Go big or go home.

I LOVED coaching!  Why ... because it was all about ME LOL!!  I jest, yet I don't.  It was interesting having total focus on me and, while I don't like to be center of attention in a group, it was nice being center of attention one-on-one.  With no guilt of talking all about ME.

I like Holly a lot! I follow her on Instagram - Holly Higgins, so I already knew her "voice."

My big revelation is I'm doing a trial to see if I need to eliminate desserts from my life.  This is a bit long, so bare with me. (And my idea - with her support.)

Years ago (over 20), I had a bad relationship with soda.  Drank it day and night, copious amounts.  For years I tried to moderate because I knew it wasn't good for me.  I never could.  One day I quit cold turkey and haven't looked back.  This was HARD.  It was before water bottles were a thing.  Before fizzy water was a thing.  I missed it tremendously for about a year.  BUT ...  I'm so happy I said goodbye to a relationship that was one-sided and NOT healthy.

I feel in this same place now with sweets.  I LOVE desserts, but only when I can eat stupid amounts.  One piece of cake - nope, I want 3 pieces of cake.  Two cookies - nope, half the box.  If I can't overeat it, then I can easily pass having it.  Does that make sense?  (Sick sense, but sense?!?)  Basically, I want to have a mini-binge or nothing at all.  Even if I happen to moderate it for a while, it eventually wins.

EVERY non-healthy slide in my adult life involves sweets.  It begins there, it speeds up with sweets and ends up in a pile of sweets before I pick myself up again.

I love sweets ONLY if I can overeat them.

Lordy, I WISH I could moderate.

When I did my first Whole30 I realized that I don't like sweets in the "normal" way.  They don't taste THAT good to me.  They actually are a type of "fix."  When I did another Whole30 I mentioned the idea of giving up sweets, and was talked out of it by a moderator on the forum - too extreme thinking - you can have dessert in your food freedom.  Once I posted that I WAS doing that, and got a ton of push back again, so I changed my mind AGAIN.

But this idea won't leave me.  I have a bad relationship with SUGAR, DESSERT ... whatever you want to call it.  I don't feel well when I eat it.  It's a food-without-brakes.  It starts me on an eventual slide or a fight to hold my head above water.  Dramatic?!?  Yes, but if you knew my head-talk, it's true.

I mentioned all this to Holly and we decided to make a commitment to NO sweets until after the 5 month program (PHB) ends in January.  Then I'll re-evaluate and decide next steps.

I AM a person who DOES NOT eat SWEETS.  (Whole30 believes in the power of "I am" statements.)

Now for a bit of clarification.  I'm not talking berries or fruit or just ANYTHING sweet.  I'm talking cake, cookies, pie, candy, frozen bars, etc.  Berries don't have the same trigger as berry pie.  That kind of thing.

It's a little daunting to make such a big commitment.  Go big or go home, I guess.  I didn't join all this to do the same thing.  I joined to change something in a big way.

When I think of FOREVER (or January) it seems too big.  But if I focus on today, this week ... it seems manageable.  I'll keep my focus small, more NOW centered and see how that goes.

I'm excited, nervous, hopeful and everything in-between .  Fingers crossed.  Later gators.