Trust is Hard.

Last night I was feeling a bit off about my body.  I am working diligently at eating healthy, working out (in a new way), but I felt "bigger" and less fit looking.  Is it my imagination?

For almost 3 months, I've eaten better than I have most of my life.  I don't have to lose weight, but I don't need to gain weight either (fat that is ... bring on the muscle).  I was actually tempted to step on the scale.  I'm glad I resisted ... it would've been a disaster.

Usually if I am eating well, I continue to lose weight.  Not a lot, but bits and pieces.  I am happy with how my clothes fit, but I absolutely have extra fat in areas that should be slowly melting away.  Instead, those areas seem to be growing.

Is it my new workouts?  When you are stressing your body (i.e. new exercise), things get jumbled and your body can hold weight and holds water for tissue repair.   Is it hormones?  Honestly, ovulation is getting to be a big old pain.  Is it my reduction in cardio?  That worries me the most.  Giving up days of cardio is scary for me.

I'm eating a lot.  I always do following W30 parameters.  But I'm actually hungry (not false hunger, not cravings).  If I have a smaller meal, I get too hungry.  The first time I did W30, I had to gain weight after (I lost too much).  This time I did 60 days and still continue (with just a couple of treats) ... and I'm not having the need-to-gain problem.

I need to TRUST the process.  Trust I'm doing the right thing for my body and health.  Trust my body will find it's HAPPY weight.  Trust I can find the right balance in workouts.

Trust is hard.

Here's what's happening today.

Interval run.  I love run days!  Intervals are hard, but the workout flies by.  Awesome.
A few errands.
Paying the bills.
No hike (I think they completely ditched me - lol)

I'm itching to do my closet de-clutter (with the new parameters from the book) and my organization of memorabilia (so I can start the new picture shelves).  Both are big projects and we are heading out of town this week.  Lots to do in front of the trip.  Probably not the best week.  I'll hold off.

Yesterday, I took a trek to the dreaded mall.  I'm not a mall-lover, but it was actually fun.  My old (and favorite) lipstick had run out - needed the replacement.  However, they don't sell that anymore (it's been that long!).  The sales lady helped pick a new one - love it too.  A bit pricey, but you can tell the difference.  I also had Pottery Barn cash to spend.  I got a new picture frame and coordinating glass box (to put old pictures in).  I'm looking forward to doing the new pictures.

The last stop was Total Wines.  I spent the morning planning our trip to Napa and I had wine on the mind!  Found some fun stuff and some fall beverages to take this weekend when we visit our eldest. I love buying wine.  Even though I'm not drinking much lately, I still love "hunting" for that next bottle.

I feel better having venting my woes this morning.  Thanks for listening lol!  (At this point, I would fall over if someone else found this blog.  I like talking to myself - more than I thought I would!)  I resisted journalling for a long time - but I'm hooked.