Chi Running

Well, I sort of got suckered.  It was interesting and I'm going to incorporate some of what I learned into my running form (posture, engaged abdominals, leg kick), but a lot of it was A LOT.

It was sort of goofy and one clinic was not enough (even 4 hours later).  You'd need a running group or a personal trainer to get all the nuance.

The physics makes sense and you make the changes SLOWLY, but the end goal is a totally different running style in minimalist shoes that sounds a little too good to be true.  Also, I tried minimalist shoes and I ended up tearing ligaments and being in a boot for months (even though I took the change as slowly as directed).  The orthopedic said no way again.

That said, I'll try some changes because they might help.  It'll take a while to incorporate it without injury (ironic) but I'm open to trying something -- what I'm doing now isn't working.

This brings me to a confession on what I'm working on in my "personal growth."  I am TOTALLY IMPATIENT with people I THINK are not working on themselves.  I need to cut it out -- logically, I'm there (not my business, don't know this is even true), but the judgement still lingers underneath.

The ONLY other person in the class was a middle aged, awkward man and I couldn't keep my judgement quiet in my mind.  He had the case of "I'm going to, I just haven't had time."  On EVERYTHING -- including things that don't take time.  A big dreamer with little action and it set my mind to JUDGEMENT instantly.  I tried to "feel" empathy.  He's probably a lonely man, probably needs support, probably is trying hard, etc.  Be nice, make eye contact, smile at him.  Couldn't stay in that place because I'm not that advanced LOL.  He wouldn't stop crazy talking about how he wants to run a 100 mile Ultra Marathon THIS YEAR, but hasn't done any actual work toward the goal.  He can't run at all. Dude -- try a 5K -- I say meanly in my head.  See -- I'm judging.  Not my business what HIS goals are this year.

I'm doing this with a couple of close people in my life.  People I've know for years who are complaining of the same issues and never working toward changing them.  I'm impatient and, frankly, don't want to talk about these "problems" anymore.  Talk to me when you are ready to make a change.

It IS my business to decide how I participate and engage in their problem complaining, but it's not my business to JUDGE them for, what I deem, is NOT doing the work.

How do I move away from a pattern that we've had for YEARS?  How do I do it and still remain friends?  Maybe the friendship is built on codependency that's not a healthy relationship.  This makes me sad.

I meditated (prayed, asked) for help with this and waited.  I listened to Brooke Castillo's -- Being Selfish -- this felt like my answer.  At first, I was half listening -- it wasn't something I was interested in, but then she addressed this very thing. (Thanks, Universe for my answer even though I don't want to hear it.)

The problem is I'm expecting THEM to act a certain way to fill MY NEEDS in the friendship.  I want them to change or stop the complaining so we can have a different relationship.  One built on something "better."  They aren't in that place.  It's not my business and if it's not working for ME, I need to set my boundaries and be willing to risk the friendship.

Ouch, this is HARD stuff.

I don't want to turn my back on these two people, but I don't want to be on this hamster wheel with them anymore.  It's not serving me.  I'll keep trying to redirect our friendship and see if they are interested in exploring other "connections" -- if not, I have some decisions to make that feel necessary, but still sad.

I have guilt too.  I created this dynamic -- takes 2 to tango.  I asked them to run on MY hamster wheel for a time.  I'm doing a lot of work to get off all the wheels that don't serve me.  Brooke talks about this in her podcast.  I'm not ready for an extreme cut-off, but I have to set some boundaries -- and I have to stop JUDGING (blaming) them.

Letting go is uncomfortable to me.  Closing a chapter.  Completing a friendship.  The more I practice this, the more I see it's better for everyone when it's time.

Today is A Course in Miracles followed by an appointment at The Container Store.  The closet systems are on the 30% off sale and we're doing the pantry and laundry room shelf.  Closet planning is FUN.  We've been happy with The Container Store -- can't wait to do the pantry (!!)

No football today = no cooking = free Sunday.  Nice little treat, although I miss the kids and my grand-dogs.  Have a happy day.  Later gators.