Pray With Moving Legs

Mood is starting lift -- ever so slowly.  As my Tai Chi class says -- part the clouds, see the sun.  I've moved to partly cloudy days LOL.  Progress.

I FORCED myself to do things yesterday.  Not hard things, just SOMETHING.

I had a slower and shorter interval treadmill run.  I ran until I felt like I worked out.  Something about sweating and breathing hard that makes a mind feel better.  My back is wonky, but it held up.

I dipped my toe back in the water of 50th birthday trip planning with my high school friends.  This has been overwhelming me -- herding cats to make some sort of decision.  It's also high on my boundary holding and that felt too much right now.  EXCEPT, we need to get planning.  I sent a group message and also was honest about my thoughts (don't want a villa in the countryside -- too boring).  So far, the ball is moving.  We'll see if we actually make progress this time.

Met the aunties and the dogs for a dog walk and dog lunch.  This was a major mood turner.  FAMILY (!!)  Laughing, moving, sunshine, fresh-air.  I needed it all.  I left and I felt GOOD -- first time in days.

Found a 3rd place for dress shopping for the wedding.  Need to get this moving so it gets off my stress list.  I was trying and hitting walls -- made me want to ignore it altogether, which would be the worst thing to do.  And, of course, extra yucky that my pants are too tight.

I put some FUN things on the calendar for next week.  Turned down something I didn't want to do -- keeping true to what feels good.  Finding MY balance is still new to me and requires effort.  Effort on anything feels unappealing right now -- mental effort, physical effort.

I made a list of 5 things that I didn't want to do -- wrong bills, problems with appointments, etc.  I did ONE yesterday.  Easiest one, but it counts.

It seems when I feel a strong emotion -- anything strong, good or bad -- it's like a storm that pulls all the other emotional situations in with it.  Energizes smaller emotions.  Amplifies situations.  That's where I am now.  I'm upset and lots of daily life things are getting pulled into this storm and electrified.  The smallest thing that shouldn't upset me feels overwhelming.  Dealing with a wrong bill feels like a herculean task.

This happens when I'm super duper happy too.  Nothing bothers me.  Sunshine and sparkles.  Daily "problems" are no big deal.  Wouldn't mind feeling this way again soon -- hint, hint, dear Universe.

This is where this personal growth work comes into play.  It's not easy to believe when you feel crappy.  Accept what is.  Universe is working for me, not against me.  My business, your business, Universe's business and mine is the only one to worry about.

Yesterday was better and that's the plan for today.  I have an afternoon nail appointment and I'm going to have fun with it.  SNS break for a month and a "color" on my fingers (neutral, but not clear).  A little bit of fun, but it's a start.  Good to feel good.  Some sort of workout this morning that's "back approved" and that will be a solid start.  We have the neighborhood Fun Friday tonight and it's at the lodge.  I might go because I have stuff to make pigs in a blanket and at the lodge feels easier -- we'll see.  Honoring what feels good today, but also getting some crap done.

"Pray with moving legs."

A quaker quote -- ACTION is required with prayer.  I like this.  I've been praying hard, but not moving very little.  "Moving" today.  Later gators.