Double Things Today

Today is one of the days where I decided I can do more than one thing. I'm hiking in Helen, GA with my hiking club, going to a craft fair AND having a first meeting with the child in foster care and her foster placement. 

Full day.

Since the pandemic, my back injury and peri, I've gotten very used to pacing my life. In the last 4 years, I wouldn't have done all of this in one day. I would've canceled the hike or postponed Asheville (to do volunteer on Sunday). 

I have a lot going on in my life right now -- pacing too much doesn't leave time to do the things I want to do. I end up taking away fun things to do the obligations. Even obligations that ARE fun -- like planning an upcoming vacation.

I'll see how this goes. I imagine I need some practice. This week is full of practice. I'm out EVERY NIGHT this week. Might seem silly, but that's unheard of for me these days. A bunch of things that I wanted to do ran together in one week. Seems like a good opportunity to practice stacking and not being afraid to have some full days in a row.

It's okay to have plans during the day AND plans at night. It's funny how hard this feels.

I'm on the fence about getting help for the anxiety that started with hormones. Peri is no joke. I hate feeling like this all the time. The more I have to do, the more anxious I feel. I can only relax when I feel like I can hide at home all day, alone. That's not the way I want to live so I continue to walk forward. Maybe medication would take the edge off. I have mixed feeling about it because I wonder if I'm learning from the anxiety. Is it teaching me how to walk in the world differently, giving me a strength I didn't have before, helping me see ways I need to adjust my life?

Question for another day.

This felt timely. I think this is a lot of where the anxiety steps in -- I'm feeling low, then feel I'm not loved, capable of anything, not a good person, get everything wrong, etc. Fun times in a brain of a middle-aged woman. 

Have a good Saturday. Later gators.