Urge List FINISHED!!!!

Remember the Urge List?

#100 times of ALLOWING an urge rather than resisting the urge (or giving into it).  Brooke Castillo.

Fill the list and urges (aka cravings, desire, etc) will be significantly less or completely gone.

I finished the list because it's on my 19 for 19 list (Gretchen Rubin).  Hard to follow along with all my lists - hah.

It didn't work.

I think that's partially my fault.  I don't know that I ALLOWED every urge on the list and didn't do some resisting (aka white knuckling through the craving).  It's a hard distinction.

I also took FOREVER to finish it.  Brooke says it doesn't need to be consecutive and I took that message to the extreme.

That said, it helped a little.  I have the witching hours and the usual urges -- same time, same place everyday.  I'm learning to expect it, notice it and ignore it.  I don't think it's less of an urge, but I'm less reactive to it, sometimes.  Progress.  Slow progress.

I'll continue to work this idea.  An urge is a vibration that doesn't need an action -- it CAN be ignored.  I'm not keeping a list anymore -- that part didn't help me -- maybe even the opposite.  I probably added to the list when I shouldn't have (resisted, not allowed) in the name of filling the damn list.

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I had an interesting day yesterday.

I ran on the treadmill for some basic intervals and felt strange.  So much so, I modified and ended early.  My heart rate was faster than normal for those intervals and I was significantly out of breath.  I felt odd all day.  Kind of out of breath, kind of dizzy.  Standing wasn't good.  Maybe I have a bug -- headache is gone now, but it lingered for 2 days.

I feel better this morning, but my workout is going to be light arms.  Keeping to basics.

Even feeling strange, I had a (mostly) good day.

The long drive to lunch was totally worth it.  Cute town, fun conversation (3 hours) and good food.  Also hit up some vintage Brooke Castillo podcasts.  This was the good part of the day.

Then, not so good.

I'm proud to say I stayed up for book club, but it was a total bust.  Boring book discussion and then political talk -- I could barely stand to be in the room.  Ugh.  The South.  It sucks sometimes.  I'm not sure about the future of me in the book club.  It was that awful -- the hateful comments were that strong.

AND ... I walked in the door to a neighbor volunteering me to give insulin shots to another neighbor's cat twice a day for a week.  Really??  Come on.  She said it was because I'm a nurse.  Mind your business is what I say.  And you know this means EVERY TIME she goes out of town, I'm stuck doing the cats (there are 3 -- one needs shots, but you know I'm feeding, changing liter, etc).  I don't mind being neighborly, but that feels like a big ask when there are other options.  I'm glad to help in a pinch, but this isn't a pinch.  It was presumptive of everyone and extra fun to be ambushed AT THE FRONT DOOR.

Maybe I need to go to the Unity service after all -- basic kindness, inclusion and UNITY.  Those are the people I want in my life.  People I NEED in my life to counter the hateful, white privilege that lives in this area.  I want to rant about the stupidity of what the ladies said ... but I don't want to give more energy to it.

Today is brunch with a friend and that's it.  Rest of the day is all mine and I might want to do some sofa surfing.  Hibernation is STRONG.  I have a few errands after brunch and then HOME!

I didn't sleep well last night and an early bed routine with a book, hot tea and dogs sounds good.

Later gators.