We had the PHB call last night and it didn't go well for me. I'm trying to "process" it and figure out how to deal with the feelings.
It's a long story, but I'll try for the Cliff Note version (or Spark Notes as they're called now LOL).
There's one person in our group with some big issues. Issues so big, I hope she's also seeing a therapist. She goes first in EVERY SINGLE exercise we do ... I'm pretty sure Holly based the order on when we signed up. I go last and I know I was last to sign up - so I think this is accurate.
Anyway, her "stuff" often dominates the call. Last night it felt like total domination. By the time we got to discussing my Burn List, there was no time left. Even the other 2 ladies - with big issues of their own, were cut short. I was more than "cut short," I was not even discussed.
Here's the deal. A big part of my Burn List talked about MY feelings and how there's often someone in need more, hurting more, crying more, louder ... over-shadowing my feelings, my time, my moment, my attention.
This was the EXACT thing I'm talking about. I poured a lot of work into my Burn List and got no feedback or validation or anything. I'm paying for this class too and I'm getting brushed over. Why? Because her problem is MORE. And when I tell myself her problem is more, it says to me my problem is, therefore, LESS.
Now, here's my confusion. What the hell does this mean? Is this an opportunity to help myself? Is it an opportunity to work through my own feelings? Is this my Negative Roommate trying to discourage me because I'm actually making progress? Are these feelings real or inflated because I'm resisting change? Should I think them through, allow myself to feel them OR should I do the turn around and make it all okay in my mind. But is it actually okay? Does the turn around stuff my feelings down and continue the problem?
See my CRAZY on full display?!?! LOL. I'm stumped. I MIGHT reach out to Holly about this, but then I risk seeming like a needy complainer.
I believe this is an opportunity to work through the very thing I wrote about, but I don't know how to do it.
UPDATE: I messaged Holly. Reaching out is a part of the program and I'm committed to doing all the program. I even feel better by just reaching out. Stay tuned ...
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Let's move beyond the Debbie Downer and get to more fun things!!
Treadmill is in and looking gorgeous. It may need some adjusting, but we'll see. It also needs to be moved out from the back wall a bit now that I look at it. If I fall, I don't want to slam the wall. It has a beautifully long base - love it! I probably won't run on it until we move it this weekend (hubby is out of town). I'm most definitely trying it for a walk tomorrow!!
Boxing this morning followed by a massage (after I shower, of course). I got my "friend" yesterday so the timing on both isn't great, but, oh well. I'm going with it. Do your magic, April!!
The yoga-meditation class felt great. It was the perfect amount of both for me. And, I got such a nice welcome back - CONNECTION. It felt great. I'm going again next week. My girlfriend didn't like it at all. She wants more yoga and is going back to a lady who does it in a gym space for 6 week sessions. At first, her opinion jolted my joy of the experience, but it's all good. I'm glad it solidified what she wants to do and I'm glad I had such a great experience too. Individual goals, individual needs.
Time to meditate (I need it this morning) and get my day going. Not a bad one shaping up - thanks for listening. Later gators.
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