Still Thumping and Bumping

I'm still recovering. 

Yesterday afternoon my heart was thumping and bumping away, but it's settled down this morning. 

Farmer's Market was really nice -- it's a true market. Not a bad drive at that time of morning and parking was okay too. I bought some prepared foods (lentil dish and grape leaves), flowers, veggies, cheese, local smoked trout. Lots of good choices. I'd have bought more if it wasn't so ungodly humid and miserable out. -- my bag was heavy and I didn't have it in me to wait in longer lines. I went with friends and they felt the same. I'll add this to Saturday rotation though.

We have a local trail that was closed for 6 months for trail restoration with 2 miles of added trails. It opened a couple of weeks ago. I'm going to give it a whirl this morning -- slow and steady. I probably won't be able to do all the new trails since I'm still recovering, but I'm excited to see what's changed. 

Then babysitting for the day while the kids continue to get their house ready to be on the market. Always love to see that sweet boy and it looks like he didn't catch Covid from me or my son -- very grateful. 

Let's talk The Weather -- it's so HUMID. Like really, really horrible humid. I hope this system breaks soon. We needed all the rain, but now it's time to move it along. No more rain expected, but ridiculously thick air.

My hiking club put on a hike tomorrow that I'd love to hike, but it's in the afternoon. No way with this weather. Add heat to the humidity and I'm done-for. Maybe I'll give this one a go myself. I've done it before, but I don't feel super confident I can navigate. It's 8 miles and that can be an issue because it can take a long time before you realize you're on the wrong trail. I'll keep my eyes out for a cooler morning and maybe see if a friend would like to hike. Two sets of eyes on the route feels safer. 

Short and sweet this morning. 

Hope you have a good day. 

Later gators.

Aversions and a Rant

I'm trying to get some traction back.

I did an easy workout. Worked in the garden (last of the peas and then pulled them). Ran a couple of errands (thanks, negative test). Made coordinating massages for my Asheville trip. 

Proof of peas haha!

But, I'm still languishing. Every little things feels like a gargantuan, awful task. Send a text -- ugh. God forbid an email. Make a call -- geez. Even setting up fun things -- I have zero interest. 

That's the push right now. Just do the things. These aren't things that take up huge energy. Literally return a text message with a "great, let's do it." 

Covid is a mind-f*#k

And still aversions to odd things. I guess that's a little bit of what the tasks are, aversions. 

I picked the peas, no problem.

I pulled the plants, no problem.

The thought of cooking them, a problem. 

The thought of eating them, sometimes a problem, sometimes a craving.

Right now that thought makes me want to gag. 

Last night I craved them, but couldn't muster the idea of cooking them. 

Last time the aversion to coffee lasted about a month. 

Let's see how long until I feel normal again this time.

Also, still PVCs at night, but improving. 

Brace yourself, I'm going to talk about "that" person again. I've been trying to not give her my mind space, but I'm indulging myself this morning.

The friend who lost her husband introduced us. They've been friends longer than we have -- spent holidays together, vacations together in their early years of friendship. "That" person hasn't reached out to our friend since her husband's passing. She hasn't RSVPd to the service either. My friend asked me about it. Another mutual friend said she might not attend because she has to pick up her adult daughter from the airport, but her husband will be there. Geez. But that other friend is going to talk to her, so maybe that'll change.

I had reason (not important) to let the hiking group know I had Covid. Well wishes and offers for help (which, BTW, I did for her when she had it last fall). Crickets from her. Not even a "feel better." I also decided a little experiment after no comment from her.

It seems when I text my hiking availability, there will be no hike that week. Or if I say I need to stay local, it'll be a non-local hike ... that kind of thing. I said I was available this coming Tuesday ... and I'll hike regardless (weather permitting).

She almost always posts the hike info on Friday. Nothing, but she did do some chatting on the thread. Now, there have been times she's waited to post until Sunday, but not often. I'm curious. I think this is some of her game play and probably a move to encourage me to leave the group. Which I'm considering more and more. I wonder which will be a bigger pull -- screw me or hike with the group. 

I did some soul searching about why this is on my mind so much. I'm not interested in being her friend anymore -- that decision is made. I would like to stay friends with the group and would like it to be less awkward when I see her. BUT ... I think the real issue is I don't want her to WIN. 

This stems from my mother and the feeling that she always got the last word. Always lied to make it seem like she was in control. Never acknowledged or took responsibility. 

Same thing is happening. She's setting up the scenario for this to be HER decision to walk away from our friendship. That I'm the issue. That she's in control. THIS is what I can't let go of -- I need to counter that narrative with the group. I need to show her I'm driving this bus. 

There are times that I think I need therapy about my mother, not just life coaching. This is one of those times. I'm trying to live out my mother scenario with a different ending. And it's not working. It can't work with people like her (and "that" person). That's the very nature of the problem, the reason they can't hold relationships. 

Here's what's playing out for me. 

I know the reaction she wants and I'm not giving it to her.

For as much as she's in my head, I KNOW I'm in hers because of all the game play.

I have an advantage because she doesn't know how much I understand the game play.

Unless you've lived it with someone, you don't get it. I get it.

But, it's not healthy for me. Not mature. I know it and I'm still in the game to win. Ugh. 

I'd go on about this even more, but I'm meeting friends at a farmer's market this morning and need to figure out parking options. It's like the person on a diet who falls face first into a cake -- that felt so good, but it wasn't actually good for me and now I'll have a stomach ache. At least I'm somewhat self-aware hah. And you luck out that I need to get going. There will be an update about Tuesday. Taking bets ... right or wrong?? Either way, I think no hike information yesterday was her debating it. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Negative (!!)

I tested NEGATIVE this morning. 

Yea!!! 

From the same pack I tested positive on Tuesday.

Still some PVCs -- guess that'll take a little more time to settle down. 

I ate veggies.

Painted a rock (very simple, little bit ugly).

Rock grabbed from a hike.
Very bumpy.

Time to get DOING again.

Next week begins my birthday month, and while I don't celebrate with PEOPLE all month (hah), I do celebrate privately. I like to take this as a marker to re-visit the year. How's it going? What do I want to change? A new motto (haven't given it a second of thought yet -- eeek). 

Some special times sprinkled throughout the month. Quietly for myself. 

This feels like an especially significant birthday month since I'm officially hitting menopause. 

Time to feel better and mark this occasion. 

Want to hear about what's what for June, so far?

1. Right out of the gate, a weekend in Asheville with my aunt, youngest, and DIL celebrating my niece's twin's 1st birthday (that's a mouthful). Lots of fun sprinkled in a short trip.

2. The following weekend is a celebration of life for our friend. We were planning to go to the service on Saturday, but our friend asked us to also come to a dinner on Friday. It'll be good to laugh and cry and remember such a good man with people who loved him. Losing someone who was so curious about life is a reminder to live life. 

3. Before the service on Saturday, I'm helping with a Pride Walk in our town. Organized by a friend and she's concerned about a low turnout. I'm spreading the word and I'll be there to support a great event. 

4. Then that Sunday ... heading to Asheville with a friend for all-the-things. Hiking, good food, spa day. Celebration celebrating WOMEN. June 18 is the menopause date. She'll stay Sunday - Wednesday. I'll stay until Friday (depending on the weather). 

We've never traveled together. This just "happened" and fingers crossed we like each other for that length of time lol. I think we'll be fine. We've known each other for 8 years. 

I'm surprised I made the decision to celebrate with someone, but I did and I think it'll be fun. We share so many of the same interests. This was the week that I put out to my hiking group and crickets -- this is much better as it turns out. I also asked my sister and nothing materialized. 

(Such a lesson for me to stop barking up unavailable trees. Not chasing. Wishy-washy maybes or whatever are actually NOs. I cut those losses quickly and move on to another plan.)

5. Then my birthday and family celebration (I expect). 

Reflection time and some little extras sprinkled in all month. I don't tell my peripheral friends that it's my birthday, but I try to plan some fun with people all month. I don't want it to be an obligation for them, but I like the idea of choosing to spend time with people I enjoy in June.

Of course, there will be disappointments. Aren't there always?!? I'm trying to expect it and roll with it. Summer of easy and unbothered. Pivot. It was always meant to happen this way. The only thing I really, really need to celebrate myself is ME. Everything else is icing on the cake. 

That's all for today. I was chatty. Have a good one. Later gators.

Little Update on Nothing Much

Slug-like improvements. 

Not much movement forward.

COVID or sofa (bed) surfing all day?!?

Hard to say.

I'm still not myself, but I was craving vegetables today -- that's the right direction.

What's lingering is the feeling of languishing. I have no interests in anything. The thought of doing the littlest thing feels like a big, fat NOPE. Not now. Maybe someday. Can't imagine ever wanting to do it. 

COVID being weird. 

And still PVCs and some rapid heart rate spurts. 

Another rest day in the works.

Hope your week is going well. Can't believe it's already Thursday. Sad my easy, fun week became something else. Happy and grateful I know what's going on though. 

Later gators.

Hmmmm ...

And the plot thickens.

Saw my son last Tuesday. Neither of us were symptomatic with anything. Both had some symptoms by the end of the week. He has "a little head cold still" and tested last night. COVID (!!)

Who was first? Hard to say. Probably me, but it's possible the realtor was sick and exposed us on Tuesday.  

That's what still makes COVID so crazy. We both have dramatically different symptoms from the same virus strain and possibly the same exposure. 

PVCs last night for about half the night. Otherwise I feel the same. My heart is calm this morning. 

It's such a relief that I know what's going on. I have a bunch of odd feelings or aversions right now -- felt like I was going crazy. A random TV show gives me anxiety (Frasier), thinking of certain teas make me feel sick (herbal). I was choosing a new book and one of them gave me a physical reaction -- like gross, can't read this. I almost put it in a donation pile. Same thing happened last time (2 years ago) with physical objects.

Oh, and vegetables are completely unappealing to me. That's the strangest and it happened last time with COVID too.

I can't believe I didn't put it all together. I guess because I didn't really feel sick. Of course, now that I know, I realize I'm putting up a fight against the energy thing. Remember when I said I didn't feel like doing anything? That's being sick. I'm letting that stand today -- all day rest, especially since my heart is involved. I hope it's not a lasting thing after this is over. 

Explains the intense upset or anxiety or worry ... whatever you'd call the feeling. An overreaction to any kind of stressor.

ChatGPT for the win. I didn't put it together myself. My son absolutely wouldn't have tested. I cringe to think of the worry and possible cardiac testing to figure out the cause of this -- again, hopefully, nothing that'll linger. 

I'm also bummed at the number of people I exposed. I let everyone I know in that window know, just in case, but lots of stranger interactions too.

Okay, that's all from my COVID bed. Have a good day. Later gators.

The Answer

Well, well, well. 

I have the PVC answer.

I went to Urgent Care for an EKG. Told the doc all the things. She said nothing to be concerned about, but followup with cardiology if it doesn't resolve or you become symptomatic. Everything was normal.

Sat outside in the afternoon and hubby pointed out a bunch of bug bites on my arm. No itch, no pain. But there were a lot of bugs flying around. Strange it didn't itch.

Ready for bed. Took off my pants -- more "bites" and now I realize it's a rash.

Ran the combination of symptoms and non-symptoms (i.e. no fever, non-itchy rash, etc) through ChatGPT. 

Hello, COVID. 

Two tests immediately positive. 

Shit.

Exposed my grandson all weekend. 

Exposed everyone since Thursday.

No way did it even occur to me a little bit that this was COVID. Didn't occur to the doctor either. I told her I was a little bit sick -- like I was getting a chest cold that never really materialized. My voice was scratchy one day, but no sore throat. Told her about travel. Told her never had my heart react to stress this way. To be fair, no rash at that point. 

Dang.

Oura ring didn't detect anything either. All my monitored values were fine.

Now I wait for what other symptoms will join the fun tomorrow. It's been 6 days. Probably another few days to go. 

I should have considered COVID. I was looking for the reason behind the PVCs and a virus was a consideration, but since I didn't really feel sick, COVID wasn't even a little on my radar. 

Lesson learned. 

P.S. The roof just started leaking again. 

Fun week. 

A Not-Chipper List

This probably won't be a chipper post -- you've been warned hah!

Let's make it a list.

1. Hubby sealed roof vent. We'll see if it holds. I hope it's that simple. Nothing is leaking, but the rain has been lighter. 

2. Chiropractor visit. I feel a lot better. Shoulder is good. Foot is back to normal. He said there was some emotional issues showing up around my stomach area. Holding too much emotion and worry. Hmmmm. 

3. PVCs are back in force this morning. Hello, worry. I'm going to make an appointment or see Urgent Care this week. Something is going on and I need to make sure it's not serious. I probably need to tell my husband too. Ugh. 

I keep waiting thinking it's a combination of all the things and my body will figure it out. Travel, time adjustment, sleep, little sick, too much caffeine. 

4. I have anxiety through the roof. It could be the PVCs making me feel physically like you'd feel when you're anxious and my mind is trying to attach a reason to the physical response. I have NOTHING to be anxious about (except the PVCs). Hah, I guess it's a vicious circle. 

But it is making me feel like every little thing is a catastrophe and every little hiccup extrapolates to awful. 

What if the PVCs are from hormones.

Then I have to go off them.

Then all the menopause symptoms return.

Then I'll have no energy.

I'll get out of shape and old.

I won't be able to hike or run.

I won't be able to play with my grandson.

Or have active vacations.

I'll be one of those people who you wonder how that happened.

"She used to be so active and now look at her ... never leaves the house."

See ... this was the thought train I had this morning. Nonsense and CRAZY. Dang.

5. I'm adding to my upset because I feel I'm ruining a really good calendar week. Easy mornings. Not much on the calendar. Should be a week for hiking, creativity, me-time, etc. 

Instead, I feel crappy, anxious, sad ... and feel like doing absolutely nothing but being a sofa slug. 

Okay, I'm going to leave it all here. The PVCs seem a little less as I've been fussing around this morning. Fingers crossed. Later gators.

Threes and a Pity Party

Things come in THREEs ... 

1. Roof leaked during the heavy rains. Looks like a vent that needs to be sealed. More heavy rains today and tomorrow. Eeek. 

2. Kids can't change date in Asheville, so I'm not able to go with a friend to a weekend event this fall. No good deed ... not really, but feels a little like it.

3. PVCs back in force yesterday. I had a little bit of caffeine again and a harder workout. Now to figure out if one or the other is a problem. Either way, if it happens again, looks like I'm in for a cardiac workup. I'm okay so far today. 

I'm not having the best moment this morning ... also in THREEs.

1. I'm worried about the PVCs -- mainly why. Possible beta blocker or ablation in my future (after lots of doctors and medical bills). 

2. I also don't feel well. Not really sick, but not well. Chest cold coming on? 

3. My left foot keeps tingling. 

So now I'm worried this is all related. I'm somehow dying or on the cusp of a bad diagnosis. A little dramatic?!? Boy, I hope so.

I'm a few weeks out from the menopause and birthday celebrations. I want to feel good and strong and happy. Not looking like any of that from this vantage point. How did things seem to change so rapidly from a week ago?!?

My Oura ring stats are fine. Temp, heart rate, recovery, O2 saturation. Not that that tells a full (or completely accurate) story, but it's not sending up any alarms. 

It could be my body is stressed from the trip and sleep issues, and a little sick, etc. and is having a strong reaction. 

I see the chiropractor/acupuncture today. Maybe that'll be a start to healing. I'm on strict dietary protocol too. Nothing that traditionally stresses my heart rate. Caffeine, sugar, white carbs. 

Anyway ... in other news ...

I got the tomatoes tamed a bit and cleaned up the garden. I need to see how everything weathered the storms. A number of big trees down on the road behind us (a bit scary when they went down) and huge run-off on the trail. They were powerful storms. 

Babysitting our grandson again today. Kids are all snotty too, so not really worried about spreading anything around. 

I have nothing in the mornings until Friday. This should be ultimate morning joy. I hope I can rally to appreciate such an unusual week. Not this morning though -- I'm in full blown pity party and worried mode. 

Well, that's enough cheer for this Memorial Day hah. 

Have a good Monday that feels like a Sunday. Later gators.

A List

Good morning!

Let's do a list (in no particular order).

1. RAIN. 

In droves. 

So needed.

Bummer on a holiday weekend.

2. Had to postpone taming of the tomatoes until today. It's going to be a big project. Also, taking out the one type of pea that's finished and planting more cucumbers. 

3. Grandson over all day yesterday. What a joy! We watched the rain. Played in the rain (when it wasn't storming). Picked from the garden in the rain. Delightful day. I think we're sitting again tomorrow.

4. I'm a itty bit sick. Hope it holds to be just a little bit. 

5. Chiropractor/acupuncture tomorrow. Odd he's open on the holiday, but glad to have an appointment. My shoulder feels much better, but I think I'll get an adjustment anyway. Put the old bod back in alignment. 

6. Texted all day yesterday with 2 women from my local group. I initiated the text and then it went crazy. Books, cooking, crafting, art, gardening, travel. It felt good. This is a group dynamic that I'm enjoying. 

We're all different. Don't agree on everything. Bring different perspectives. I love it. 

7. Which is such a contract to this group dynamic. Tuesday hiking group IS hiking this Tuesday and I made other plans on Tuesday. I'm not going. I have no interest. None. Zero. Zip. 

Why? I don't think I'm super aligned with the group anymore. What started as a "let's get more involved" turned out to be a "let's complain and pretend that makes a difference." 

Where I'm conflicted (still) is I like a number of the women in the group. Can I imagine that this is simply a hiking and lunch group? Okay, but they hike slowly and the hikes are short. Lunch is usually a complaint session about politics. Neither is that interesting to me (I'd rather hike and lunch solo). And this keeps me involved with "that" person. 

My plan is to hike next week with them and see if that brings some clarity. Why not this week? The way the text thread is going, the conversation will be a direction that's prickly. I feel like hiking this week would hold a heavy bias. Looking for a more neutral week to evaluate. 

8. Group dynamics. Complicated. I don't completely trust my perspective. Probably a good topic for coaching. 

9. Thanks to Group Life program I have some ideas for my bookclub. We're taking the summer off and I'm not sure if that'll be the beginning of the end (again). People may completely lose interest. It always hangs by a thread and the thread may have broken. We'll see. And, I'm not sure if these ideas are too far removed from bookclub. I try to keep it a little more interesting than JUST discussing a book. I think the trick is to link the activity with a particular book. Hmmmm. 

This week is a live session workshop in Group Life to get help with a gathering. I'm bringing bookclub to the table. Maybe the group can help troubleshoot the issues. 

10. Once the rain lifts this week, I'm all in on trying to attract a crow friend. So fun! Fingers crossed. 

11. Might be hosting another friend in Asheville in October. Have to work through a conflict of dates first. I'm very happy to be using the house so much again.

Best get going before more rain. Have a great day. Later gators.

Holiday Weekend Begins

Eeeek ... I'm getting sick. No "real" symptoms yet, but I feel rundown in a way that expects something to be brewing.

I'm also having a lot of PVCs -- those heavy, off heartbeats. I can see them on the EKG function on my watch too. In and of themselves, nothing dangerous, but the question to ask is WHY. If it doesn't resolve, I'll need to go to the doctor. 

Might be related to caffeine. I got a little loose and heavy while on vacation. I need to pull off. That, combined with sleep issues and hormones can absolutely be the reason. It feels a bit scary when it happens. My body is so sensitive to things now.

I have a full day today. Skipping a workout which is unusual for me, but I need to listen to my body -- something is off. I might even drive to my Friday meeting -- shock!!! 

I don't feel sick enough for sure to miss the meeting (I don't want to get anyone sick). Maybe, possibly, I'm just rundown. It's not like we're hugging and such so I'll be okay to be around people. 

Lunch with a friend (possibly 2 friends). 

5 o'clock volunteer home visit up north. Hello, holiday weekend traffic. 

Of course, all up for changing if I start to feel really sick. Ugh. There is a price to pay for a big vacation -- before (the work) and after (the recovery). Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. It is (hard to feel it today though), but it's a reason I'm like time between vacations. 

In some good news. 

Cucumbers are delicious. Woo hoo. Favorite thing to grow. 

I made a version of Cowboy Caviar using garden stuff yesterday. Leftovers for dinner. 

First excellent watermelon of the season. I stuffed myself silly and peed 12 times in 2 hours lol. No chill -- ate the entire container. 

That's all I have time for this morning. Have a good start to the holiday weekend. Later gators.

Short, Sweet, Boring

Well, the bots will be extra bored this morning as I have really nothing to update. 

Hair day. I'm 2 weeks behind because of the trip. I decided to wait until I got back because salt water and chlorine can muck up a fresh keratin. My hair feels too long and my roots are plentiful -- what a difference a couple of weeks makes. It'll feel extra good today.

Am I less jet-lagged? I don't know. I think a little bit. 

Today is really chill. 

No workout (rest day). 

Hair appointment.

Grocery store.

NOTHING else -- what?!!? 

Sofa surfing and TV is on the afternoon agenda. I need to be cautious it doesn't become a junk food fest too, especially with a grocery store run on the agenda. I need recovery, not a food coma. 

That is all I've got this morning. Short, sweet, boring. 

Off to pick the garden. 

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators.

Go Away, Bots

I really, really, really hate when the bots show up. 

They come, they go.

I wish they'd go.

I wonder what triggers them to come?

I'm fighting the good fight -- jet lag and perimenopause sleep issues combined. 

Dang. 

I'm forcing myself back to a regular schedule. 

I was awake in bed for almost 3 hours last night. 

Sleep, wide awake, sleep, alarm. 

It's a strange schedule. 

No real election results yet, except for disappointments. All the incumbent judges won (people didn't research and just voted for the "non-partisan" incumbents). Spoiler alert ... they aren't really non-partisan. 

K. Bottoms took the nomination for governor and she won't win. We'll have a very mega, rich republican governor elected in November. Again, name recognition without thinking, researching, understanding. Her record as mayor of Atlanta is not good. She's going to be eaten alive. I hope I'm wrong.

Now for some better news. 

The garden ...

First of the cucumbers

Last of the spring peas

She's WILD!!
And over-planted!!!!

I need to do some tending. Probably this weekend. My mornings are all spoken for this week.

In other good news, re-entry is finished. I'm organized and back to my regularly scheduled life ... just jet-lagged. I'm trying to see if forcing a sleep schedule is a better option. It usually takes me a couple of weeks after Hawaii to get back to regular sleep hours letting it all happen naturally. That's too long to be "off." 

Hope your week is going well. Later gators. 

Re-Entry Day(s), Election Day

Hello again this morning.

We landed at 6 am yesterday.

Yesterday (and a little of today) are re-entry day(s). Unpacked, reorganized. Tending to life, but nothing extraordinarily crazy -- just some basics. Trying to get sleep and eating times back to this time zone. No easy feat for me. 

Today is a hardier mix of life-back-to-normal. Yesterday was very basic. Ripping the bandaid on the jet lag. 

Chores this morning ...

Watering indoor plants (ugh).

Tending to a very, very grown garden (yea).

Picking up my porch plants.

Fun this afternoon ...

Pedicure (I go after a beach trip, not before because sand ruins toes immediately!)

Picking up our grandson (I missed him).

Evening tour of their new house (exciting).

I read 7 books over vacation. 2 books each flight. Most were excellent. One was a bust and I left it at the hotel LFL. (Miss Benson's Beetle -- great reviews, but I hated it).

(The flight out is so long ... 2 books 2 movies, and an hour nap). 

I ran out of books, so I got one from the hotel LFL exchange and one from the airport (horrible selection in Hawaii airports and $$$$$). 

Read first Pride and Prejudice for my June book flight.

Remembered to send a postcard from Hawaii to my book penpal. Had a lot of books to list! 

Today is Election Day. I'm hopeful, and a bit nervous, and a bit excited. 

Okay, best get moving. Lots to do this morning and I got up 2 hours later than normal. 

Have a good day! Later gators. 

We're Back

Home sweet home.

(And the bots are back. They come and go -- shocking numbers when they arrive.)

The trip was great. Kauai is my favorite Hawaiian Island -- the beauty is unmatched. I keep a travel journal with all the details day-to-day. 

Quick highlights ...

River flooding in the National Park closed the park so our BIG hike was canceled. Probably a good thing. That area is extraordinarily steep elevation and muddy and it wouldn't have been very fun hiking. We did a smaller steep, muddy hike twice and that was crazy -- slip sliding away, up and down to a beach.

We got in 2 other hikes -- gorgeous and fun. 

Thankfully no spiders.
The path was thick.

All day boat ride with snorkeling. 

We swam with turtles and 2 small sharks (eeek). HUGE swell out of nowhere and I had to ride it up and up. I was scared it was going to break on me, but it didn't. Everyone was a little freaked out. 

When we got to the Napoli Coast the water had such chop from unusual wind directions that over half the boat was puking their guts out. We were fine and we hung out with some nice people. Excellent staff and food too.

Some whales are late heading north and we saw a breach and a blow -- incredible. 

Didn't take many pictures because the northern part of the trip was so crazy. We were flung up, down, slide ways. I didn't want to drop my phone. Very fun, slightly scary. 

Before the waves

Phone took a candid lol.

Excellent food. I ate poke 9 times haha!!

Fresh catch.

Virgin spicy margarita 

GF, vegan, rice pancake
dessert from Farmer's Market

Fancy poke

Local "dive" poke

Acai bowl and nitro

Just for fun. Never really
good though.

We visited 2 Farmer's Markets. This was incredible. Farmer freezes bananas and pineapple from their farm and it gets whipped -- nothing else in it. Tastes like ice cream. Macadamia nut whipped honey (also from their farm) on top. 

Best thing I ate -- I'll
dream of this!!!!!

Lots of goodies not pictured. I ate VERY well. 

Lots of other fun things, but I won't bore you with it all.

Flights were long. 

Jet lag is no joke, both ways. 

Someone hit our rental car. 

Shoulder is "out" again after snorkeling and swimming (appointment next week). 

All worth it. 

AND glad to be home like I can't even tell you!!!!!!  Later gators.

Distraction

A little chat.

Kids are under contract with their new house. Exciting!! They have a lot of work ahead of them  -- inspections, selling their house, moving, etc. This will be some work for us too, but we're happy to help.

Mother's Day was a fun afternoon with the kids and lots of playing cars. 

Did I tell you I had a name change? My grandmother name is "Granny" -- I've wanted this name forever and used it for years with the dogs. Merch everywhere to prove it lol. My grandson re-named me (not anyone else). Not prompted by anyone AND he could say Lamborghini and Grandpa and almost any word. So this wasn't a matter of not being able to SAY Granny. 

He calls me Gee-Gee (not GiGi), but wouldn't call me anything to my face. Ever! As soon as I started referring to myself as Gee-Gee, he says my name constantly. He held out until I made the change. 

My son loves it and says I get the honor of being named by him. It IS very sweet AND I wish it was Granny. We're counting it as a nickname right now and Granny is still my FORMAL grandma name hah.

No matter what he calls me, I adore him, of course.

This chat is sponsored by DISTRACTION as I try to ignore Travel Anxiety. 

Lord help me. It's absolutely annoying that I do this to myself every big vacation. As I said, since I haven't had a big trip for a couple of years, the anxiety is out of control. 

Best get in the shower. See you in 10 days. Later gators.

T-Minus One Day

It's now or it's never on the trip prep today.

The kids want to celebrate Mother's Day too. Love that they suggested getting together -- timing isn't great. I'd like nothing more than to have today to get "life" in order, but ... choose the bigger life?!?! Yep.

We had a really nice night yesterday. Dinner went off without a hitch. Super easy supper -- everything prepared ahead and only oven baking before they arrived (aka very few dishes and cleanup). Beautiful weather, great seats (you're welcome). Other friends joined too and we had fun conversations and some easy listening music. 

Sunset behind our chairs.

Kids put in an offer on a house and the realtor said the sellers would sign the final offer. Didn't happen yet, but fingers crossed. It's about 10 minutes from our house. Lots of conversations about the negotiations and status yesterday. 

It was a good day. 

Now for a little prickly part. "That" person was at the concert too. She's lived in this town for 4 years and never went before we invited her last year. I wondered if she was going. She knows where I set up and knows our Steelers chairs. She set up right next to us -- ugh. Unavoidable awkward conversation. She was particularly odd -- seemed nervous about talking to us. Hubby and I both had that experience. 

The mean-girl part of me was happy about it. Let her feel uncomfortable. She's been awful. Also, I wonder why she set up her chairs next to us (of course, that location is the best lol). I wasn't uncomfortable and that's a big step for me. More and more practice toward not giving two sh*#s about her. 

Time to get going. Travel anxiety through the roof. Ugh. Have a better day than me hah! Later gators.

Friday Vibes

Packing is going well.

Prep for a casual dinner with friends is underway.

Free concert under the trees tonight with beautiful weather. 

Not bad. 

Yes, still a vacation wreck, but I'm trying.

I spent the evening at a political protest yesterday. Made a quick sign, sported a political shirt, and spent hours sign waving, hanging with friends and others. The timing wasn't ideal, but I was glad to participate. 

A little plant moment. The plant with flowers is NOT the plant that flowers. The vining plant attached to her neighbor and bloomed her flowers next door. Now if that's not the definition of being a good neighbor, I don't know what is.

I've been trying to figure out what the pre-vacation anxiety and dread is about. I'm not afraid to travel or fly. I am afraid of the ocean up close, but I get this anxiety going to Europe too. I enjoy the vacations once I get to the gate -- never had a traumatic vacation.

I HATE to pack, but that's different from the dread I feel. 

I'm sad my dog is sad, but he's staying at a house, sleeping in her bed, and is totally pampered.

Something about the length of time being away. Longer flights mean longer vacations. I'm not flying to Hawaii or Europe for a long weekend. 

Leaving the safety and security of home and routine? Maybe. Shorter trips mean I return to that security more quickly and therefore much less pre-trip dread? Maybe. 

I guess it could be the combination of all of it. 

I don't know if I'll ever understand it. It's good that it goes away and doesn't ruin the trip, but I hate the lead up -- waking up in the night feeling a panic. Dread every time I think about going. Wishing the trip would get canceled. Add in the "work" of leaving and it's not fun. 

I keep telling myself, you're not vacationing again until the fall. You have all summer without vacations. Focus on that.

 

Seriously, what's wrong with me?!?! THIS IS A VACATION for crying out loud. 

Anyway, best get moving to pick from the garden for the salad tonight (greens, peas, radishes). This is a super casual entertaining dinner with friends before the concert. It totally fits the "carefree and unbothered" vibe of summer (after I get back from this "dreadful" vacation hahaha). 

Have a good one! Later gators.

Hello, Travel Anxiety

The hike worked out really well. It was overcast (and rained the last mile). I hiked half with my friend and half solo. I took a shorter route back because of the rain -- 8 miles (instead of 9). My back felt fine once I got upright from the car ride.

My friend gave me little jars she had leftover from an event. Little jars are one of my love languages. They're darling. She knows I like to give away jars with herbs and flowers.

Came home and walked to lunch with hubby. Another 2 miles on my feet. My back held, but every muscle, joint hurt by the end of the day. I think my testosterone is low again.

I have a fever blister. It's not huge, but it's in the painful stage. Probably pre-vacation anxiety. I've had this my entire life. As soon as I'm through security and at the gate it goes away. It's been a minute since I've gone on a big trip and I'm waking up in the middle of the night in anxiety panic. Keep reminding myself this is what happens and it doesn't mean anything.

Remember the 2 trips to Europe with shingles? Same thing. 

I'm in the phase where I'd give anything to NOT go. Every single blessed time this happens. I guess it's a bit extra this year (fever blister) since it's been a long time since I've taken a big trip. Why do I do this? Dang. Trying to add some "carefree and unbothered." The fever blister says hah, not working.

I went to bed early and slept in this morning. Excellent sleep stats and I can feel it. My body was screaming for recovery. No workout today -- not chancing my back with lifting and my legs need a rest day.

We are getting hella rain right now. Huge storms all night. Wish it wasn't so hard (doesn't soak in the ground as well), but happy for rain, happy we kept power. I staked all the summer loves in the garden so I think everything held up.

Little harvest from the final show from the shelling peas. Snow peas are still going. I HATE frozen peas and I LOVE fresh peas. Light blanch in the shell, salt ... delicious. The peas won't last long in the coming heat in a full sun garden. 

I started elements of packing. Got the electronics ready yesterday. Chargers, noise machine, headphones, etc. 

I also picked books -- 3 are coming with me. Is this enough? If I can fit a fourth I might. The plane ride is good for at least one book. That leaves 2 books for 9 days and flight home (overnight so I won't read as much). Doesn't seem like enough, but sometimes I don't end up reading as much. Decisions, decisions. 

Today is beachwear and toiletries. That means trying on a swimsuits and coverups. 

It's also plan the days now that we are closer with the weather, etc. 

Starting early and little at a time does wonders. I can't actually PACK until the last day, but it helps to have everything ready to go. It also calms some of the anxiety.

I have a full, full day ... but a slow roll morning. That makes such a difference. It's my last slow roll until we are in Kauai and I'm enjoying every bit of it this morning.

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators. 

A Morning Chat

Let's talk about "that" person ... briefly-ish, I promise.

She's at it again, but with someone else. It's interesting to watch her dynamic from afar. She's done this many times over the year+ I've known her, but lately, it was just me. I guess I've pulled back far enough that she needs another conflict. It's her behavior with other people that led me to pull back, that led to her to start coming at me, and so on. 

If you treat others this way, it's only a matter of time before you treat me that way. Yep. 

I'm still (obviously) in the processing phase of letting go of this relationship. I'm still trying to see what that looks like within the group dynamics. I'm questioning whether I want to be friends with people who accept this behavior from someone. 

I'd love to know if others see her behavior as a problem. Her pattern is she attacks, then ignores. She waits for people to beg back and once they have, she rewards them compliments, adulations, attention. While she's attacking and/or ignoring, she over-the-top showering others with high energy, over blown attention.

I'm getting better about not having a reaction to her. The more I watch her behavior, the more I understand her insecurities. It's all bravado. On some level, I feel sorry for her. That's a lot of work to play games with so many people ... all of the time. And, the more she does, the more I KNOW she's not for me and I'm making a good decision to back away. 

I also make predictions about her behavior and I'm good at it (or she's really predictable). It's kind of fun -- probably shouldn't be, but it reinforces it's not about me. Lightens my attitude about it too.

Okay, that's enough about her. 

In the name of putting my energy into people who I want in my life, I asked another friend to hike today. She responded and I promptly threw out my lower back. It's all muscular and it's okay-ish this morning. Hurts to sit and it's fine walking. I'm a little apprehensive about hiking hills since that often stiffens my lower back, but I'm giving it a go. We'll hike one 4.5 mile loop together and I usually hike the loop a second time -- I'll see today.

I also think I might be getting a fever blister. Crap!!!!!!!!!  Falling apart before vacation. 

I had a wake-up panic attack about all the things I need to do before our trip. Then I reminded myself I'm experimenting with carefree and unbothered. Can I pull that back into this week? I did (at least for now).

I'm "deep diving" a bit into this adjustment and part of that is listening to back podcasts from The Lazy Genius. Practical, balanced suggestions. Her brand is focusing on what matters to you (be genius) and letting the rest go (be lazy). That's the balance I'm striving for. I don't want to be carefree about EVERYTHING, just the things that don't really matter to me. She has a lot of practical suggestions for figuring out WHAT matters to you -- different for everyone and different in different moments. 

I best wrap this up. I have lots of little "chores" to finish up before the hike. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

A Summer Shift, Hmmmm

We're home.

Garden is alive and well. 

The weekend was more of a success than I expected and plans are happily anticipated for next year in GA. The effort to gather regularly is important and I have to remember that as the intention and not get so wrapped up in the details. (Although it has to be enjoyable or no one will want to come.)

We stopped at a teahouse on the way home. We pass this place every drive to Asheville, but it's just on the edge of a very "rebel and guns" kind of town. My DIL stopped and said it was awesome. A little liberal love in a sea of hate-ish town. I'll be stopping again. Happy she gave us the recommendation. 

I finished this classic. It was as amazing as the recommendations said. I thought it was going to be more literary and I kept pushing it off. It wasn't though. It was fast paced, suspenseful, clever, impactful, well written -- in the 1970s. It's easily a five star read and well deserved classic distinction. 

Switching gears to our Hawaii trip -- I have a decently paced week and I want to use it well. Let's see if I can be calm and organized about packing. Of course, I decided to add things to the week. I guess I wouldn't be me if I didn't. Hike with a friend and possible lunch with a friend on top of hosting friends to dinner and a rally on Thursday evening. 

I'm taking a little deep dive into pivoting and being more unbothered. Thinking of experimenting and calling this is summer of carefree and unbothered. It didn't start super well (hah), but I'm seeing what it looks like if I loosen the reins a little. 

It's more about not sweating it in my mind. Leaving some of the worry behind or the need to have it go perfectly. Being a bit more spontaneous and choosing something fun over the planned chores, if the moment takes me there.

Now, I'm not talking about giving it all to "whatever" attitude, but just letting a little bit of that carefree into my day and my mind.

I did that this morning -- should be doing some chores ahead of my court volunteer meeting and I took the morning for myself instead. This means chores this evening, but okay, I can do that too. 

What do you think? 

I'm guessing the odds aren't in my favor.

I wouldn't exactly disagree lol.

But I'm giving it a go. More on this (probably a lot more on this!!!) as I experiment. 

Have a good day and a little spontaneous unbothered moment. Later gators.

May Day Weekend

The first May Day Family day of the first May Day Family Weekend was a success. 

Kids, dogs, shopping, eating, laughing. 

One more to go ... park picnic. I'm up earlier than everyone and decided to make the picnic sandwiches while it was quiet. My boys went out in town last night, came home, made a sandwich, and left ALL the meat and cheese on the counter. Not sure who's the culprit, but I have an idea hah.

Geez.

Guess I'm making a run to the store again this morning. 

Our neighbor called to tell us she has a nesting screech owl and baby in the owl house on her tree. This is the mama. She sits like this and protects the baby. Absolutely gorgeous and she means business. We saw the baby too -- little gray one looking out.

Best get going because lots to do for breakfast and picnic prep. 

Have a great day. Later gators.

Asheville Hiking

Perfect day for hiking!

We had a couple of mess ups. Wrong starting point on the first trail, wrong turn (to a trail that goes over a mountain) on the second trail, but it was fantastic hiking. We broke a rule on the second hike and weren't well prepared for the wrong turn (aka didn't realize other trails intersected) -- missed the waterfall, and did some technical hiking with the dog instead. Our smartest move was to turn around. The trail was supposed to be an "obvious" loop, but we called it and luckily we did since we were off the loop and on a trail that went the length of the state -- dang. 

No more mountain hiking without a full map (left it at home) and GPS. We also had some supplies, but I left extra water in the car. We were fine, but when we felt off course, I was worried about enough water if we had trouble navigating back. When you turn around everything looks different. Fortunately, I have a good sensory memory -- vision (that flowering tree), sound (running water), scent (trees), touch (the rocks I had to jump over the stream) and could figure out which way back. 

I have ZERO sense of direction though, but if I've been somewhere, I can usually remember enough to navigate. Helps on a trails with lots of intersections.

Duke walked through a puddle that ended up with a hole over his head. He hates to get wet, but all was well (he was on a leash) and he dried fast. It was really funny, poor baby. No picture because we were at the point in the hike where we were getting a bit worried. But, THAT puddle was a good marker on the way back. 

Overall, an excellent day. We were all good-tired by the end of the day. 

A few more pictures. 

Strawberry and herbs on vacation.

LFL

Ready for our grandson

May Day family tradition inaugural weekend begins today.

Possibly the first and only, but I hope not. 

My sister and I are trying to get the next couple of generations together regularly enough to know each other. Cousins and their children. Family connection with "good" family. 

Happy Saturday. I'll update when I can -- tomorrow morning might be too hectic for solo time. Later gators.