She questioned it a little, but never pushed. I was concerned muscle memory would take over and I would revert to some old patterns, but it didn't happened. I was worried we wouldn't connect as well, but I don't think that was a problem either. It's been a problem with other long-term friends. "Showing" them this newer version of me hasn't been smooth sailing.
I also stayed the course with my solo time and a lunch with my aunt and uncle (surprisingly one of the hardest holds).
This isn't about other people -- it's about me. For example, my aunt offered to change up lunch plans. I thought about it, said yes ... but I told her I had planned to return to the restaurant I liked from an earlier visit. We were originally meeting somewhere else the next day. I spoke up and didn't feel the need to compromise the location because she was incorporating into MY plans that day. She could always say no. I waited another hour to eat lunch -- a compromise I was willing to do. Lunch itself was a bit strange -- conversation felt awkward at times, but I continued to show up the way that felt like myself. Very small things, but they add up.
It's hard to explain. I'm just inviting myself to the table too. Still compromising, still thinking of others, but including myself on the list too. Does this make sense?
It's getting to be that time of year to create some new lists for 2024 -- which is basically FS in an action plan. I don't have a ton of ideas yet, but I'm mulling it over.
These next 4 months are the Mount Everest of showing up as myself (or my future self). So many opportunities to practice in circumstances where it could be easy to slide backward.
Changing is hard. Staying changed is harder.
I'll leave with this new thrifted lamp from my trip ($24). The room needed more light.
Hike this morning and it's a really big FS thing. I'll fill you in tomorrow. Later gators.
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