Good morning.
Man, the universe wanted to fool with me and my hair appointment yesterday. As soon as I finished yesterday's post, the power went out -- for 2 hours (we have on demand hot water so it would've been a cold shower and wet hair). Then my hairdresser was late because her shipment of lightener is out of stock and she had to drive to another place to find some. BUT ... all is well and my hair is back baby (!!)
Power out means I missed the live Peloton ride for #500. I took an encore class and got lots of high-fives so that was fun too.
Spanish class is all set for tomorrow. Zoom link sent the day of class. I'm super excited.
___________________________________________________________________________
Let's talk boundaries ...
I've learned to set a lot of them -- in lots of prickly places, but there are other areas of little-things-that-add-up that I haven't set boundaries, just stay super annoyed and frustrated. Why? Because they are little things and it feels like I'm being inflexible and asking for too much.
I have a GF who's back to babysitting her granddaughter. For some reason, she won't talk on the phone unless she's napping (even though her husband is there too) -- I've asked and she won't give a clear answer. Since we aren't seeing each other with numbers high, she schedules phone chat times.
Yesterday was like every time -- call set for 3 o'clock -- get a text at 3:05 that the toddler isn't napping so we need to talk another day. Even though it's a phone call, I rearrange my day to accommodate the timed call.
This happens so much (she babysat for an entire year recently and is back since the sitter quit). I thought it was over since her daughter hired a nanny, but my friend will sit indefinitely now (and they want another baby).
I can't keep doing it. I didn't know how to handle it before so I waited it out, but we're back to the same circumstance again -- oh, and she never, ever apologies. It feels disrespectful of my time. But at the same time, complaining feels small and petty.
I thought about it last night and decided NO MORE TIME SETTING. Call if you can and if I'm available, we can talk. That way I'm not making adjustments for phone catch-ups that rarely happen (or they get pushed, moved, changed ... all for a 15 minute call). Totally not worth it. If you are only able to give me scraps of your time, I accept that, but I won't jump through hoops for it.
Done and dusted. It hasn't come up since the canceled call yesterday, but I'm set to let her know my boundary when it does. "Let's not set a time because that doesn't work well when you're babysitting -- just call when you can." If she pushes that, then I'll explain my side more clearly.
Glennon Doyle says it so well ... anger shows you where you need a boundary. I've needed a boundary for quite some time with this situation. Ultimately, boundaries strengthen friendships. With this boundary in place, no more frustration on my end and it still allows her to talk when she's comfortable. Win-win.
___________________________________________________________________________
Long chat today. Hope you're set to have a good Saturday. Stay well, folks. Later gators.
No comments:
Post a Comment