A Good Ramble (NOT a mood, I promise)

Yesterday was the kind of day I miss.

The kind of day that lays a foundation for me. 

Quietly productive.

Lots of FS moments (although they really aren't future anymore). Guess it's more ME moments. 

A few examples:

☺Made wildflower seed packets to put in my LFL and give to friends.

☺Watched a LIVE group reading for a book launch sponsored by Priya Parker while I cooked. Attending live is different. You can interact in the chat and it gives a different kind of connection. 

☺Finished political postcards while I texted with some friends. 

☺Read the 2nd book my hairdresser wrote. My cancel friend and I are doing a buddy read. Our own little bookclub. It's short and fast. Only took me a little over an hour to read.

☺Started a new book. Let it bump the line because I was in the mood and it's so fun. More on this -- I'll finish it soon.

(Also, many chores and organizing which felt good too.)

It IS important. 

I had (made) time to do the little things. Nothing was rushed. It was delightful. Workout and meditation too without looking at the clock. 

I planned some of the open spaces for this week and decided what I want to do. It's not about never filling the time slots, but about not filling them weeks in advance. How can I know what feels right a month ahead? Know what kind of moments I'll need in that moment?

I'm not talking about the special things, I'm talking lunch or coffee or shopping or appointments or volunteering or attending meetings. Average things. When I fill the calendar to the brim, there's no space for spontaneity. 

Maybe I need friend time or a long meditation or a solo hike or solo thrifting or chore time or reading time or to do nothing. Quiet time gives me space to know what I need -- it's more present moment kind of planning. 

I think this is an important distinction. It's not about being too full, it's about WHEN I fill it. 

I left a lot of this week open, had space to listen to what I need (want), and filled some spaces accordingly. 

I put 3 things on the calendar and all of them feel really good. They all feel like yeses this week. Had I said yes to some stuff weeks ago, there would be no space for any of these.

☺Pedicure this morning.

☺Lunch and Nature Center on Wednesday with friends. 

☺Verity at the local theater on Friday. I've wanted to try this theater since we moved here AND I like the book so excited for the movie. 

On a side note. 

This is tricky to describe without it seeming strange. 

I purchased 2 tickets for the movies and decided to ask a friend. I have no problem going by myself, but I was in the mood to go with someone. First 3 people weren't available. The 4th said yes. 

This is one of those moments that I see when I do a "perfect ordinary day" visualization. 

An abundance of friends to choose from -- not cycling through just a couple. I have a lot of people I can invite to the movies who I think would be interested in going and I like spending time with them. I have a solid social circle. None of the asks were out of place for the nature of our relationship. (Like asking some random person I met on a hike kind of thing.) I completely believe the first 3 wanted to go, but they weren't available last minute, so I keep going. Again, it wasn't a ranking kind of thing, more just who haven't I seen in a minute. The person going is the person I'm out with on Wednesday so she wasn't a first ask for that reason, but I'm very happy to go with her to the movies. (P.S. I know the other person I'm out with on Wednesday isn't available on Friday or I would've asked her too.)

Does this make sense? 

I like having women in my life who I can have a fun afternoon with -- nothing deep, just social fun. Deep is great. Advance planning is often necessary with everyone's schedules. BUT it's nice to have options for last minute fun with a friend. 

I've rambled on today so I'll leave it here. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

P.S. I like the ☺☺☺☺☺☺ to make a list. Prepare your hearts for me overusing it. Hah!

Gee Gee Weekend

Did you miss me?

So many cars and trucks and toddler play. I loved it and am very happy to be on a Gee Gee break for a minute. (I'm Granny, but he named me Gee Gee and refuses to call me anything else lol.) 

A little catch up ... 

Hard hike was hard, but the weather was beautiful. The hike is mostly rocks and my heel is bothering me. A little plantar fasciitis-- of course. Good lord, one thing improves, the next thing steps up. I might need more cushioned hiking shoes. The timed club hike for a qualifier is on Wednesday. 

Fall mountain flowers

On Saturday we had breakfast with my youngest and DIL. They test drove my car to see if they liked it. We're giving it to them because my son's car is 12 years old. 

Ran into my cousin and his wife at coffee on Sunday -- they live in the same town and we've never run into them. Fun little catch up. 

Nice little social moments over the weekend. But it was toddler "work" from first moment to late at night (stinker stayed up very late) so I am worn to a nub. 

This morning is focused on getting organized and cleaned up. Need to plan out the week and get moving on a number of things. 

I'm holding to the calendar brief and keeping open spaces -- way more than I normally do. Options came up for today and I decided that I would need the entire day to decompress and recover from the long weekend. Totally right and I would be kicking myself if I had made plans. NOW me is trying to be more considerate of FUTURE me. 

I used to say time with people = connection and that's always a top priority. 

Now I include myself in that (at the top of the list).

Time with me = connection with myself and THAT'S the foundation on building my life and connecting with others. 

Okay, nice to be back at it. 

I've spent the morning doing chores and now it's time for a workout and garden. 

Mornings are cooler, but afternoons still need to calm down. I'm happy about the mornings though.

Hope you have a great start to the week.

Later gators.

Fall?!?

Hello, Fall. 

We've been not-so patiently waiting.

We're getting a bounce into higher temps next week, but mornings look reasonable.

Yes, yea, hallelujah.

I'm hiking a hard hike this morning. I'm registered for this same hike next week with the hiking club to have a qualifier hike before I attempt the D5 hikes at the end of October. (Today's hike is a D4.) I've never hiked a D5 and it feels a bit scary. I haven't hiked this D4 hike in a very long time though so I need refresher before the timed qualifier. 

Anyway ... here's an update on things big and small ...

Bookstore and lunch was really nice. We have deep, interesting conversations. She's a life coach and you can tell. 

Fall garden is mostly planted.

I donated another 4 pounds of peppers to the food bank.

My new car is already ready, but we're not picking up until next week. We have our grandson for the weekend so the car will wait. 

Life has felt a bit off kilter for a couple of months. Physically, mentally -- probably feeding off each other. It feels like I'm turning the corner (slowly). 

Modifying my calendar is helping. October is more open, more time for quiet me things (like hiking to build up to the D5). Prioritizing what matters to me. The trick is to keep it this way.

I've been noticing ways to modify decisions. Maybe it's not a full yes, but it's a partial yes. (I can't do lunch, but I'll meet you for shopping -- that kind of thing.)

I'm regularly doing upper arm Peloton classes to build up again. Pilates is on hold until I get stronger and my neck settles down. I don't have the pain down my arm anymore, but my neck is so dang stiff. I don't want to get injured minute one on the reformer (or ever *knocks wood*).

It looks like the 2 places that I'm interested in taking Pilates, both offer a starter package of 3 private classes. I'm going to stop into both and get a vibe about the place before I make a decision. I have it slated for October, but I might delay until November because of the focus on hiking. Who knows, if I get really into the Peloton platform, maybe I don't try Pilates. My PT says Peloton has everything I need. 

Seems to me, that the stiller I am (aka the more quiet spaces), the better I decide what's right for me. Catch 22 scenario. Forego the quiet, fill the calendar with too many "junk" things, then no time for quiet, and the circle continues. 

Sometimes I forget to use my agency too. I run on autopilot. Even small things. 

I'm stuck behind 3 library books that aren't interesting me right now. I've been on hold for them for a long time and now that they're available, I'm not in the mood. I decided to return them, knowing I can take them out again if the mood strikes. Reading came to a hard stop because I felt I "should" read the books, but wasn't choosing to read when I had the opportunity. A number of my library holds are books that I'm not sure I'll love anyway (hence the library instead of purchasing). 

That's probably enough for today. 

Even though it's cooler today, I don't want to hike too late. 

Have a good day. 

Oh, my grandson comes tonight and I might not have morning time until Monday. If I'm MIA, it's because I'm playing cars and trucks instead lol.

Later gators. 

I'm a Mess

Power went on/off throughout the storm, but never stayed out -- phew. The drive to court was crazy though. I had no idea storms were in the area. The drip pans held the roof leak. 

I got a few things off the to-do list -- the big ones. That's always a relief. 

I've been looking for a toddler kitchen stool on FB Marketplace. They're pricey though, even on Marketplace. I found one yesterday for $30 (price reduced) a mile from my house. Someone ghosted the pickup earlier so I grabbed it last night. Exactly what I was looking for -- slim, adjustable. Bonus that it's white. Christmas cookie decorating with my grandson this year -- love, love!!

Did I mention I've been eating a country loaf of bread that I sliced and froze. I thought it was the GF bread. It isn't and I'm full on suffering for it. Joints, mood, night sweats (that's from the heavy white carbs, not gluten). My fault. I have a number of loafs sliced from various farmer's markets, etc and I got mixed up. I forgot I gave the GF bread to my DIL. 

I'm cleaning up my calendar. Working on getting a better balance. And I seem to be totally sabotaging my days by eating like crap. The bread mistake aside, I've been snacking and way over eating dinner. I feel it in my body and my energy. 

I swear it's some subconscious decision to give myself an excuse to slow down because I don't feel well. 

This needs to end ASAP. Today. 

I didn't calculate my morning time correctly this morning either. I forgot I need to plant the fall garden and the cleaning crew is coming early. Best get moving.

I'm a MESS (!!)

Do better than me!

Later gators.

Green

Bought a car yesterday (available in next week or so). 

GREEN (!!)

I only buy white cars with tan interior. 

Way out of the box for me and it's kind of fun. And I wonder if I'll instantly regret it lol. Not that color changes anything about how the car drives.

Anyway. I little different version of myself showed up and I like it. 

In other news, I barely touched my to-do list (car buying takes way more time than you think). 

I have a volunteer court hearing this morning and babysitting in the afternoon. I need to get 3 chores finished in-between. It's going to be TIGHT. 

I had lunch plans with my cancel friend today and guess what?!? It helps my schedule, but geez. "It's fall break and I'm needed to babysit." You found out the day before? Come on -- that's BS. We've had this lunch on the calendar for a month. I confirmed with her on Friday. Never apologizes. Never acknowledges how it might inconvenience me. 

She gave me a couple of dates and I'm not available. I didn't offer anything else. Holding space on my calendar for things that come up and she doesn't get those spaces because of her lack of commitment. We bumped out another month and I'll offer dates when it gets closer. 

I'm disappointed. And I'm happy I'm holding boundaries. Happy I'm not barking up an unavailable tree. 

I'm slowly clearing up my "too full" calendar. 

Okay, I need to go -- storms happening and we keep having the power flick off. I need to get in the shower before the court hearing. I MUST be able to blow dry my hair. Eeeek. 

Later gators. 

Hamilton at The Fox

Hamilton (!!)

It was really good (tickets were legit -- phew).

I had a mild panic at the first few rap numbers because I could barely understand a word. Turns out no one could hah! It got vastly better after that, thankfully, since the entire performance was sung. 

Loved the story, especially about his wife (and the actress's voice was incredible). The part of the King of England was my favorite -- comedic relief. 

Seats were high, but good.
Fox Theater in Atlanta.

Home to play with my grandson for a bit. We have him a lot this week and now an extra night for the weekend. Wish us luck entertaining a toddler for days and days lol, but, man, is he fun. Seems like the weather will break and we can get outside to play. Pretty please -- come on fall, you can do it!

Here's the artwork I bought from the Art Festival. I like it a lot. I'll hang it this week. It's fabric and glued metal rings. She's offering a class -- I'll check it out.

Random bit -- violet is blooming again. It was a gift from a friend. It's plant watering day -- boo. I save a favorite podcast for the occasion. It's what gets me through it -- least favorite chore. Love the plants, hate the watering process in this house.

I initially had a long hike on the calendar today, but the weather is turning in a couple of days so I bumped it. Why bother with hot and humid when "much better" is days away. 

The switch means today is a smorgasbord of things which need to be done and I'll be very glad to clean up a lot of the week's to-dos today. It'll be a push to fit it all in though.

I also slept in, or at least stayed in bed later this morning. I was awake and did a sleepy meditation before I got up. Slow, calm, quiet roll for the first bit of the morning. I'm working on bringing space and quiet and FUN back into my days. 

That's all from here. While I sometimes enjoy a later rise, it does mean it feels shockingly late already.

Have a good start to the week. Later gators. 

The Bigger Life

I chose the bigger life.

Had a fun, full day. 

Of course I did. 

It's almost always the happier choice. 

The 5K:

Cloud cover during the entire run -- sun came through when I was walking back to the car. Warm, humid, but not nearly as miserable as predicted. 

I ran okay considering. 

I CAN do better ... maybe next year. 

Two more 5Ks before the end of the year. 

One with Duke so that won't be faster.

Maybe the Turkey Trot for a PR this year??

An incredible community and event. 

Heart of the town.

Behind me at the start.

A friend volunteering.

The one arm waved.
It was welcoming everyone.

I had time after the race to stop at our local Art Festival and walk through with a friend. I bought a few things, including this whimsical mug. The artist made beautiful pottery, but this one was silly and something different. It has a great feel in my hand with the nose as a kind of handle. 

Test drove cars. Looks like there's a lead choice, but still working on some of the details. Checking it out on Monday again.

Dinner out with our neighbors. I liked the GF pasta, but the sauce was way, way too salty. That says a lot because I salt generously. I think most of the salt came from anchovies and it was sort of an off flavor to me. I've had this kind of sauce before and usually enjoy it. I'd go back, but order differently. 

I didn't feel well most of the day, but not horrible enough to let it change anything. My stomach is off this morning again and I'm a little bit stuffy. My dang ear is still clogged. 

I'm going to see Hamilton in the city with my DILs today. I'm slightly nervous because I bought tickets from a 3rd party seller. Fingers crossed it's not a scam -- it doesn't seem to be. Love a matinee. Extra love an early matinee. 

But first, a workout. Then garden time. Best get moving.

Have a great day.

Later gators.

It's Too Hot

I did the pepper donation to the local food bank -- over 4 lbs. 

It was very easy and now I have a place to share extra produce. The food bank says their clients love getting local garden grown produce. 

Then I headed to my aunt's for her neighborhood garage sale. Not as big as last year, but I got a couple of toys for my grandson and a flannel shirt for me (it was 96 out -- will I ever be able to wear it??). Drove past a state park (where I regularly hike). They put up a flag for every person lost on 9-11 (on the big anniversary years). It's a somber sight and a remembrance of a time when we came together. 

My new phone came. Hubby says I'm probably the only person in the world that hates a new phone. Spent hours trying to get everything up and running. More trouble shooting this morning since my Oura ring wasn't connecting again. Practicing the camera too -- me and Duke waking up.

P.S. This was like the 5th photo I took. The others -- whoa, where did that old lady come from hahaha. 

Angle and lighting -- takes off 20 years and 3 chins, but Duke always looks cute. 

I suppose I'll be happy that I have a working phone again, but the setup -- good lord. I still have things to re-sync and such.

This morning is the 5K in the refugee town. It's going to be 80 degrees at the start with full sun. I'm so on the fence about going. Nothing fun about running in that heat. I have to go early enough to find parking, packet pickup, and walk the swag back to my car in time for the start. All in the heat and sun. No one is going with me this year again, so I don't feel an obligation. 

Worth it?? I'm not sure. I also don't feel great -- almost like a cold coming on, but I'm not exactly sick.

Of course it's only 3 miles. I can walk as much as I want -- who cares about finishing time. I need to decide in 15 minutes so I can get out the door. 

Let me go open the door and see how humid it is -- that makes a difference. We were suppose to get storms last night to break some of the humidity, but they never came. 

I guess there's not a bad decision. I'll be fine if I don't go and happy if I do. Probably I should "choose the bigger life" and go ... but, this week's theme is backing out lol.

My afternoon is test driving cars -- I need a new one of those too. Geez. Nothing lasts long. BTW, I don't like getting a new car either and hate test driving. Technology change is overwhelming and 2 things in one month -- ugh. (And, I know, not a problem and we're very fortunate to be able to replace old things.)

Dinner plans with our neighbors. Trying a new restaurant. Italian, but they have "good" GF. 

Have a great Saturday. 

Later gators. 

Slept In

Duke had me up 4 times last night with stomach issues. 

I turned off my alarm this morning and slept until 7 o'clock. This means I'm missing the morning coffee meeting. I guess this is a week that I sag out of things. 

Maybe I needed this. Maybe I needed to reset by allowing myself to pull out of some commitments. I pull out when I'm sick. Maybe I needed this for my emotional health this week. 

When circumstances change, maybe the adjustment can sometimes be in my favor (i.e. extra morning sleep was more important than coffee today). Circumstances out of my control. Choose to be extra tired today or go to the coffee meeting as planned. I chose me today.

Coaching was good. Dare I say, I think she's better than the person running the program. Her energy and what she "offers" is thought provoking. My takeaways were some logistical suggestions and a validation that I know what I need. This requires me to do the work, make choices, etc. but helps me to trust I know what I need and I can figure out how to get it. The way she walked me through that insight was excellent. 

Lunch with my friend was nice too. 

However, the day ran away from me and I didn't get to most of my to-do list. I picked and pickled some of the peppers -- 6 pints I had in the refrigerator. This is from yesterday and I don't have enough jars or vinegar -- it's more than I did yesterday. 

Hmmm ... maybe I should try to donate to the food bank today? I have the donation app now. 

Okay, cutting this short to see if I can make that happen. 

Have a great start to the weekend.

Later gators. 

Wordy

I made another decision yesterday. 

I scrapped the in-person 3 hour meeting. It was important information, but I can get that information from the meeting notes. The time was approaching and I suddenly felt like it wasn't a good idea to go. Don't know why. So I went with that feeling. 

(I did attend the online meeting for another volunteer activity.) 

In order to have time to do-all-the-things, I need to use my time more carefully. For example ... I did the road cleanup the day before with this group. Good use of my time. The evening meeting? Not a great use of my time this week.

It's nice to have the group together and be together in-person, but I see the ones who participate regularly anyway. I don't necessarily need that in-person time when I'm overextended. Maybe I need to get better about doing things SOMETIMES. Sometimes I attend, sometimes I don't. Action vs meetings -- another distinction in how to prioritize. 

Spent the evening with my husband instead. Got to bed at a more reasonable hour. Finished watching The Perfect Lie. It's Dutch -- dubbed or subtitled. We watched dubbed and it wasn't too distracting. The ending. Wow!! It reminded me of The Hunting Wives. 

I have a quieter day today, but I have a number of little things to do that are the things I like to make time to do (this was a strange sentence hah). Hubby is gone on a golfing overnight so I have space to do these things uninterrupted. 

(1) Postcard to my penpal. It's been a minute. 

(2) Thank you letter to my friend's mom. She paid for the peaches and said to donate it forward. I made the donations so I want to write and tell her about it. Someone 93 probably likes getting a letter instead of a text. 

(3) Prep to plant the garden for the food bank donation.

(4) Pickle the peppers. I have SO MANY. 

Mixed with this is a coaching call, a quick lunch with a friend, and a school pickup for my grandson (lots of car play this afternoon). 

I need to remember to get back to myself. Back to the things that feel fun and good and happy. I default to forgetting to have fun. 

Speaking of fun -- it's time for a new car. (That's not the fun part -- I don't want a new one, but I need one.) I ALWAYS get a white car with tan interior. Always. Color is calling to me though and I might go for something very bold. It's fun to think about it. Will I get sick of it immediately? Of course, it doesn't matter if I do. Doesn't change how the car drives, but maybe, why not be a little out-of-my-box. 

A hiccup with this decision is it's tight for carseats. How do we figure this out? Hubby gets his choice in car with zero thoughts of anyone else -- small, FUN convertible so I'm left to have a car that accommodates our family needs. His car can't fit any carseat. That doesn't feel fair to me. Spent a lot of years compromising to meet family needs for things like this. 

The other car in the running is fine. Good room. All neutral color choices, so I'll get the white/tan option. Same as always. The other neutrals don't interest me (gray, silver, black, etc).

I'm looking for solutions. Of course, I haven't test driven either yet and that might eliminate the bold choice. I just want it to be my decision. Something I really want, not something I had to compromise because others aren't compromising. 

Okay, that was a tangent. I've been very wordy today.

Best get the day going. Have a great day. Later gators. 

Bookended Day

Yesterday was a good day. 

I found a couple of moments to have quiet time, me-time kind of moments squeezed into an otherwise full day. An extra walk along the river ahead of the road cleanup. Stopped for a favorite iced tea to take on errands. Both were surprisingly rewarding, probably because they were intentionally "labeled" as something I'm doing for me.

I'm going to try to clean up some attitude I have about today too. 

Starts with an early run at first light because it's so dang hot. I need a run before the race this weekend. Rushed mornings are so aggrevating to me lately. I was up several times during the night because my dog had the runs (thankfully no accidents) so getting up early was hard. I've been extra cranky about the weather -- putting a damper on my outside fitness enjoyment. WHEN WILL IT END?!?! Not this week. 

Then I'm heading all the way to midtown to thrift with my aunt. Of course, I love spending time with her (and I enjoy thrifting), but there's a little mixed-bag energy lately. She's overly crazed about thrifting, on a GLP-1 (so we don't eat anymore). It's too intense of a shopping experience for me and this one's a long drive. I haven't had the time for this day and she's been asking for weeks and weeks. It's not how I'd choose to spend today because September is so full. But here we are and I'll have a good time. I'm looking forward to seeing her, but wish it was a shorter, different plan for today.

Then meetings - from 6-10 o'clock. Zoom for an hour in the car ahead of a 3 hour meeting tonight. Both important and totally washing out my evening. 

My least favorite kind of day -- rushed morning, late evening. Bookended day.

I will try to slip little bits of quiet today too. Maybe this is the answer on these kind of days. Also, taking pictures of little moments. I noticed I stopped doing that regularly and that means I'm not noticing as much.

On that note, meditation has been few and far between. I've usually meditate after exercise (pairing the habit and my mind is more settled after a workout), but today I'm doing it ahead. Not my preference, but preferences are often just what's been practiced. I need to think and do a little differently or nothing will change. 

Have a great day.

Later gators. 

Thoughts and Decisions

I made a few decisions yesterday.

(1) Get coached on Thursday. I emailed and asked (it's open coaching) -- I'm on the schedule. Worth sacrificing the hike. It's a guest coach and I've been coached by her before. Curious if she has any insights or can direct me to insights. 

(2) I emailed the hike leader for the big trip next year and told her it was too technical for me. This in the name of priorities too. Training for this trip would take over my life -- all for a challenge that I don't know I'd really enjoy and that scares me in a way that's not a good scary (aka I could fall to my death). I don't want to hike ridge-line hiking with metal ladders to scramble over rocks. It's only one of the days, but that day could literally be the end of me. 

There's a lot of road between where I am now and that trip. I decided to make stops along the way, so to speak. 

This includes getting on the next level hikes with her (aka a qualifier hike for the trip). I'm not using it as a qualifier, but I want to challenge myself and see if I like hiking at that level. She put 2 hikes on for back-to-back weekends in October so I can challenge myself and have time to get ready. 

THIS is (sort of) fun, a little scary, and a more appropriate challenge. It's a big push for me.

(3) The volunteer meeting I attended on Saturday was informational, but I planned to volunteer regularly for this refugee organization. Given my schedule, I decided not now. I became a monthly donor, signed up for a volunteer event, but regular volunteering needs to wait. 

I'm spread too thin. 

Election work is taking up a lot of my time and that's my priority. I can volunteer and help out in different ways with this other organization. I'll revisit it after the election.

These decisions are good AND they aren't home runs -- mixed feelings abound. 

I'm doing the work to figure out my priorities and making decisions with that filter. 

I'm getting coached on the other aspect -- scarcity and fear of losing what I worked for (relationships, hobbies, etc). That's less logistical and I'm not seeing clearly.

I want this full life, but I need to make time for the quiet spaces that are just for me. Without them, the full life becomes a to-do list, not a joy.

Anyway ... what's today, no one asked?

A long walk, arm workout, Adopt-a-Road clean-up, seed pickup for the donation garden, and babysitting my grandson. 

I'm going to focus on how this day is for me (even though it feels a little task heavy). These are all things I WANT on my calendar and I can enjoy doing them. I'm also going to look for the quiet spaces in-between -- be intentional about noticing them.

Sometimes on task days, the pleasure comes from finishing the tasks, not from doing them. I'm trying to switch that today. Many "fixes" in my life are perspective changes on the exact same life. I wonder if this is the case again.

Where I held space was a 'no' to lunch with the hiking group (they aren't hiking today, only lunch). I could've rushed and fit it in, but chose quiet space instead. 

I need to try. There's a way to get a better balance. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm working on it.

Hope you have a good Tuesday. 

Later gators. 

Oh Monday, Hello My Friend

Hello, Monday. 

Am I over the mood? 

Yes and no. 

I decided to nix all workouts this weekend in the hope of healing some of the aches. It helped a bit. My neck is looser and my back feels good this morning. 

BUT ... I also fell face first into crappy eating and a big "don't give two f*&ks" attitude. Not a great choice. Not sure I'd do it any differently if I had the chance either. It was the relief of giving up for a couple of days that felt amazing in the moment. I did the bare minimum -- obligations only. Everything else was ditched. It would've been nice to rest in a healthier way, but I probably waited too long to force a rest and the solution wasn't pretty.

I'm still in a bit of a ditching mood this morning. 

Ditched a solo hike I planned. Still resting and recovering.

Ditched (said no) to a couple of social obligations -- waited until this morning to respond to late texts.

Put a strong boundary on other plans. 

I need to regroup. 

I think the answer to balancing lies somewhere in two areas.

(1) Priorities. What do I actually want? What is MOST important to me? There isn't time for everything at full effort. 

(2) Fear related to losing things that I've intentionally and diligently worked to have in my life. Without that full effort, can it still be a valuable part of my life? Did I grow these things only to give them up? Will people give up on me if I'm not showing up at full effort?

I'm exploring both of these more. 

There's a coaching call on Thursday I might be able to attend -- need to clarify if it's open coaching or topic specific. It would also interfere with a solo hike I planned, but I'll give it some thought. I wish the schedule was set further in advance so I could plan more regularly.

Enjoy my little dog with his HUMONGOUS attitude. This feels about right for today.

He wanted a bone hahahaha!

Have a great start to the week.

Later gators.

Hello, MOOD (!!)

Today's post is brought to you by a MOOD. 

Maybe secondary to hormones??

You are WARNED hah!! It's a doozy. 

Yesterday was kind of a crappy day. 

Started with a random lady going off on me for no reason while I was setting up chairs for the outdoor concert. She ranted and ranted at me and I walked away -- she yelled I was an awful person. Seriously?!? She wasn't crazy, just combative and grumpy. I didn't engage with her, stayed polite, but I wanted to give her a big F8&K you. 

Ended with the outdoor concert being canceled because of weather (I had done the setup for everyone again and had to un-setup after the storm) and our roof leaked, flooding the basement. 

Between it all was a lot of annoyances, 9-11 sadness (we lived in NY and lost a few friends), and locally stressful news. 

Add to it that everything hurts on my body right now. I have so many aches and this dang clogged ear. That's why I wonder if it's hormones since I'm so achy. 

I'm tired.

Here's the mood. (Above is just the pre-story -- eeek, I warned you.)

I can not, for the life of me, figure out a balance. 

I'll use this one example. 

The last of the outdoor concerts for the summer. 

I decided this one was going to be easy. 

Setup a couple of chairs for us.

No dinner before. 

No entertaining. 

And it was anything but simple. Who did ALL the work?? I did. Everyone turned to me for accommodating chairs and setup. No one offered to help. No one said, I'll do it this time. 

Crazy lady. People joining. People canceling. 

Of course, ending with the entire thing being canceled. 

Our chairs are drying on the front porch. I have no idea if they'll rust from being so wet. 

Here's my dilemma. 

I WANT this kind of thing. I want lots of people in my life. I want to do these kinds of gatherings. I enjoy helping people. I enjoy organizing. I enjoy a level of spontaneity.

And sometimes I don't. 

Sometimes I want a break.

Sometimes I want to say no.

Sometimes I want simple and that means I'm not responsible for everything. 

So glad everyone got to back out last night and have a cosy night at home (per text messages) while we had to wait for the storms to pass to collect our chairs, dry them out -- and while we waited, clean up a flooded basement. 

Not one person said thank-you or appreciated the effort. (Someone did ask if they could help with the basement -- that was sweet and we didn't need help.) I didn't invite people. People ASKED ME for the favor. A little appreciation would have gone a long way.

Texting so-and-so said you were going and setting up. Can I sit with you guys? Will you setup for me? 

I said yes. I wanted to error on the side of being kind. Four extra people yesterday. Four people the day before.

Of course, if the concert happened and we had a good night, I probably wouldn't be this moody. That said, I was tired and everything hurt enough that I wished for nothing but my pjs and bed.

Then I say to myself, is this really a big deal?? Of course, it isn't. 

But I'm looking down the path of this weekend. 

Things for other people. 

Things I said yes to. 

Nothing I want to do right now because I'm tired and my body hurts. 

Things that will be fun enough -- not like it's an awful weekend, but not what I want to do.

Things that will take a toll on my body. No relief from the pain this weekend.

And probably no appreciation, just expectation.

When I said yes, circumstances with ME were different. Now I feel trapped by all the yeses and I don't know how to balance.

It's the kind of day that I wish I had a 24-hour bug so I could hide out in my room and do nothing. 

I'm trying to leave space. I'm trying to say yes, but with boundaries. I don't know how to do it though. No one person is asking too much, but all the little add-ons from all the people are too much. But how to say no to individual little things? Sorry, drawing the line at 7 extra, won't do 8. 

I don't wish to go back to when I did less, knew fewer people, had fewer friends ... but how do I balance this now?

I want to get coaching on it, but I can't seem to be available when the coaching calls happen (it's a random schedule so I can't plan them too far in advance). 

Okay, probably enough for now and I need to get moving. Lots of driving today for volunteer obligations, starting early (of course). 

I know this won't be the last I chat about it -- it's going to take time to figure this out, but I'll try to warn you!!

So much MOOD, so little time hah!

Have a good day. I'm going to try too.

Later gators.

Wednesday

Classroom reading was so much fun!! I read two books. The truck book was my son's favorite (I saved it) and now HIS son loves it too (shocking that it's in such good shape). The kids were attentive and absolutely adorable.

I worked hard on the to-do list for the week. Made a decent dent and will get more finished today. 

The morning is rushed (of course) and filled with "work" kind of things, but the afternoon is all mine. I started a monthly massage to see if it helps the aches and pains. Right now, I'd say it isn't working well lol, but I hope it helps long tern. I know it feels good on the day. I need to explore options for having less pain. I see little glimmers of feeling good, but then, bam. Something "breaks."

Speaking of which, I'll check out the pilates private classes soon. I want to build a little strength back in my arms and let everything settle down before I try it. Goal is starting in October. (September's schedule is too full anyway.)

My back is feeling well enough to try a workout. I'll take it cautiously. Off to get at it before it gets too hot.

Have a good day. Later gators.

I'm Home

Home sweet home. 

We had a nice weekend. It was great to see the family and really important that we made the effort. My aunt has come to all my family things (showers, weddings, etc). Also, my other aunt and uncle aren't well so it was good to see them too. 

Half the family lives in Atlanta -- it was funny to travel up north just to get together. It was Atlanta and Buffalo crew only.

The weekend was "organized" by the scattered family so it was a free-for-all with lots of plans that didn't amount to anything. Nothing new there, but we still had a good time. 

Lady bug at our table.

Charlie the Butcher
Beef on wek

Weather was lovely. Cooler, lower humidity. Still awfully warm in the sun though. Didn't get to wear the flannel lol -- STILL summer clothes, but I wore jeans one day.

Update on me.

Ear: slowly improving and I survived the plane without too much issue.

Neck: okay, but back to more frequent PT maneuvers this week because it's stiff

Back: threw it out on Sunday after a really good run -- dang. Bent over and bam. 

Back is muscular. Best when moving around. Going from sitting to standing is a bitch though. Travel day did me no favors. Hoping for improvement today. It usually lasts about 5 days. Have no idea what I'll need to modify this week. 

What's today, no one asked??

It's a grandson day. I'm the reader in his school this morning -- so fun. Pretty please no sitting on the floor with my back. Eeeek. 9 slots over 3 days. Only 3 slots filled -- 2 are his grandmothers. Love!! P.S. It's grandparents week, hence the readers. Also a tea on Friday. 

Then babysitting in the afternoon. Tuesdays are often my pickup day. Hot wheels and snacks. 

Can I say that finding a book to read to 2 year olds is harder than you'd think. So many books are strange, or get scary. I'm not a clutch-my-pearls person, but these are 2 year olds. A book about the alphabet climbing a tree -- fun. They know their ABCs so let's read it. The ABCs climb the tree and then all fall and get really hurt. WTH? The book describes each letter's injury. Then ends with the letter A starting to climb again.

Some are so strange that I can't even find the story in it. How will THAT hold attention. 

Luckily I found one -- See You Later Alligator. A turtle says good-bye to all his friends before going on a walk. It's all expressions for good-bye to each animal friend. BTW, I've never read out loud to a classroom of pre-schoolers. This will be an adventure of sorts today.

The week is a mixed bag of chores (ugh, indoor plant watering), volunteer work (dang court report), and social things. It's a quick turnaround from travel to the week. September is a BIG month with lots and lots. Too much. I'm absolutely trying to hold space, but it's tough. Same story, different week. October is clear enough that I can start my scheduling holds and see if that helps. 

Best get going. Glad to be home.

Have a great Tuesday. Later gators. 

Shuffle to Buffalo

All ready for the quick flight up north. 

50th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle.

Home Monday night. 

My ear is horrible this morning. Much worse than it's been. Ugh. Maybe the pressure changes on the flight will clear it?!? Just googled -- maybe, or maybe make it a lot worse. Hmmm. 

Random bit from yesterday.

My grandson is almost ready for a toddler bed and he's staying the weekend in a few weeks. Needed something in case he's outgrown his other option. The bed came in the mail. All vacuum packed into a very little box. 

Travel toddler bed.

Check out the picture of the grandparents reading a toddler book while the child sleeps on the floor. Hilarious. 

But the bed is fun and I think it'll work well.

Short and sweet today.

Condensed morning routine before we leave. 

Between garden and dog and neck stuff, it's a rushed morning.

Have a great holiday weekend. See you Tuesday. Later gators.

Shadows

Me hiking. It was unusual light -- a rare moment that the low sun came through a gap in the trees. The trail is totally shaded otherwise. The shadows were funny.

9.5 miles with decent elevation. Fast as I could muster. Felt good to hold the commitment and make the time.

PT changed some things up and moved me to next steps. I have an appointment at the end of the month that I can cancel if everything feels good. I'll start the "new" after this trip (per her suggestion). 

New includes scheduling pilates in October. I'm really excited to try this and have high hopes that this can help me strengthen without injury so I can get to a fitness level for a hiking trip (i.e. successive days of big hikes). I need to figure out the details and get something booked. 

My ear is still clogged and popping with some pain. I've never had this happen before. Pretty please don't let this become an ENT visit. It's not worse, but the medications don't seem to be doing much to relieve it. I'm concerned for the flight. 

Took care of a lot on my list yesterday, but today is still packed to the gills. There's a lot of last minute things before traveling. Good news is I have the whole day. 

I'm going to be a broken record right now. Next week is another "too much" week where I'm searching for time to fit MY things into the week. I had a huge volunteer add-on with a court report due and the information won't be available until Monday (I'm still traveling). The report is due on Tuesday and Tuesday is already filled with commitments. 

Honest to god, I MUST get better about space. September is already too much, so I'm focusing on October. It's very open and I want to keep it this way. I want time to build up hikes and rock paint and do a freezer cook-up and get to Asheville, etc. I have to make choices and I have to prioritize. These are the things that keep getting pushed, or cut back or canceled. I'm doing it to myself. 

Or I need to get more stamina to work into the evening to finish out my day. Maybe that's an option for September??

Okay, lucky for you, I have to get going and my rant-on-repeat is cut short. Hah! I know this is eye-rolling and everyone else can probably see the obvious solution that I can't. Feel free to bop me over the head with the answer. 

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Trip on the Horizon

Week is ticking away toward our trip. 

Why is it so much work to go away?

On that note, total NOPE to the hike on Thursday. Why did I even consider it? Geez. There's no time. 

On medications for my ear. Not improving yet. Fingers crossed for flying. 

Tuesday lunch was good. "That" person was pleasant and chatty. Maybe because I brought her a little gift -- it was quite perfect for her (cost $2) and I like doing that kind of thing. Smoothing the waters now since I have my boundaries well in place seems like the best thing to do. Being in the group here and there WITHOUT tension. We'll see if it lasts. 

Volunteer home visit was long and the traffic horrible, but I left early to avoid the worst of it and was able to run a couple of errands while I waited for the appointment time. I like when that happens.

I'm not in travel anxiety yet, but I am in the dread phase. 

There's the trip and there's the time before the trip. A four day weekend ends up being a lot more because of the days leading up to it. Still have regular life, but add trip prep to it. I'm over it before I even leave for the trip. 

This one will be LATE nights -- all three. I'll need recovery on the other end. 

Do I need to be like this? 

Am I really this inflexible? 

Or is it really a lot of work?

"Too much" is my forever complaint these days. I can't seem to simplify. I'm going to work on changing the perspective. It's always the same, so maybe I need a different approach, different story about it.

The garden needs prep before I leave. Setting up for someone to water pots, etc. 

My dog needs to go to a sitter which requires packing him, arrangements, etc.

Packing outfits for all the events -- from party to bonfire to outdoor to day trip.

Gift for the party -- buy, wrap.

Clean out the refrigerator. 

Prep the house -- mail, trash, etc. 

And, I still want to have my regular life. If I stop "the usual" anytime something is on the horizon, I'd rarely get to do the things I want to do with consistency. Goodness. Time seems extra condensed lately.

Okay, enough of that (for today, at least lol). 

I'm hiking this morning -- solo so early and fast.

PT in the afternoon -- curious about next steps.

Trip prep to finish out the day -- as much as I can muster. 

Have a good one. Later gators.

Tuesday Updates

Friend weekend in the books. It was more relaxing than I anticipated. Reconnecting with my longest friend after a number of disconnected years. We have a ways to go, but it was a good start to coming back together. I appreciate that she made the effort. It's been a long time since I felt she acted like a friend.

Looks like I'm on my way to an ear infection (how old am I??). We fly on Friday. Urgent care first thing today. My ear is clogged, pressure, popping, and starting to hurt. It doesn't seem like it's wax, but we'll see. Not what the morning needed, but I have no choice. Worse this morning. 

But solid support for holding space for the unexpected. I held some space this week so I shouldn't be too inconvenienced. Slow, so slowly, learning. 

I'm planting stage one of the fall garden today. Another must-be-in-the-morning thing. I prepped yesterday so it shouldn't take too long. First light so I can run to urgent care when it opens. 

Lunch with the Tuesday hiking group to celebrate a birthday. I'm dropping in this week to keep connected a bit. I have to be in that part of town for an errand and I can't see them again until the end of September (maybe not even then). Still figuring this out, but choosing to not give it much mental energy. When I'm interested, I'll go. Otherwise, not overthinking it. Can I NOT overthink?? Hah -- we'll see. 

Evening volunteer home visit with TONS of traffic. I'll go early to avoid the worst of it and hang out somewhere to kill time. It'll be a "late" evening out, but there's no avoiding it. 

That's the day in a nutshell.

I'm going to hike on Wednesday or Thursday. A hike popped up with the club for Thursday. It's a bit of a challenge, but I'm tempted. Is this EXACTLY the kind of thing I shouldn't add-on to the week?? We fly Friday morning and I have a lot to do. Pack, garden prep, dog prep. Can I switch that work to Wednesday instead?

This is a bit of my space issue. Leave space, fill space. But I have a qualifier hike looming that I'm not at all ready to hike. I need to challenge myself on some distance without heavy elevation. Hmmmm. Thinking it through. 

Teaching an old gal new tricks is tricky lol. I JUST gave myself kudos for not packing my calendar and, wham, want to add an all day hike for Thursday. 

Okay, on that note, I need to get to neck exercises and the garden. Time is ticking and urgent care is calling. Have a good day. Later gators. 

P.S. Read this book from the library. Loved it so much, I bought a copy for home. Invaluable information on non-violent protest.

Weekend in Progress ...

Friend weekend is going well. 

This friend likes downtime. I'm asserting myself for an early dinner time and a relatively early bedtime (late for me, early for her) and that's helping too.

We went to a local indie bookstore that sells new and used books. It's the place that sponsors most of the local author talks, but I've never been. Easily my favorite bookstore now. I got 4 current books, 6 button pins -- $32. Amazing prices and inventory. Plus the used books are well organized, cataloged, and in great shape (it was the goal of the store to have a "better" used book experience).

I need to get reading!!! Between library reads and this new stack, I'm in deep. Forgot a picture of the books. 

Today is a very chill day (after a first-thing run). 

Walking to coffee. 

Grabbing brunch or lunch.

Pedicures (she changed her mind on this).

Maybe a little shopping.

Dinner with our HS friend. 

It'll be a later night (that's why I'm running this morning instead of tomorrow), but should be a relaxing day. 

Short and sweet this morning. 

Have a good one. Later gators.

Hello

Good "late" morning.

I decided to force a slow-roll morning ahead of company this weekend. 

Had to do it by working my butt off yesterday to clear tasks for today, but I did it. 

I also decided a no-go on the Friday morning coffee meeting even though I'm out of town next week because it required an early workout to get ready in time.

All in the name of what-do-I-REALLY need today? 

This.

I needed no alarm. 

No rush to get to a workout (thank you, Peloton). 

No rush to get into the garden (did it yesterday).

No rush to get to a meeting.

Quiet time ahead of a social weekend.

Maybe a bit of a push to get my dog walked (which I'll do as soon as I finish here) because it's sunny, humid, and temps are climbing. Dang.

It came at a sacrifice. No hike today. No time with friends this morning. No favor for another friend. 

I'm working on managing my schedule differently. I realize I need more SPACE for the unexpected -- good and bad so these kind of things don't eat up quiet time or make the day too rushed. 

I've been scheduling for things I like -- hiking, gardening, etc. but that's not enough, not the only kind of space I need because that's the first thing to get sacrificed when life add-ons come up.

This means harder CHOICES. I'll have to say no to things I actually want to do in the name of SANITY lol. I'll also need to choose what to simplify. 

I like this.

And it brings up the idea of focus rather than scattered. 

Am I spread too thin? 

Something I'm overthinking hah. 

I don't want all my eggs in one basket, but I also want to enjoy my choices rather than half-assing things. 

I think there's a way. I think it involves having time to be present in what I'm doing. That's the experiment now. 

September has a lot on the calendar already, but I'm going to be VERY intentional about what else I add and how I add it. Easy only. Low effort only. Space for things that will inevitably come up.

We have the final outdoor concert for the summer in a few weeks. I'm not organizing any big night this time. Not pulling in a big group. I'm just going to enjoy the concert with some neighbors. Easy.

There's a 5K race that I did with bookclub last year (I've run it for a number of years). I sent out information on it when registration opened and heard nothing back. That's all I'm doing. I'm not organizing anything, reminding anyone. I'll see my friend there and that's all. Simple. 

Football opening Sunday with the family. BBQ takeout from the place up the street. I'm not cooking.

Simplifying things like this leaves space to give back to myself. Choices about where to put my effort and energy and time. 

Group activities are nice and focusing on community means a lot to me, but solo is also nice. I think I need to flip the time switch on solo vs group. Less group. More solo. When I organize group activities, I can focus fully and give them the attention and effort and desire they deserve without feeling resentful. 

Had I implemented this early, today didn't need to be a complete compromise. I could've had the week I intended. 

Let's see how it goes. 

BTW, summer of ease and unbothered is ending and that did NOT go well (as you know). But, I noticed and maybe learned a bit to make changes. 

I'll leave you with this from the neighborhood LFL. 

Have a good day and start to the weekend. 

I hope you have all the space and quiet you need. 

Later gators.