On Repeat

Very nice day yesterday -- did all the things I planned and it was a good day. Then slept like poo. Don't know what happened. I'm pulling off caffeine this week and see if that will make a difference. I didn't sleep because I felt awake, I didn't sleep because I was restless/nervous. I've gotten looser with caffeine lately so that might be the cause. I'll taper this week so I end up back to very low (only decaf coffee) by next week.

I'm a tiny bit regretting this full week and I'm also happy I'm doing it. Time to get a little out of my comfort zone -- which is ever shrinking. I don't need to be a bump-on-the-log by the time I'm 60.

BUT ... prepare for some complaining, lamenting, etc ON REPEAT this week. I'm trying to focus on the PROUD and HAPPY, but, you know me lol.

It happens that this week is heavy in the planning-for-later-adventures too. The Chimp 5K weekend is in full force. Now it's 2 nights, chef home dinner, me teaching a rock painting afternoon, possible shared room. Eeek. Out of my comfort zone. And the 2 night hiking trip registration was last night -- plans in full swing for this too. Also out of my comfort zone. I keep telling myself these are "worries" for a later date.

I have enough out-of-the-box this week. I might be a bit overextended, but all the things happened to come together in one week. The hiccup is the add-ons, changes in appointments, and some of the things are ending up being more complicated than originally planned. 

Everything is small, but all the small is adding up. Here's a little example -- there are more. I'm trying to keep a better attitude because a bad one doesn't help anything.

** Hairdresser decided to go out of town, so I needed to change appointment and squeeze my Wednesday or no appointment before Puerto Rico. 

** Offered to bring Mac+Cheese to my son and DIL -- they want me to add roasted chicken (which I now need to go to the store to buy/cook) ... on Wednesday that is jammed packed now.

** Seed class is in 2 locations -- farm and across town in a conference room. Why??? So an hour is added to the class so we can switch locations. I won't get home on Wednesday until almost 10 o'clock. 

** Dinner out is now dinner at my future DIL's. Very nice, but now I need to bring and/or cook for Friday.

** Volunteer is in full swing. Probably 2 hours a day this week because of the change in court dates. Normally the work isn't this condensed. 

Choosing that damn full life. Remind me this is a good thing.

Anyway ...

I finished this book. So good. It reminded me of Twilight meets Hunger Games meets Harry Potter. I ordered the sequel (last in series of two). It lived up to the hype.

Heading back to GA first thing. I have a conference call early afternoon for volunteering and a bunch of report writing before I leave for the evening hike. I ordered a head lamp for the end of the hike as it's getting dark (per suggestion) and it works well. I've used it for mornings in Asheville. Only $11 on Amazon. It has a tilt and different light options. Nice to have hands-free.

Best get moving. Have a good day -- I'm focusing on that too (hopefully). Later gators.

Asheville Feels

Even with holiday weekend crowds, I got a nice teahouse moment. Hubby dropped and picked me up -- the teahouse is not his thing. We hung a couple of vintage/antique oil paintings, hung the birdhouse gourd, took the dogs for a walk and I read the rest of the evening.

More on the book once I take a picture -- it's such a fun read. Probably a favorite for 2024. I read 300/500 pages yesterday. I want to give it its proper dues.

I also drank a Budweiser Zero -- I have a little stash of non-alcoholic beer here. I don't drink it often or a lot because it probably has gluten. It's something different when I come to Asheville.

I want to add something more
to the wall -- something that's
not a picture or a mirror. It
needs softer angles.

The LFL was opened, looked at (books in a different pile) and one book added. Not super popular, but I'll keep trying. I added a few more books, some wildflower seeds packets and a couple of painted rocks.

Today is a mix of things. Some work (start volunteer report), workout (Peloton and a mountain walk), pick up the framed print (part of my retirement celebration), teahouse (always, whenever possible) and dinner date with hubby.

I slept well last night. First night my recovery stats were back in range since shingles. I feel like the anxiety is easing up. I also ordered CBD gummies for stress (rather than sleep). I'll give those a try -- I welcome a placebo effect even. 

Have a good Monday. Doesn't feel like a Monday to me. I forgot to write up my weekly plan -- geez, and it's a full week.

Later gators.

Rollercoaster Again

Man, yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions. I won't get into details, but I held my head up through it (wanted to cry twice). I'm determined to give this anxiety my best effort to figure it out. Lots and lots of self-talk cheering me on to understand absolutely none of the things I felt upset about were about me. People had reactions to things and it was out of my control. I was a bit of a punching bag, and that's okay because I didn't need to take it personally.

I liked how I responded. Nicely, listening, understanding, not defensively ... and still protecting myself.

This morning I feel more relaxed. Maybe it IS possible to practice a different response and move away from unnecessary upset.

Here's the upside of the rollercoaster.

The hike was fun and fast with great weather. It was expected to be overcast, windy and cold ... but nice weather stayed all morning.

I got a bunch of goodies at the craft fair. Not much time to shop (probably for the best lol). I'll share some pictures as I use things. A few gifts for people and a few gifts for me. I like being prepared with gifts for upcoming needs. Taking it off my plate ahead.

New mug from a ceramic vendor I bought from last year and a few coasters with favorite books from a new vendor. I had nice chats with both crafters. Edited myself to not get an expensive floor quilt for the baby. I have ones from my son's baby years and I'll use those instead. 

This one is for my office.

I booked a "big" trip for August with the hiking club. Up a local mountain to stay in a bunk house inn for 2 nights. Hiking with all the stuff (so heavier backpack), everything comes back out. Three days of hiking. I wanted to try this as a little practice moment ahead of planning our El Camino de Santiago adventure next year. I'm a little nervous and a lot excited. That checks the right boxes. It's big for me because this is completely out of my wheelhouse. From no ac in August (eek), to sleeping in a room with no bathroom (I'm fussy), to prepared foods, shared showers, possible spiders, etc. I need to rough up myself a little lol.

This is a really full week with a few out-of-the-box experiences for me and a lot of stuff around a big learning curve for volunteering. Remembering words matter, I've stopped saying "hard week" and started saying "fun week." Why fun? Because it's full of learning, curiosity and accomplishment. Exactly what I say I want from my life. This has it in spades.

Time to get moving. Heading to Asheville today with the dogs and hubby too :) I need to water plants and pack before we get on the road. I want to get there in time to get to the teahouse -- always try to make this my first stop in Asheville.

Hope you're having a good weekend. Later gators.

Double Things Today

Today is one of the days where I decided I can do more than one thing. I'm hiking in Helen, GA with my hiking club, going to a craft fair AND having a first meeting with the child in foster care and her foster placement. 

Full day.

Since the pandemic, my back injury and peri, I've gotten very used to pacing my life. In the last 4 years, I wouldn't have done all of this in one day. I would've canceled the hike or postponed Asheville (to do volunteer on Sunday). 

I have a lot going on in my life right now -- pacing too much doesn't leave time to do the things I want to do. I end up taking away fun things to do the obligations. Even obligations that ARE fun -- like planning an upcoming vacation.

I'll see how this goes. I imagine I need some practice. This week is full of practice. I'm out EVERY NIGHT this week. Might seem silly, but that's unheard of for me these days. A bunch of things that I wanted to do ran together in one week. Seems like a good opportunity to practice stacking and not being afraid to have some full days in a row.

It's okay to have plans during the day AND plans at night. It's funny how hard this feels.

I'm on the fence about getting help for the anxiety that started with hormones. Peri is no joke. I hate feeling like this all the time. The more I have to do, the more anxious I feel. I can only relax when I feel like I can hide at home all day, alone. That's not the way I want to live so I continue to walk forward. Maybe medication would take the edge off. I have mixed feeling about it because I wonder if I'm learning from the anxiety. Is it teaching me how to walk in the world differently, giving me a strength I didn't have before, helping me see ways I need to adjust my life?

Question for another day.

This felt timely. I think this is a lot of where the anxiety steps in -- I'm feeling low, then feel I'm not loved, capable of anything, not a good person, get everything wrong, etc. Fun times in a brain of a middle-aged woman. 

Have a good Saturday. Later gators.

Hello :)

Let's catch up. It's list time.

1. Our grandson is doing super well. Clean bill of health and home with his mom and dad -- who are already beautiful parents. This is one lucky little boy.

I got to meet him and
take a little buggy ride.

2. My volunteer position is in full swing. I meet the child on Saturday. I'm a little nervous with lots to learn. 

3. Grow room is almost ready for seeds next week. We were planning to final sealer coat the raised garden bed this afternoon, but rain overnight so it'll wait until next week. It needs 24 hours of dry time outside.

4. I've been hiking -- finally. Fast hike yesterday (perfect weather), big hike on Saturday (cold!), long hike next Sunday.

5. Saying yes too. Remember the Chimp 5k Event I invited a friend to join me? Well she got a group together and now it's a girls' weekend. I'm excited. It's not until March so more on this later.

6. I've been trying to say 'yes' more. I AM capable of doing more than one "thing" each day. Time to build up some endurance. 

7. I got this decanter for my bedroom in Asheville. Fill with water and a drinking cup sits on top. This is a vintage knock-off from Amazon. Dishwasher safe with thick glass. I was keeping 2 water glasses on my dresser -- this consolidates and gives me more water. Plus I like that it's covered.

So pretty!

8. Antique oil painting from online IG. I've gotten a few things from this account and I love them all. This is my favorite. It's going up to Asheville. It's so charming in person. Mailman delivering the mail in the countryside.

9. Got this card in the mail from my artist aunt. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE getting handmade cards -- made my day.

10. Had a coaching call about my hobbies feeling like work. Guess what? Apparently that word carries a lot of meaning to me. Switching my language to I'm playing (rather than working) helps. It's also connected to officially retiring from nursing. Need to feel I'm working to justify worth. Interesting. I knew this was in my head (so to speak) and I'm practicing some new thoughts and this shift in wording. These hobbies are meant to be FUN, not a dreaded drag.

11. I got a speeding ticket. OMG (!!) I've never had a ticket before. It was a camera on the drive home from Asheville. It says no association with license or points so I paid it on the down-low from hubby. Why? Because I'll never hear the end of not using the smart cruise control. He already bugs me about it, but I don't like the way it feels to give over so much control to the car. I didn't slow down quickly enough through a park area (goes from 55 to 45). I got flagged at 56. BTW, the highway is the same through the park -- 4 lane, divided. If you miss that initial sign, you are screwed because the speed limit changes a mile before you can see the park entrance, but the road is still the same highway.

We are headed to the park today for some grandson time -- 2 parents, 4 grandparents and one precious baby.  

2024 has felt like quite a ride -- so many emotional happenings. I'm trying to get myself back to a calmer state and back to enjoying things (aka get this anxiety under control). 

Hope you are well and set for a good weekend. Later gators.

NICU

I'm keeping this short again this morning. 

Baby had respiratory problems and then seizures. NICU. MRI of brain is normal. Everything has gone back to baseline. Once he has feeding endurance again (using a feeding tube when he was really sick), doctors will talk discharge.

I think we're through the worst of it.

We've been so worried.

I have shingles. I have my period 2 weeks early.

My mother sent a nasty text and I have her currently completely blocked from my life (family drama I've alluded to in other posts). Now I don't care who knows. She is an unkind human being. 

Our focus is this baby and his parents.

The dogs are here. I finally got some medications into the chihuahua. 

The only important thing right now is this little baby. He is cute as a button. I can't wait to see him. Everyone else met him, but I'm holding off because of shingles (even though I'm not contagious). 

Later gators.

Baby!

No pictures because of the dang bots. 

He was born around 4 o'clock this morning. 8lbs 7 oz. Emergency c-section but everyone is doing well.

Canceled hike. 

Might have shingles.

Never a dull moment. 

Later gators. Off to pick up dogs for the week.