My State of Mind

Here's an update on my state of mind (aka hormones, aka mood, aka healthy habits).

I didn't buy out Trader Joe's junk food, but I wanted to ... BUT, I did get frozen yogurt bars from the regular store (they are fake enough dairy to not bother my stomach).  I ate 3 out of 4 (lunch, snack, dinner).  That seemed to put me out of the mood for sweets.  I also ate a crap ton of veggies to clean out things from last week.  Sort of a balance ... lol.

Back at it full strength today.  Not dieting, just back to regular meals and plant focused eating.  That's how I feel my best and that needs to be my focus. 

Since I feel a little wonky, I'm back to basics.  SMALL PROMISE every day and asking myself the question, "will this make me feel good?"

I'm ready for the house to myself this week so I can quietly focus on listening to what I need.  When I "share" space and time, I end up reverting to old patterns, not listening deep enough to what I want and compromising to the point of frustration.  This is on ME ... it's not about him.  He's not doing or asking for anything.  This is me needing a lot of time to figure myself out.

Maybe it's menopause, maybe it's retirement, maybe it's a midlife crisis??  Who knows, but this is the age it happens and I'm a walking cliche.  Since we're stuck in the house together, it makes finding personal space and time more challenging.  The time I need is the pause between doing things, the quiet spaces in the day.  I'll spend a couple hours in the kitchen alone and just as I sit down to a quiet moment, he joins me.  That's my thinking time, a pause to listen and it's not there when he's home.

Anyway, the week looks like it's good.  NOTHING on the calendar so far.  Maybe Coby will meet a family and I'll head to the grocery store later in the week.  Bookclub on Sunday (virtual).  I have to start the book over -- I tried to pick it up and don't remember any of the 14 pages LOL.  Distracted, fragmented reading ... see what I mean about needing space and time?

I feel like nesting again -- but this time, alone.  Cleaning, organizing, planning.  Can you tell I'm excited?

Also, this isn't ALL about being alone.  The holidays, a runoff election, an insurrection, wedding planning, etc has left me bonked.  I'll do my best to reset this stress with a comparable balance.  A full week of BALANCE and QUIET will help tremendously.  

Here are my buggers -- Starbucks run on a rainy day and a nature walk yesterday.  Everyone enjoys car rides.  Stay well.  Later gators.