Goodbye, January

I was chatting with my girlfriend about January and the general feeling of IT'S SO LONG this year.  We both took our Christmas decorations down a week early -- problem identified.  For me, that "began" January.  I think that's why it feels never ending.  Anyhoo ... last day.


Want a BEAR update?  Already calling him teddy-Bear, care-Bear and singing the song, "Bears eat oats and ..." (incorrectly, but it works in the song).  He's cute as a button and odd in the most endearing way.

He's EASY!  Housebroken, chill, plays with Duke, leaves his incision alone.  So far, so good.  If he continues on this merry way, we'll put him up for adoption in a week.  He's a pure bred shih tzu and people WANT this little man.

He's a chunk-a-munka -- don't let that little head fool you.  The boy is all torso and no legs LOL.  He stinks to high heaven.  Today we are doing a modified bath (because of his incision), but he is yellow in areas from peeing on himself after the bladder surgery.  Can't take the smell any longer.  He seems to be excited about walking (great on a leash) and we took a few short ones yesterday.  His face always looks grumpy, but that tail goes a mile a minute.

STILL don't have my monthly which means I'm stuck in a PMS loop from hell -- mood, munchies, sweaty.  Fun stuff.  I think I've begun the preliminary change -- oh boy.  First sign is change in cycle timing.  It's been coming early every month for about 6 months (2 days) and this month it's late.  I've been waiting for this to begin for the longest time -- not thrilled it's THIS year.  Makes for a difficult prediction for travel and weddings and all the fun of 50.  I have no say in this matter, so I'm going with the flow (no pun intended).

I'll leave you with an interesting thought that struck me during my PMS mood.  I've never heard this perspective before and it's something to ponder.

Drum Roll ...

I BOUGHT A DRESS (!!)

Good news ... I'll tell you all about it.

Bad news ... in all the excitement I forgot a picture.  It's new to the scene and I can't find it online.  The shop is an hour away so my memory will have to serve until it comes in early April.  I'll keep checking the website.

Here's the scoop:

Night and day difference from the other store.  I walked in, got help, gave my "list" and was told to browse and she would get a room/dresses ready.  And she DID!

She had a few things to tell me.

(1)  Having a shorter dress (ie not full length) presents the problem of dressing so that I look like the MOG and not one of the guests.  (I realized that too.)

(2)  I should NOT use the same color palette as the MOB (unless it was requested).

(3)  Navy is fine with a neutral, pale bridal party -- always a classic and fine for a summer wedding.

(4)  I need to look like I'm at the same event as the MOB, but I need to wear my style and my comfort level -- always.

(5)  I need a formal garden dress based on the venue, time of day, etc.

(6)  I'll be challenged to find a dress that's not too matronly since I'm on the younger end (LOL).  She'll be honest with me, but, of course, I can always override her.

Then I had a few comments ...

(1)  I'm harder to fit than you realize.
(2)  Comfort is #1 thing on my list.
(3)  I won't wear anything that I can underarm sweat through -- no matter how good it looks.

After trying on some dresses, she realized I AM HARD TO FIT.  No one believes me -- oh, you're tall, it's easy.  Nope.  I'm proportioned oddly, my knees ARE strange (she conceded that - haha) and very few necklines work for me (hence, the illusion neckline being my choice).

Complicated by the fact that most of these dresses are made in China.  The factories have closed production because of the virus outbreak.  Only dresses that are actually made can be shipped, until further notice.

There was EXACTLY ONE dress in the entire store that fit my list.  One.  No second choice.  No possible options.  One dress.  The saleswoman was surprised.  "You don't look right in those other dresses -- the top fits strange, don't show your knees, this hits your waist all wrong, this makes you look cut off."

Told you so.  But I wish I was wrong.  People think having some height makes all things happen -- it doesn't.

Ready ...

It's navy blue with a shear overlay, sleeveless and embroidered appliqué that mimics a simple lace.  The skirt is a-line and has body and stiffness -- but it's light weight.  I don't need shape wear or pantyhose or a bra.  What!?!?  Yep.

Currently it's full length with a little train in back and a high-low in front.  It'll be hemmed to the same length all around -- tea length with just my ankles showing.

No jewelry needed except earrings and a bracelet (if I want).  No belt.  Maybe a cute wrist bag with a little color.  Simple.  Classic.  No Fuss.

Bless the heavens.  I can't believe it's over.  I will fret a little about shipping (with the China connection), but I'm assured it'll be no issue.

Now to fit into said dress ...  that's a story for another day.  For now, I'll bask in the wedding MOG dress shopping COMPLETION.

No Shopping Gods To Be Found

So much to chat about ...

Dress Shopping:

Total BUST.  I tried on 4 dresses -- everyone was awful on me.  They had a lack luster selection and nothing in my wheel house.  The sales attendant was unhelpful -- you can wear a long hunter green dress in Atlanta in the summer ... goodness.  She couldn't have been less interested in helping me.

Onward and upward.  I have a photo of the MOB dress and it's nothing fancy -- beautiful, but simple, regular dress.  Her actual dress comes to her knees (she's short).  If today doesn't work, I think I can find something from a department store when the spring line comes in.

Mother of Bride's dress.
Gorgeous and simple.
She's petite, tiny and beautiful -- no pressure on me HAH!

Office Renovation:

We are no longer doing the new office over the garage -- probably ever -- too much money.

Converting the front bedroom into MY office and giving hubby the upstairs room.  That was my original plan, but he didn't like it.  He's reconsidered (money changes minds LOL).  This gives us 2 spare bedrooms and that's plenty.  More guests? -- hello, hotel.

We'll store the bed and add a vintage style desk in the room with a beautiful, feminine chair -- I love this look.  The dresser and pictures are all old and that style will look nice.   The office furniture I use now is masculine and large.  Perfect for hubby.  Not sure why he wasn't interested initially.

I've already seen a number of desks I like, but I want to shop the antique stores first.  I found a perfect chair, but it takes 16 weeks to order -- holy cow, maybe not.  We're in no immediate rush to make the change, but are on the lookout.



Girlfriend Chats:

Caught up with 2 of my besties yesterday and I felt the good feels.  I needs that after a day of family drama.  I was on the phone for about 4 hours -- great catch up.  We laughed and really TALKED.



Spareroom Decor:

Fortunately, this JUST FINISHED room won't change.  Other than a mattress switch (other room has a nicer one), the new decorations can stay.  Duke modeled for the photos :)

Sunburst are for another room
once the 3rd one arrives.
Jazz cat poster added -- perfect color for the room.

Cheap Target mirror does the job.
New lamps -- green ones moves to another room.

Using up old decor on the quilt chest.
It belonged to my grandparents.
Framed poster from Etsy -- inexpensive.

Bear's Arrival:

Bear is ready and so is another Releash dog.  We have a new foster who lives relatively near me.  I was set to pick up both dogs on Thursday, but her foster is BIG and that was possibly a problem.  Looks like she is planning to pick them up today and I'll meet her locally.

Fingers crossed to have a break from driving to the far, far away vet.  I'm not TOTALLY sold on this as she's never picked up from this vet.  I wonder if she'll change her tune once she realizes the distance.

Fingers crossed (and wood knocked) that Bear and Duke are buddies.


Today:

This dress shop is my #1 option.  Holding out marginal hope after seeing what's "out there" yesterday -- the south loves to overdress.  Seeing the MOB's dress, I'll head to department stores if today isn't successful.  I might also check out dress boutiques for options.

I should get my monthly today or tomorrow and that's an interesting mood while dress shopping LOL.

I have a new book (spiritual from Unity recommendation) and a new goodie to chat about.  More on both ... I remembered to take the room pictures and forgot to take those.  The cliff hanger continues ;)

Have a great day -- later gators.

Mixing It Up

Feels about right ... woke up Monday on the left and moved to the right ... LOL.  Oldie, but goodie.

Yesterday was a found "free" day, but I had to make use of it because pickup for Bear is probably later this week and it takes almost a full day.

I headed to a couple of grocery stores and did a big cook up.

First up ... NomNom Paleo Wonton meatballs.  I substituted turkey for the pork and they are incredible (!!)  It's one of the goodies for the Super Bowl.  I'll freeze them today -- I made a double batch so I'll have a pullout for another time.  Lots of steps, lots of clean up, but worth it.

Then I made Well Fed's Chocolate Chili.  It cooks up like hotdog chili -- looks like nothing but finely cooked ground beef in sauce and, boy it's yummy.  It's my favorite chili -- no chunks, no beans.  Cooked up some tortilla chips for hubby (left over tortillas cut and baked) and he used it as a dip chili.

Finally, I tried Well Fed's canned salmon sweet potato cakes.  Lots of work for these too and they were just okay.  Not worth the big effort -- including "cleaning" the canned salmon.  I won't make them again.  Nom Nom Paleo has tuna cakes that taste similar and are much simpler to make.

We hung the spare room pictures and I'm super happy how it turned out.  Forgot to take pictures (too dark now), but I'll post them this week.  I also got "influenced" and have something new to share.  Maybe tomorrow's post ... a cliff hanger LOL.

We had some family drama yesterday and I had to hold boundaries, have my back and say some direct things (nicely).  Not easy and doesn't feel very good.  Keeping my mouth shut and being walked over doesn't feel good either.  Teaching people that I have a different standard takes time and makes for uncomfortable situations.

Since we don't have Bear yet, I'm doing some of the dress shopping today.  I'm going to the second choice store ahead of shopping with my girlfriend tomorrow.  I needed to move it to today because I might need to pick him up on Thursday -- holding pattern is a bit annoying but can't be helped.

I ran outside for 2 plus miles and my right hamstring hurts again.  I stopped because it started while I was running.  Too soon I guess.  I worked on my posture and leg rotation.  It felt okay.  My left I.T. band feels fine though.  Progress?!?!  I hope so.

My CA girlfriend and I are chatting about our Austin trip this afternoon.  I'm looking forward to this trip so much.  Time with one of my favorite people, great city, fun accommodations and nothing but girl time all weekend.

We got our first estimate to finish the room over the garage.  It's framed, plumbing is run, electric is run and it's relatively small.  5 weeks -- $25K plus to finish.  Wow.  Price and time shock.  Also, labor is hourly.  Ouch.  This contractor is a friend of a friend, so there's some trust, but you see what needs to be done.  Why can't the job be priced outright?  I don't think we are going with this contractor.

Rest day for working out, but I need a long meditation.  My headspace is wonky.  Between the family stuff and being worried about finding a dress (silly, I know), my stomach is in knots.  Need to take some calming breaths and get some perspective.  (And, you know I'm going to "ask" for good shopping vibes LOL -- can't hurt.)

Tomorrow I'll chat about WHY dress shopping is hard for me.  Hint ... it might have something to do with the list of 58 things that are a MUST have in the dress.  Picky much?  Other over-perspiring people will get me though.  Solidarity in sweat mark anxiety LOL.

Have a great day.  Later gators.

Closing out January

It's finally the last week in January (!!)  I know January feels long every year, but this year it seemed like an extra week was thrown in for good measure.  I'm not exactly wishing time away, but it was playing with my head LOL.

This is a BIG week.  DRESS SHOPPING.  I need the shopping gods to bless this experience.  I need some girl cards in my deck.  I need to have shopping luck like I've never had before.  My local bestie is going with me on Wednesday.

Bear is coming today -- after a monster drive to the far, far away vet.  Fingers crossed for his integration.  It's our first without Parker and he was such a calming influence on the foster dogs.  Duke, not so much.
UPDATE:  Just got a call that the vet needs to keep Bear longer -- having trouble urinating.  Changing up my schedule for the week.

Today is also the line-in-the-sand day for Last Ditch Effort Diet or Jenny Craig.  I think I've held off JC for now.  I'm extending this until next Monday -- post Super Bowl Party and PMS week, oh boy.  That will be a big test of whether I can hold my line.  Another fingers crossed moment coming up.  The afternoons into early evening are still a BIG OLD EFFORT -- that wouldn't necessarily change on JC.

The Container Store came through on the pantry design.  It should be nice -- nothing fancy because it's a small pantry.  There are a few fun additions though and I'm excited.  It's not getting installed until the end of February so more to come with before/after pictures.  I can't do the shelves over the washer and dryer though.  The appliances need to be moved out and both are in with TIGHT connections that hubby worries about getting back perfectly.  I'll get some pretty baskets and call it a day -- probably as expensive as the shelf.

We are on #2 of 3 things going wrong in the house.  It always comes in 3s.  #1 -- leak from the roof into our closet ceiling.  Under one year warranty so builder is working on it -- some siding pulled away from the roof a bit.  #2 -- the electric shade in our bedroom stopped working.  Looks like the motor is dead.  This is why I didn't want something electric, but it was hubby's joy.  I'll call today -- it should be under warranty.  Spin the wheel for #3.  Hopefully, the luck will continue and it'll be under warranty.

A Course in Miracles class was a goodie this week.  Heartfelt, lots of connection.  Great way to start the week.  I listened to a Marianne Williamson podcast with Oprah (from 5/19) on the way to the class -- The Spiritual Purpose of Relationships.  It helped with more clarity on my snarky attitude with a couple of peeps.  Slowly working out my feelings and thoughts.

I'm going to take an easy, short run outside this morning.  Rain should be stopping in the next hour and temps are above freezing.  My leg feels pretty good.  I'll incorporate a couple of the chi-running techniques to see how it feels.  I've been making posture adjustments when I'm standing -- weight distributed evenly over foot beds, lower abs held with intention and pelvis balanced.  Basic, but I don't stand this way.  Intentionally standing should help strengthen my core and balance the forces which I'll need for the new running form.

Happy Monday -- have a great day :)

Chi Running

Well, I sort of got suckered.  It was interesting and I'm going to incorporate some of what I learned into my running form (posture, engaged abdominals, leg kick), but a lot of it was A LOT.

It was sort of goofy and one clinic was not enough (even 4 hours later).  You'd need a running group or a personal trainer to get all the nuance.

The physics makes sense and you make the changes SLOWLY, but the end goal is a totally different running style in minimalist shoes that sounds a little too good to be true.  Also, I tried minimalist shoes and I ended up tearing ligaments and being in a boot for months (even though I took the change as slowly as directed).  The orthopedic said no way again.

That said, I'll try some changes because they might help.  It'll take a while to incorporate it without injury (ironic) but I'm open to trying something -- what I'm doing now isn't working.

This brings me to a confession on what I'm working on in my "personal growth."  I am TOTALLY IMPATIENT with people I THINK are not working on themselves.  I need to cut it out -- logically, I'm there (not my business, don't know this is even true), but the judgement still lingers underneath.

The ONLY other person in the class was a middle aged, awkward man and I couldn't keep my judgement quiet in my mind.  He had the case of "I'm going to, I just haven't had time."  On EVERYTHING -- including things that don't take time.  A big dreamer with little action and it set my mind to JUDGEMENT instantly.  I tried to "feel" empathy.  He's probably a lonely man, probably needs support, probably is trying hard, etc.  Be nice, make eye contact, smile at him.  Couldn't stay in that place because I'm not that advanced LOL.  He wouldn't stop crazy talking about how he wants to run a 100 mile Ultra Marathon THIS YEAR, but hasn't done any actual work toward the goal.  He can't run at all. Dude -- try a 5K -- I say meanly in my head.  See -- I'm judging.  Not my business what HIS goals are this year.

I'm doing this with a couple of close people in my life.  People I've know for years who are complaining of the same issues and never working toward changing them.  I'm impatient and, frankly, don't want to talk about these "problems" anymore.  Talk to me when you are ready to make a change.

It IS my business to decide how I participate and engage in their problem complaining, but it's not my business to JUDGE them for, what I deem, is NOT doing the work.

How do I move away from a pattern that we've had for YEARS?  How do I do it and still remain friends?  Maybe the friendship is built on codependency that's not a healthy relationship.  This makes me sad.

I meditated (prayed, asked) for help with this and waited.  I listened to Brooke Castillo's -- Being Selfish -- this felt like my answer.  At first, I was half listening -- it wasn't something I was interested in, but then she addressed this very thing. (Thanks, Universe for my answer even though I don't want to hear it.)

The problem is I'm expecting THEM to act a certain way to fill MY NEEDS in the friendship.  I want them to change or stop the complaining so we can have a different relationship.  One built on something "better."  They aren't in that place.  It's not my business and if it's not working for ME, I need to set my boundaries and be willing to risk the friendship.

Ouch, this is HARD stuff.

I don't want to turn my back on these two people, but I don't want to be on this hamster wheel with them anymore.  It's not serving me.  I'll keep trying to redirect our friendship and see if they are interested in exploring other "connections" -- if not, I have some decisions to make that feel necessary, but still sad.

I have guilt too.  I created this dynamic -- takes 2 to tango.  I asked them to run on MY hamster wheel for a time.  I'm doing a lot of work to get off all the wheels that don't serve me.  Brooke talks about this in her podcast.  I'm not ready for an extreme cut-off, but I have to set some boundaries -- and I have to stop JUDGING (blaming) them.

Letting go is uncomfortable to me.  Closing a chapter.  Completing a friendship.  The more I practice this, the more I see it's better for everyone when it's time.

Today is A Course in Miracles followed by an appointment at The Container Store.  The closet systems are on the 30% off sale and we're doing the pantry and laundry room shelf.  Closet planning is FUN.  We've been happy with The Container Store -- can't wait to do the pantry (!!)

No football today = no cooking = free Sunday.  Nice little treat, although I miss the kids and my grand-dogs.  Have a happy day.  Later gators.

Tooting My Own Horn A Little More

Lunch was PERFECT.  And, by perfect, I mean EASY and such a great example of a problem solver moment.  Evening entertaining is a different animal and I was procrastinating that like crazy.

Don't mind my humble brag ...

All the food was made ahead except the roasted sweet potato chunks that were just finishing in the oven.  (Kept the SP and chicken warming while I gave the house tour.)  One of the ladies was on a work lunch break so we got right to lunch.

Everything was homemade, healthy-ish and simple.  Deviled eggs, SP, grilled chicken and a salad with all the veggies.  I used the mandolin to slice everything super thin -- chilled the salad, but kept the tomato and avocado room temperature (my pet peeve).  Simple vinaigrette with the fresh pressed olive oil my friend brought me from Greece -- it's so delicious.

I put the apple bars on the table as a centerpiece -- sliced small and not very sweet.  I figured this would entice everyone to have one and it did -- even the extras were eaten.

As expected, no one wanted wine and LOVED the black peach iced tea.  One of the ladies said it was the best tea and didn't even need sweetener.  So often the choice is alcohol or water.  It was fun to have tea.

It's NOT that I'm a great cook, but I am an observant entertainer.  Certain things please people and nothing is more enjoyable than having someone make a meal for you.  Presentation of the food.  Location of the food (convenience or not -- what's on the table).  Simple (aka not trying too hard), but prepared well (chicken warm, salad cold and SALTED, iced tea chilled in a pretty pitcher on the table with pretty glasses, enough choices without overwhelm).  Noticing it's January so lunch was healthy, not decadent.  It makes a regular lunch an "occasion."

And, no one needed to bring anything.  Too often women need to "work" to have fun.  Just come over and relax.  They all commented on that -- nice to have someone make a lunch for me and relaxing to have a midday conversation and it was healthy (no food coma for the afternoon).

Brag over ... LOL.

Today is the Chi Running clinic.  I'm not particularly excited about going.  4 hours seems like a lot.  It's at a gym so I bet we are sitting on the floor (I'm throwing a folding chair in my car) -- hope I'm wrong.  It's also a strange time ... 11-3.  Over lunchtime -- how do I make this work?  Lara Bar, I guess.  I want to learn about it and this is my only choice.  I guess it's better than an evening clinic.

I did the yoga youtube video yesterday.  It was Bob Harper, but not the same as my old DVD.  It kicked my butt.  Dang, I need to do more of that kind of thing.  Glad I found another FREE option for working out until my leg feels better.

Still going strong on my Desperate Eating Plan.  Not much difference in my pants (of course, not even a week later), but I think this week will start showing improvement.  Fingers crossed, snacking-mouth closed and I'll be A-okay.

Prepare for a Running 101 recap tomorrow.  Hope I didn't get SUCKERED!!  Later gators.

Ladies Who Lunch

"Old neighbors" luncheon today.  I'm ridiculously happy I problem solved my entertainment commitment to make it a lunch instead of an evening affair.  Simple, BETTER conversation (because everyone does better during the day), not up late, no alcohol ... and who doesn't like someone cooking lunch for them?!?

Also problem solved the coffee cake.  I'm making an apple cake instead.  I've made it tons of times and it's super easy.  8" pan and takes ONE apple.  I'll make it GF so I can have a slice.  Small cake so very little leftover and perfect for a sweet bite that's not too decadent.

The menu is easy too.  I made grilled chicken with the Pioneer Woman's marinade (Cowboy Chicken), deviled eggs and I'm throwing together a BIG salad with an easy vinaigrette.  I'm roasting sweet potato bites to add to the salad.  Warm things on a salad make it nice for a cold, rainy day.  I'm brewing peach black tea for iced tea.  Coffee, hot tea and apple cake for dessert.  No starters, no cocktails (I will offer wine, but these ladies aren't day drinkers.)  Simple.

I'm doing the same with our new neighbors too -- a little later in February.  Lunch is the new cocktail party in my book.  At least for now.  Small group entertaining is my jam this year.  I'm over big groups -- hosting and attending.  It would need to be a very special event to get me to do either.

I put my mind to problem solving a bit of exercise stuff too.  I found The Biggest Loser Yoga on Youtube.  Used to be my favorite workout tape when I was losing my highest weight (over 70 lbs).  It's hard enough, but easy enough.  My legs need NON-impact stuff, but I'm dying for a workout.  A yoga class in a studio would be too hard for me right now.  It's my workout this morning -- I hope it's as good as I remember.

Still managing my Last Ditch Effort food plan.  I didn't realize how often I gave into any little bit of hunger with over-snacking.  It's an adjustment to feel hungry and wait for mealtime.  I'm mentally committed and that's working for me -- I want to feel my best for all the fun of this year.  First trip is in late February.  I won't be "there" yet, but I'll be a lot closer.

Dress shopping for the wedding with a girlfriend on Wednesday.  I need the shopping gods to bless this adventure.  Pretty please with sugar on the top ... let me find something that checks my HUGE list of "needs."

The following week is SHOWER PLANNING.  So much to do ... have to get moving on all wedding fronts.

Missing my big guy a lot this week.  Snuggling his huge head, seeing his happy smile, laughing at his goofy ways.  He was my best partner in crime.






Our foster dog is coming on Monday.  He's had surgery for bladder stones and his tooth extraction.  Apparently, he's on a hunger strike because he hates the specialty food he needs to eat to prevent more stones.  Poor baby.  Can't wait to love on him.

Best get moving.  Lots to do before the noon lunch.  Happy Weekend.  Later gators.

Goodbye GNI

Last night was an adventure.

I went early to help my friend who was hosting.  She fell and probably will need surgery on her knee (what a bummer).  She made SO MUCH FOOD -- delicious and thoughtful (accommodated everyone's preferences).

I didn't have time to make the coffee cake, so I picked up two boxes of mini-donuts from a gourmet donut shop that's her favorite -- 32 donuts with tasty toppings.  They were never served.  She had dishes of candy and specialty popcorn and that took care of dessert.  A regular complaint about GNI is that so much food and effort goes to waste.  Her household is mostly gluten free so they won't be eaten (bet she throws them away today so she doesn't eat them  -- $32 down the drain).  I don't mind the effort or the money, but I mind the complete waste of both.  (They don't freeze well BTW.)  What's wrong with NOT bringing something?

The tarot card reader was almost an hour late, but she was sweet.  Pulled tons of cards and, basically told me my life was good for 2020.  She said it feels like a generic reading, but everything looks fine. Other people had more specific readings.  Here's mine in a nutshell:

🔆  Hubby will be settled into a new job by September (that would be nice).
        (This was a direct question -- "my husband is looking for a job ... ")
🔆  I'm not working this year, but will start to mentor in the future (that fits my future plans).
🔆  My mom will decline in health and I'll spend 6 weeks caring for her (nope on the 6 weeks).
🔆  Our investments will have an unexpected big pay off (also would be awesome).
🔆  We are doing a remodel project (finishing the office over the garage and decorating).

A few ladies didn't want to do the reading -- spooked out by it.  That surprised me a lot.  Others were nervous going in -- also surprised me.  It was all in fun.  The night went until after 10 o'clock and I was tired.  Bed by 11 and up at 5:30.  I'll need a longer sleep tonight for my delicate nature LOL.

GNI ended on a good note.  Caught up with everyone -- said my "goodbyes" and I feel good about the decision.  What made the night good was the fun activity and the outstanding food.  Neither happens often.  The readings made the conversation fun.  Up until that point, it was all the generic conversation -- weather, kids, "crazy busy" -- then it got interesting.

I stuck to the eating plan yesterday, although I ate more food during the day.  Going out to lunch and dinner with a cocktail hour was a lot.  Since I was eating more than I expected, I stayed away from sweets -- that was hard.

Lunch was a good catch up and fun cafe.  They have zoodle dishes on the daily menu and that was a pleasant switch from a salad.  I shopped the antique and craft vender store before I met the ladies and found a couple of goodies.

Valentine's day dish towel.
Set of 2 -- giving one to my DIL,

White washed wooden bowl.
Love it.  Rocks are from a beach in Canada.
Vase is from our first trip to Italy.
Happy to use my things.

Switching gears to get ready for the luncheon tomorrow.  Nothing fancy, but takes work.   Grocery shopping and prepping food -- hard-boiled eggs and grilled chicken.  Debating on making dessert today or having it warm tomorrow (it smells so good in the oven).  I worry about flopping the cake if I make it last minute.  I'll see how today goes.

My leg is feeling better with rest, but I'm stuck on options for working out until it's totally better.  I'll wing something this morning.  It's frustrating.

Have a great day.  Later gators.

Hump Day Update

Let's have a quick chat about fitting into my jeans again.  I've finished two days of the week experiment I'm calling ... "Trying Not to Go Back to Jenny Craig" ... working title ... "I Don't Want to Get Weighed."

I kind of LOVE my "rules" (shock!) even though it was HARD yesterday -- I did it.  Dinner tasted extra yummy since I was solidly hungry.  It was a long wait between lunch and dinner out, but it was better to get a little more hungry than have something to "tide me over."

This goes against convention, don't let yourself get too hungry.  It's one of those Life Truths that ISN'T true for me.  It's the opposite.  I feel more satisfied with less after being real-deal hungry.  The contrast from hungry to satisfied is ENOUGH.  If I'm not hungry, I need to move to FULL to feel like I've had enough.  Does that make sense (even warped sense)?

This DOESN'T apply to plopping on the sofa with a bowl of snacks and mindlessly eating.  Then I way, way, way overeat when I start off hungry.

Another big social day, lunch and dinner out.  Both are manageable, but I need to watch tonight.  It's another late night (by MY clock LOL) and lots of time to eat (with food grazing).  It's my good-bye to GNI (Girls' Night In) group and it will be FUN.  You know the decision is good when you end on something awesome and you're STILL ready to let go.  Tarot card reader -- we'll chat tomorrow about what my future holds LOL.

I'm having a GOOD MOOD morning and I wonder if it's the GF 2 days.  Why does this sneak up on me every time I get loose with gluten?  I FORGET that too much gluten ALSO bothers my mood.  It's subtle until it isn't.  I think it's because I'll eat more gluten rich foods when I'm already in a mood and I don't make the connection the next day -- I think it's still the original mood that set me to buffering with all things wheat carb (!!)  Could this also be problematic to my leg pain?  Maybe.  I'm curious to see if I get some relief.  (P.S.  I probably could have copied an older post with the EXACT same message -- 10 times over.  I can't seem to get this one in my head for long.)

I went for the polish change after another Target run yesterday afternoon.  I lived the Target cliche -- went for spinach and came home with a mirror and plants.  Target is stepping up in the home decor game.  Found a few things for the spare room -- room pictures when it's all together.  Nail color is a medium gray and I'm here for it.  I usually don't go this dark on my fingers, but since it's regular polish -- why not.  Kind of fun and it won't last.  I went to get my nails clipped and shaped -- polish was a bonus.  I have a light color I'll put on when this is too chipped.

I little BOUNDARY chat.  I use the term very loosely to include speaking up for myself and such.  It makes the biggest difference in my day when I speak up about LITTLE things.  I often don't think they count, but when I make a point to LIVE this way, my day is so much better.

I thought about this because of my nail appointment.  I ASKED for a specific nail tech (even for just a polish change) since Emily was off and they weren't busy.  I ASKED to pay first (since it was regular polish) and it's hard to pay with tacky nails.  I ASKED for another minute to choose my color.  I ASKED for no buffing on my nail bed since I was growing out after SNS.  All little things that I normally wouldn't have bothered speaking up about, but made a big difference in my experience.

It's not that I'm worried to speak up, it's more that I don't think little things should matter so I say nothing.  It matters.  Not the end of the world, but it all adds up.  It never hurts to ask.

Problem solving.  Boundaries.  All interconnected.

Have a great hump day.  Later gators.

Decor Pictures

Here's an update of the family room and kitchen.  Out of order because ALWAYS out of order and it won't let me swap them -- why do you hate me computer?!?

I ordered some pictures for the spare room -- should be here soon and I'll give an update on that too.  I'm focused on making decisions now.  Balance between not rushing to get just anything, but also getting it finished.  It's almost a year since we moved -- time to get going on blank walls.  I romanticize finding something "meaningful" and "special" but the reality is THAT is expensive and improbable to find unless I'm touring art stores on the regular.  Etsy for the win on some framed prints -- spare room that no one sees.  It'll work.  I'll try to personalize the master bedroom a bit more.

Added blue and green pillows
and a navy throw by window.
Also, some new plants (mostly fake)
to hit on the green accent color.

New center piece with fake greens
that I had in another arrangement.

Another view. 

Since I threw in photos today ... here's yesterday's dinner.  Greens, tomatoes (under it all), Whole30 chili (freezer stash), roasted sweet potatoes and pickled jalapeños.  Did my Hail Mary list yesterday.  Set for a repeat today.  Trying to ward off Jenny Craig in the biggest way.  Next week is dress shopping.  It's getting real.

Winner on color (and it was tasty)

My uncle and aunt came into town on their way to snowbird in Florida -- we had a great visit catching up.  We took them to our favorite burger joint (all freshly made).  I had grilled chicken on a lettuce "bun" and passed on the table fries.  Nicely done, middle aged young lady.  They stayed all afternoon, but I was ready for dinner thanks to some freezer stash.  (P.S. They are staying with my local aunt, so it wasn't an overnight visit.)

I'm having a determined moment (and, by that, I mean I had ONE DETERMINED DAY) and I'll take it.  I need a boost to fitting back in my jeans.  Downside to eating well and no food coma overnight -- up 3 hours in the middle of the night and then a quick 90 minute sleep before I was wide awake at 5 o'clock.  I'm out to dinner tonight so I bet I'll be craving bed.

My leg is extremely problematic right now and running is off the table.  Ugh.  I might be headed for a home spin bike.  I can't seem to get over injuries for more than a couple of weeks.  Enough pain that it's waking me up at night.  I roll, I heat, I ice, I rest, I recover.  Nothing seems to prevent another injury.  I'm at a loss for GOOD workouts this week.

I'm treating myself to a polish change on my fingernails.  I'm on my SNS break and the problem isn't the polish, it's the length of my nails.  They grew like crazy and now need to be clipped (not just filed).  I suck at clipping and end up weakening the nails.   It's been 12 days of growth and none are broken.  I want to keep it that way.   AND this will keep me occupied during the afternoon witching hours while I wait to go out to dinner.  It's going to be a rough, hungry, cold, tired wait.  Yet, I'm excited about it -- go figure.

Our foster, Bear, should be entering our system today and get evaluated for bladder stone surgery.  Fingers crossed for the little guy.  That's the word from here.

Later gators.

Being Hungry

Good Monday morning.  Fresh week, fresh start, tight pants.

Heavens -- what do I do when I can't get my poop in a group 💩(expression compliments of my southern friend)?

I don't have an answer.  I said Jenny Craig if I was desperate (I'm a sliver shy of desperate).  Whole30 doesn't feel right or inspiring.  Calorie count?  WW?

Also, JC and WW require me to weigh myself -- um, no way, no how.  Talk about NOT feeling good. 😱

I'm enjoying that NOTHING is a no-go on my plate.  Dessert, wine, cheese.  Anything.  At this moment, taking those off the list would just cause me to substitute something else.

What about Intermittent Fasting?  Everyone loves it.  I tried it years ago, but I tried the 5-2.  5 days eating regularly and 2 days of 500 calories.  Not much luck since I simply eat more on my 5 days.  The other way seems like a "skip breakfast" program and could lead to more eating at night (my achilles heel already 😈).

The way I loose weight -- any "diet," every time -- is to be HUNGRY.  Not starving, but significant hunger between meals and going to bed.  THIS is what I need to do.  Eat anything, no more than 3 times a day and BE HUNGRY.  Stop little nibbles that stop my hunger.  For me ... hunger = weight loss. 💪

This is my Hail Mary before Jenny Craig.  I have ONE WEEK.  3-2-1 ... Let's Go (as my new mug says).

Here's the Hail Mary plan:
🙌  Be hungry between meals.
🙅  No more than 3 meals.
🙆  Be slightly hungry going to bed.
🙌  Drink lots of water between meals.  Tap water.
🙈  Only one meal with "junk" carbs. (i.e. alcohol, dessert, french fries, etc)
😇  Veggies at every meal -- at least one meal with greens too.
😶   Eat more slowly to eat less.

This is like a WW without the weigh-in ... maybe.

Anyway ... let's catch up.

I made decorating progress yesterday.  After Unity, I decided to find to a Home Goods, but on the way I came on a Target.  Thought I'd start there and I found a lot of what I was looking for to add color to the family room.  Pictures when the lighting is better.

Then I did a rearrange of thing I already own and I'm happy the way it's building.  I'm about 3/4 finished decorating.  And when I say finished, it's finished until something gets ruined.  I'm not a rearranger by nature.  Once I figure it out, it stays put.  I'll move around a lot until I find what works.  I have to sit with things to see if I get sick of them.

Hubby's getting quotes to finish a room above his garage for an office.  It's all plumbed out for everything -- just needs to be finished.  If the quotes aren't outrageous, it's on the immediate agenda.  We're also waiting for the sale at The Container Store to do our pantry.  It's the cheap shelves that can't hold much weight.  We'd be dinged on re-sale (everyone has redone the pantry) so we'll do it now and enjoy it.

Decor wise ...
⭐ One spare bedroom needs something on the walls.
⭐ Master needs wall art and dresser decor
⭐ Master bathroom needs some finished touches (new towels, a picture and a basket)
⭐ Friend Entrance needs color on the bench area -- either pillows or something on the hooks.

That's the big stuff.  Little things here and there, but nothing major after those are finished.

I have a full, fun week this week.  More on that tomorrow.  I fell down the emoji hole and used up my time 💋  -- not sure if you noticed 😏.  I love these emojis because they give you an explanation of what they mean.  I'm having company for lunch (ANOTHER aunt and uncle in town) so got to get moving.

Happy Monday.  I'm off to be hungry -- later gators.

Total Dud.

We laughed.  Not the way we thought though.

Oh, the show was so BAD.  There was nothing funny about this guy.  To be blunt, he didn't have enough talent to be a one man show.  He wasn't funny, wasn't a good story teller and his stories weren't believable.

The show was him recounting his life in what was suppose to be Men are From Mars kind of way -- missed that mark too.  Holes in the stories all over the place (um, no Siri that decade, no way your wife was doing THAT).  There were animated videos and that weren't working.  His act was clean and then suddenly it wasn't.  Pretending his wife was peeing in the pasta water -- really?!?  Gyrating across the stage ... over and over ... mimicking "putting motion in her ocean."  Yuck.

Then he tells us the "sex" stories are after intermission.

Let's get to the funny part -- the audience.  4 o'clock show brought out senior couples and the middle age couples GROUPS (bunch of friends going together).  He was getting laughs -- why, I don't know.

Then intermission.  The seniors start stretching in their seats -- honest to god, like doing a chair routine.  More than one person.  I thought the first person was ill, but his wife was talking and smiling.  Just a stretch, as it turns out.  My nursing skills weren't needed.

I went to the bathroom (to stretch my legs -- that's how I do it LOL).  Through the lobby with LINES for overpriced, crappy drinks and someone is taking a picture of their group saying -- smile, you know we're all getting lucky tonight.  YUCK.  Then I pass another group -- quoting his cheesy sex joke and the group is head-back laughing.  What?!?

On the way BACK from the bathroom, I passed two middle-aged couples MAKING OUT.  Seriously, making out.  Not a kiss.  Not a long kiss.  MAKING OUT at the standing tables.  Bodies together moving around.  I am not exaggerating -- my mouth dropped.

We left.  Second half be damned.  Couldn't take another minute.

Then our funny.  We valet parked (it's cheap and easy for this venue) and our car hadn't moved from the valet circle where we left it -- thought that was strange.  Paid, got our keys and got in the car.  There was a big brown smear on the driver's seat.  Turns out, hubby age a granola bar on the way there and he "thought" he dropped part of it.  It melted and smeared.  No wonder our car didn't move -- no one was sitting on that mystery brown streak.  And we left early.  You know what everyone thought LOL.  We belly laughed all night about it -- now, THAT is FUNNY (!!)

This was not the first time we've seen middle aged peeps being all handsy.  We went to a Journey cover band a couple of years ago and the place was filled with weird public displays.  So much so, I barely watched the stage -- the people were the show.  Dirty dancing.  Kissing with hands in places.  Upper leg rubs.  At least 50 years old ... some older (who does that in public at that age -- even if you're newly dating).  It was creepy and gross, but I couldn't look away.  LOL.  Am I a prude?  Guess so -- watching middle age foreplay is not my thing.

Grateful for 2 things ...
(1) Didn't invite any friends to go with us.
(2) Didn't check-in on social media.

I wonder what the 7 o'clock show audience was like ...  honestly, people -- get a room :)

An Afternoon at the Theater

We're headed to a one man comedy play this AFTERNOON.  Got to love an early show.  It's what sold me on the tickets.  That, AND it's not in the city.  What?!?!  Something designed for my middle aged self?

P.S. I've been channeling middle age since I was about 18 -- it's who I am, who I was born to be and I haven't met an early-bird special that doesn't speak so my soul.  I don't think I have an old soul, per se, but I absolutely have a middle aged soul.  I've seemed "older" all my life and as I get OLD, I'll finally seem young -- stuck in middle age forever. Hahahaha!

Also, what's the difference between a stand-up routine and a one man comedy show?  Guess we'll find out.  I'm ready to LAUGH.

Love a date DAY :)

Following our early show, we're picking up roasted chicken take-out and living our best life on the sofa watching the final episodes of The Crown.

Possibly a perfect day.

So perfect, that I will save my PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT rant for another day.  Something must be done ... but what?  I need to problem solve the pounds away.  Let's chat tomorrow ...

Some Good News

Let's start with some good news for a change -- BIL's CT scan is clear.  Phew.  He meets with his MD team today to hear about next steps, but this was a major relief.  Looks like a solid prognosis.

Dinner was fun last night.  I opted out of noodles -- I thought ramen were rice noodles, nope, wheat.  Option for GF noodles was beet pasta -- wish there was a zoodle option. I got a sushi rice bowl instead -- which had odd things in it like romaine lettuce.  Wouldn't get it again.  Fun vibe to the restaurant, great service and reasonably priced though.  I'd go back and order a little differently.

None of us chose to drink last night.  My girlfriend is doing her first ever dry month and I'm proud of her.  I'm doing the same -- break from the holidays.  It was refreshing.  Nice to change it up a little.  P.S. None of us over-drink at a restaurant, but we usually have a couple of drinks over the evening.  Made the bill nice too :)

Can I old person complain a minute ... what's with new restaurants being so LOUD?!  All the open ceiling work makes for difficult conversation when it's busy.  This seems to be a trend.  Not sure why this is preferred -- even for fancier restaurants.  Can't hear myself think.  Servers have to shout.  I don't understand it.

I finished my "problem" list yesterday and got all my house-office paperwork stuff finished.  Yea ME!!  Feels good to be over that imaginary hump.  I was in a yucky place for too long and regular life hiccups felt like the end of the world.

Building up my calendar again -- now that I'm back to myself a bit more.  Forcing myself to do the things that make my life BETTER.  I'll be glad I did.  As soon as I feel "off," I hibernate.  Then the hibernation becomes the source of the problem, not the solution.  It's a tricky balance.

First up -- ENTERTAINING.  I've been so-so-so bad about having friends over to see the house.  Family, yes.  Friends, no.  I'm have my former neighbor pals over for lunch.  Just the ladies -- makes it easier and fulfills my forgotten promise.  Working on a date.  The men don't want to see the house anyway LOL.

I want to have my new neighbors over too.  Probably another casual thing.  I'm struggling to want to throw a big evening.  Still problem solving how this will work.

Booking flights today to go to my DIL's shower in Ohio in March.  Her mom is throwing a big family shower and I'm invited.  I love being included in her family day.  It'll be nice to meet everyone.  Weddings are rushed and I won't have much time to chat with people.  Am I possibly thinking about Shower Cake too?!?  Maybe ... hah.  Pretty please, anything but yellow with chocolate icing.  I forgot how much cake plays a party in all-things-wedding.

We have a spa/golf day in the works for early February.  We'll finalize the details this weekend.  Such fun to hang out with friends.  Guys golfing, ladies spa-ing.  Meeting up for a wine tasting and dinner.  Splurge date and I'm all for it.

Not half bad stuff in the works :)

Oh, and we're getting a foster dog.  Owner surrender (moving and don't want him -- poor sweet boy).  Little guy named Bear (8 years old).  He has bladder stones and probably needs surgery before we get him.  That's not fun.  That's all I know right now.

He has a serious face in all the pictures LOL.

Nothing happening today.  I had the day reserved for my uncle coming into town and a family lunch.  That's moved to next week (or maybe not at all).  A day open to possibilities.  If only the reality was as romantic as that sounds -- I'll probably do house chores.

Happy Weekend.  Later gators.

Coaching (!!)

Can I start by saying how glad I am to do life coaching with Holly (!!)  It took time to find the right coach and the right format, but this is really good for me.  I've said before, I never had therapy and I think therapy is valuable, but it wasn't a fit for me now.

We talked about the heavy things since our last call -- Parker, cancer in family, job concern, etc.  It was good and productive.  Ways to keep my heart light and my energy strong, etc.  Ways to honor my feelings too (this is MY life coaching, after all).  Things like I'm disappointed my sister and family won't be at my son's wedding.  Both are okay --I know they can't come and understand, but I can STILL feel disappointed.

I mentioned I was having this weird anxiety about the Pottery Barn bill mistake.  I had one avenue left to fix the problem and then I didn't know what to do.  Short of hiring a lawyer (which made no financial sense) -- I was out of options.  I spend hours every month on the phone when the bill comes trying to fix it (the problem is so complicated 8 months later).  The dispute department "ruled" and refused to look at it again -- PB wouldn't send the bill to collections and it was growing with interest every month.  I argued they weren't looking at the correct problem.  This anxiety was keeping me up at night.  I wanted to close my eyes, pay the damn wrong bill and be DONE.

Holly asked me questions and follow up questions and came to the route of my anxiety with the situation.  To simplify and paraphrase -- basically an endless loop with no decision.  I need to set a line in the sand and when that line was hit, I needed to have a decision waiting.  So I did.

Then I called Pottery Barn.  TWO HOURS on the phone, conference call with up to 5 people on the line and it appears to be fixed.  Yep, it was their error.

Here's where life coaching came in.  I made a decision and instantly felt in control.  CONTROL = CERTAINTY for me and that relaxed me completely.  While waiting for another manager to come on the line, I was chatting with a customer service representative (who is my hero in this saga).  She said -- I can't believe how calm you are after all this ... our notes go on forever and you've taken so much time to fix something that should have been fixed with your first call.  She thanked me for being a nice person.

Yep, THAT is how life coaching is helping me navigate life when it gets prickly.  Maybe, maybe not the bill is fixed, but I'm in a headspace to handle it without overreaction, with patience and with kindness.

I mentioned to Holly that I felt funny using up time talking about such a silly worry.  Holly said that's exactly what I should bring up.  Things that don't make sense, overreactions, things that won't stop bugging at me.  She can help get to the REAL route of the problem.  I'll find a pattern in circumstances with the same route problem and learn to notice and fix them as they show up.  I wish I talked to her sooner about the stupid bill.

Anyway ...

The sun is coming out today -- or so we've been told.  Days and days of rain are finished until the weekend.  Time to get outside with my crazy dog.  He's bored out of his mind (little guy HATES to be wet).

Tonight is a couple's dinner at a new ramen noodle restaurant.  We can't go until 7 o'clock (which feels a little late since we'll have a wait -- no reservations), but I'm looking forward to getting out and catching up with friends.

My day is a mix of finishing up paperwork and administrative calls (problem list) and GETTING OUTSIDE.  I won't run outside until tomorrow though.  Trail needs a day to dry out because it gets slippery (made that mistake before) and our neighborhood is still a paving mess.  Boxing at home and lots of walking my little man.

My BIL's appointment with his doctors got moved until Friday (so the CT can be read).  My cousin's surgery went well with good results from the chemo.  Still praying hard.

Long post, so I'll end things here.  Later gators.

When it Rains ...

Sweet heaven, our family had a big jolt yesterday.  My BIL (sister's husband) was diagnosed with rectal cancer at 46 years old.  Thursday is the CT and whether it's spread outside the region is for all the marbles.  Contained in the area = good prognosis.  Spread to liver or lungs (stage 4) = poor prognosis.  We are all sitting in a big bath of worry and saying a whole lot of prayers.

While my heart is breaking for my sister (and BIL), this news has rallied me around LIVING a BETTER LIFE.  I know this kind of stuff usually does -- and it's usually a temporary rush of making-life-count, but that's what's happening now.

The first thing my BIL said was I haven't had the chance to do the things I want to do -- what if this is the end and I spend it all in treatment and pain.

I was looking over my quote book yesterday morning and I wrote down 2 quotes that resonated with me -- I planned to chat about them today, not knowing the news in store for my BIL.

"What a beautiful life I've lived.  It's a pity I didn't notice sooner." -- Collette.

This quote has driven my urge for something more, something different, something better for YEARS.  It's the rocking chair quote.  Sitting on a rocking chair at the end of your life -- what would you think.  THIS is the fear that was driving my desire to change.  I felt like I'd have massive regret for not "getting" life better.  A fantasy that I find out the end is near and THAT'S when I suddenly understand how to live MY best life -- just when there's not a lot of time.

I had this feeling after my father died suddenly (a month after my MIL died from a long battle with cancer).  A feeling of DO THINGS NOW.  I did.  Went to nursing school, ran a marathon, push my goals sooner, made my life bigger.  That spurred on the push to where I (we) are now.

Then the "doing" goals were achieved.  We reached our finish line and I sat in this feeling that I needed to learn to enjoy what I earned -- I embraced the process, but couldn't enjoy reward.  I didn't know how to do something different, be something different.  That lingering feeling that if I did all the same things, I would sit on that rocking chair with a huge regret.

How sad to achieve what you set out to achieve and never enjoy the reason why you had those goals in the first place.  And why?  Ego (can't let go of career).  Fear (do I have enough).  Doubt (am I making a mistake).  More ego (what do people think).

On top of this sad news, my 37 year old cousin is having a double mastectomy today after 6 months of chemo.  Radiation and medication and reconstruction over the next 18 months.  A very good friend's 46 year old SIL was diagnosed with aggressive early onset Alzheimer’s and was given very little time (she has an 11 and 14 year old) -- devastating.

Same lesson from every direction.  Life is short; life is unexpected.  None of these people "caused" their situation.  All are young with no genetic or lifestyle risks.  All got hit with lightening.

____________________________________________________________________________

Big heavy post today.  Switching gears to the everyday stuff.

The other quote was from Brene Brown -- "strong back, soft front."  I've been reminding myself of this as I navigate the "problem" list.  Stand up for myself (strong back) but be open and kind (soft front).  The two can coexist and I'm better for it when I do BOTH.

Had my hair appointment and all of us chatted about what went wrong with my last updo and how to fix it for next time.  Totally nailed the "strong back, soft front."

The circuit class was good and long and hard.  Just what I needed.  I haven't had many long AND hard workouts since I left the boxing classes.  Dang (!!)  It's felt good to push.  My muscles are sore, but my back is fine.  I modified when I needed and the instructor helped me figure out modifications that still work the muscle of that circuit.  It's a good option for using up my class package.

It's good to feel good.  So far 2020 is challenging me on this motto.  I'm still committed to it -- maybe even more that I was before.  Challenges to push me forward -- help me see my "why."  Challenges that aren't even really mine ... mine, once removed.  I'm paying attention -- reading this loud and clear.

I have a coaching call today.  As usual, I'm curious where it's headed.  My emotions have been all over the place since my last call and "what" I think I'm talking about has changed over and over.  I'll fill you in tomorrow.  Later gators.

Tuesday Updates

First, Little Women.  FANTASTIC.  Not sure if it was the movie or being reminded of such a beloved book -- either way, throughly enjoyed it.  The friend mentioned she was glad I reached out and asked her to go.  She doesn't initiate plans often, but loves to go out during the day too.  We're acquaintance friends who are moving toward actual friends.  What was also nice is we didn't attach a food thing to our non-food movie.  Pleasant afternoon.

I started looking for wedding hair options after my updo fail in December.  Turns out, my young stylist is VERY much less expensive.  Like half the price.  I might try working with her again -- I can do double the trials for the same price.

I plan to mention that I wasn't happy with my hair updo when I go to my appointment today.  Speaking up (kindly) and having my back.  I'm not asking for anything.  I want to see what my stylist (the owner) thinks going forward.  How do I make sure I get something better next time?

I knocked a couple of things off my "problem" list.  Easier than all my worry and angst told me (of course).  The mother-load one is scheduled for Thursday.  $1200 Pottery Barn incorrect bill I've been dealing with since May -- this one will take hours, actual HOURS.  Fingers crossed.

I did a little problem solving with some other things too.

Can't run outside (weather).  Can't run too much on the treadmill (hurts my leg).  Not getting a "long" workout this week, so I checked out the Lift Yoga Studio class list.  Signed up for a circuit class this morning.  I can squeeze it in before my hair appointment.  I have a few more classes left on the package.  I won't be able to move tomorrow -- muscles will be screaming, but this should give me a hard workout.  I'll modify for my back.  I need a supplemental workout and maybe this type of class will work.  Try something new.  My mind is fighting it this morning, but I'm going.

I finished Wanderers -- woo hoo (!!)  It was depressing.  Not going to lie.  Not exactly hope for mankind by the end.  I didn't read 800 pages to feel yucky.  If you like that kind of thing -- go for it.  It's detailed, not predictable and a clever story.  The writing is good.  I'm in a place where I want happy ending though.  The message is kind of a warning for people -- take care of the Earth while we have a chance.  Good message, but maybe my headspace was wrong for the message THIS way.

Onto another book at my hair appointment.  I don't remember what's on the list.  I want to read Just Mercy, but it's a heavy subject and I need some lite-n-easy first.

Brene Brown has a new podcast -- WHAT?!?!  Already subscribed.  Anything she touches is GOLD. Not sure when the first one comes out, but she recorded a little intro.

Update on my MojiLife machine.  The first pod is STILL smelling good, but at the end -- I'll change it this week.  It's been a month (plus).  I started a second machine in my office and tried Blue scent pod.  It's such a nice, easy smell -- my favorite, so far.

I'm moving up in my mood ladder.  DOING always helps.  Sometimes doing is hard to start back up.  I feel like I'm gaining momentum ... ever so slowly.

My GNI group posted a schedule for next year.  I wanted to wait to "drop out" until after this month, but looks like the gal who fought changing things is staying with the group (she moved out of the neighborhood too, so I had hope LOL).  It'll be more of the same and I need to let it go.  This has been the hardest "little" decision to make -- it's been over a year of me waffling.  I'm responding to the email today.  Eeeeekkkk.  Feels scary and a little final.

Honest to god, not even kidding ... I'm reconsidering my choice on GNI AGAIN.  In real time.  Typing this out and I'm rethinking it.  This needs to stop.  I've thought and over-thought this -- good-bye is what I want.  The argument for staying in the group is for "unhealthy" reasons.  I want to be able to SAY I have a group I'm in -- all ego.  I don't want to miss out on potential fun -- hasn't been fun for years.  I want the old neighborhood gossip -- I can be better than a gossip junkie.

UPDATE -- sent the email.  Officially out of the group.  Completing a chapter.  Open to the next one.

Building a life that looks different -- something with meaning.  Something that feels good, feels fun.  This group has run the course for me.  BTW, I'll still be invited to 2 of the months (as a host, you can extend the list to anyone).  Both my gal pals already said they'll invite me.  Okay -- back to a straight head again.

Happy Tuesday.  Have a great day.  Later gators.

Midlife "Awakening"

Brooke Castillo for the win AGAIN.  She has a way of summarizing all the convoluted rambles and getting to the point.

Turns out, she and I are both going though a Midlife Awaking (not crisis, per her - hah).  And she's going to spend time talking about it.

AWESOME!!  Me too.

Her latest podcast was spot on to where I am these last few years (#302) and she had a guest coach that specializes in this time of a person's life.  The coach (Suzy Rosenstein) went through this time from age 45-50.  Um, hello ... TOTALLY me too.

A quick summary using her more concise thoughts -- my traditional life was marked out for me (because I chose the traditional path BTW).  The big stakes were set on the path.  I had a little bit of an irregularly path on this traditional road, but I hit all the markers.  Get married, have kids, get a house, get a bigger house, raise kids, build a career, build a bank account, launch kids into the world (ie get off our bank roll and out of the house) -- you get the idea.

Now what?  I hit my goals.  I walked this path for almost 30 years -- having choices, but smaller choices because the major points were already mapped out.  Every decision stayed on this path -- and that was good because it is (was) the path that I wanted to live.

Now I have nothing but choice and I have no idea where I'm going.  No surprise, Brooke recommends navigating through this time with life coaching skills.  I agree (my life coaching call with Holly is Wednesday).

It feels good to know I'm not alone.  I'm immensely grateful for where I ended up, but my story made a big STOP once the path ended.  I still have all the little stuff, but I can't see the bigger picture.  That's what I'm working to figure out.  A take-away from the podcast (and my coach) is don't rush the process in the name of finding something, anything.  Spend time with yourself, quiet yourself, do the internal work and the path will find you.  It's an exciting time, but scary uncomfortable too.

I WANT the path to change.  That's why I feel so discontent thinking about keeping my life the same -- same doesn't work anymore.  It feels like being stuck and the end of the path and moving without going anywhere.  This is been in my head for about 4 years (yep, midlife).  It's a long process of imagining your life.  No wonder menopause is hard -- it's also the time when the path ends.

I worked on a little GOAL work too.  The coach, Suzy, takes her clients through an exercise of writing down 20 things you want -- 20 things for this second chapter of your life.  She said many people can't get to 20.  Can't imagine enough to fill a list of 20.

I did it and it was HARD.  I was reaching ... looking to fill the list (I got stuck around #10).  30 years ago, I would've struggled with ONLY 20 things.  It's interesting.  Surprising.  Something to think about.

Anyhoo ...  CAKE (!!)

Kids brought over a wedding cake sampler for us to try -- they did theirs yesterday.  My DIL ordered an extra one to go because I love cake.  OMG ... so sweet ... I'm a lucky MIL.  Every piece was delicious.  Three of us ate it, so we each got a little layer from every slice.  I passed on a couple because any cake that is yellow with chocolate icing is not my thing.  The strawberry cake was INCREDIBLE.  Could that be my 50th birthday cake?  Or my cake to celebrate Wednesday?  Cake patience.  Where is a birthday when you need one?!?

The wedding shower (the small one I'm hosting) has been decided.  Oh boy.  Renting a mini-bus and doing a wine tour locally.  Having a munchie, girlie spread and shower cake (of course) ... wine tastings, etc.  Some decorating and a little bit of logistics issues, but it's happening.  Not as easy as I wanted, but this is fine -- it'll be fun and makes DIL happy.  That was the end goal all along.

A Course in Miracles class was great.  A few of the more recent ones weren't as good (uplifting) and this was a feel-good morning that I needed.  Spent another hour in the coffee meeting area chatting with people from the group and my girlfriend who came for the first time (she introduced me to Unity).

Yesterday was a better day -- the best one since Parker died.  I'm climbing up.

Today is a movie -- Little Women.  I can't wait to see it.  Noon start time which is even better.  It's suppose to RAIN like crazy the next 3 days and the ground is already saturated.  I don't like driving on the country, flooded roads if I don't need to be out.  Daylight is good to see the puddles (I see you, Midlife).

Happy Monday.  Later gators.

Football Sunday

Crazy, crazy storms last night.

I was at a 2 hour meditation class when they hit.  Fortunately, no damage to my car -- I was worried.  We had some yard water that overflowed our porch and hubby was able to stop it from getting in the basement.  Today is the only sunny day for most of the week ahead.

I haven't been able to run outside for a week.  Rain floods my running trail regularly (it actually closes the trail), our development is getting paved (4 week project, weather permitting) and my back has been wonky.  The treadmill is rough on my legs -- strange because that feels like it should be the opposite.

Anyway ...  meditation class.

Two hours -- one hour of lecture and one hour of meditation.  The meditation was good.  She took us through lots of techniques for "capturing" our attention before we get still.  Most people use a technique to start -- focus on breath, imagine light coming around us, etc.  She said people respond to different senses -- we tried options for touch, sound, smell, etc. and had stillness after each technique.

The first hour of lecture was okay.  Good information -- she knows her stuff, but she wanted US to know she knows her stuff.  Humble brag after brag after brag.  I could have done without the personal stories of her greatness.

The class was $20 and that was spot on.  Herbal tea was served and the class actually went over by 15 minutes.  I felt I got my money's worth (in tea alone -- it was good!).

I finished You (second season) when I got home.  It was good.  The ending was surprising and a bit wowza, but I totally loved it.

Working my way through Wanderers.  It picked up and is interesting.  Still long though.  Now I'm committed to knowing the ending.  75% read (!!)  Only a zillion more pages to go :)

Heading to A Course in Miracles this morning and my usual post-class Trader Joe's run.  Kids are over for football.  We're doing a wedding cake tasting too -- SO FUN!!  They have a sampler platter to bring over.  Also, sadly, the shower spa day is a no-go.  DIL's mom doesn't like spas (cue MASSIVE shock and awe).  Back to square one.  This is getting figured out TODAY.  Ugh.  I was looking forward to a "4 hand" massage LOL.

Let's talk DIET ... or talk MY PANTS DON'T FIT (!!), at all.  I'm giving myself until Friday to see if I can get my act together.  If not, **brace yourself** I'm going to do a month of Jenny Craig.  I can't piss around anymore.  My pants NEED to fit!  This is a last resort and I'm going to try very hard to not use it, but I'm getting desperate.  I'm eating healthy, but still eating too much.  Can't seem to cut down the portion size and having a bad back is not helping on the activity front.

I'm holding steady on this funk of mine.  Not out of the woods, so to speak, but still operational - hah.  Faking it all the way ... but it's working.  Doing The Things -- kicking and screaming a little, but making it happen.

I worked on some goal stuff and new journaling (part of getting me out of this mood) and I'll write about it tomorrow.

Sunday Funday.  Let's Go -- says my new mug.  Later gators.

My Motto

My motto for 2020 ... It's good to feel good.

Here's what I've experienced so far (all of about 2 weeks LOL).

Yep, it's true.  BUT a big old caveat.

Sometimes before something can feel good, it has to feel uncomfortable.  Have to walk through less-good to get to good.

Sometimes something can feel good ONLY if I make it feel good.

And, of course, sometimes things feel good, period.

Case in point yesterday.

I spoke some truths to my girlfriends about this big trip to Italy.  Holding some personal boundaries.  Still compromising, still wanting everyone to feel good about this trip but not at the expense of what I want from it. (We had an all day Messenger thread going.)  I spoke more candidly than usual and it felt uncomfortable.  How would I be perceived (demanding, selfish?) ... how would they react (harsh?) ... did I ruin everything?

This trip must FEEL GOOD or I'm not spending the money.  In order for it to feel good, I have to speak up against the majority.  Hold boundaries with some strong, vocal women.  Be myself.  Have my OWN BACK as much as I have anyone else's.

The response was fine -- respectful conversation, changing options, discussion to please us all, etc.

The message from The Holistic Psychologist (Dr. Nicole LePera) last night was ... "speak your truth, then pay attention to how people respond.  It's a clear message."  Yep, I can work with this message from these ladies.

This trip is going to be great and I'm going to feel good, but I have to do some uncomfortable work before that can happen.  You teach people how to treat you.  It's one of those (mostly) true truths and re-teaching is uncomfortable.  It starts with me -- how treat myself.  Both are uncomfortable.

Sometimes GOOD needs a push.  My nails needed to be done (I don't do my own nails -- cuticles, reaching toes ... all too much for me).  I had a choice to make it feel good or go through the motion.  I decided I needed a burst of GOOD, so I MADE it good.  Book, hot tea, requested a nice chair location, asked for a pillow when mine was missing, took time to pick my color (I had a picture of a bottle from months ago that I liked), smiled, joined a couple of conversations in a friendly way (goodbye hibernation).

When I'm having a funk, I hibernated even when I'm out.  Less eye contact, head down, ignoring things around me.  It's noticeably more GOOD when I DON'T hibernate.  Sometimes I need to force myself to interact.

It continues to surprise me the lengths I go to MOVE AWAY from feeling UNCOMFORTABLE.  I've been upset (uncomfortable) and holding boundaries feels uncomfortable and "old me" would have dropped the boundaries in the name of one less thing that feels yucky.  Walking through the less-good to get to the good.

This is why my list of overwhelming things (like the wrong bill) feels too much right now.  It's uncomfortable.  I'm fighting to keep "uncomfortable" away.  Handling these things feels too much.  I'm doing the entire list next week.  I'm feeling better and climbing out of the mood.  I'll be "strong" enough by next week.  (By strong, I mean I won't overreact and get snippy and get emotional.)

Let's end on a little fun ...  here are two new goodies.

Mug from No Crumbs Left's pottery line.  Love everything about it.  And my nail color.  I watched a lady get her nails painted months ago and I loved this color on her.  It's rare to see a "regular" manicure these days.  Perfectly neutral -- perfect for my SNS break -- worth finding in the sea of polish colors.

It's says, "Let's go!"
Handmade -- beautiful mug.

A little less yellow in real life.
My office lighting in the dark is bad.
It's pearly creamy light gray-ish LOL

Have a great Saturday -- later gators.