Oktoberfest

This morning we head into the city for a HUGE fundraiser for Releash Atlanta - Oktoberfest.  We'll be manning the booth, running the bar, begging for tips ... all the usual stuff EXCEPT it's not in the 90s and miserable!  Yea!!

Yesterday started out as a really frustrating day.  Having a full house unexpectedly messed up my ME plans - longer meditation, PHB homework, journalling, listening to podcasts.  I was instantly grumpy and negative looping in my head.  I did affirmations on the dog walk and realized there was no reason I couldn't do it anyway (or most of it, at least).  The big issue is interruptions.  I'm in the office meditating and people come in to ask question, let the dogs in, get something.  There goes meditation.  Same for the HW - it takes a lot of thinking and I don't want interruptions.  This time I told them what I was doing and asked for no interruptions.  Guess what?  They listened.  Dang - why don't I do that more often?!?

I don't know why I feel the need to keep this kind of stuff private.  It's some secret that no one can know I'm doing.  There's no need for that - so I spoke up, did my stuff, felt great.  Win!

PS I still keep this "blog" (journal) private because I don't want them to read it.  Baby steps LOL.

Anyway, after all day at the festival, we are heading to our local town for an outdoor band, dinner and drinks with friends.  This "added" night out would've freaked me out in the past.  Can I eat out again?  Should I drink?  I'm going to be tired.  All the panic and excuses.

It's not bothering me at all.  I feel in control and totally confident in my decisions.  I'm on an uphill climb now and I'll take it!  When you relax into life, lean into things, stop fighting everything ... it's peaceful and NORMAL.  Well, duh!!!

I almost forgot my biggest win yesterday.  Something happened last night that sent me into instant ugly thoughts.  It brought up family issues from long ago and I immediately made up a story of how everything would unfold, how it was just-like-it-used-to-be, etc.  All fabrication.  All assumption.  I was upset and STANDING in front of an open refrigerator when I stopped myself.  I felt the feelings, thought about the "story" I made up and TURNED that SHIT around.  I didn't eat, I didn't mope, I didn't push down the feelings or poo poo them either.  This is a huge win for me.

I feel GOOD about the situation now.  Actually good - not pretend good because I pushed the feelings down.  The turn around gives me the feeling I want and opened up to so many other good feelings.  Again, normal behavior - who knew?!?!

Time to hit the treadmill.  I'm glad it's back for early mornings like this - quick intervals and arm day.

Later gators.