Happy New Year!

The extent of my celebration is a little pity party. Maybe hormones??

I'm feeling like I'm doing for "everyone" at my own expense. Glad to make everything easier for my family but who is looking to bring me a little happy or ease? No one right now.

That was yesterday. There were very nice parts to the day, but I had an overwhelming feeling of being left out of the fun while I worked at celebrating all of them. It's not completely true, of course, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

And I felt that what was being noticed was little criticisms. Little remarks and digs. Little favors being asked too. Can you do XYZ for me because *insert some problem*? 

What is at my expense? Nothing that is anyone's doing but in my "giving" I've taken away from me. Back has limited reach and so no workout yesterday so I could do more shower prep and food cooking. I cut my finger badly cooking on Christmas (slicing bread I can't eat, but would've loved to) so no manicure this week. I wanted to shape my nails ahead of the baby shower. No pedicure either because my chilblains got activated taking care of the dogs (long story) so now I have sores on my toes. That's limiting outdoor walks too because the temps are cold and my feet are sensitive.

As I type this, I guess I can get a manicure -- 9 fingers instead of 10, but that's better than nothing. That makes me feel better. I'll call tomorrow.

The lesson is STILL and ALWAYS to take care of myself (first, if possible). These feelings remind me I'm not doing that enough. 

As I said, lots of good too and I don't want to focus too heavily on the other, but right now I am. That's part of taking care of myself, not judging my feelings -- so I'm learning.

I'm letting today be a lot about me -- at least I'm going to try. Finding some fun (harder on a holiday). Adding fun to this week. Saying no. 

Timely book from the library.

Last little mention. I found a place for the citrus from the Christmas tree. Not sure how long they'll last, but I like the little pop behind the stove.

2024. It's a big year for me (so was 2020) -- not shouting too loudly this time around though. There are wonderful things heading my way, but potential challenges too. Lots of continued learning to handle the highs, lows and days in-between. 

Hope 2024 is a good year for us all.

Later gators.