Forward is a Pace

The conference was filled with good messages -- ideas we've heard before, but said a little differently -- good stories, funny, heartwarming.

Can't win the war if you don't fight the battles.  Trent Sheldon.

We aren't in competition with our fellow ladies.  Jen Hatmaker

Our bodies are AUTHENTIC filters for people we don't want in our lives.  (i.e. if something about your physical appearance bothers someone, let it -- your body has filtered out the asshole for what he is.)  Nick Santonastasso

Love who you are now while still reaching for more.  Rachel Hollis

A huge take-away came from LEFT FIELD though.  Believe your gut.

I learned the bat-ass crazy leader of our coaching program (PHB) is off the deep-end and has shown herself to most of the group.  I doubted my gut, must be ME, can't be HER.  My gut was right from MINUTE ONE.  (Which doesn't mean I shouldn't reflect and question my reaction -- but sometimes you just KNOW).

I had another gut pinging at the conference and it was totally, 100% a shock.  For the first day, I ignored it.  It's me, not her.  Can't be her.  But it's her.  I don't want to go into details since this is a public journal, but there was a flow of comments.  From subtle digs to direct comments and they were filled with a nastiness and judgmental undertone.

The lesson was good for me -- BELIEVE myself.  I examined it all.  Watched carefully, watched thoughtfully -- am I misunderstanding, overacting, projecting?  Nope.  I could have internalized it and thought it was about me.  That would have ruined the weekend for me.  It was about her -- which is none of my business (thanks Byron Katie).

I'm stronger now.  I didn't internalize one comment.  I didn't let it ruin anything.  I'm curious about it and curious how I missed it though.  Hindsight brings up a few things, but not many.  I guess you can hide a lot over the phone.

This is an enormous change from the ME of even a few years ago.

I am grateful for our time together, grateful for the invite to the conference ... open to whatever our relationship is going forward.  If it's over -- that's okay.  If it's still some phone time -- also fine.  I'll continue if things are serving me in a positive way.  If we've turned some strange corner, then I'll let the full relationship go -- with a kind heart.  No bad mojo, no hurt feelings, no resentment.

Sometimes I focus on the things I haven't been able to change and I forget, I've done a lot of growing over this last year.  Remembering that feels good.  I needed to remember some of these wins.

The last significant take away from the conference (for me) -- another reminder, but something that I wasn't putting into practice -- there's NO time frame to a successful goal.  If it takes me 10 years to get to my goal of no buffering feelings, then it takes me 10 years (or a lifetime).  I've been beating myself up about not fixing this FASTER and that's making me feel like I'm failing which makes me want to give up.  Vicious cycle that doesn't get me any closer to the goal.

The progress has me on the path -- steps setting me up for being the person who can get to this goal.  "Forward is a pace."  (Quoted by RH at RISE, but I don't remember who said it.)

Good stuff.  Later gators.