Labor Day.

Yesterday was "normal" ... my new normal.  Ate just fine, not too much.

I had a brief craving for some wine - not even a craving so much as a thought.  Hubby poured a drink (he doesn't drink often) and asked if I wanted something.  It would have been nice - sipping with him, drinking-loves-company sort of thing.  But I said no-thanks and the thought was over.

I wonder if my cravings are just situational.  Friday and Saturday both felt vacation-mode (at least holiday weekend mode) and I "craved" all day.  Had a big woe-is-me party - why can't I drink, eat junk and totally stuff myself?  Everyone is having a FUN, PARTY weekend (or even week) and I'm cooking green beans.  Wow - living the life.

The choice is mine.  There is no wrong answer, just what I want my life to be - my goal, my life.

I knew it would get harder the longer I've been "good."  The "I deserve" thoughts are coming on strong. The goal is balance.  I'm not at balance yet (still doing the "all").

It's a start to a mindset shift.  But just a start.  This food reward is well ingrained in my brain.  I still "fear" when I let myself start to drink again - will every situation become "special?"  Will it taste so good, feel so good (temporarily) that I want it (have it) too much?

I was thinking recently about a pendulum.  I swing all-or-nothing through the entire range of the pendulum.  If I swung the full "all" (because I like that) and just allowed myself to swing to midline (not all the way in the other direction) ... that feels like BALANCE to ME. (Even thought it's ironically not balance in a pendulum - lol.)  A couple of glasses of wine is not a big deal.  It is when it's every night and it's with cheese, crackers, cupcakes - you get the picture - it is a big deal.

Lordy, this is a challenge.  Challenges are doable with work.  I'm working it.

Anyway - today ...

I woke up with a headache (again).  Allergies or a little cold - I don't know but I am under-the-weather.  Not sure what workout is in the books.  This week's workout schedule is a little mixed up and I have a few "freedom" days to figure out - today is one of them.  I'm running tomorrow so I guess tabata today with arms focus??  Next week starts my full new workout regiment (super excited to finally go at it) ... so I'm not overly concerned about this week.  I'll do what feels good (which is such a nice break!).

The rest of the day is some errands, some bill paying and (hopefully) the final 2 episodes of Game of Thrones (woohoo!).

Off to find my zen.  Happy Labor Day.