SCS Call

I did what I've never done before -- cried the entire time on the coaching call.  I started to talk about the pity party I'm having for my circumstances and burst into tears.  That was a surprise -- I didn't feel overly emotional going into the call  Guess what we talked about?!?  Feelings.

I know some of the emotion is hormones and lack of sleep, but it's still very unusual for me to cry in front of someone about feelings that are ongoing -- feelings I've already processed and cried about.

Anyway -- she was very gentle with me and helped me be gentle with myself.  It's okay to having these lingering feelings.  One cry doesn't fix everything and it's okay to keep having feelings (doesn't mean I'm wallowing).  I can be upset and not throw in the towel on all the things too.  It doesn't have to be all good or all upset.

She also talked about "recovery" being a rolling hills not a straight climb -- so a set back doesn't need to mean that I can't get up the hill.  What if the recovery was suppose to look like this along?  What if nothing I do (don't do) changes the path it's suppose to take?

There can be more than one "truth" to a situation and why not pick one that makes you feel a little better -- or at least doesn't make you feel worse.

I think crying to someone actually felt like a relief.  Not just voicing those feelings out loud, but also showing the feelings and being heard and understood was kind of like a big old hug.  Maybe that's what therapy feels like??  

Today I'm moving forward.  Slowly, carefully.  Things I can do -- Spanish, read, journal, stretch, walk.  Hubby is home until Monday morning.  We're driving to see my kids tomorrow.  Youngest is moving into his new apartment with his GF -- big, exciting time for him.  We'll also stop by my eldest and see the house and dogs (DIL is out of town).  Getting out of the house and around people will feel good.  

BTW, I finished Final Girls (Riley Sager) last night before hubby got home.  I started reading in the afternoon and it was a quick read.  Yes, I was scared going to bed -- good lord.  It's a fun suspense book though and I'd recommend it.

New book pick this weekend.  

Have a good day -- later gators.