Neck Kink and Other Random Things

My neck is UGLY.  I hope today is the last "bad' day -- the spasms have stopped, but the general pain is still there.

Because I BENT OVER and TURNED MY HEAD -- lord.  How does this happen?



I skipped Top Golf yesterday -- no point in sitting there doing nothing.  Sat on the sofa watching TV, holding my head for neck support.

On an up note, I got a lot of "clerical" stuff finished in the office.  Including planning our family vacation in October.  Italy with the kids.

Italy = gluten.  BUT, in Italy, the wheat is not modified and I have no problem eating it (at least not last time).  That was part of the reason I REFUSED to believe I had a gluten issue -- I ate nothing but gluten for 10 days with no problem.  Then a friend with Celiac's told me to read, The Wheat Belly -- William Davis.  It talks about WHY Americans have developed so many gluten issue this generation.  Interesting read.  HOPEFULLY, this holds true again and I can have all the things and still walk.  Basically, your grandmother's wheat is not the wheat of today (in the US).

I planned to go to meditation and Unity services today, but not with my neck.  Ziggy has a meet and greet this afternoon and then the kids are coming over for dinner (take-out).  I REALLY need to get my neck in shape.  It's so dang frustrating.

I could've easily flopped into a pity-party, but I didn't -- instead, Facebook rescued me - hah!

Yesterday was drama central with several of friends and family on Facebook.  Airing their nastiness all over the place.  I couldn't get enough of it.  Oh boy -- not as evolved as I SHOULD be or COULD be.  A train wreck that I couldn't stop staring at because it was entertaining.  Again, not my best moment, but I was feeling blah and that got my attention in a big way.  Folks on Facebook --- WHY? Goodness, be adults.  However, yesterday, I THANK YOU for the distraction from my pity-party and the shock-and-awe of your crazy.  I wonder if it was a full moon -- not one, but 3 dramas.

Enough of my immature behavior confession -- hope it's a good Sunday.  Later gators.

Hitch in my Giddy-Up

Whenever I eat LOTS of gluten, I have a big problem with my right foot.  It does this weird thing ... one minute it hurts so much I can't put any pressure on it AT ALL and the next minute it's fine.  Sometimes the hurt lasts hours at a time (depending on how many pizza slices - hah).  It feels likes it's broken when it happens.  It usually lasts a day.  I look like I'm faking it.  Can't stand or walk one minute and then can run and jump the next.

Last week (during my power eating), I indulged in regular bread and GOT AWAY WITH IT.  Yesterday, my foot started doing the "thing."  Is it a delayed reaction?  Something different?  I didn't have any gluten all week.  Ugh.  It was hard to hobble around yesterday.  I ended up in bed extra early because it wouldn't let up.  So far today it gave a few twinges, but I think it's okay.

This morning, up early, happy, drinking coffee.  Dogs woke up.  I bent over to say hello to my little guy and messed up my NECK.  It's in spasm to end all spasm.  At first I thought it was a charlie-horse kind of issue, but I think it might be really messed up for today.

Come on, Universe ... I still have one more day of birthday celebration.  Top Golf.  No go if I can't walk or hold my head up.

Also, some minor bumps in the road of my celebration week yesterday too.

Met youngest for lunch at 2:30 -- sushi place was closed for the afternoon (which we remembered before we went).  We tried a couple of new restaurants and only the bar was open.  We ended up at a usual Mexican spot -- not bad, but not what we expected.  It was still a fun lunch -- glad to spend time with one of my favorite people.

AND ... my toe color wasn't available (WHAT?!?!) -- medium gray-blue.  They had multiple bottles of my favorite color in the past, but NONE yesterday.  They think they edited it out of rotation (I'm always out of trend).  Dang.  I like it so much, I'm going to try and find a bottle on Amazon to bring with me.  That said, the pedicure was great -- and my brighter blue is pretty too.

Ziggy is meeting with a family on Sunday.  Fingers crossed.  It sounds like a good match.

I finished a book last night.  The Night Before -- Wendy Walker.  Fast read.  It kept moving and was entertaining enough.  A few twists and a decent ending.  Nothing to blow you away, but if you're looking for an easy summer read, it works.  Not scary, just suspenseful.

Okay, holding my head up is too much -- ugh.  Later gators.

Birthday Week Continues ...

Almost over -- 2 more days of celebrating ME (from ME).  I'm such a nice person - hah.

On the agenda today ... DELUXE pedicure -- that means lots and lots of massage.  I'm getting a light gray-blue color for my toes.  My favorite, lately.  I'll read during the clipping and filing (suspense book - more on that when I finish it) and then chill during the massage.

Speaking of massage, I was in my glory yesterday.  April was especially good.  I actually sat in my car for a minute because I thought I was too out-of-it to drive.  Yep, that good!!

After the pedicure, I'm meeting my youngest for sushi (I'll get sashimi because Whole30).  He and I love to go and there's exactly ONE good place in our area.  The SOUTH likes to put cream cheese in everything sushi and cook the fish.  Ummmm, not sushi.  We've only found one traditional place that has the real kind (although, probably Japan would argue that -- it's all relative).

Ziggy is already breaking our website.  No application that looks great for him yet -- work all day, kids too little, etc.  But he has 7 applications after TWO hours available.  Oh boy.  He's one of the popular kids.

I'm up at 5:30 this morning.  Getting back to my normal wake-up time.  Feels good to sit alone and drink my drinks (although dogs should be waking up any minute).  Even with the early wake-up, I'm tabling my outside run.  It's 71 degrees NOW!  No thank you -- lord, that's miserable.

I listened to a good podcast yesterday.  Rise (Rachel Hollis) with Ed Mylett.  I thought he was a business coach, but nope.  I subscribed to his podcast after listening to the interview.  There's a lot of ass-kissing in both directions, but, also, some gems of inspiration.  Well worth the FREE listen.  How did I live before podcasts (and why was I so late to the party)?

Happy Friday, Happy Weekend, Happy Birthday-Week (to me) ... later gators.

Massage Day

April, work your magic on my back, pretty please ... best back massage EVER and I CAN NOT WAIT.  Birthday week continues (an understated, but long celebration this year - hah).

Didn't run outside today because I was up with dogs last night.  Barfing in the bed, scared of storms.  Fun night.  Treadmill and some Queen music a little later this morning (I watched Bohemian Rhapsody -- on a Queen music kick).  Oh, and enough HUMIDITY to kill a person -- not the morning to push myself.

Shopping was a total bust.  Nothing even gave me pause.  Outlets are like that -- feast or famine.  But it was a fun afternoon with a birthday lunch at a local restaurant.  (PS not a good one -- even though came recommended -- still searching for our local usual-spots.)  I stayed Whole30 -- good job, ME.  I was tempted to BEND a little since I haven't officially started coaching, but I didn't.

I had a great conversation with one of my favorite people yesterday afternoon.  I was writing a response to a birthday text and thought, CALL instead.  She's on the west coast and that makes it tricky to talk sometimes.  The spontaneity paid off.  Connecting with people who "get" you (and you "get" them) is a good way to spend a couple of hours.  XO, dear friend.

I have my beloved massage today (relaxation heaven) but it's actually a busy day.  I have a full to-do list with REAL crap to get finished.  House sale stuff is in full swing, bills need to be paid, errands galore ... all the stuff today.

How's my moody-mood you ask?  Up and down still.  The good news is I'm pulling it to the "up" more easily.  I'm remembering tools I forgot.  It's like the invisibility cloak.  Tool, then no tools ... then tools suddenly reappear.  Why do I forget to do THE THINGS when life gets bumpy?  It's simple things, quick mind shifts, etc.  Eating better is helping (where have I heard that before???).

Next up this morning ... Ziggy's bio.  Adoption time.  Fingers crossed for this darling.



Have a great one ... later gators.

Send in the Calvary

(BTW -- birthday was low-key and terrific!  Started my year off well.)

I heard from my coach, Holly and we're going to start coaching in July.  Not specifically Whole30 accountability, but that will be part of it.

After I finished the 2 coaching sessions last year (total of 6 months - one individual and one group), I wanted a break to see what I needed going forward.  The break was good -- but time to get back to moving forward.  Some of the slide was related to the EXTRA unexpected STUFF that happened since January.  Coaching could have helped.  I needed support in a different way than I get from family and friends.  I don't need therapy (as far as I can tell!!), but coaching is a life hack that helps me.  After trying both types, I like the individual better (all about ME!!).

Like therapy, finding a coach that matches your needs is one of the most important aspects.  Holly fits me (right now) and I'm glad to continue with her.  The calvary is on the way.  Just knowing that help is around the corner gives me hope and resolve (I know -- gag a little at this -- go ahead).  I hate to "need" this.  I hate to be all woo-woo.

There's a strong message out there -- everything that matters comes from inside YOU.  It's true.  Other people's opinions don't matter.  Happiness is a choice.  No one can do the work for you.  Etc.

Yet ...

There is nothing wrong about wanting (or needing) guidance, support, help.  Those messages are a conflict for me and that's why I've been resisting asking for help through this "hard" time.  I've also been resisting because my "hard" time is actually a lot of good stuff.  How can good be unsettling?  That fact is, it IS unsettling for me and telling myself I "should" feel differently doesn't help.

There you have it.  My crazy stretched out before you.

Birthdays get me thinking.  Big birthdays get me thinking more.  I want this year to be SOLID.  We have so many exciting things happening and I don't want to dull the shine because I don't have my crap together.  This is technically my 50th year of life, ending in my 50th birthday.  I want better, again.

For the first time in months, I feel focused.  It took me time, but I'm ready now.  Hard work ahead, but the hard feels good -- finally.  (P.S.  I'll be moaning and complaining -- some things don't change easily.  I can moan and still do the THING though.)

That's my philosophical thoughts this morning.  Shopping today with a friend -- fingers crossed for some good goodies.  Later gators.

Happy Birthday to ME :)

49

One more year until 50.  Wow.  Doesn't seem possible.

The birthday agenda is simple this year.  Lunch with hubby and eldest son -- maybe a home movie tonight.  Simple feels right.  As I said before, I'm extending the celebration all week.  Something fun everyday.  Some stuff by myself and some stuff with friends.  Good balance.

I finished The Price of Time (Tim Tigner).  Unusual subject and interesting moral discussion.  The ending was a tied-up a little fast and conveniently, but overall -- I'd say give it a read.  Fast, fun summer book.  I need to find the next book today.  I usually have a lineup waiting -- the "hunt" is as fun as the read sometimes.

I usually take a solo outside birthday run, but this year my leg is off and the humidity is KILLER.  I ran on the treadmill yesterday, so probably a home boxing workout.  My workouts feel uninspired lately -- although I'm still working out.  Some of the blah is related to the leg that I keep injuring (last time chasing after the escaped foster dog).  It gets just-about-better and something happens.  Once I can run regularly, I think workouts will pickup again.  I also need more cross training.  Home boxing is fine, but boring.  That means I need to PUSH to make myself do it.  I'm watching for the next thing, but until then ... boring treadmill runs and home boxing.

Also, I might start working out earlier.  There's no rush and no need to do my workout first, so I've been starting between 9-10.  That's late and it kind of hangs over me for the morning.  Usually, I get up early when I'm eating better -- next week should be a test of that and I might think about changing it up.  Getting it off my plate super early is always a good thing.

Here are a couple of cute dog pictures because dogs make me HAPPY and it is my HAPPY Birthday. Later gators.

Duke riding shotgun.
He sits like a person :)

Checking out the neighbors.

Goodbye 48

Hello, 49 (tomorrow).

BIRTHDAY week is here.  When you get a weekend birthday, it's totally EXTRA fun to celebrate when everyone is in the mood to celebrate (because it's the weekend).  A weekday birthday is less ta-da, but gets to extend through the week.  At least, that's how I look at it.

My week is scattered with a pedicure, massage, lunches, shopping, nitro coffee and presents.  That's not a bad way to live a week.

Since this week has some fun, I decided to start the Whole30 TODAY.  WHAT?!?!  The day before my birthday??  I'm totally heroic, brave and amazing (JK), but you know it's because I ate like a maniac all weekend and I'm finally over it.  Best gift to myself ... get feeling better ... asap.

And, the easiest way to survive the 1st week of a NEEDED Whole30 is to treat with "other" things.  This week is already set with so many treats, it's time to do the work.  P.S.  Part of me is still screaming and kicking and pouting and being TWO YEARS OLD.  But the real me is turning 49 and I need to DO BETTER - hah.

I also know this I-can-do-this attitude is the honeymoon of an egg, bacon, veggie omelet for breakfast speaking.  I'm not even into the first day of the witching hour.  Believe me, there will be hard, fast regret tonight (followed by happy tomorrow though).  You know my cycle.  But, it's my birthday ... blah, blah and so forth.  Tough crap -- you announced to the world and now it's FACT.

Pre-birthday wisdom -- the double meaning is not lost on me - hah.  Later gators.

Lazy-ish Sunday

I'm doing a cookout tonight as a continuation of the world's longest Father's Day celebration.  Apparently, it's not Father's Day without me cooking and since I was flying home last Sunday and we had takeout -- it didn't count.  Also, next Saturday we are going to Top Golf as a FD gift from the youngest.  Never ending ...

I'm repeating a Pioneer Woman's meal.  Cowboy Chicken (marinated, grilled, bacon, cheese) and twice baked new potatoes (potato and cheese).  Adding a green salad and that's it.  What I like best about this meal is, it's mostly make ahead.  The problem is I forgot about how many steps in this "simple" meal.  It's prepped and ready today -- only the salad left to make.  Yesterday was another back-hurting day though.

I have to drive to mid-town Atlanta to do a home check and paperwork for a new foster this afternoon.  Hello, podcasts!  I'll be in the car for a little over 2 hours.

I also need to dust this morning -- never happened yesterday with everything else taking up the day.  We got a lot finished around the house though.  Dusting seemed least important (aka PROCRASTINATION).

Funny story -- Tuesday is my birthday.  I shouted loud and clear that TONIGHT'S dinner is NOT my celebration.  Why?  Because I'm doing the cooking.  I got a text last night from my hubby who meant to text my son.  "I know it's not mom's celebration, but I got her a cake."  Ummmm ... this does NOT count.  But, it's going to kind of count.  I think we are doing gifts and cake tonight.  Not cool.  Plus, it's a cake I can't eat without problems -- dang.  I asked if he got GF -- nope.  Plus it has a whipped cream icing.  (P.S.  I cooked for Mother's Day dinner too -- we went out for brunch, but dinner was on me.  Not starting this trend.)

Also of note, next Tuesday is hubby's birthday.  I'll be back on the big dinner cooking rotation without having ever gotten off.

Anyway, that's all on my calendar today.  It's going to feel relaxing.

I'm still figuring out the start day of the Whole30.  Wednesday has taken the lead so far.  I've thought about waiting until the Monday after July 4, but that seems too far with too many opportunities to do damage.  Cliff hanger -- haha.

Happy Sunday.  Later gators.

Working Saturday

I cleaned the hard things yesterday (floors, bathrooms and kitchen).  It looks so much better -- you can't see all the dirt until you don't see it anymore (metaphor, perhaps).  Worth the work.  Today is DUSTING.  Oddly, my least favorite thing to do.  I don't have the patience for dusting.  Thank the lord for the Swiffer dusting stick.  Some things need the real kind of dusting, but others can handle a quick brush (i.e. chair spindles, railing rungs, etc).

I made a decision ... prepare for the mother-load of JUSTIFICATION.  Bare with me though, it's actually a dollar for dollar justification.  Came as an epiphany during my floor scrubbing - hah.

I want or need (who knows which one) to get my butt coached to do a Whole30.  I'm also ready to continue life coaching as a way to hold me accountable for ALL the things.  I held steady for a year with coaching and maybe it's okay to want to continue moving forward with help.  I absolutely don't want to back-slide.  I'm not saying I need to be coached every single day -- all year long, but a little boost a couple of times a year might be worth it.

Justification -- if I continue to clean my house, I'll save the EXACT amount of money (per month) that coaching costs.  Mind blown.  

I'm back with Holly in July.  We need to work out the details once she's back from vacation.  This feels good.  I need to figure out a start date for Whole30 and get moving forward.  (I still DON'T want to do it -- but I need to do it.  Think two-year-old having a tantrum.)

Anyway, the rest of today is grocery shopping, food prepping and hanging pictures.  It's a working Saturday and that's fine by me.  Lots of things needed cleaning up -- it's oddly all connected.

Random Updates

In no particular order ...

(1)  Books

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone -- Lori Gottlieb
I enjoyed this a lot.  Therapists experience in therapy and relating to her patients.  It was a kind of self-help book, but a good story too.  It's a good look into the world of therapy from both side.

The Price of Time -- Tim Tigner
This book is all over the summer read lists.  I'm about halfway (I know I said I wouldn't review before I finished, but it's good so far).  Moral dilemma by a group of scientists who discover eternal life -- and a mystery for good measure.  I can't predict where it's going and I love that about a book.


(2)  Ziggy

He's a bull in a china shop and adorable and a performer.  Check this out.  Real life dancing bear.

(3)  Reiki

It was as expected.  Lots of money (very generous of my girlfriend) and who knows if anything worked.  It was 30 minutes (but more like an hour) and it was nice.  Cool crystals, chanting, relaxing music, pretty smells.  It's expensive for what it is -- at least massage feels great and I can justify the price.


(4)  Whole 30

I NEED to start.  I don't want to start.  Ugh.  I think I want to do a coaching one again because I can't seem to hold myself accountable.  I'm planning to start in July, but maybe I need to start sooner.  This is a post for another day.


(5) Today

Cleaning day.  Yesterday was organizing day -- pictures to come soon.  Fixed up the extra bedrooms and put stuff away.  Had to do some closet rearranging since we're storing the DIL wedding dress for  a YEAR!!  Hanging pictures this weekend and then taking a breath before we find the wall stuff for the family room and our bedroom.  That's going to take some time.

Before I clean, heading to brunch with a girlfriend.  Always nice.  Usually, I won't clean after I get showered, but today is the best day to get it done and the house is DIRTY!  Get set, lower back ... we're gonna hurt all day!

I leave you with some Instagram learning.  My pants don't fit, but my life is better.  That's a win too.

Forward is a Pace

The conference was filled with good messages -- ideas we've heard before, but said a little differently -- good stories, funny, heartwarming.

Can't win the war if you don't fight the battles.  Trent Sheldon.

We aren't in competition with our fellow ladies.  Jen Hatmaker

Our bodies are AUTHENTIC filters for people we don't want in our lives.  (i.e. if something about your physical appearance bothers someone, let it -- your body has filtered out the asshole for what he is.)  Nick Santonastasso

Love who you are now while still reaching for more.  Rachel Hollis

A huge take-away came from LEFT FIELD though.  Believe your gut.

I learned the bat-ass crazy leader of our coaching program (PHB) is off the deep-end and has shown herself to most of the group.  I doubted my gut, must be ME, can't be HER.  My gut was right from MINUTE ONE.  (Which doesn't mean I shouldn't reflect and question my reaction -- but sometimes you just KNOW).

I had another gut pinging at the conference and it was totally, 100% a shock.  For the first day, I ignored it.  It's me, not her.  Can't be her.  But it's her.  I don't want to go into details since this is a public journal, but there was a flow of comments.  From subtle digs to direct comments and they were filled with a nastiness and judgmental undertone.

The lesson was good for me -- BELIEVE myself.  I examined it all.  Watched carefully, watched thoughtfully -- am I misunderstanding, overacting, projecting?  Nope.  I could have internalized it and thought it was about me.  That would have ruined the weekend for me.  It was about her -- which is none of my business (thanks Byron Katie).

I'm stronger now.  I didn't internalize one comment.  I didn't let it ruin anything.  I'm curious about it and curious how I missed it though.  Hindsight brings up a few things, but not many.  I guess you can hide a lot over the phone.

This is an enormous change from the ME of even a few years ago.

I am grateful for our time together, grateful for the invite to the conference ... open to whatever our relationship is going forward.  If it's over -- that's okay.  If it's still some phone time -- also fine.  I'll continue if things are serving me in a positive way.  If we've turned some strange corner, then I'll let the full relationship go -- with a kind heart.  No bad mojo, no hurt feelings, no resentment.

Sometimes I focus on the things I haven't been able to change and I forget, I've done a lot of growing over this last year.  Remembering that feels good.  I needed to remember some of these wins.

The last significant take away from the conference (for me) -- another reminder, but something that I wasn't putting into practice -- there's NO time frame to a successful goal.  If it takes me 10 years to get to my goal of no buffering feelings, then it takes me 10 years (or a lifetime).  I've been beating myself up about not fixing this FASTER and that's making me feel like I'm failing which makes me want to give up.  Vicious cycle that doesn't get me any closer to the goal.

The progress has me on the path -- steps setting me up for being the person who can get to this goal.  "Forward is a pace."  (Quoted by RH at RISE, but I don't remember who said it.)

Good stuff.  Later gators.

And Then There Was ONE ...

My trip killed my plants.

I have one left.  Dang.  One is NOT five.  Best get figuring that out -- there is an online plant store that is full of great info and I might try it because my local stores are all about the OUTDOOR plants.  I need info on the indoor ones.  You can sort using specific criteria -- hard to kill, low light, etc.  Plant shopping for dummies.  Here's the link.
Bloomscape

Ziggy is in the house.  He looks small in this picture, but he's not -- he's all bottom.  Face of a little dog and backside from somewhere else LOL.  He's HIGH energy, housebroken -- but not house mannered and a little snippy-nervous around my dogs.  Well within the first 48 hours and lots changes in those couple of days (poor guy has had it rough lately).  We're seeing improvement already.  Unfortunately, he sheds -- considerably. I have to leave him crated from about 2 hours today.  That's not going to go very well ... ugh.





I'm doing my first session of REIKI (an early b-day present from my girlfriend) this afternoon.  I don't know what to expect so I'll be hitting up the old google shortly.  I don't know if I can wear normal clothes or has to be massage-style clothes.  Also, does it feel good??  I hope so, but I think I remember thinking it's kind of lame which is why I've never tried it.
UPDATE: googled it.  Yep, kind of lame.  I think it's relaxing because it's almost like meditation.  Quiet room, nice music, eyes closed.  I don't think it's actually going to be therapeutic (especially with my debbie-doubter attitude!).  I read the what-to-do-before to get the most out of it ... no animal protein, 3 day cleanse, long meditation, no caffeine, no alcohol, no sugar, good sleep for a WEEK.  Well, if you do ALL that, of course you're going to feel great.  We're going out to dinner after and probably undoing all the good stuff anyway - hah!

I'm still sitting with the conference "learning" this weekend ... stay tuned.  Nothing earth shattering, but some good reminders on living your best (or better) life.  Also, a W30 is in the near future -- reluctantly, but necessary.

Does it feel like a Monday to anyone else?  Later gators.

Home Sweet Home

Lots to catch up on ...

RISE weekend.  Rachel Hollis BROUGHT it.  Excellent in every way.  She started as an event planner and it was apparent from the level of customer service and niceties added at every corner.

She is a master on stage.  Funny, inspirational, smart.  The speakers were diverse and all enjoyable (which is hard to do -- usually, someone doesn't quite fit).  Her content was new and different from other her other formats (coaching, podcasts, etc).

We had great seats.  3500 women wanting to inspire their own lives -- that translated to a friendly, kind, polite group of girls having fun.  Usually, in large crowds you find some rudeness and such -- not this weekend.

I ended up giving my dance ticket to the other gal in our group -- monthly hit at the worst time.  Turns out, not for me anyway and I didn't miss anything but a few dollars on the ticket.

As far as meeting the ladies in person -- that was a mixed bag.  Lauren and I connected really well (I was pleasantly surprised).  My accountability partner was a mixed bag.  Remember, I said I was feeling a little watched and judged?  I wasn't wrong about it -- she was different in person and I'll leave it at that.

It made me think how easy you can "hide" when you aren't communicating face-to-face.  It was nothing horrible, just surprising.  I think we do better on the phone :)

Matching ... ready for Day 1

Travel day -- met for registration and dinner.

Yep.

Got home yesterday and kids brought dinner so we could continue Father's Day celebration.  Fun night celebrating some good stuff happening.  Eldest has 2 job offers,  DIL found her wedding dress which is currently at our house for the next year (that's a huge responsibility!!!), hubby's interview went as well as it could (if he's not their guy, oh well, but he did a great interview) and OUR HOUSE IS UNDER CONTRACT.  We got an offer yesterday afternoon and were able to do a quick negotiation in under a few hours.  Bam.  Next steps underway.  Fingers crossed.

We opened champagne and drank, ate pizza (mine GF) -- both I'm a little bit regretting this morning.

I need to get my butt moving -- unpacking (kids were over, so I didn't do it yesterday), grocery store, foster dog pick-up and other misc house chores.  Welcome back to regularly scheduled life.

I've said before ... and here it is again.  Life is good when you are happy to get away and happy to come home.  I loved the conference and I love being home.

I'll chat about some of the conference LEARNING soon.  Later gators.

Minneapolis or Bust

Travel day .... eeeekkkk.

I slept okay -- every time I stirred, I was wide awake though.  Up 10 minutes before my alarm.  Funny how that happens for so many people -- the body KNOWS the time -- human alarm clock.

Some good things happening for the trip ...

Upgrade on the hotel -- nice.
Not one, but 2 Starbucks within close walking distance -- yea, coffee.
Just me at my hotel for the 1st 2 nights.  (Darcie is staying at the hotel Friday and Saturday ... Lauren is staying with family outside the city).

Why is this important?  I am a little nervous to meet these gals face-to-face.  Our 5 month coaching was personal and having some space feels good.  I don't want to run into people I know in the gym, at breakfast, etc.  I want the ALONE experience too.  I don't want to justify my choices or compare (who's eating a healthier breakfast, etc).  That's on me -- I know, but I like that it's not even on the radar.  The coaching was all about BEING HEALTHY and I feel a bit WATCHED -- like ... let's see how healthy she is in-person.  Does that make sense?  "Crazy" sense, but still it was on my mind.  My partner was asking how I planned to get my greens in for breakfast -- ummmm, I don't.  I told her and she was surprised.  See ... feeling watched.

Anyway, RISE has a phone app and all the information posted.  Times, speakers, etc.  I knew about a few of the speakers and am disappointed some of my "guesses" aren't on the list.  I bet the speakers are good and I'm happy to NOT know what they are going to say ... but I hoped some of her more well-know motivational/health peeps were joining the convention.

I downloaded a new book for the trip -- The Price of Time.  I'm finishing up Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (book about therapy -- very interesting) and I'm working SLOWLY though Presumed Innocent (although I might ditch it).

The conference days start and end at reasonable times (unlike Tony Robbins) and that's great.  Seems like a good balance of all things good.  Catch you on the other side of this trip -- later gators.

Packing Day

RISE conference prep has begun.

You know I HATE to pack.  I'm the slowest packer, but I make a good, comprehensive packing list (if I do say so myself).  List is made.  Packing this afternoon.  Ugh.

Lots to do before I leave too.  Pay bills, clean, get dog stuff ready for sitter (hubby is out-of-town for part of the trip too at an interview -- fingers crossed).

Before every trip, I get anxious.  Travel is exciting, but nerve-racking for me.  It happens every time, every trip without fail.  Thankfully, it doesn't prevent me from traveling.  I'll enjoy this experience, but I'm already imagining coming home.  Strange.  I'll hardly sleep tonight.  Uncertainty -- gets me every time.

When I get back, we're taking a new foster.  Also nerve-racking as I still have some PTSD from the lost foster fiasco.  It's a cream, fluffy male -- found abandoned in an abandoned house.  Our rescue is full and he couldn't be pulled without foster commitment.  We know nothing about him yet.  Jumping back in with 2 feet.  Worthwhile things are often hard.  I named him Ziggy -- super proud of my naming skills this time.  It's hard to tell how big he is ... but he's awfully cute.


.

I picked out the last of the window treatments -- motorized shade for the bedroom and a matchstick wooden shade for the side door.  We'll need curtain panels for the bedroom to hang beside the window, but that's a ways away and technically not on the window - hah.

The rest of my "free" Pottery Barn stuff came last night, but I don't have time to set it up.  Pictures when I do.  Bedding for the spare bedrooms, kitchen counter pottery bowl and some misc.

Hopefully, I'll learn some stuff at this conference.  I need to get my worry under control -- life is stressing me lately.  That's my focus, but I'm going with an open mind for whatever might seem helpful.  Either way, I'll enjoy meeting my coaching peeps in person, cool weather, new city, great meals and time to myself.

Reminding myself to be PRESENT and not wish the week away (like I'm doing today).  (Usually, I feel better once I arrive at the destination.)  Feel the "fear" and do it anyway.

I expect to check-in tomorrow, but if time gets away -- I'm back Sunday night.  Later gators.

Unity Church

Have to say -- not a big church person (although I went to church my whole life until my 30s).  The Unity Church was fantastic.  It's like a big hug of love, support and acceptance -- for EVERYONE.

The meditation was nice -- not fancy.  You sat for 35 minutes in quiet meditation in a group.  The early service is informal and seemed like a life lesson, not church.  The later service is more traditional.

Guess the topic?  Change is hard.  Why chaos ensues when you try to change a belief or try to grow.  The minister talked practical ways to deal with the chaos and why you need to move through it to experience the growth.

He said the universe is working for you .... hmmmm where have I heard this before?  Embrace the chaos because it means good things are coming.

He used this quote ...





My girlfriend and I went out to brunch after and had the best conversation about the service.  Feel good morning.

In practical matters THIS morning ... electricians are trying to repair breaker.  Not as straightforward as we thought (well, duh).  UPDATE:  Fixed AND under warranty because it was an outside light that wasn't sealed and rain shorted it out -- not the refrigerator.  Today is a lucky day :)

I ran early with my new shoes and inserts.  Big difference.  I wait too long to get new shoes.

Brunch with another girlfriend this morning and then starting the prep for Minneapolis.  It's going to be great weather -- cool and low humidity.

Now that the electricians are finished, I need to grab a shower to get myself to brunch.  Second day in a row of corn beef hash and eggs.  There is nothing better for brunch.  Later gators.

Adding Variety

I'm up EARLY this morning to go to a meditation service followed by a contemplation service at a semi-local Unity church.

My girlfriend recommended we go for years and we've never made it happen because it means getting up EARLY on a Sunday.  Sunday follows Saturday night and that makes it tough sleep-wise -- between both our schedules.  We are forcing it today.

P.S.  It's harder for her to get up, so she's not coming to the meditation service an hour before.  I was tempted to sleep later, but, if I'm going to do this (50 minute drive), I'm doing both.  I'm extra curious about the meditation service.

A quick catch-up ...

I had a great time seeing Skye (my former foster) and hanging out with family on Friday.  After, I went for "coffee" with a neighbor (more on that in a minute).  While we were gone a BIG storm hit our neighborhood and fried an electrical circuit in our garage -- ugh.  Electrician on Monday to replace it.  The worse part is our garage refrigerator has no power -- so I guess we were lucky.  We were able to accommodate most of that stuff into our inside refrigerator.

"Sunning" on the deck.  That lasted one minute
before they came back inside to the AC.
It was the only hour of sun we've had all weekend .

Our local coffeehouse is fantastic.  Even though it was afternoon, I decided to get the nitro coffee since they make it homemade with coffee, tea and fruit.  What?!?!?  I've never heard of this combination.  It's served over ICE.  It reminded me of a kombucha more than a nitro, but it was good -- and no big caffeine hit.  I tasted NO COFFE - hah!

Blueberry Basil
Crazy -- right?!?

How's my mood, you ask?  Improving.  Thanks in part to Brooke Castillo.  Her latest podcast was PERFECTION -- just at the right moment.  It's complicated and if you aren't familiar with her MODEL work, it's difficult to explain.  The simple explanation is I'm back to NOT ALLOWING my negative feelings.  Instead, I'm JUDGING them -- which compounds EVERYTHING.  Double the negative.  Angry because I'm angry.  Sad because I'm sad.

It was so helpful, I've listened to it twice.  Be curious about your feelings without judging them.  Hmmm, wonder why that makes me angry?  Wonder why I'm jealous of her good news?  Feelings I don't WANT to have, but they can't go away by judging them or ignoring them.  How you work with those feelings is the complicated part and that I'll leave to Brooke to explain -- she does it best.

Last night we took the kids out to dinner at one of our "usual" spots.  Persian food.  We want to try some restaurants more local to us, but it's a longer drive for the kids and the roads were bad with flooding.  In my quest for variety, some dinner certainty was nice as it turns out (although I ordered something different -- yea me!).

All in all, a good couple of days.  Switching gears tomorrow to get ready for RISE conference.  Prepare for THAT channel all week.  I'm excited, nervous and I have to pack.  It's a big week.

Off to find some inspiration and zen this morning and, hopefully, not fall asleep during meditation.  Later gators.

The Summer of Watermelon

I have eaten TWICE my weight in watermelon already this season with absolutely NO regret.  Watermelon might be my favorite FOOD of all time (good watermelon, of course).

I noticed a life trend ...

New from TJs -- it's has a great flavor.
Fun, fancy tea bags.

My favorite flavor
(although it doesn't taste like watermelon)

Here are a couple of pictures of some new stuff because I took the pictures and why not preview a bit ahead of the other things.

First is the runner from Ruggables.  I can't love this more for the way it works.  Black felt and rubber pad underneath and a WASHABLE rug over the top.  The top rug doesn't move AT ALL -- I wondered I'd be tripping on it if it gapped up.  Lots of sizes, but, sadly, no round options.  I decided to add color and I like it (the designer would NOT - hah).  Maybe hard to tell in the pictures, but it's shades of blue and green.  Perfect for my messy cooking and DOGS.

Parker posing XXXOOO

The entryway is coming along.  We hung the odd-shaped mirror and it looks nice.  I like a mirror by a door for quick looks coming and going.  We got the same rug for the front door that matches the hallway runner.  Mirror and table are West Elm.  Rugs are Pottery Barn.  Next up is table decor.  That's going to take some time.  Maybe books below and then I'm stuck.  Stay tuned ...

Front door.

I have a fun day today and I'm focusing on the POSITIVE again.  Duke and I are headed to my aunt's house for a meet-up with his favorite foster -- Miss Skye.  My aunt's SIL adopted her and I hope it a fun playdate for them.  They used to play non-stop at our house.

Afternoon is coffee with my new neighbor at our local coffee shop.  I've been before and love it.  Everything you want in a coffee shop.  Charming, eclectic and nice baristas.  Nitro coffee on tap, but it'll be too late to enjoy.  My rule is nitro before 11am (with the exception of vacations).

The massage was great -- this kind of self-care is especially fun.  She commented I hadn't been since March.  Yep, too long.  I put myself on the back-burner in lots of areas and it's caught up to me (and my mood).

I stopped after the massage and ordered new running shoes.  Another thing I've been neglecting.  They should be at the store today or tomorrow.  I get the same pair, same inserts and whatever color they make that season.  Brooks fit me really well and why change what works.  I think some of my aches are because I need new shoes.

More self-care is looking like setting simple boundaries (again).  Every text doesn't need to be answered immediately, every call taken, every answer 'yes.'  The more crappy I felt, the less I was holding these boundaries.  I turned off my phone for the massage and kept it off for the afternoon.  Freedom.  It was super relaxing to KNOW I can't be interrupted.

P.S. I'm in my office doing my thing this morning -- forcing a new habit that will give me what I need.  Still trying ...

Later gators.

Fake it Until ...

Funk update:  alive and well -- me, my funk and I.  No matter what I do, it hangs on.  I'll keep doing the things that are part of my healthy routine and trust this will pass.  Fighting it isn't working.  Maybe, accepting it will.

Because of this funk, I'm seeing the world (my world) through muddy glass and I want to complain about everything, everyone, etc.  I don't want to feed the mood, so it's hard to figure out something to nice to say -- lol.

Today is a 90 minute massage with April.  THIS can't be horrible.  I'll have to pass on my cut and snake bit foot, but I have another foot -- it'll get double the attention today :)  Back massage is her speciality and it's never disappointed.

I've been slipping on Gretchen Rubin podcasts (I'm behind by 5 or more).  I started listening again yesterday -- it's sensible, practical advice at it's best.  

My girlfriend and I are going to see Eckhart Tolle speak in 12 months.  10 days before my eldest gets married NEXT YEAR.  Tickets went on sale and we couldn't pass it up.  We both have fingers crossed nothing gets in the way -- hard to plan a year away.

Look, not a complaint in sight.  Choosing the positive (after I deleted an entire negative post -- true story ... it was an ugly tale).  See, Universe ... I'm trying.

Some of the new house decor came from the Pottery Barn points -- looks nice.  Pictures once it all comes.  Plantation shutters also look good -- I'm glad we went with a more modern take (3-1/2" with no center post).

We're in a rain, cloud pattern this week and I couldn't be happier.  I know I live in opposite-world on this one.  Dark, gloomy -- not great for a sad mood, right?  But I love it.  I feel cozy and comfortable. I swear too much sun makes me out-of-sorts.  Temperatures are lower, the air smells nice, no sunscreen all over my body.  I needed this right now.  (Too much rain, storms, etc = not happy, but cloudy rain showers are my best days).

Next up ... RH journal of gratitude and dreams.  Doing the things.  Accepting the crappy feelings.  Is this what evolving looks like?!?!  Hah -- probably more like a mid-life crisis.

Later gators.

Truth - Thanks, Instragram

I love this and I hate this (because I want it to be wrong).  It's so dang true though.  I know what I need to do to be, feel, act BETTER, yet I keep fighting it.  It's simple and ridiculously hard.  WHY??!?!?  I want it to be easy.  I feel like having a toddler roll-on-the-ground tantrum -- make this easier!!

Instagram wisdom for today.

Anyhoooo....

Dog swim park is awesome.  Duke HATED every minute, as did my aunt's dog.  Only my friend's lab enjoyed the water.  Silly dogs.

Duke pouting.

Showing off - hah.

In other news ...
As you know, I gave up TiVo with the move and am living in Hulu Live HELL.
Found out yesterday NO MORE I-TUNES.  I can't take this technology change -- in the same year as losing my beloved TiVo.  It's "outdated" -- yes, but it's fine, great, easy.  Ugh.  This is my year of insane change and I'm losing my mind.

In other, other news ...
Plantation shutters come today.  I'm excited to get some privacy on the windows and get another big thing off the list.  Have to get 2 window shades, and two curtain panels and ALL the windows are finished.  I also need to set up the downstairs guest room.  It's still a hot mess because I forgot to get a mattress pad so it's on temporary hold.

I'm upstairs doing my "stuff" this morning in the name of trying to get out of this mood.  I get teeny tiny pockets of rushed alone time in the morning.  Maybe that's contributing to my funky funk.  Morning time is important to me and has been since I can remember.  When it's missing, I don't start my day well.  Hubby gets up with me and wants to chat all morning -- not working for me.  Then I get subtly resentful and act annoyed with him during the day.  With a little time to myself when I wake up, I'm a different person.  He used to let me get up and he'd sleep -- now he gets up with me no matter what time.  Back to basics -- office for the win.

I'm trying.  Later gators.

Dog Swim Day

Headed to a private dog water park.  Rent $30 for the hour, bring as many dogs as you want -- just your gang, no other dogs.  Fully fenced.  Pool, fountains -- all fun things.  Going with my new neighbor and my aunt and all our dogs.  Today is overcast and cooler -- my kind of summer day.

"My" designer showed up yesterday -- came to the door randomly because she broke her phone.  Very typical of her personality.  Creative people have trouble existing in the logical/practical world - hah!  She had some great suggestions and I used my Pottery Barn "money" and got some good stuff.  (Pictures once it all arrives.)

As helpful as she was and as sweet as she is, after she left I felt deflated in my decorating ability.  Things I LOVED, she HATED.  Things that I was so proud to figure out, she changed immediately.  When she left, I moved it all back.  If I love it, then it stays.  I am confident in that decision, but it still made me feel not-so-good.

Oh well.  I'm happy with some of her suggestions and laughed at others (just cut off the arms of your chairs, fill in the wood, paint match and then they will be great).  That's a decorator for you.  That will NEVER happen in this house.  I can barely craft anything.  Plus, I like the chairs the way they are :)

She had suggested in the beginning that I add GREEN to the mix in the house in the form of plants.  Yesterday, she told me to throw out a plant because it was too fake looking green.  IT IS A LIVE PLANT.  Made by Mother Nature.  Beautiful green shades.  When I told her it was real, she told me to put it outside and get a fake one in a sage green instead.  Designers ... am I right?!?!

Lots to laugh about.

No Crumbs Left - Teri

Yesterday was fun :)

The "chat" portion of the afternoon was nice.  Teri likes to talk family, cooking, life advice -- all the things. After, I was the official picture taker and I enjoyed chatting with people and lots of laughing, etc.  2-1/2 hours of standing taking pictures.  And this was one of her small events.

Teri was super nice -- to everyone.  At the end of the signing, she gave me a bowl she calls the Patty Bowl after her mom.  It's not for sale, available only as something she gives away.  She works with a potter and has bowls made (which they sell).  I have a salt and pepper small dishes that I use on my cheese tray for jelly, etc.  It was unexpected and I LOVE the bowl!!

Funny enough, since I was the last to have my book signed, there was no one to take a picture of us.  I took a selfie that was HORRIBLE of me.  Oh well - hah.

Stupid face for the selfie - dang.

LOVE this bowl!

Teri and her assistant, Zack.

I'm glad I decided to do something more and say YES -- it was a good way to spend the afternoon.

Today, I am sort of waiting for someone to come over -- maybe, if she shows up.  She's an interior designer from Pottery Barn (who recently quit).  She helped me with the furniture order and wants to help with the next stage.  She's super sweet and generous with her time, but a bit flaky when it comes to commitment.  I have a lot of house stuff to do today so I guess it's okay.  I am trying to have some time OUT of the house and today feels like another stuck day since she won't give me a time.

I have some fun things planned this week, but already a cancelation.  I was set to visit a foster dog who's blind and deaf and catch up with a friend.  She has to have dental work done and had to reschedule.  I have a feeling the reschedule isn't going to happen based on our schedules the next couple of weeks.

All this to say -- I had a great day yesterday, but am back to feeling the blahs this morning.  Crap.  I'm going to TO THE THINGS this morning and see if I can grab the good feeling back.  Workout, meditation, journalling.

On another note, the podcasts were kind of a bust yesterday.  Nothing super interesting to report.  Even my beloved Brooke Castillo wasn't pertinent to me (she interviewed her teenager).  I listened to Rich Roll interviewing Jesse Itzler and it wasn't great.  (I'm still looking for a good interview for Jesse - he's an interesting guy).  Rich Roll tends to talk to much about HIMSELF and he's always as cool as the person he's interviewing (or so he likes to tell people).  The way he talks "we" makes it seem like he's preaching and "you" aren't like "them."  I think I'm over listening to Rich Roll (is that even his real name???).

Grand-dogs are safely returned home and we are back to a family of 4 this week.  Two people, two dogs.  I told hubby, no entertaining this week.  I'm on a break.  When I get back to entertaining, I'll try No Crumbs Left cookbook.  Her recipes are simple and yummy.  Stay tuned ...

First Monday in June (already!!!!).  Let's make it a good one (or die trying -- not really, but you get the point).  Later gators.

Another Missing Piece

In the name of PROBLEM SOLVING ...

I think part of my struggle with home time and alone time is that hubby and I are stuck in task mode AT HOME. We are tethered to the house because of extra dogs or contractors or delivery appointments.  We haven't been able to have fun together in too long.

We all know how deliveries work.  Big time window and then expect the delivery outside the window.  Lately, some deliveries have been early -- but early can be as disruptive as late.  One interrupted my workout.  Early by 90 minutes.  They had to assemble the table so it wasn't just a 5 minute drop-and-go.

One contractor showed up at the door with no notice (downside of no gate).  Crew in hand.  "I thought I'd see if you were home."  Yes, but no.  Ugh.  It's frustrating.

After we finish babysitting our grand-dogs, we are taking a break from ALL OF THIS.  Deliveries can wait (we should be finished for the immediate future anyway), contractors (who have been ignoring us for weeks) can wait.  We are going out and DOING things - having some fun together.  Fun we BOTH like.

Unexpected things got in the way of our free days.  (Like a contractor no showing up for 2 days he reserved to come -- so we were tethered to the house for NOTHING.)

Hubby is off from work and we haven't done one fun thing (outside of the house) together since we moved in.  Honest truth -- not one thing.  We went to brunch as a group -- but not just the two of us.  It's been all home "chores" or entertaining at our house.  At first, that was nice.  Hanging out in our new house, sitting on the porch, walking in our new neighborhood.  Now it's isolation.

Isolation can get me down.  Even when it hasn't been on purpose.  I know I need to get out when I suddenly don't want to leave the house for anything.  I get a case of apathy for anything.  That's when I need to push myself out.  Put on regular clothes, do my hair and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I told my accountability partner that I am bummed about how much effort I'm expending to only be slowly rolling backwards.  But, I haven't given up.  That's a big difference for me.  I'm still pushing -- everyday, as much as I can muster.  But it's time to make progress forward again. I don't know what that looks like or how to actually get there, but I'm trusting that the effort and ideas will eventually find the next step.

Today is one of those ideas -- I'll try to get some pictures.  I was changed promoted from "bag stuffer" to "picture taker" for the people meeting Teri.  Later gators.

Let's Go

No Crumbs Left (on Instagram) is having a cookbook signing tomorrow in Atlanta.  I think I mentioned, she's fantastically doing it DURING THE DAY!  You get a signed copy of her cookbook with the ticket.

Yesterday, she mentioned needing help with the event.  I'm signed up as a "bag stuffer" for a few hours ahead of the book tour presentation.  ("Let's go" is her tag line.)

I need to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and do something NOT DOG related.  By myself.  No interruptions.  Podcasts are loaded for the car ride.  I'm stopping to eat before and after.  Getting a Starbucks on the way.  I am totally pumped to do this.  All ME channel most of the day.

This is the joy of doing things alone sometimes.  Friends, connection, family -- all good, but so is alone.  If I'd been going with a friend to the event, I bet they wouldn't have been interested in the volunteering.  I would have been "stuck" with my original plans and not able to do something spontaneous that I wanted to do.  Since it's ME only -- I can do whatever I want.  Change to fit my whim.

I'm in a funk and the usual things I do at home are not happening -- I'm trying, but interruptions and people (hubby) changing my plans.  Contractors late to the house (45 day inspection repairs), changing days, times.  Every time I TRY to hold space for MYSELF it gets eaten up.  Yesterday was a particularly difficult day on that front.  Then I saw the Instagram story asking for help -- giving me a day to MYSELF (with hundreds of strangers - but they don't count).  Strangers don't ask, interrupt, need, judge -- the same way someone you know does.  Does that make sense?  Lately, I can't go to the bathroom without a questions about where I'm going and an interruption while I'm on the toilet.  It's bad, folks.

I went back to basics and realize I need to PROBLEM SOLVE.  Where can I find space?  How can I start building back something exclusively for me -- time I don't need to share or compromise?  Outside of what usually works.  USUAL doesn't exist right now and trying to do/have the SAME is frustrating me.

Wish me luck.  I'm putting a lot of pressure on this day being wonderful.  That might backfire.  But, it also might be glorious.  It's giving me some spring in my step today.  Yesterday, I face planted in crappiness.  180 spin (hopefully, maybe, pretty please).

Today should be nice because of the anticipation of tomorrow.  (It's THAT exciting to me to have a day to myself.)  Space to an introvert is essential to existing.  (Dramatic, but true.)

We are FINALLY getting our mattress delivery.  Not PB -- so triple the price.  That means I can set up the spare room in the basement using our old stuff -- it's a hot mess.  Wednesday we get plantation shutters.  Things are moving along.  A bit slowly, but forward is happening.

Pictures coming later this week :)  Off to enjoy my anticipation day.  Later gators.