Distraction

A little chat.

Kids are under contract with their new house. Exciting!! They have a lot of work ahead of them  -- inspections, selling their house, moving, etc. This will be some work for us too, but we're happy to help.

Mother's Day was a fun afternoon with the kids and lots of playing cars. 

Did I tell you I had a name change? My grandmother name is "Granny" -- I've wanted this name forever and used it for years with the dogs. Merch everywhere to prove it lol. My grandson re-named me (not anyone else). Not prompted by anyone AND he could say Lamborghini and Grandpa and almost any word. So this wasn't a matter of not being able to SAY Granny. 

He calls me Gee-Gee (not GiGi), but wouldn't call me anything to my face. Ever! As soon as I started referring to myself as Gee-Gee, he says my name constantly. He held out until I made the change. 

My son loves it and says I get the honor of being named by him. It IS very sweet AND I wish it was Granny. We're counting it as a nickname right now and Granny is still my FORMAL grandma name hah.

No matter what he calls me, I adore him, of course.

This chat is sponsored by DISTRACTION as I try to ignore Travel Anxiety. 

Lord help me. It's absolutely annoying that I do this to myself every big vacation. As I said, since I haven't had a big trip for a couple of years, the anxiety is out of control. 

Best get in the shower. See you in 10 days. Later gators.

T-Minus One Day

It's now or it's never on the trip prep today.

The kids want to celebrate Mother's Day too. Love that they suggested getting together -- timing isn't great. I'd like nothing more than to have today to get "life" in order, but ... choose the bigger life?!?! Yep.

We had a really nice night yesterday. Dinner went off without a hitch. Super easy supper -- everything prepared ahead and only oven baking before they arrived (aka very few dishes and cleanup). Beautiful weather, great seats (you're welcome). Other friends joined too and we had fun conversations and some easy listening music. 

Sunset behind our chairs.

Kids put in an offer on a house and the realtor said the sellers would sign the final offer. Didn't happen yet, but fingers crossed. It's about 10 minutes from our house. Lots of conversations about the negotiations and status yesterday. 

It was a good day. 

Now for a little prickly part. "That" person was at the concert too. She's lived in this town for 4 years and never went before we invited her last year. I wondered if she was going. She knows where I set up and knows our Steelers chairs. She set up right next to us -- ugh. Unavoidable awkward conversation. She was particularly odd -- seemed nervous about talking to us. Hubby and I both had that experience. 

The mean-girl part of me was happy about it. Let her feel uncomfortable. She's been awful. Also, I wonder why she set up her chairs next to us (of course, that location is the best lol). I wasn't uncomfortable and that's a big step for me. More and more practice toward not giving two sh*#s about her. 

Time to get going. Travel anxiety through the roof. Ugh. Have a better day than me hah! Later gators.

Friday Vibes

Packing is going well.

Prep for a casual dinner with friends is underway.

Free concert under the trees tonight with beautiful weather. 

Not bad. 

Yes, still a vacation wreck, but I'm trying.

I spent the evening at a political protest yesterday. Made a quick sign, sported a political shirt, and spent hours sign waving, hanging with friends and others. The timing wasn't ideal, but I was glad to participate. 

A little plant moment. The plant with flowers is NOT the plant that flowers. The vining plant attached to her neighbor and bloomed her flowers next door. Now if that's not the definition of being a good neighbor, I don't know what is.

I've been trying to figure out what the pre-vacation anxiety and dread is about. I'm not afraid to travel or fly. I am afraid of the ocean up close, but I get this anxiety going to Europe too. I enjoy the vacations once I get to the gate -- never had a traumatic vacation.

I HATE to pack, but that's different from the dread I feel. 

I'm sad my dog is sad, but he's staying at a house, sleeping in her bed, and is totally pampered.

Something about the length of time being away. Longer flights mean longer vacations. I'm not flying to Hawaii or Europe for a long weekend. 

Leaving the safety and security of home and routine? Maybe. Shorter trips mean I return to that security more quickly and therefore much less pre-trip dread? Maybe. 

I guess it could be the combination of all of it. 

I don't know if I'll ever understand it. It's good that it goes away and doesn't ruin the trip, but I hate the lead up -- waking up in the night feeling a panic. Dread every time I think about going. Wishing the trip would get canceled. Add in the "work" of leaving and it's not fun. 

I keep telling myself, you're not vacationing again until the fall. You have all summer without vacations. Focus on that.

 

Seriously, what's wrong with me?!?! THIS IS A VACATION for crying out loud. 

Anyway, best get moving to pick from the garden for the salad tonight (greens, peas, radishes). This is a super casual entertaining dinner with friends before the concert. It totally fits the "carefree and unbothered" vibe of summer (after I get back from this "dreadful" vacation hahaha). 

Have a good one! Later gators.

Hello, Travel Anxiety

The hike worked out really well. It was overcast (and rained the last mile). I hiked half with my friend and half solo. I took a shorter route back because of the rain -- 8 miles (instead of 9). My back felt fine once I got upright from the car ride.

My friend gave me little jars she had leftover from an event. Little jars are one of my love languages. They're darling. She knows I like to give away jars with herbs and flowers.

Came home and walked to lunch with hubby. Another 2 miles on my feet. My back held, but every muscle, joint hurt by the end of the day. I think my testosterone is low again.

I have a fever blister. It's not huge, but it's in the painful stage. Probably pre-vacation anxiety. I've had this my entire life. As soon as I'm through security and at the gate it goes away. It's been a minute since I've gone on a big trip and I'm waking up in the middle of the night in anxiety panic. Keep reminding myself this is what happens and it doesn't mean anything.

Remember the 2 trips to Europe with shingles? Same thing. 

I'm in the phase where I'd give anything to NOT go. Every single blessed time this happens. I guess it's a bit extra this year (fever blister) since it's been a long time since I've taken a big trip. Why do I do this? Dang. Trying to add some "carefree and unbothered." The fever blister says hah, not working.

I went to bed early and slept in this morning. Excellent sleep stats and I can feel it. My body was screaming for recovery. No workout today -- not chancing my back with lifting and my legs need a rest day.

We are getting hella rain right now. Huge storms all night. Wish it wasn't so hard (doesn't soak in the ground as well), but happy for rain, happy we kept power. I staked all the summer loves in the garden so I think everything held up.

Little harvest from the final show from the shelling peas. Snow peas are still going. I HATE frozen peas and I LOVE fresh peas. Light blanch in the shell, salt ... delicious. The peas won't last long in the coming heat in a full sun garden. 

I started elements of packing. Got the electronics ready yesterday. Chargers, noise machine, headphones, etc. 

I also picked books -- 3 are coming with me. Is this enough? If I can fit a fourth I might. The plane ride is good for at least one book. That leaves 2 books for 9 days and flight home (overnight so I won't read as much). Doesn't seem like enough, but sometimes I don't end up reading as much. Decisions, decisions. 

Today is beachwear and toiletries. That means trying on a swimsuits and coverups. 

It's also plan the days now that we are closer with the weather, etc. 

Starting early and little at a time does wonders. I can't actually PACK until the last day, but it helps to have everything ready to go. It also calms some of the anxiety.

I have a full, full day ... but a slow roll morning. That makes such a difference. It's my last slow roll until we are in Kauai and I'm enjoying every bit of it this morning.

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators. 

A Morning Chat

Let's talk about "that" person ... briefly-ish, I promise.

She's at it again, but with someone else. It's interesting to watch her dynamic from afar. She's done this many times over the year+ I've known her, but lately, it was just me. I guess I've pulled back far enough that she needs another conflict. It's her behavior with other people that led me to pull back, that led to her to start coming at me, and so on. 

If you treat others this way, it's only a matter of time before you treat me that way. Yep. 

I'm still (obviously) in the processing phase of letting go of this relationship. I'm still trying to see what that looks like within the group dynamics. I'm questioning whether I want to be friends with people who accept this behavior from someone. 

I'd love to know if others see her behavior as a problem. Her pattern is she attacks, then ignores. She waits for people to beg back and once they have, she rewards them compliments, adulations, attention. While she's attacking and/or ignoring, she over-the-top showering others with high energy, over blown attention.

I'm getting better about not having a reaction to her. The more I watch her behavior, the more I understand her insecurities. It's all bravado. On some level, I feel sorry for her. That's a lot of work to play games with so many people ... all of the time. And, the more she does, the more I KNOW she's not for me and I'm making a good decision to back away. 

I also make predictions about her behavior and I'm good at it (or she's really predictable). It's kind of fun -- probably shouldn't be, but it reinforces it's not about me. Lightens my attitude about it too.

Okay, that's enough about her. 

In the name of putting my energy into people who I want in my life, I asked another friend to hike today. She responded and I promptly threw out my lower back. It's all muscular and it's okay-ish this morning. Hurts to sit and it's fine walking. I'm a little apprehensive about hiking hills since that often stiffens my lower back, but I'm giving it a go. We'll hike one 4.5 mile loop together and I usually hike the loop a second time -- I'll see today.

I also think I might be getting a fever blister. Crap!!!!!!!!!  Falling apart before vacation. 

I had a wake-up panic attack about all the things I need to do before our trip. Then I reminded myself I'm experimenting with carefree and unbothered. Can I pull that back into this week? I did (at least for now).

I'm "deep diving" a bit into this adjustment and part of that is listening to back podcasts from The Lazy Genius. Practical, balanced suggestions. Her brand is focusing on what matters to you (be genius) and letting the rest go (be lazy). That's the balance I'm striving for. I don't want to be carefree about EVERYTHING, just the things that don't really matter to me. She has a lot of practical suggestions for figuring out WHAT matters to you -- different for everyone and different in different moments. 

I best wrap this up. I have lots of little "chores" to finish up before the hike. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

A Summer Shift, Hmmmm

We're home.

Garden is alive and well. 

The weekend was more of a success than I expected and plans are happily anticipated for next year in GA. The effort to gather regularly is important and I have to remember that as the intention and not get so wrapped up in the details. (Although it has to be enjoyable or no one will want to come.)

We stopped at a teahouse on the way home. We pass this place every drive to Asheville, but it's just on the edge of a very "rebel and guns" kind of town. My DIL stopped and said it was awesome. A little liberal love in a sea of hate-ish town. I'll be stopping again. Happy she gave us the recommendation. 

I finished this classic. It was as amazing as the recommendations said. I thought it was going to be more literary and I kept pushing it off. It wasn't though. It was fast paced, suspenseful, clever, impactful, well written -- in the 1970s. It's easily a five star read and well deserved classic distinction. 

Switching gears to our Hawaii trip -- I have a decently paced week and I want to use it well. Let's see if I can be calm and organized about packing. Of course, I decided to add things to the week. I guess I wouldn't be me if I didn't. Hike with a friend and possible lunch with a friend on top of hosting friends to dinner and a rally on Thursday evening. 

I'm taking a little deep dive into pivoting and being more unbothered. Thinking of experimenting and calling this is summer of carefree and unbothered. It didn't start super well (hah), but I'm seeing what it looks like if I loosen the reins a little. 

It's more about not sweating it in my mind. Leaving some of the worry behind or the need to have it go perfectly. Being a bit more spontaneous and choosing something fun over the planned chores, if the moment takes me there.

Now, I'm not talking about giving it all to "whatever" attitude, but just letting a little bit of that carefree into my day and my mind.

I did that this morning -- should be doing some chores ahead of my court volunteer meeting and I took the morning for myself instead. This means chores this evening, but okay, I can do that too. 

What do you think? 

I'm guessing the odds aren't in my favor.

I wouldn't exactly disagree lol.

But I'm giving it a go. More on this (probably a lot more on this!!!) as I experiment. 

Have a good day and a little spontaneous unbothered moment. Later gators.

May Day Weekend

The first May Day Family day of the first May Day Family Weekend was a success. 

Kids, dogs, shopping, eating, laughing. 

One more to go ... park picnic. I'm up earlier than everyone and decided to make the picnic sandwiches while it was quiet. My boys went out in town last night, came home, made a sandwich, and left ALL the meat and cheese on the counter. Not sure who's the culprit, but I have an idea hah.

Geez.

Guess I'm making a run to the store again this morning. 

Our neighbor called to tell us she has a nesting screech owl and baby in the owl house on her tree. This is the mama. She sits like this and protects the baby. Absolutely gorgeous and she means business. We saw the baby too -- little gray one looking out.

Best get going because lots to do for breakfast and picnic prep. 

Have a great day. Later gators.

Asheville Hiking

Perfect day for hiking!

We had a couple of mess ups. Wrong starting point on the first trail, wrong turn (to a trail that goes over a mountain) on the second trail, but it was fantastic hiking. We broke a rule on the second hike and weren't well prepared for the wrong turn (aka didn't realize other trails intersected) -- missed the waterfall, and did some technical hiking with the dog instead. Our smartest move was to turn around. The trail was supposed to be an "obvious" loop, but we called it and luckily we did since we were off the loop and on a trail that went the length of the state -- dang. 

No more mountain hiking without a full map (left it at home) and GPS. We also had some supplies, but I left extra water in the car. We were fine, but when we felt off course, I was worried about enough water if we had trouble navigating back. When you turn around everything looks different. Fortunately, I have a good sensory memory -- vision (that flowering tree), sound (running water), scent (trees), touch (the rocks I had to jump over the stream) and could figure out which way back. 

I have ZERO sense of direction though, but if I've been somewhere, I can usually remember enough to navigate. Helps on a trails with lots of intersections.

Duke walked through a puddle that ended up with a hole over his head. He hates to get wet, but all was well (he was on a leash) and he dried fast. It was really funny, poor baby. No picture because we were at the point in the hike where we were getting a bit worried. But, THAT puddle was a good marker on the way back. 

Overall, an excellent day. We were all good-tired by the end of the day. 

A few more pictures. 

Strawberry and herbs on vacation.

LFL

Ready for our grandson

May Day family tradition inaugural weekend begins today.

Possibly the first and only, but I hope not. 

My sister and I are trying to get the next couple of generations together regularly enough to know each other. Cousins and their children. Family connection with "good" family. 

Happy Saturday. I'll update when I can -- tomorrow morning might be too hectic for solo time. Later gators.

Asheville Day Planned

Happy to be in Asheville.

We arrived and did some house prep stuff ahead of the kids coming tomorrow. Grocery shopped, cleaned out expired condiments and spices (aka -- all of them, some in 2021, oops), prepped grill, cleaned up yard, etc.

I restocked the LFL with quotes and painted rocks, and, of course, some latest reads. I've been "styling" it a bit more -- almost like shelf talkers in bookstores. I'm thinking about paper clipping a comment card on the books I especially loved. I want to paint a little whimsy too -- on my list for "someday." Still thinking about ideas. Should I paint the sides, just the door, a little tiny whimsy, something ta-da?? I'm in no rush, but I'd like to do it this year. 

We're pushing to have an Asheville day and not just a prep-for-company day. Have to be intentional or we don't do it. I'm going to run and then we're headed back to the mountain for a different hike. Taking Duke since we're not eating lunch at the Inn. About 5 miles, nothing strenuous -- the views will be amazing like last hike, but without the heavy climb. Weather is picture perfect.

Back to the house for a grill-out late lunch. Steak, potato, and salad (from the garden). It's a go-to when we cook here because we don't have a fully stocked pantry or refrigerator. Something simple, but it's really good. We stopped grilling after the big storm and this is part of our plan to get back to Asheville days. Enjoying the area and the house together -- like a mini get-away.

Plants made it safely, prayers for the ones left behind hah. I may or may not have ridden holding a container of herbs in water so I could enjoy little herb pots here. 4 hours (construction traffic). It was worth it (of course it was), and the car smelled so good. Tis the season for all things plants.

Have a good one. Later gators.

Meditation Magic

Meditation helped. 

Not surprisingly, the truthiest-truth was something underneath the inconvenience of it all. 

I worked on that truth.

What's left is the inconvenience of it and that's a cleaner decision. 

And, maybe, it won't end up being an ask, but I don't feel as conflicted about it. Either they can keep the work off my plate or they can't. If they can, then the answer is okay. If not, the answer is not at this time. That's my conditional answer. 

No guilt if it's no. 

No upset if it's yes (or just a little upset lol).

No more compromising on my end either. 

Remembering to get quiet and ask a question in that stillness ... it helps. Often, deep down, the REAL answer is there -- even if I decide to act against it in that circumstance, honesty with myself is important. It's an informed decision, not one that's pretending.

Off to Asheville today for 5 days. I'm happy to go and worried about my garden and porch plants. It's more work than what seems reasonable to head out of town. And this is back-to-back trips month. Hawaii is the big prep. I guess it's a good practice run with less consequences working out the kinks of a new garden. The temps are cooler and we are expected to get rain on Saturday. Geez, my little green babies. Don't bolt, wither, or break on me.

Lettuce can't handle the heat -- on the verge of bolting.

Seedlings are still young from direct sow -- wither in the heat.

Tomatoes and peas are heavy -- wind is bending and breaking against the trellises during the rain.

I'll check in if I can -- depends on whether hubby gets up early (he often does in Asheville). 

Have a good one -- later gators.

Oh No, a BOTHERED Rant

I swear, the minute I make a declaration, the universe says hahahaha.

I'm no longer carefree and unbothered. 

How long did that last? 

Half a day?

We're back to family woes and issues and such. I don't want to go into exact details since, technically, this is public. Suffice it to say, I'm bothered. And with bothered comes decidedly NOT carefree. 

I'm being asked to do something that I don't want to do. And I said so. And there's continued pressure to do it anyway (it's a big favor). The reasons I'm giving are personal -- it's not a two-way street with this person who will benefit from the favor (not my family, but my family is asking) and I don't feel inclined put in the work. I've done favors for years for this person at my expense and I don't want to do this one. BTW, just did a favor recently. Favors aren't over, but I don't want to do this one.

Oh, but {insert a thousand justifications and promises, etc}. 

Now it feels like a conflict because I'm not being heard. 

Do I stand my ground?

This is the first time I've said I don't want to do a favor. 

Here's my inner debate. 

I'm proud that I don't take advantage of people. I'm proud that I'm generous. I'm proud that my family sees me this way and likes to extend that generosity to THEIR extended family. 

But THIS ask is too much. The timing is problematic for me. And there are other options for them. My family said, let's table this and talk about it this weekend (meaning we'll give you even more pressure in-person). 

Me having a limit and saying so in an honest way is a big deal for me. It was hard to say what I said. And, it wasn't heard.

As you might gather from my wording, I didn't say no directly and absolutely. I said I don't want to do this and this is why. I said it's too much work for me. The timing doesn't work. It continues to be a one-way street (which was acknowledged and agreed). I wanted to explain why I'm declining so that it's understood. But the final decision and rest of the conversation was punted to this weekend ... and I allowed it (big old chicken me).

Do I concede and uphold my "generous" identity with my family?

Do I hold my ground and risk being seen differently?

The truth is both are true. I am generous and I'm not always generous. 

Now I have a worry-cloud over the weekend. I'm undecided. I feel like I'm being pressured. 

My feelings are also hurt because I don't think that pressure is extended in the other direction. There hasn't been one time a favor was asked to benefit me, to include me. Ever. And there have been a number of times that it should have -- of course, unless they asked and were told no. But, please, bend over backwards to benefit them. 

Ugh. Why are relationship issues so hard for me since I started standing up for myself? It was somehow easier when I thought people-pleasing was the answer. I still like to please people, but I also include me in the mix of pleased. Sometimes the ask is too much.

Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like to discuss these things with other family members -- feels like I'm talking behind backs. It helps to get it off my chest. 

Also (after reading this back), I wonder if there's a way to handle this situation in a carefree and unbothered way? Could that be the work? Is the universe helping me to grow (and not laughing in my face lol)? Question for meditation this morning.

In other news ... we did get rain, just later than forecasted. It's also raining this morning. Praise be to the rain gods. 

I had a fun day with my aunt. Lots of thrifting -- tons of good deals. Here are a few of the goodies. 

Made from a box.
Lid lifts off.
The inside is decorated too.

Whimsey for $5

1950s and perfect for iced tea.
I'm going to use it today.

LOVE this little Disney mug.
From 1960s -- collector item.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch today (she's using the birthday gift card I gave her), helping hubby with his car service, and getting ready for our weekend in Asheville. Oh, and trying to move from distressed to unbothered hah! 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Carefree and Unbothered??

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. Mostly overcast with a cool breeze. It felt like a front was moving in and there was this energy swirling. We all commented on how good it felt.

(Sadly, the rain forecasted for the next couple of days is minuscule.)

I hiked almost 9 miles and it was beautiful. The wind through the trees, cool temperature, spring green, so many birds. There's a breed of owl on this mountain that's out during the day. You can hear them the entire trail -- "who-ing" in the trees. This hike is my favorite of the moment. Of course, both times were on unseasonably cool mornings and that makes a big difference. 

Then home and walked to lunch with hubby. Sat outside in that swirling breeze. We ran into our neighbor and I hired his younger kids to water a few pots while we're away in Hawaii. I'll put out buckets of water and they can water from the buckets since we turn off our water. Happy to have an option for my poor plants since rain is nonexistent and kids love to earn a little money.

We early voted too. 35 seats -- some primary, but the judge seats are the actual election.

I've been pushy with friends and family on this election.

Not sure it was well received hah, but I don't care. It's too important to be quiet. 

Had to top off basil so it grows more bushy and now I have lots of little jars sitting around. It's totally my summer love language. I hope the basil takes as the summer temps move in. I planted them under other plants for some shade. 

Reading this on a recommendation from a friend. I LOVE it. It's so suspenseful and engrossing. I think it's her best yet.

I'm playing around with a reading list for the next few weeks. I planning to bring books to Hawaii, not my kindle. A couple of long, slow reads. Not totally sure yet, but I don't want to load up my kindle with backlist from the library or duplicate what I already have in print. That feels like a waste on both fronts. Plus, plane and vacation mean lots of reading time and an opportunity to finish a couple of chonkers on my TBR. 

That said, if I can get some of those big books from the library, maybe no harm in going that route. But, I'm not an e-reader fan anymore. Something about holding the book feels better, and being able to go back and forth, see the chapters, etc. Decisions, decisions. Carrying said book in my carry-on is the downside though.

First I need a book for this weekend in Asheville. I won't have as much reading time as I usually do, but I enjoy a certain kind of book in Asheville and I want to be intentional. Something a little slower or meaningful or whimsy. Stay tuned. 

I'm thrifting with my aunt today and lunch at one of our favorite places out her way. I'm looking forward to a fun day. 

This change of heart about not letting these trips overwhelm me ahead of time seems to be working. {knock wood}. I'm prioritizing have fun first (me-time) and the "work" of the trips second. A little more carefree and unbothered. Could this be my theme of the summer? That might be something to experiment -- hmmmm. Right now, in this moment, for the 5 minutes I've been doing it ... it feels good. 

Have a good day! Later gators.

Semi-Plan

I have a semi-plan. 

And part of that plan is to have no plan. 

Family hasn't given me answers on the simplest things, so I'm not going to sweat it. Whatever happens, happens. If it's boring, it's boring. And this isn't coming from a snarky place. It's coming from letting them have their own priorities. I'm not chasing anymore. 

It's that energy thing again.

Using MY energy in ways that are welcomed and appreciated. Sometimes by my family (again, this isn't snark), but clearly not in this situation. I love that they all agreed to come and that's what they are willing to give. Seems the "what" isn't important to them, so it doesn't need to be important to me either. I don't need to bend over backwards -- using my efforts this week for my priorities. 

Giving everyone their agency (including me), relieved all the overwhelm of THIS trip. 

Probably an adjustment lesson for me in all of this. 

My neighbor sent me this picture. The old flame azaleas are in bloom at the house. I hope the blooms stay until Thursday when we head up.

I had tentative plans to finish my friend's garden this morning. She's not able to because of lawyer appointments and my week is full. She'll finish it later in the week. This frees up today, specifically this morning. I'm feeling better so I'm going to go hike -- the hike I planned for Sunday. It'll be a drive in weekday traffic, but I'm taking some time for nature and me. 

I saw this on IG and I thought it was fun. A mosaic lightbulb.

This was the greens pick from yesterday. I shared with my neighbor. Absolutely delicious, fresh, crisp. It was a big stack of leaves.

Hope your Monday is setting the week up well. Later gators.

Dang, No Rain

No rain.

Great for our activities (heavy overcast, cool breeze), but we're desperate for rain. More on the forecast this week, but I'm not holding out much hope. It keeps getting downgraded each time I look.

Family fun at the farmers market. HUGE turnout and we got a late start so all the breakfast food was sold out. Vendors are just figuring out the bigger crowds since they've expanded the market. We walked into town and grabbed breakfast instead. Got a few goodies from the market -- coffee, strawberries, and a table cloth for a club table. 

The road was bumpy and my grandson held his water bottle and put his hand on mine so they wouldn't fall out. ADORABLE (!!!!!!!!)

Met the women's group for a road cleanup in the afternoon. Couple of hours of community work. Partnered with a friend and we chatted gardening and books the entire time. Got a number of thank you shout-outs too. Grateful for the clouds and breeze -- very pleasant walking the couple of miles.

I decided to forgo the hike today. Something needed to give in my schedule and this was it. I still think I might be fighting something. My energy is low and I kind of, sort of, don't feel well. Nothing I can put my finger on though. Sometimes it feels like a cold coming on. Sometimes my stomach isn't right. Sometimes I feel like I need to sleep. I think this is general rundown that needs a little TLC.

I haven't gotten a handle on the schedule for the week. I'm all over the place and don't have a plan. This week NEEDS a plan. Next week needs a plan too.

Long weekend (5 days) in Asheville with the family and then a full few days and then we leave for 10 days in Hawaii. May is a big month. I have to get organized so I can enjoy the fun of it -- not be in catch up mode the entire month. That's a sure way for me to forget to have a good time.

Why, why, why is there so much to do before travel? 

Why did we schedule back-to-back trips?

Apparently, I'll never learn. 

And, yep, complaining about something that's not a problem. I hear it. I get it. 

On that note, going to get moving ... on something. Not even sure what. Until I make a plan, I'm just doing random things that I know need to be done. 

Hope you have a good Sunday. My intention is to get setup for a good week ahead (aka, a plan). Later gators. 

Rain Please

We're expecting rain today -- FINALLY.

I hope it rains a lot. We're in desperate need.

And, dang, on a Saturday?!!?

Boys are coming over to go to the farmer's market this morning. My DILs are out of town (not together, but happened the same weekend). I think we'll skirt the morning rain. All boys and me. Vastly outnumbered lol.

Then I'm volunteering for road beautification sponsored by the women's action group. Not sure if that'll happen with storms possible this afternoon. 

I'm physically tired today. I don't know if I'm all altogether feeling well -- maybe coming down with something. Maybe need a little rest. My heart rate was low overnight (44 -- that's lower than my normal low) and I'm feeling off. I'll see what tonight brings. 

I'm debating a solo hike tomorrow morning and it's going to be a last minute decision. It might be too much considering the week ahead. I need full energy for what's on the agenda. An easier day today might be enough rest though. Solo means I can modify pace and distance so if I'm feeling like myself, I'll give it a go.

Short and sweet this morning because I don't have much to say (for once). Hope you have a good Saturday. Later gators.

Already Friday

As much as I don't love a day that's an early morning and a "late" evening, yesterday was a good day.

I cried in the car on the way to see my friend -- some music got me. When I saw her, we had a long hug and a cry too. I'm glad I shared that moment with her. 

Half the garden is planted. More to come on Monday (as of now). 

We talked for an hour before we got to gardening. I hate this awful loss for them and for him too. Sadly, it was preventible and that's heartbreaking. He had a fear of medical things, and never saw a doctor, and ignored some significant symptoms weeks leading up to his passing. Friends and family urged him to go to the doctor, but the fear won out. 

I spent the afternoon fussing around the house. 

Rock painted. 

Hard boiled eggs from my neighbor's chickens. 

A little gardening on my gardens too.

Added "Snoopy"

Such pretty colors

A couple of quick rocks.

The evening meet and greet with local and state candidates was well worth my effort. Some incredible people running. Being with a group of friends and others who feel the same felt like a shot in the arm to keep going, keep working. Clouds and a breeze came in for the evening and it was a beautiful night to walk and sit outside. 

Now a minute on what I was coached on with "that" person. 

I'm proud of how I'm progressing on this front. Standing in the uncomfortable because I know what's right for me. Understanding why this is difficult. Not engaging or initiating contact. Keeping her out of my head as much as I can. This is still work in progress (because we're in a group together), but the coaching tools are helping. 

She isn't someone I want in my life on that level. Once you see behind the curtain, you can't unsee it. I don't like who she is and I don't like who I am around her. 

I'm breaking that ick of energetic connection and not wasting MY energy on the relationship. Either to try and stop the uncomfortable (by acquiescing) or going head-to-head to not let her "get away with it."

It's amazing how often my mind offers up thoughts or ideas on either side of that coin. Every single time I remind myself, nope, I don't engage AND I'm so proud of how I'm showing up. Basically a big round of applause each time I show up how I want to show up. And each time it gets a little easier. Positive reinforcement for the win (and a couple of other tricks from coaching). 

There was a situation yesterday and I'm happy how I handled it -- both forward facing and in my mind. {*applause*}  I'm clearing out my head faster and the uncomfortable feeling is substantially less. All about practicing and telling myself a better story and cheering myself on.

Okay, that's that for today. Heading to run outside, Friday coffee meeting, and lunch with my new neighbor. Then getting to work on the family trip coming up next week. A conversation for another day ... and, yep, it's all about overwhelm. Of course. There's only so much I can change about myself at any given time hah. Overwhelm is taking a backseat to what I chatted about. May is a month of overwhelm potential. You've been warned lol. I'll try to keep it reined in. 

Later gators.

A Friend's Garden

My friend who lost her husband (our friend too), said yes to me helping plant her garden. We belong to the same farm program and pickup for summer planting was this week.

I offered to pickup and plant for her. 

She said yes because she would miss having a garden this year. 

She wants to do it together.

This is my first time seeing her since he passed.

Her gardens are directly in the ground and apparently need a lot of work. She thinks we'll have to do the front today and the back on Monday. She's had these gardens for a few years so I'm not sure why so much work, but I trust she knows what she's doing.

My car is full of soil bags and I'm heading over EARLY today. She hasn't been able to sleep well, so she suggested a 7 o'clock start. Lordy. She's usually not a morning person so I didn't count on such an early start.

The decision to pull out of that meeting yesterday was so good for me. I needed a slow-roll day (especially a morning). The day was productive, but restful with quiet space. I need those kind of days sometimes. Especially ahead of today -- emotional day, unexpected morning, etc. 

My guess is I'll feel incredibly sad being at their house and seeing her, and cry on my way home. That's usually how it goes for me. That said, I wish I could cry a bit when I see her. It feels cold if I don't, but I promise I feel very deeply, it just gets stuck until I'm alone. I will cry at funerals (and weddings for that matter) because of the music -- that gets the emotion moving.

Hubby is golfing all day and I'll have space this afternoon to be with my feelings too. Man, I miss our friend. I can't believe he's gone. He was quirky and funny and curious and kind. 

Tonight I'm walking (little walking flex) to a meet and greet with some local and state level candidates. It starts at 6 -- praise be for that little bit earlier start. Evening meetings love to start at 7 o'clock. 

It's a flanked day -- the kind I'm trying to avoid regularly.

Early obligation, late obligation. 

Best get going. Have a good day. Later gators.

On the Other Side of Cancel

I took the bull by the horns and did something I don't often do. 

I pulled out of the volunteer meeting today. It's a 2 hour, morning meeting, didn't apply to my current situation, although I usually learn something. It's almost an hour away in morning traffic. 

I don't often cancel for this kind of reason. 

Rarely, if ever.

I try to anticipate and say 'no' rather than cancel. 

I push around the obligation instead of backing out.

But ...

SPACE was more important today. 

The things that used up my space this week took priority.

Now I can slow roll today.

Time to garden.

Quiet things for me. 

Still a full day, but nothing is rushed.

I know I'm a broken record about my calendar, but we have 2 trips in May that are a lot of prep work, plus obligations in-between. We leave on the first one next week. I blocked a number of days on the calendar from now until the last week in May. 

My goal is to NOT be rushed. 

Full is okay. 

Rushed is not. 

Let's see if this works. 

Yesterday was a long and fun day with my grandson. Chasing after a two year old is no joke, even a sick one. I managed to water the indoor plants during his nap though and that's always a big thing off my list. I crawled into bed last night and was out immediately. Didn't even read.

Speaking of reading ...

I finished this book and really enjoyed it. Loved the format. Interesting "mystery." Spoke to assumptions about others. Well done. It's making rounds with lots of good reviews. 

I'm reading this and it's another good one.

I have 2 books vying for the next spot and the coveted time in Asheville (where I tend to read more). Although this trip is with family, so I might not have as much time for teahouse and patio reading. Stay tuned.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators. 

Oh, Universe ... Seriously?

Well, the white space on the calendar disappeared. 

That was quick. 

I swear the universe taunts me when I make a declaration.

My friend confirmed Thursday and asked for a few favors which I am absolutely glad to help so the calendar filled up a few slots.

I was set to pickup my grandson after school today (with the rest of the day free) and he's home sick. 

Now ALL DAY babysitting. 8am - 5pm.

Huge calendar chunk gone for today and that was my last white space. 

I'm happy to spend the day with him though.

Add to everything ... I need to actually push some chores into my other days so not only NOT slow days, but now full days with rushed mornings. 

Geez. 

Can I do better?

Should I do better?

Is it really too much?

Lots of questions, and no answers.

Anyway ... yesterday.

Interesting day. 

The hike was beautiful. You couldn't dial a nicer hiking moment. It was chilly to start with a hearty breeze. Tree leaves have just sprouted so the trail was mostly shaded. Beautiful views. Rolling hills with a couple of easy climbs. 

Clear sky -- see for miles

Looks like a boar

We hiked one loop together and then I hiked it again solo. 

"It's so nice, I hiked it twice." -- the hiking club says this a lot hah.

Just under 9 miles of perfection.

I haven't been hiking a lot lately and I didn't realize how much I miss it.

It's been years since I've hiked this side of the mountain. A Girl Scout troop made a Fairy Trail on a little offshoot loop. It was so much fun. Fairy houses and such everywhere. 

And a snake rock at the visitor center. New programs for the community. A little garden too. Adult fitness classes. I should add this to the rotation. The drive was tough with traffic though -- a full hour, but only 35 minutes back. Sunday mornings might be a good time to go -- easy traffic and if I go early enough, not crowded.

Petra, a "community" snake

My friend asked me to join her and her brothers next year to hike the Grand Canyon. Oh man, what an adventure and I can't do it. There's a section that runs along a cliff line with no rails. Too big of a risk for me, but I wish I wasn't so chicken. The rest sounds doable and incredible.

She's going to join me in Asheville in June -- so she says now. The week that marks menopause for me. The week the Tuesday hiking group ghosted a response. Now, this friend is known to cancel, but it's fine whether she comes or not and doesn't change much of anything for me. I sort of asked her on a whim, but I'll be happy if she holds the commitment. It'll be fun. We have a lot of interests in common and the week's plans are totally up her alley.

Okay, going to get moving along. Lots of prep for a little man this morning. Hubby is gone most of the day so it's just the 2 of us. 

Today is my son's 32nd birthday. Doesn't seem possible. Happy birthday! 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Weekend Recap

Good morning. 

Well, bookclub. Lordy, lordy. 

The one woman who was confirmed to go (who asked me not to cancel), canceled an hour before. "I'm just not going to be able to make it today -- let's take a raincheck." Ugh. She does this regularly. I think there's more to her story involving either anxiety or depression. 

One of my friends who was a maybe (for legitimate reason) saw the cancel and texted me she wanted to come unless I had had enough. I told her she didn't need to feel an obligation -- I was going regardless. She came. We had a nice, long conversation and brunch.

I appreciated that she validated what was happening. Last minute cancels, I had to reach out, ZERO apologies, lame excuses, no consideration for me. She said she was embarrassed for them -- acting that way. Group dynamics where you don't take any responsibility for your individual actions. Believe it or not, I didn't complain or bring it up. I told her I appreciated it and felt seen (she's a life coach and you can tell).

I'm taking a break for the summer. We both thought it was a good idea. Maybe gathering more informally if anyone is interested, but not planning anything. I hope this isn't the end of bookclub. It hangs by a very thin thread. 

WORTH REPEATING though ...

BTW, the run with Duke was great. Shade, breeze by the water. 

Walking to brunch, I stopped at the opening day of our town's Farmer's Market. Wow. It's twice as big. What a glow-up. Ran into some people I knew -- small town feel, just what I want. Got some local stuff. Looking forward to going again.

The author talk was okay, my least favorite of the ones I've attended though. The talk itself was boring. The moderator was another known author (although I didn't know her) and her questions and energy were blah. The best questions came from the audience. The author seemed like she had a happy personality and was funny at times, but the moderator kept stopping the banter and not engaging with her. An attitude like let's just get this over. (BTW -- I'll chat about books soon, including the one from the event.)

The event itself was well done with lots of work from the volunteers. Tea and homemade scones. Give aways. I sat with some other solo goers at a front table and we chatted books. That was the best part. 

The birthday celebration was an excellent family day. Lots of last minute work, but worth it. We had family laughs and the garden salad was spot on. Love bragging and sharing garden goodies. 

I painted this rock. How cute and simple. I copied from IG.

I picked up two flats of plants from the farm program. Gave some away to my son and need to squeeze the rest into the garden. Right now they're sitting on my kitchen counter because it's 42 degrees. Beautiful, cool morning, but too cool for summer seedlings. Good lord, this rollercoaster weather. (Great for me, great for spring plants, NOT great for the summer littles. I hope the seedlings just emerging are okay. I'll be able to reseed if I need to.)

Hiking with a former neighbor (and friend) today back at my old stomping grounds. She won't hike long, so I'll do a few solo miles. She's another one apt to cancel. I didn't get a confirmation text as she usually does, but also not a cancel text either. I could've reached out, but I'm over organizing and following up and babysitting people's calendars right now. I'm hiking regardless. We'll see if she shows up. I expect she will. 

We're occasional friends. She started a dog boutique and that ended most of our socializing because she was occupied with the business. We used the boutique for grooming and saw her more at work than two doors down from our house. She closed the store due to a leasing issue and is probably moving to AZ in a year or two. She a temporary, occasional friend now. She still does a dog walking service so she's tied up most days from late morning on. We're hiking early today. Probably. Hopefully.

This week is quite open. I'm on-call to help my friend who lost her husband and I'm holding time open until I hear from her and her schedule. There's no expectation that it'll happen, but I'm here if she needs me. 

It's kind of a win for me too. Forces me to white-space calendar blocks and that allows some slow days. Even if she needs me, it won't be all the availability I offered. As usual, I want to use that time for good. Quiet time. Reading time. Creative time. Gardening. Things that fill my cup. 

Best get going. I have a 45 minute drive to the hike and we're going as soon as the park opens. This early isn't my preference, but it's a great way to start a Monday and the week. Hope you are off to a good start too. Later gators.