Chocolate and Some Insight

First up -- the "good" Belgium chocolate is in fact the GOOD Belgium chocolate. Holy cow. Take a look at this box of beautiful. (And, also, why do the pictures load backwards suddenly. I'm not bothering to redo this.)

My favorite. Crunchy sugar
sparkles and over incredible
soft chocolate.

This brings me to some insight. And, guess what, it's about my relationship with food -- specifically sweets.

For decades (no exaggeration), October through December was gluttony to the point of clothes not fitting and an emergency diet EVERY January. By Christmas I'd feel absolutely horrible. Over these decades I had probably 2 years where I didn't overdue and that was because I dieted instead. And those years felt like victories.

I'd dread Halloween and the candy bingeing it brought and the months of mental torture. I'd worry that I'd have something that still fit for Thanksgiving day. Many Thanksgivings in sweat pants and a t-shirt under the lie that I didn't want to splatter on good clothes (um, aprons). Forget about Christmas -- and never wanting pictures of myself and gearing up for a clean, dry, restrictive, punitive January that I'd start December 26 because I felt so crappy.

I don't do that anymore. I don't diet. I don't have months of bingeing over the holidays. I don't have vacation weigh to lose. The work I'm doing is working. I almost didn't notice.

Yep, I still overeat (over-snack) and have fluctuations in my weight that don't feel well, but it's not the grueling torture. It's absolutely PROGRESS. I'm not "scared" of the holidays. I don't need rules to restrict and ultimately rules to break. 

I trust myself. I trust I can adjust when I get off track and I trust I make decisions to feel well. Living in the middle area of life. Taking off the radical all-or-nothings. No months of bingeing. No months of restriction. Goodbye rules. Hello, trust.

It feels good. The outside behavior reflects my inside. When I choose something to eat, there's not a battle in my head. Food is in the proper order of things.

Special Belgium chocolate - yes. Halloween candy - no.  Very simple. No back-and-forth, no drama.

Of course, I'm still working on the details sometimes. It's not absolute and perfect, but man, it's worlds better. 

Working on the details is simply about reminding myself to focus on other parts of my life. Keep the food conversation at a minimum. Let food be in its place in my life, but not cut the line to the top spots. The change is less about what I'm eating and more about what I'm consuming. I deliberately steer clear of diet conversations, weight loss conversations -- no more books, podcasts, girlfriend talk, magazines, etc. Focus on things I want to grow and this naturally starves out the things I don't want front and center.

It's the total opposite approach from what I used to do. I used to think that I needed constant reminders, motivations, scared straight stories or I'd fall off the wagon. This kept "food issue" front and center and it was always in my mind large and looming. 

Turns out the answer is ignoring the chatter, not the participation in it. 

Some insight for a Friday. Later gators.