I'm sick :-(

Good news - got my list of lots and lots done.  Bam!

Bad news - I feel like crap.  I guess I am actually sick.  Kept hoping it was just a morning fluke.

I feel like I could sleep forever.  I'd go to bed but I need to make dinner for the crew.  Maybe tomorrow will be better!

I AM happy energy!

This is my new incantation.

(It morphed from "I am an energetic and happy person" ... too long and the first part blurred together as one big mumble.)

I say it when I warm-up for a workout and when I run.  2 days so far.  I forgot how much a like incantations.  This was a good reminder from the seminar.  I realized I'd started a very bad habit of complaining in my head as a distraction for my run.  No wonder I was grumpy.  Duh!

I'm feeling rough around the edges today.  I have a cold - nothing major, but I'm no longer fighting something.  Something arrived.

Canceled my tabata class today.  Needed some more sleep before I workout.  Keeping it all about the arms today.

I'm struggling with my new "happy energy" ... but looking to change my STATE and have a good day.

On the agenda ...

Shop for hubby's b-day gift
Pay the bills
Cook for the house of boys
Workout and Starbuck - of course!!

I need to settle on an eating plan now that I'm home.  Whole30.  Jenny Craig.  It's a toss up.  I want to drop 10 lbs.  In so many ways I prefer Whole30, but it's work.  Decisions, decisions.  Not today.  House full of boys -  it's enough to survive lol.

Off to find some zen (by getting the bills paid!).  Later gators.

Fire Walk

Yep - I walked on hot, fiery coals.  Go ME!

I was nervous, shaking like a leaf on a tree.  Everyone is slow clapping, chanting YES.  Drums are pounding in the background - slow and powerful.  It's hot.  Texas heat with fire heat burning at your face.  Smokey and dark ... just the coals glowing.  You are told STEP UP.  Then you walk.

6 steps across, looking up, staying in STATE.  Volunteers grab you at the end and spray your feet while you wipe on wet grass.

Then my partner walked.  18 year old kid.  Did fantastic too.  We celebrated, high-fived, hugged and headed for ac inside to wait for the rest of our group.

It was an amazing experience.  Powerful, emotional, exciting.

But there was a downside and I almost hate to write about it.  Dozens of people had very bad burns, 5 with 3rd degree burns.  Ambulances, people crying.  TR media release actually lied about it - lied because I witnessed something different with my own eyes.  Tony Robbins was angry and offensive when he addressed what happened.  My Tony (the man) bubble burst.  Own your shit.  As Tony says - if you lie about THIS, what else will you lie about.

I feel lucky that I had no burns.  I feel lucky I had a powerful experience.  I feel lucky it was everything I'd hoped it to be.  I'll NEVER do it again.  I'll NEVER recommend it to anyone.  And the bubble will stay burst.

I love the message TR gives.  I love his programs.  I'm disappointed in how he handled himself.

But I walked on fire!

Home!

Where to start.

So much to write about.  So much "stuff" to digest.

The trip was fantastic.  Spent some great time with a great friend.  Met some fun, interesting people.  Fun dinners, fun birthday celebrations, fun stories.  Saw Tony Robbins up close and personal.  High fived him and he squeeze my hand.  Oh yeah, walked on fire.

But, unfortunately, there was a down side to the trip too.  First day of Tony Robbins was classic TR.  Everything I imagined and loved it all.  Then the downhill run began.

My Tony Robbins (the man) bubble has burst.  But the TR message holds well and that's what I'll focus on.  I'll write about the rest another time (maybe).

I was so exhausted ... I mean totally exhausted.  Came home and slept most of the day and then slept 10 hours last night.  Need to get my life together today.  House stuff piled up and back to work tomorrow.  My youngest son has friends from NY here for the week, so grocery shopping, cooking, baking ... all need to get done.  And hubby's b-day is Saturday.  Lots to do.

I'll be writing about the experience over next week or so.  Stay tuned!!

I came home to a home-baked cake from my eldest.  I've never had a cake baked for me (since I was a little girl).  It felt so special.  Absolutely warmed my heart.  I have a good kid (kids).  Lucky girl here.

The first "message" I realized after the trip ... focus on more positive.  My choice to be happy or not.  Simple - something I know - something I don't really practice.  I'm going back to incantations and morning positive thoughts as I warm up for my workout.  Hard to do today with lots of "things" lingering and I'm not feeling well (the push was a lot for me right now).  But that's the point.

Part of the reason I'm not ready to recap all the crappy parts of the trip just yet.  Want to have a better head space.

So off to return calls, workout and run errands.  All with a smile on my face!

Ready. Set. Go.

But the go is slow this morning.  Hello tabata!  Muscles are building ... good things happening ... but the process leaves me limping out of bed.

By this afternoon I will be basking in the heat of Dallas (instead of the heat of Atlanta) getting ready for my bucket list event.

Packing went more smoothly than I thought.  Final check off this morning.
Still excited.  Still nervous (fire walking has got to hurt!).  Glad it's finally here.

I wonder if the next time you see me I'll be a changed woman.  I'll be officially a year older.  Probably a weigh a bit less (no big meals this trip - good). Ready to take action and do my thing (whatever that is!!).

Well cyber world - signing off until next week.  Wish me luck.

The MEGA List

Packing day has arrived and with it ... the MEGA list.  I write down EVERYTHING.  And I check off EVERYTHING before I leave ... crossed out in pen.

Why??  Long story.  Short version.  Left my bridesmaid dress (maternity fitted to boot) on back of bedroom door.  Added 4 extra hours of driving to a 5 hour drive with hubby, toddler, grandmother and pregnant me.  EVERYTHING goes on list ... obvious or not.  Lesson learned the hard way but never forgotten.  Probably saved me many times over the last 20+ years.

Boy do I dislike packing (even with a list).  Just a chore to end all chores.  I don't mind unpacking.  Not the norm, I know.

I kind of go to a different beat with a number of things.

I like carpet. Hardwoods are pretty, but carpet is comfortable.  I compromise on this everywhere but the bedrooms and basement.

I like lower ceilings.  At least not double story ceilings.  I like to feel cosy.  I compromise with the entrance way.

I like regular bathtubs.  We have a large garden tub with jets - never used.  Waste of time and water.

I like rainy days. Unless it's rained for 2 weeks, only then I miss the sun.

I like most foods better as cold leftovers.

I like tons of ice in my drinks.

I like nice hotel accommodations - even if I'm "just" sleeping there.  Sleep matters people!!

I like the old style washer and dryers - kind you get in from the top.  Third set of expensive front loaders and they don't do it for me at all.  (I can live with the dryer, but washer doesn't get clothes clean.)

I like old regular-water-use toilets.  You end up flushing water efficient ones twice as much among other problems which shall remain nameless!

I like the short days of winter.  Dark is cosy.  "Fall-back" is my favorite weekend of the year!

I like to be cold - or at least cool.  Summer on the beach - yuck.  Summer in the south - yuck. Summer period - yuck.

I like (must) have a drink with me.  I carry one everywhere.  Dump drink before airport security, buy drink immediately on arrival to gate.  I always leave extra time so I'm never too late to get a water bottle.

The list goes on and on.  I'm a very particular traveler (and particular person), but I hide my crazy.  More important to "be good" than "be right."  Most people are shocked when they get a peek at the crazy.  Never knew you were so quirky ... yep, that's the goal!!

Day OVER!

Yea!  I made it!  Thank you universe for getting me through.  And guess what ... even with my pristine mood ... TOM has arrived.  Not a bad day for what was going to be a bad day.

I'm flat out EXHAUSTED.  I don't use that exaggeration word often.  I feel it in every bone in my body.  Outside run, hard work day and my period make for one over done ME.

I'm only here now because I'm waiting for my cold meds to kick in.  No cold, but tired and monthly brings on stuffy, headache stuff.  No mood to push through it.  Drugs it is.

And now on the longest day of the year ... I have logged a 3 post day.  New record for those keeping track.

Goodnight folks.  Bed feels really good.

The Longest Day of the Year

Hello (it's been awhile ... or 3 minutes).

Just remembered (i.e. thanks Yahoo) today is the summer solstice.  My dreaded day is the LONGEST DAY OF THE YEAR!

I mean really?!?!  Oh universe - you got me again.  Always the prankster.

To-Do Done

Made it through my list.  Every last item.  Whew.

Today - new list ... lol.  Not as long but still want to get it knocked out.

I have to admit I'm dreading work today.  Short staffed, big cases, crappy docs (well one crappy doc - other is not).  I'm still not 100% and that worries me for today.  Head down, push through - every day eventually ends.

I'm waiting for my tell-tale sign that TOM is on the way.  Not yet.  Oh please, please, please let it be by tomorrow.  The first couple of days are miserable and I'd love to have them out of the way before the "meat" of my trip.  I'm just too darn pleasant today ... where is horrible me ... my sure sign?!?!

Did I mention I'm addicted to Game of Thrones?  Just finished season 3 last night.  Lordy it's exciting.  And Orange is the New Black has been released.  And I never watched last season of House of Cards.

Sometimes I feel bad that I binge watch TV instead of binge reading like I used to.  I still read regularly, but not like I once did.  I hope I'm not letting my brain go to mush.  But Game of Thrones is SO GOOD!!

Tomorrow morning I'm doing a double class again.  Tabata and Down & Dirty in 30.  Today is my first run outside - provided the boogie dog doesn't scare me off again!

Okay better get moving.

Happy Father's Day

I'm lucky that way.  Great hubby who is a great dad - honestly one of the things I love most about him.
Also a shout out to my dad.  Rocky roads over the years but a good man who I miss everyday.

Okay - enough about other people - lol!

Making progress with a big to-do list this weekend.  Had a great bbq last night.  Lots of chores today but I'm armed with a LIST and that makes it possible!

Really busy next few days before the trip and then whirlwind ... bring it Dallas and TR.  Test of my endurance.  Nervous, excited, happy.

Praying to get my TOM a bit early.  It will make things so much easier for me.  I know it's a bit TMI, but if you're a girl you get it.  And since no one reads this blog ... well TMI doesn't matter :-)  (Still have that little moment after I "publish" entry ... when it shows if someone is reading ... a little dread, a little hope.)

Short chat today.  Need to get pushing with my list ... starting with a workout and Starbucks.  It's a great place to start (always!).

T - 4 Days

Until TR!!  My girlfriend called last night and after "planning" some of the logistics - I'm super excited again.  Still have some worry ... but add excitement and it's all good.

Funny thing about my run yesterday.  I decided - what the hell - run outside.  Warming up in the kitchen while dog was out doing his business.  Cue the panic bark.  Went outside - saw nothing.  Told him to "go potty."  Laughed in my head over what a chicken-dog he is ... at 96 lbs.  While he got busy I realized how much I missed running in the peace and quiet of the morning - couldn't wait to get started. THEN ... panic again - tail under, butt under and flew into the house.

Okay - he won.  I was spooked too.  What was lurking to get us??  No way I was running outside after that (saved by the dog)!  But now I was bummed about treadmill (fickle as a pickle).  So I did 1/2 run, 1/2 tabata workout.  Perfect!  So glad I discovered a new workout.

It's going to be my saving grace over this trip.  The hotel gym is under construction.  The surrounding area is unsafe to run alone.  Sleep time is very limited (compared to my usual 8 + hours).  Answer is tabata in the hotel room.  Don't even need to bring my running shoes (which are always a travel problem since they get super smelly when "confined.")  Of course this only works rooming alone.  I'm neurotic about working out but that's even too weird for me!

Busy weekend.

Big grill out tonight for Father's Day (only day we are all off work).
First a trip to butcher (long drive, but going with a friend who's on the same meat mission).
Mega grocery shop.
Paperwork and bills to get ready for trip.
Packing list (Takes me hours of planning and executing to go away - hubby, 10 min.  I drive him nuts.)
Stitch fix decision and return.

Okay, that doesn't sound particularly busy, but that will fill my weekend.  Oh and I may make one last attempt at birthday gift for my girlfriend.  Survival package is good, but I had to tell her about it last night.  Doesn't seem as special now.  Don't need something wow, just a girly something ...

Bye bye!

Inside or Outside?

Sitting here debating a treadmill run or my 1st outdoor run.

Treadmill means music, ac, ability to run to bathroom or change distance.
Outdoor is humid, hilly, fixed distance but it goes by so much faster (in my mind).

Treadmill has a more appeal in this moment.  But sometimes I hate change.  I get used to treadmill or used to outdoors and changing it is like pulling teeth.  The appeal for treadmill today is the weather.  It's so ungodly humid ... it will take forever to cool down (I sweat big time!)

Stitch fix was a disappointment.  I tried on some of the things and will check it out tomorrow.  Cute shoes, but high heals - not for me.  Weird tops - super heavy with beading, etc.  Too hot for summer if you ask me.

I'm trying so hard to get pumped for this trip.  This BUCKET LIST trip.  I was so excited and now that it's less than a week away, I'm not excited ... at all.  I can't believe it.

What's running through my mind?
I'm going to have my period (and this is the "bad" month)
What to wear ... period, hot, weight up ... limits the choices.
Weight is up (I planned to be the "perfect" weight for this trip).
It's over my birthday (which was fun at first, now a bummer - like I'll miss my birthday altogether).
I'm nervous for fire walk.
I'm nervous about spiders.
I'm nervous about weather.
I'm nervous I won't like it.

I hope I can get it together.  I need to get a lot together.  Goodness gracious ... what is wrong with me lately?!?  I don't "live" in this place usually.  I can't seem to pull myself up for more than a few days and then I crash back down.

On that happy note ... see you later.  Inside or outside??  Guess it will be an audible call (is that a proper football reference??).  Stay tuned ...

One STEP at a time ...

Step ONE ... finished my run.
Great way to boost my mood.  I'm more relaxed, content, accomplished - never regret a workout.
I might try an outdoor run tomorrow.  We'll see what the morning brings.

Step TWO ... ate JC lunch with some cauliflower rice.

Step THREE ... don't do anything to undo step 1 & 2.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star ...

... and ABC tune are one and the same.  Mind blown.  How could I live almost 46 years and not know this amazing fact.  Learning new every day.

And speaking of almost 46 years.  Funny thing happened.  When I get close-ish to my birthday, I start rounding the number up.  No particular reason, just general rules of rounded take over.  This year I started a bit early ... saying I'm 46.  Now it's really close to the big day AND I've been saying 46 for some time so I think it's time to round up ... and PRESTO ... now I'm saying 47.

And I believed it.  For about a month or so.  Head injury??  Probably not, since I did this once before in my 30s.  Best part ... when I realize I'm not 47, I feel like I just gained a year of extra life.  It's such a fabulous feeling!!

Crazy, but true.

Now confession time.
I've been an eating monster.  No JC, no control.  WTF.  I won't weigh in until before the trip now.  Stitch Fix arrived yesterday - I bet the clothes won't fit.  I'm a mess.  UGH and double UGH.  I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

Back (again) to JC today.

Maybe TR can fix me next week (or help me fix myself).

P.S.  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star reminds me of a serial killer.  I think they use that music for creepy scenes in shows.  Now I have it stuck in my head ... lol.

Off to muster energy for a workout.  Crap in, crap out - no energy.  Fun times.

Muscle Mush!

Back from Tabata followed by "Down & Dirty in 30" (aka hill running and tricep torture).

I WILL BE SO SORE TOMORROW!!  Yea - love that feeling.  Tomorrow is my rest day, so "all out" today worked perfectly.

Still no plans.  Hard to come up with something on the fly that doesn't involve food ... and I'm tired.

Not my best yesterday with food.  Dinner was cake (a gift from a work friend) and wine (a gift from me).  I was tired, hungry, accomplished, happy, relieved (you name it) and I didn't care.  Bad on me.

Cleaning it up today.  Not that I want to.  Tired and a little bored = I want to fill my belly.  Thankfully, I'm feeling good about my workout so want to have a good food day too.

Ooops - off to run errands with my youngest before he leaves for work.  Gotta run!

I Did It!!

Officially back to work yesterday.  Tired, but feeling good.

This morning is all about Tabata.  I have back-to-back classes with my favorite instructor.  I feel the burn just thinking about it!

Then no plans.  I wasn't sure my schedule this week, so I kept the days open.  I'll have to figure out something.  I'm off until Friday.

I feel like I have a big weight off my shoulders.  I can breathe again.

Short and sweet post today.  Have to get to class.  C-ya later cyber world.

Off to work I go ...

It's finally here.  Back to work day.

I'm a little excited.  I'm a little nervous.  I'm a little happy.  I'm a little bummed.  So I guess it's a normal day ... lol.

I usually run outside before work.  Thought it best to keep to the treadmill since I haven't run outside since the injury.  Opened the door to let the dog out - OMG - like a sauna out there.  Glad to be in the AC for my run today.  Still rocking the Air Supply for the treadmill runs.

No problem waking up this morning.  I thought it might be hard.  Wild dreams and a bit restless this morning.  Actually got up ahead of alarm since I was awake.

*TMI ALERT*
My biggest problem with getting up earlier than I have for 8 weeks ... changes the bathroom time.  And I so hate not being regular!!  I'm hitting a bit of caffeine today to see if I can motivate the situation to happen before I leave for work.  Once I'm at work - not happening.  Even if I want it to!  Ends up a day of bloat ... not fun wearing lead all day.
*TMI OVER*

In other very important news ... I have a big blister on my big toe.  I need it to heal before my firewalk! Doing mountain climber move on a yoga mat ... pick up those feet!!  Preview of my burn blisters???  Oh ... I hope not.

Wish me luck today.  I'm ready to have this behind me.  Want to be back to normal ... my new (old) normal.  Back to working on my SIMPLE stuff list.  I'm ready to push forward and start digging into the changes I want in my life.  From eyelashes to arm muscles ... from excitement to zen.

Later gators.

Tabata!

The gift that keeps on giving ... 2 days later.

Wow am I sore!  In a good way sore.  My regular tabata instructor is amazing.  She just knows how to work the old muscles (and find all the hidden ones).  It took me about 4 weeks to stop being all over sore after each class.  The break brought me back to sore-land again.

This time (knock wood) I'm excited to see where continued practice can get me.  Show. Me. The. Guns.  Probably not.  I don't build muscle easily but I should get me some good old arm tone on!

I thought I could do non-girly push-ups until she showed me the "real" way.  Now I can barely do a proper girly one.  Joys of defeat.  But I'm determined to build up to a real one.  Or at least multiple girly style.

The caveat is my stupid knee pain.  Started this with hopes of healing my knee.  Not sure.  It might be beyond self-healing.  I'll see.  If it never gets worse, I can live with it.  I just am scared I'm one twist or lunge away from an I-can't-walk kind of injury.  I could go to a doctor ... but I hate doctors so I'll plug along until it's either better or I can't walk.  Good plan if I do say so myself - lol!

As I type, I'm looking at my manicure with a happy face.  I skipped my usual gal (and my usual "american" manicure) last time because I was too embarrassed.  I had a bad night and a bit of chipped polish lead to picking my nails too short.  I don't do it often (anymore) ... a throwback old habit.  But I felt bad revealing this to my regular lady.  So in the name of trying a new place (cough, cough) I did the incognito move.  It fixed my situation but didn't look as good. Glad to have my usual look back!

Still plugging along on JC.  Took a break Friday evening to enjoy (overeat) cookies and wine.  Grumpy me took over logical me.  "Last hurrah before work starts ... I could use the energy ... etc, etc, etc."

Surprisingly, I don't regret it.  Who knows why.  Hope it doesn't do too much to my scale numbers this week.  It seems like I got the urge out of my system.

Tomorrow it will be hard to stay on plan.  I get up at 3:25am, workout, eat by 5:30 and off to work.  It's a long day - starts really early.  I just run out of food.  Sometimes I eat an extra meal.  Might have to do that tomorrow.  Maybe add eggs.

Grocery store on agenda and trying a new spaghetti dish for the family for dinner.  First a workout and a Starbucks run - good way to start the day.

Happy List

Since I posted my grumpy list yesterday - thought I'd post a happy list for today.

Able to return the make-up I bought without receipt (since she ended up giving me the WRONG colors!)
Found perfect gift (1st try) for a friend who is going through some difficult times (surgery and family death).
Nice man let me "go first" in line at Target.
Oh - my super easy Target return!
Found 2 new toys for my pup (hard to find since he's a crew king!)
Was able to get a last minute nail appointment with my favorite nail tech.
Whole freezer full of new JC meals.

BOOM!  Bring on the happy dance.

Off to get my nails beautified.

Breathing in the ZEN (it's about damn time!)

Writer's Block

What to say, what to say.

I've got nothing.

Maybe later ...

Grumpy

Woke up today in a grumpy mood.

It's not even 7 am and I have a list of crap that's on my nerves.  What you ask???  Well ...

Hubby slept in an hour late so my wake-up/bathroom time was delayed (he stayed up to watch hockey game - how about a heads-up).
Cleaning ladies asked to come early today (tons of prep work because my kids are slobs - by my standards at least - now I'm "rushed" this morning).
My dog barking outside (love people who walk by the house early in the morning).
Last scoop of dog food (I forgot to buy it yesterday on my 8 store voyage).
My "last" day of vacation sick-leave (still have weekend - but everyone is home - hardly time off).
I have no idea what to make for dinner (and I don't want to make dinner!).

Ahhhh ... feels better to get that off my chest.  I'm still grumpy.

And no more time to write anything more this morning.  Rushed morning sponsored by everyone on my last nerve.

So far a zen-free day.   UGH.

Drum roll please ...

5 lbs.  I'll take it.

And that's with only 2 of the legs - lol :-)

It's about what I expected - 1st week water weight.  I've been eating more than I usually do on Jenny - all the allowed "extras" ... veggies, added fat serving, fruit, yogurt.   Exercise is less than it used to be too.  All in all - it's a good number.

Now to keep going!!

I'm a bit disappointed I'll be "up" about 10 lbs more than I planned for my June trip.  Doesn't sound like much, but it really limits my closet choices.  Nothing I can do about it.  Better than 20 lbs up!!

My FUN for yesterday sort of backfired.  Eye makeover gone very wrong!  I should have taken a picture.  I did find some new makeup - hopefully I can apply with better results - hard to do worse.  It wasn't exactly fun, but it was funny.  I guess that counts!

Today is a wide open day.  Just a quick couple of household to-dos and that's it.  It's even my day off from exercise.  Empty house to boot - even the dog will be at the groomers.

Have to watch this kind of day.  Empty house + lots of time + no workout = eating.  Not today.  That's why I weighed myself.  Keeps me honest.

I'm still shopping for a gift for my friend (during our June trip).  Can't find jewelry so back to original idea of a "survival kit" for the seminar.  Snacks, fun pen, burn cream (fire walk!!) ... all in a cute bag. Easy to put together, but lots of stores to make it happen.  Should keep me busy.

Time to start the day ...

All Clear!

"Changes" squished out on the d-mamo.  All good!  Breathing easy.

Nice day yesterday.  Nothing amazing but it was good.

Tabata felt great (nice and sore today!!)
Didn't find any good shopping items (what I did find was way too expensive).
Good catch-up coffee with a friend (she's back on WW - so coffee worked well for both of us).
Family dinner (I'm on a cooking streak - at least until I go back to work).
Started new book on training (everything from animals to people - author is a dolphin trainer - very interesting - watch out kids, there's a new mom in town lol!!)

I have an appointment with Dr. Sun today.  Final adjustment (hopefully).

I'd like to find some FUN to enjoy today.  Life is better good but lacking something.  This is usually when I plan a happy hour or restaurant dinner or bake a new something awesome.  Food and pleasure are so linked for me.  Breaking the pattern.  Changing the habit.  Discovering the NEW.

But I'm at a loss.  Maybe more shopping for my girlfriend gift.  Feels more like a to-do item now than fun.  Maybe a movie with my son - don't even know what's playing.

Time to think on it.

Workout today is an easy run (all have been "easy" since the injury - no pressure run is more like it.  Download some new old music - Air Supply.  Yep - love it.  Great music to zone out to.  All sounds about the same.  Brings back good memories.

Later gators!

Only Two Legs in Triad Today (Again!)

Today's non-scale is brought to you by "husband home."  Oh the suspense is awful!!  Actually, I'm okay with not knowing for a few days.  Might just wait until Friday to take the plunge.  I'm feeling better. Clothes are less tight. Don't want to ruin a good feeling with a scale number. (Now, if the number is good ... dare to dream.)  P.S. He'll be home tomorrow morning too (maybe all week) - jury duty.

Really excited about my no-sofa eating revelation.  Working so far.

I Don't Eat On The Sofa.  Yep - my new identity.

Now don't get me wrong.  I still need to be diligent with doing-the-right-thing.  I'm sure I could pretty easily adapt to eating hordes of cake at the table (I'm an overachiever that way).  That's actually a key part of the process.  Don't replace bad habit with another bad habit.

This is something I can do forever.  It's simple and packs a huge punch.  I'd be stupid not to implement it for life.

It seems really obvious now, but so much "work" went into realizing how to REALLY break the pattern.  I was focused on the wrong things (i.e. what I ate; how I ate).

And this frees me up to RELAX.  I can eat however I want to - no right or wrong.  Jenny Craig - sure.  Whole 30 - sure.  Nothing special - sure.  There doesn't need to be a "forever" with food rules.  Just like with running ... sometimes I'm training ... sometimes I'm not ... sometimes it's fun to try something different ... sometimes the same old routine works perfectly.

To be clear ... I'm not talking throwing caution to the wind.  I'm talking about continue to make healthy choices, eating healthy foods.  Most of the time that's my default - easily, without much effort.  I off-road ON THE SOFA (and boy can I off-road).

I have said it before.  I actually like to diet sometimes.  Play around with new ways to eat.  See what feels good.  Break up the monotony.

My latest "research" ... intermittent fasting.  I've read, tried and enjoyed before.  It's making a come back in the circle of "how to eat" recommendations.  I'll write on this another time.

Hope today is a regular day ... not the day I find out I could have breast cancer. (Yep - didn't forget - trying not to expend too much "worry" energy.)  I'll know by tonight.  ( . ) ( . )  Come on girls - be healthy.

Stress ...

Interesting day today.

Cleared by MD to return to work next week.  Stress relief.

Got call back for diagnostic mammogram - changes in right breast.  Stress back.

Probably nothing.  Fortunately, will know tomorrow - so not too long to "worry." But funny how just a hint of potentially bad news feels like bad news.  How quickly my mind wanders to the what-if.

In other news for tomorrow- tabata with my regular instructor - yea!  Probable coffee with a friend - yea!  Shopping to find a gift for another friend (and maybe a little something for me!) - yea!

I hope the day is a complete home run with good news from mammogram.  Fingers crossed.

Good day on Jenny.  A bit harder not to "eat" tonight (stress excuse) but I walked the walk.  Journaling helps.

Still No Scale

Because still no poo!  This happens to me sometimes on Jenny the first week.  My intestines go on strike.  I'm usually regular as rain so it throws me off kilter a bit.  The count stands at 2 days.  If it climbs passed 3 - magnesium to the rescue.  Today is the addition of a bit of caffeine to see if that will do the trick.

I don't want to see a disappointing number on the scale this time.  Mentally may not be able to handle it well.  I'm feeling good on JC, positive, in control, relaxed.  But last night had a couple of moments of doubt.  Silly mind.  Still, I need a "win."  No poo - no scale.

One of the things I enjoy about Jenny is the variety of food.  I tend to eat the same things over and over in my "real" life.  It fun to decide what to eat - all with the same amount of prep work.  4:30 on the microwave!!  Of course lots of added veggies, but all in all it's easy peasy.

Signing off for now.  Not much to say.  Lots to get done today AND I want to watch Sister Wives (yes - you read correctly - my secret obsession!!).

Later gaters.

Outlets

Shopping day!!  Got some basics and a couple of "cute" picks too.  Usually I won't shop when my weight is up, but it worked out just fine.

Started Game of Thrones - oh so good.  I read the first book but show is much better (weird I know!!)

It was a good day.

No weigh in today!

Missing a leg on the triad ... won't go into details ... lol!

I have an uneventful day on the books today.  Rainy Sunday!

After my grocery shop-athan yesterday, no errands left today.  Just some bill paying and paperwork on the agenda.  Hope to start some of my other books that are waiting in the wings.  Reading a good novel now, but I usually read a couple books at a time (as long as they are different genre).

Still feeling good about JC.  Control, lists, easy prep ... it's just what I needed right now.

When I find something "good " I get hung up on MUST do it forever.  Whole30 is great, but in this moment something else works better for me.  I'll absolutely go back to paleo style because it is healthy and I do feel good when I eat that way.  But after these 7 weeks of recovery, etc it wasn't what I wanted or needed.

I don't get all preachy with other people.  I don't rant about what's good or bad.  I don't push that crazy perfection on them.  BUT I do with myself.

Treadmill run planned this morning as long as my knee is holding up.  It's in a bad place.  The change to some tabata workouts is, in-part, an effort to cut back on running and help my knee (also build some arm muscles!)  We'll see.

Okay ... time to get the day started.

Food Finished = Bedtime

Successful Jenny day today.

I did lots of family grocery shopping.  Liquor, chocolate, cake, cheese, chips ... yep, really.  Got a lot of real stuff too, but boys had a junk food request list a mile long (all 3 of them).

Thank God for JC (I had to go for the pun - no disrespect meant!)

Without the program structure, I'm sure I would've picked, nibbled, licked, tasted and eventually given into some less-than-ideal food choices.  Not easy, but not really hard either.  I like JC food A LOT!!  Just have to get used to the small portions.

Still sticking to my no-sofa-eating rule.  Why?  Because I don't eat on the sofa!!

Looking forward to weighing in ... soon.  Have to have the right morning.  No hubby in the room, bathroom needs met, not too much in belly yet ... you know ... trifecta of scale perfection.  Maybe tomorrow, maybe not.

Until tomorrow cyber world ...

Good morning, good day.

I had a great night's sleep - needed that in a big way.

Feeling in control today with JENNY.  There is something calming about knowing EXACTLY what to do and knowing it will work.

I have a tad bit of the guilts when I read the labels (after so much Whole30 it screams POISON!!) but got to do what I got to do.

Lesson in life.  Life changes CONSTANTLY.  Best to have an arsenal of solutions in the back pocket.

Today is a day off from working out.  My knee and leg are sore (not the I-worked-hard kind, but the brink-of-injury kind).  I was planning tomorrow as the off day, but this is okay.  I may take a light walk on the treadmill - nice and relaxing.  Too hot and humid (already) to walk outside.

I hear the family stirring upstairs, so signing off for now.  Later gators.

Back to Jenny

And I'm already hungry!!

This will be the biggest change - HUNGER.  Whole30 is limited in selection, but you aren't hungry.

I've already been "tinkling" like crazy.  Good-bye water weight.

Tabata was okay today.  It was hard getting started again but I'm glad I did it.  My head's a bit funny after but might be from my "brain activity" at The Body Exhibition.  (It was awesome by the way!)

Until tomorrow cyber-land ...

UGH

I'm UP a pound.  WTF!

Now I'm just plain pissed (and a bit panicked).  I'm going to weigh myself everyday until the trip.  Just have to do it.

Trying not to focus too hard on the disappointing (SHOCKING) number.

Heading back to Tabata class this morning.  Of course, every cell in my body wants to cancel after scale-gate.  But not the solution ...

Have a nail appointment after class (and shower!).  That will be nice.

Lord help me to move the scale in the right direction.  If there is no success by Sunday my butt is back at Jenny Craig for a couple of weeks.

As I write this, I might just go this afternoon.  Bite the bullet.  Time is tight.  Got to stop the bleed.

UPDATE ... took a pause, called Jenny.  Cue the crawl of shame ... lol!

I feel instantly better.  Not as healthy a choice as Whole30 but it is easy and honestly, I need easy right now.  I'm giving myself a break (and a helping hand).

Have to run and get dressed for class.  Yea yoga pants ... crap .. this day is a lesson in self-loathe love.

Hazy, Hot & Humid!

Great day to be INSIDE with a bunch of preserved bodies.

Looking forward to seeing The Bodies Exhibition later.  Should be fascinating.

My e-ticket came for Tony Robbins seminar.  Just 3 weeks away.  Not only is this a big bucket list item, but I get to share it with a life long friend I haven't seen in about 4 years.

TR talks about peer group and upping the ante ... get better peers. Well, she's one of my "better" peers.  Smart, interesting, caring - my own personal Oprah (without the Oprah stuff I don't like!).  Couldn't ask for a better person coming along.  I'm pumped!

Well, tomorrow is my "scheduled" weigh-in day.  I'm a bit on the fence about weighing in.  Whole30 feels strongly about not using the scale number as a measure of success or esteem or happiness.

I've been integrating Whole30 philosophies for about a year and a half.  So not much scale jumping over that time.  I did weigh-in recently because I needed a reality check.  It was sobering.  But I handled "the number" and found the motivation to get my butt in gear (no wonder my pants are tight - duh!)

I wonder if tomorrow will be motivating or upsetting.  Down "enough" - I'm pumped and excited.  Down "not enough" - I beat myself up all day over it.  So why weigh in???  Because I want validation for my efforts.  I want to "know" what I'm doing is working.  And probably should know if it's not working.  I WILL be back in my clothes by my trip - tick tock.

I know my water weight is letting go.  I can see it in my face and lots of extra trips to bathroom overnight - telltale sign.  I think the unknown is I didn't weigh myself last week and maybe the number was even higher than I thought!  Then the downward movement will feel like "less than enough."  Cue the mental punches.

Oh to live in my mind.  Crazy town.

Yep - Another Post Today

I wanted to re-cap my TR experience (so I can revisit the thoughts).

But on a lighter note ... let's talk rewards!  I  mentioned before that I like to reward myself when I need a boost.

I need a boost.

Some fun rewards are in the works.

Wonder woman undies for the fire walk.  I like the idea of an empowering secret as I do the walk.  My own "hidden" strength.  And I have this weird obsession with wonder woman - a symbol of girl power - a memory from childhood.  It works!

Pedicure with the reflexology lady.  Why?  I love the blue polish I used last time.  I usually get grey, purple or some version of reddish pink.  This was such a perfect shade of blue for me ... so perfect I'm not ready to change.  I hope I can find it again!

Stitch Fix June delivery.  I need some more maxi shirts for my trip in June.  They pack well, wear comfortably, look nice.  I hope they deliver on some good ones.  I'm not a huge fan of store shopping, especially when I want something specific.  Stitch Fix does a good job!

Tabata workout scheduled for Friday.  The teacher is a substitute, but I don't care.  I can't wait to get back into building my muscles!

The Bodies Exhibit.  Had to postpone last month.  Back on the calendar Thursday - this time with my youngest son.  This is so interesting.

Some future ideas:

A "free" makeover.  I don't do much makeup.  I'm not good at it either.  Don't want something radically different, just some new colors.  Thought it be a good reward after 10 lbs.

Massage after last neck adjustment.

Bring on the goodies!!   Later gators.

I'm not a person who eats on the sofa.

After hours and hours of Tony Robbins CDs on life, purpose, goals, changes, LASTING changes - it's comes down to this.

I'm not a person who eats on the sofa.

This is part of my new identity - part of my map - part of my "rule book" on life.  The statement is simple, the work behind it was BIG.

The "why" to the problem became clear easily - CONSISTENCY and SIGNIFICANCE.

Creating a new alternative which meets these needs in a stronger and more positive way (class 1 experience) - actually quite simple too.  (i.e. fitting into my clothes).

But I was still struggling.  The key for me was breaking my pattern - changing my unhealthy routine.

My pattern of overeating ALWAYS involves the sofa.  Overeating somewhere else doesn't meet my needs.

A SIMPLE change changes EVERYTHING.

I've been so hyper-focused on what to eat, how to eat, when to eat.  But it has nothing to do with the specifics of food.  The whole pattern had to be involved to meet my needs.  Ding ding ding!!

Finally, the last tweak to this new identity involves my language.  I use language that encourages me to head down the overeat road.  You've messed up, been bad, FAILED - go ahead and really fail, makes no difference now.   I've cleaned up my language and have a new message.

I don't need perfect in my food choices.  My choices are consistently good - until the unhealthy pattern runs and I overeat.  Stop the pattern, stop the problem.

Next stop - Unleash the Power!