Family coming home today.  I'm looking forward to some activity around the house again.  It's been a long stretch of very quiet these last few weeks.

The weather is picture perfect gorgeous today.  Crisp, cool air; temp in the 70's; blue skies.  Lovely.  So nice in fact, I think I'll plan a dinner on the deck tonight.

I hope to walk the dog today.  Didn't get that far yesterday.  Closet cleaning took it out of me, but the closet looks so much better.  It's a great feeling to organize, declutter, and spit-shine.  Didn't do my "good" clothes since I ran out of steam.  But piles of shoes, workout clothes, swim suites, travel items, toiletries all are fixed up.  3 bags in the trash; 3 bags to Goodwill.

On the agenda today:

grocery store (returning family = need food!)
possible trip to Container Store or Target (I'll see how I feel after grocery store - this is solely pleasure trip)
cook dinner and bake some banana muffins

That a lofty list for me, but I'm trying to build back up.  I'm going to call out of work until Friday and (fingers crossed) will be able to finally make the return to work.

Did my TR program yesterday and had an interesting epiphany (I hope).

I hate that I spend the whole day happily enjoying healthy habits and then I sabotage it all over a couple of hours at night.  It's like I'm 2 different people.  I've tried countless ways to change my night routine (cue everyone's advice ... believe me I've tried it ... works a bit or works a little while, then not at all).

Why do I do it?  Sugar drop, endorphins, habit, hormones??  Does it even matter why?

Anyway.  Found approach #161 (but whose counting) yesterday.

I'm seeking pleasure.  That's it.  I don't "need" sugar; I don't "need" wine; I don't "need" to stuff myself full.  I just want pleasure.

Pleasure at the end of a day.  Pleasure that's easy.  Pleasure that's a sure thing.  I need a pleasure fix.  And years of habit have told me my pleasure fix comes from my bad habits.

But, of course, it's just immediate pleasure followed by instant and lasting disgust and disappointment.  I want LASTING pleasure.  I want MASSIVE pleasure.  I want pleasure that's EXPONENTIALLY greater than that instant moment.

So last night when I was seeking pleasure, I let my brain know that I was having pleasure by NOT partaking in bad habits.  And this pleasure FAR EXCEEDED any immediately pleasure.  I was practically bathing in PLEASURE!

And my brain said - oh perfect - pleasure is just what I wanted.  And that was that.  Huh??  Could it be that easy?  I tell myself I'm having massive pleasure and the bad desires just go away?!?!

I'm counting on you #161.  Don't let me down.