It's Good to Feel GOOD (!!)

My mood had lifted (hormones are wicket recently).

Onward ... and updates.

19 for 19 List didn't change much after the last update.  The biggest disappointment was modifying our will and updating our accounts list in a way a stranger could figure out.  Both have been bumped to this year and both will (no pun) get finished.  Otherwise, I did pretty darn well.

As far as 20 for 20 ... or something related to 50 ... I'm still undecided.  I've kept an idea list that seems uninspiring now.  I need to change it to something that excites me.  Stay tuned.  Something like 5 goals for the year, mini-challenges, one something-extra-fun each month.  I'm going to work on this over the next few days.

My WORD theme for 2019 was SHINE.  I liked it a lot in the beginning, but after RISE Conference, I kind of dumped it.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it again, but this year I chose a phrase ... one that's been repeating itself to me for months.  "It's good to feel good."  I have a card deck from Gabby Bernstein and I draw cards for inspiration.  This message comes up over and over no matter how I mix up the cards.  Shuffle ... draw the 3rd card, take the bottom card, take the 15th card, etc.  There are 3 cards in a deck of 52 about feeling good and I usually get one of the three (I draw 3 at a time).  It's also a HUGE message from the writing of Abraham Hicks.  I "see" this message so many places and I'm picking it for this big year of 50.

Get this one the most.

My theme-goal-hope-plan for this year is to take the things I've learned about myself ... external, internal, boundaries, fun, stillness, accepting, buffering, etc ... and put them into action in a way that I know works for me (because I've done it).  I've experimented, practiced and do a lot of the things, a lot of the time.  But not all the time.  Not when life gets hard, not when I have a new stress -- then I cut myself and break and justify behavior that doesn't serve me.

My coach talks about looking at what bothers you in other people as a message for yourself.  (The message isn't always something you need to work on ... I am bothered by murderers, but I don't need to work on not murdering.)  BUT, sometimes it is a MIRROR.

I'm awfully impatient with people who learned WHAT to do and then don't do it.  "I exercised for 2 months and I felt great, but I stopped."  I think I'm impatient about it in others because on a more subtle level, I'm doing the same thing with what I've learned.

I improved my headspace A LOT over these last few years, but I stop short in certain situations.  I still like to buffer with food -- sometimes.  I still like to head complain -- sometimes.  I still like to procrastinate my goals -- sometimes.  Sometimes is when LIFE feels HARD.

It's time to take it to the next level.  I know LIFE is life and there are ALWAYS ups and downs, ebbs and flows.  I won't be able to do all this with absoluteness, but I can do better.  I'll notice I'm head complaining over nothing and I do it anyway with some justification on why this is "helpful" to work out the problem in my head.  It's not.  I know it.  I do it anyway.  Lying to myself.

I think it feels good and warranted in the moment  (I get to give myself a break sometimes), but it doesn't.  Sometimes it gets away from me too.  One night of snacking turns into a week.  One hour of complaining turns into a day of negative head space.  When I see it, I want to do better.  This isn't feeling good.  It's a false "feeling good."  Brain sabotage.

These little things add up and they can add up to being unhappy again.  It matters.  This year is working on the subtle, sneaky ways that I sabotage myself and sabotage FEELING GOOD.

It's good to feel good.  I like it.  Let's see how good, good gets.  Hello, 2020.