Lists and Lists

I'm in a better headspace.  I think it's real - hah ... and not just denial.  I'm sure the rollercoaster isn't over, but this is a start.

Better headspace through a LIST (love a list) ... writing down things I ACCEPT (as if I had a choice!!).  Here's some of my list.

I accept the virus is going to get worse before it gets better.
I accept that this WILL impact our daily lives for awhile.
I accept that my sister (and family) won't be a part of the wedding celebrations.
I accept that my travel trips are unlikely THIS year.
I accept that I will bank the Italy flight cost for a trip next year.
I accept that this year doesn't look as I "manifested" ... or tried to manifest.
I accept that I have no idea about my monthly anymore (hello, "Perry").
I accept that I might have to find another dress for the wedding.
I accept that Mimi has to be in boarding until she's adopted (this is heavy on my heart).

HOWEVER ... my list for this year is bigger than the disappointments and if I stop and NOTICE, there are a number of things that can happen.  I'm talking the "fun" things -- this is NOT a spiritual growth list by any means!!  Superficial all the way ;)

I CAN fit into The Green Dress if I DECIDE.

I CAN still love a dress for the wedding (and fitting into above dress will give me more options ... aka slimmer helps my choices).

I CAN travel next year.  This year felt magical -- #50, 2020.  But that's arbitrary (in a way).  Next year can be as exciting.

I CAN find another way to celebrate my 50th -- hello pave ring for my right hand.  I've wanted it for years.  I have a picture.  Maybe THIS is the year to get it.  I CAN have small birthday party with a HUGE cake (strawberry from a local bakery).  And, of course, I'll be wear The Green Dress.  This sounds super fun -- almost better than our original plans to go to Oregon.

Set in platinium.
No diamonds on the side.

I CAN find other ways to have fun during this anti-socialize time.

IT IS GOOD TO FEEL GOOD.

I also realize we are super fortunate too.

FORTUNATE that we don't have to go to work.  I would have big exposure if I was working.  Kids have jobs that can work from home if necessary.  DIL is in a specialty unit so hopefully less exposure.

FORTUNATE that I workout from home.  No need to "worry" about workouts during the virus.  (I realize this might seem lame, but it's something I thought about that doesn't have to change. No change = Happy ME).

FORTUNATE that the wedding is still months away -- hopefully, things blow over before the big day.

FORTUNATE that I am close to extended family who will join the celebrations this year.

FORTUNATE that we're all healthy and not compromised should any of us get sick.


Taking time to write down what's true (and not a spinning story in my head) helped.  I was in a heavy mind space and I don't like to linger there.  Another helpful tactic was playing the "what if" game to COMPLETION.

Oh my god -- what if my dress doesn't arrive?!? (PARTIAL "what if" that makes me worry)
Okay -- so "what if" that happens.
I'll get another dress.  It won't be exactly what I wanted, but I can still look nice. (COMPLETION)

One of my favorite quotes ...
"Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not yet the end."