Today is my trek to the BIG mall to find something to wear for the concert. Thanks to Mother Nature it's hot as crap, humid and downright miserable. Now I need something different to wear. I don't like to shop under pressure to find something specific.
I'm going with a friend. Mixed feelings on that ... sometimes that works, but sometimes I'm better off on my own. Shopping pressure - yuck.
So here's a confession about the concert event tomorrow -- long story, bare with me:
We're going with two couples who know each other. We went out with the one couple months and months ago ... it's a work connection through my hubby. This is the couple who wine and dine in crazy style (because it's paid for by his company). They also have small kids so they use these nights as "date" nights. Last time we were out with them, they were heavily fore playing in the seat next to me. Yep. Gross. Rubbing upper thighs, touching, kissing, etc. Hubby said they had too much to drink and just got a little crazy. I don't think so.
And the wife is pretty and super into looks. Boob job, botox, etc. She's a nurse and works for a plastic surgeon. Not my cup-of-tea, but she gets lots of attention for being "sexy." We don't particularly click. She's nice, but we don't have a lot in common so conversation is a bit pressed.
Cue my insecurities. I don't do "sexy" ... never have ... never will. I'm a plain Jane (or as I say ... classically styled) and I'm happy with that ... most of the time. But in mixed company, watching them fondle, etc ... I feel frumpy and fat and plain and boring.
Add to that, I love to go to concerts but I don't sing and I don't dance during them. I watch and listen and enjoy it, but I can appear to be a wall-flower. I imagine this gal is a dancer and singer. I imagine the other woman is too. Woman in 3s (odd numbers) doesn't often work with seating, etc. I feel like I'm letting my hubby down in these moments (he'd never say that, but I wonder).
AND add that this country concert has become fancy (who does fancy at a concert). Limo, box seats with food and drink service. UGH. Out of my element in the biggest way possible! The two couples got hotel rooms.
So I'm having a big psych-myself-up moment. Be happy, be charming, smile, look like I'm having fun, laugh, talk. Lord knows this is one of those problems that's not a problem. Poor me -- going to a concert in a limo, box seats, etc. I get it.
That's why this is a confession lol!
Me and my mirror will have a big heart-to-heart tomorrow. Self-confidence has always been a struggle for me. This situation is bringing me back to high school years where I was so painfully shy and insecure. After we went out with this couple, I remember hoping we wouldn't go again with them ... or hoping it would be a golf day like we talked about. (She ended up vetoing that, so just the guys went ... see, out of HER element.) Another issue when my SHY acts up is I appear stuck-up (not shy) because I get really quiet. This has been a repeated theme my entire grown-up life -- many people have told me that after we've become friends.
My best cure for this is a pep talk and fake-it-till-you-make-it attitude. Sometimes, the more I dread it, the more "prepared" I am and the better the evening ends up. Fingers crossed ... for shopping today and "partying" tomorrow!!
I also hate that I feel this way. Not a proud moment. I've outgrown a lot of these insecurities. The older I become, the more I appreciate differences. Lots of ways to be awesome. I don't compare myself to others. So why am I right back there doing that NOW??!? Logically, intellectually I know this is ridiculous, but I'm still feeling it ... right under the surface.
Okay, confession over. Shopping gods -- please, please be good to me today. Later gators.
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