

I'd love to know if others see her behavior as a problem. Her pattern is she attacks, then ignores. She waits for people to beg back and once they have, she rewards them compliments, adulations, attention. While she's attacking and/or ignoring, she over-the-top showering others with high energy, over blown attention.

I'm getting better about not having a reaction to her. The more I watch her behavior, the more I understand her insecurities. It's all bravado. On some level, I feel sorry for her. That's a lot of work to play games with so many people ... all of the time. And, the more she does, the more I KNOW she's not for me and I'm making a good decision to back away. 

I also make predictions about her behavior and I'm good at it (or she's really predictable). It's kind of fun -- probably shouldn't be, but it reinforces it's not about me. Lightens my attitude about it too.

Okay, that's enough about her. 

In the name of putting my energy into people who I want in my life, I asked another friend to hike today. She responded and I promptly threw out my lower back. It's all muscular and it's okay-ish this morning. Hurts to sit and it's fine walking. I'm a little apprehensive about hiking hills since that often stiffens my lower back, but I'm giving it a go. We'll hike one 4.5 mile loop together and I usually hike the loop a second time -- I'll see today.

I also think I might be getting a fever blister. Crap!!!!!!!!!  Falling apart before vacation. 

I had a wake-up panic attack about all the things I need to do before our trip. Then I reminded myself I'm experimenting with carefree and unbothered. Can I pull that back into this week? I did (at least for now).

I'm "deep diving" a bit into this adjustment and part of that is listening to back podcasts from The Lazy Genius. Practical, balanced suggestions. Her brand is focusing on what matters to you (be genius) and letting the rest go (be lazy). That's the balance I'm striving for. I don't want to be carefree about EVERYTHING, just the things that don't really matter to me. She has a lot of practical suggestions for figuring out WHAT matters to you -- different for everyone and different in different moments. 

I best wrap this up. I have lots of little "chores" to finish up before the hike. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

A Summer Shift, Hmmmm

We're home.

Garden is alive and well. 

The weekend was more of a success than I expected and plans are happily anticipated for next year in GA. The effort to gather regularly is important and I have to remember that as the intention and not get so wrapped up in the details. (Although it has to be enjoyable or no one will want to come.)

We stopped at a teahouse on the way home. We pass this place every drive to Asheville, but it's just on the edge of a very "rebel and guns" kind of town. My DIL stopped and said it was awesome. A little liberal love in a sea of hate-ish town. I'll be stopping again. Happy she gave us the recommendation. 

I finished this classic. It was as amazing as the recommendations said. I thought it was going to be more literary and I kept pushing it off. It wasn't though. It was fast paced, suspenseful, clever, impactful, well written -- in the 1970s. It's easily a five star read and well deserved classic distinction. 

Switching gears to our Hawaii trip -- I have a decently paced week and I want to use it well. Let's see if I can be calm and organized about packing. Of course, I decided to add things to the week. I guess I wouldn't be me if I didn't. Hike with a friend and possible lunch with a friend on top of hosting friends to dinner and a rally on Thursday evening. 

I'm taking a little deep dive into pivoting and being more unbothered. Thinking of experimenting and calling this is summer of carefree and unbothered. It didn't start super well (hah), but I'm seeing what it looks like if I loosen the reins a little. 

It's more about not sweating it in my mind. Leaving some of the worry behind or the need to have it go perfectly. Being a bit more spontaneous and choosing something fun over the planned chores, if the moment takes me there.

Now, I'm not talking about giving it all to "whatever" attitude, but just letting a little bit of that carefree into my day and my mind.

I did that this morning -- should be doing some chores ahead of my court volunteer meeting and I took the morning for myself instead. This means chores this evening, but okay, I can do that too. 

What do you think? 

I'm guessing the odds aren't in my favor.

I wouldn't exactly disagree lol.

But I'm giving it a go. More on this (probably a lot more on this!!!) as I experiment. 

Have a good day and a little spontaneous unbothered moment. Later gators.

May Day Weekend

The first May Day Family day of the first May Day Family Weekend was a success. 

Kids, dogs, shopping, eating, laughing. 

One more to go ... park picnic. I'm up earlier than everyone and decided to make the picnic sandwiches while it was quiet. My boys went out in town last night, came home, made a sandwich, and left ALL the meat and cheese on the counter. Not sure who's the culprit, but I have an idea hah.

Geez.

Guess I'm making a run to the store again this morning. 

Our neighbor called to tell us she has a nesting screech owl and baby in the owl house on her tree. This is the mama. She sits like this and protects the baby. Absolutely gorgeous and she means business. We saw the baby too -- little gray one looking out.

Best get going because lots to do for breakfast and picnic prep. 

Have a great day. Later gators.

Asheville Hiking

Perfect day for hiking!

We had a couple of mess ups. Wrong starting point on the first trail, wrong turn (to a trail that goes over a mountain) on the second trail, but it was fantastic hiking. We broke a rule on the second hike and weren't well prepared for the wrong turn (aka didn't realize other trails intersected) -- missed the waterfall, and did some technical hiking with the dog instead. Our smartest move was to turn around. The trail was supposed to be an "obvious" loop, but we called it and luckily we did since we were off the loop and on a trail that went the length of the state -- dang. 

No more mountain hiking without a full map (left it at home) and GPS. We also had some supplies, but I left extra water in the car. We were fine, but when we felt off course, I was worried about enough water if we had trouble navigating back. When you turn around everything looks different. Fortunately, I have a good sensory memory -- vision (that flowering tree), sound (running water), scent (trees), touch (the rocks I had to jump over the stream) and could figure out which way back. 

I have ZERO sense of direction though, but if I've been somewhere, I can usually remember enough to navigate. Helps on a trails with lots of intersections.

Duke walked through a puddle that ended up with a hole over his head. He hates to get wet, but all was well (he was on a leash) and he dried fast. It was really funny, poor baby. No picture because we were at the point in the hike where we were getting a bit worried. But, THAT puddle was a good marker on the way back. 

Overall, an excellent day. We were all good-tired by the end of the day. 

A few more pictures. 

Strawberry and herbs on vacation.

LFL

Ready for our grandson

May Day family tradition inaugural weekend begins today.

Possibly the first and only, but I hope not. 

My sister and I are trying to get the next couple of generations together regularly enough to know each other. Cousins and their children. Family connection with "good" family. 

Happy Saturday. I'll update when I can -- tomorrow morning might be too hectic for solo time. Later gators.

Asheville Day Planned

Happy to be in Asheville.

We arrived and did some house prep stuff ahead of the kids coming tomorrow. Grocery shopped, cleaned out expired condiments and spices (aka -- all of them, some in 2021, oops), prepped grill, cleaned up yard, etc.

I restocked the LFL with quotes and painted rocks, and, of course, some latest reads. I've been "styling" it a bit more -- almost like shelf talkers in bookstores. I'm thinking about paper clipping a comment card on the books I especially loved. I want to paint a little whimsy too -- on my list for "someday." Still thinking about ideas. Should I paint the sides, just the door, a little tiny whimsy, something ta-da?? I'm in no rush, but I'd like to do it this year. 

We're pushing to have an Asheville day and not just a prep-for-company day. Have to be intentional or we don't do it. I'm going to run and then we're headed back to the mountain for a different hike. Taking Duke since we're not eating lunch at the Inn. About 5 miles, nothing strenuous -- the views will be amazing like last hike, but without the heavy climb. Weather is picture perfect.

Back to the house for a grill-out late lunch. Steak, potato, and salad (from the garden). It's a go-to when we cook here because we don't have a fully stocked pantry or refrigerator. Something simple, but it's really good. We stopped grilling after the big storm and this is part of our plan to get back to Asheville days. Enjoying the area and the house together -- like a mini get-away.

Plants made it safely, prayers for the ones left behind hah. I may or may not have ridden holding a container of herbs in water so I could enjoy little herb pots here. 4 hours (construction traffic). It was worth it (of course it was), and the car smelled so good. Tis the season for all things plants.

Have a good one. Later gators.

Meditation Magic

Meditation helped. 

Not surprisingly, the truthiest-truth was something underneath the inconvenience of it all. 

I worked on that truth.

What's left is the inconvenience of it and that's a cleaner decision. 

And, maybe, it won't end up being an ask, but I don't feel as conflicted about it. Either they can keep the work off my plate or they can't. If they can, then the answer is okay. If not, the answer is not at this time. That's my conditional answer. 

No guilt if it's no. 

No upset if it's yes (or just a little upset lol).

No more compromising on my end either. 

Remembering to get quiet and ask a question in that stillness ... it helps. Often, deep down, the REAL answer is there -- even if I decide to act against it in that circumstance, honesty with myself is important. It's an informed decision, not one that's pretending.

Off to Asheville today for 5 days. I'm happy to go and worried about my garden and porch plants. It's more work than what seems reasonable to head out of town. And this is back-to-back trips month. Hawaii is the big prep. I guess it's a good practice run with less consequences working out the kinks of a new garden. The temps are cooler and we are expected to get rain on Saturday. Geez, my little green babies. Don't bolt, wither, or break on me.

Lettuce can't handle the heat -- on the verge of bolting.

Seedlings are still young from direct sow -- wither in the heat.

Tomatoes and peas are heavy -- wind is bending and breaking against the trellises during the rain.

I'll check in if I can -- depends on whether hubby gets up early (he often does in Asheville). 

Have a good one -- later gators.

Oh No, a BOTHERED Rant

I swear, the minute I make a declaration, the universe says hahahaha.

I'm no longer carefree and unbothered. 

How long did that last? 

Half a day?

We're back to family woes and issues and such. I don't want to go into exact details since, technically, this is public. Suffice it to say, I'm bothered. And with bothered comes decidedly NOT carefree. 

I'm being asked to do something that I don't want to do. And I said so. And there's continued pressure to do it anyway (it's a big favor). The reasons I'm giving are personal -- it's not a two-way street with this person who will benefit from the favor (not my family, but my family is asking) and I don't feel inclined put in the work. I've done favors for years for this person at my expense and I don't want to do this one. BTW, just did a favor recently. Favors aren't over, but I don't want to do this one.

Oh, but {insert a thousand justifications and promises, etc}. 

Now it feels like a conflict because I'm not being heard. 

Do I stand my ground?

This is the first time I've said I don't want to do a favor. 

Here's my inner debate. 

I'm proud that I don't take advantage of people. I'm proud that I'm generous. I'm proud that my family sees me this way and likes to extend that generosity to THEIR extended family. 

But THIS ask is too much. The timing is problematic for me. And there are other options for them. My family said, let's table this and talk about it this weekend (meaning we'll give you even more pressure in-person). 

Me having a limit and saying so in an honest way is a big deal for me. It was hard to say what I said. And, it wasn't heard.

As you might gather from my wording, I didn't say no directly and absolutely. I said I don't want to do this and this is why. I said it's too much work for me. The timing doesn't work. It continues to be a one-way street (which was acknowledged and agreed). I wanted to explain why I'm declining so that it's understood. But the final decision and rest of the conversation was punted to this weekend ... and I allowed it (big old chicken me).

Do I concede and uphold my "generous" identity with my family?

Do I hold my ground and risk being seen differently?

The truth is both are true. I am generous and I'm not always generous. 

Now I have a worry-cloud over the weekend. I'm undecided. I feel like I'm being pressured. 

My feelings are also hurt because I don't think that pressure is extended in the other direction. There hasn't been one time a favor was asked to benefit me, to include me. Ever. And there have been a number of times that it should have -- of course, unless they asked and were told no. But, please, bend over backwards to benefit them. 

Ugh. Why are relationship issues so hard for me since I started standing up for myself? It was somehow easier when I thought people-pleasing was the answer. I still like to please people, but I also include me in the mix of pleased. Sometimes the ask is too much.

Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like to discuss these things with other family members -- feels like I'm talking behind backs. It helps to get it off my chest. 

Also (after reading this back), I wonder if there's a way to handle this situation in a carefree and unbothered way? Could that be the work? Is the universe helping me to grow (and not laughing in my face lol)? Question for meditation this morning.

In other news ... we did get rain, just later than forecasted. It's also raining this morning. Praise be to the rain gods. 

I had a fun day with my aunt. Lots of thrifting -- tons of good deals. Here are a few of the goodies. 

Made from a box.
Lid lifts off.
The inside is decorated too.

Whimsey for $5

1950s and perfect for iced tea.
I'm going to use it today.

LOVE this little Disney mug.
From 1960s -- collector item.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch today (she's using the birthday gift card I gave her), helping hubby with his car service, and getting ready for our weekend in Asheville. Oh, and trying to move from distressed to unbothered hah! 

Have a good day. Later gators.