Meditation vs Prayer

A story on repeat.  I've been trying (not succeeding) to find a meditation that works for ME. Something that resonates and something that will become part of my healthy routine.

I like guided meditations, but I'm super picky.

I don't like meditations that have you sit without thought, or repeat a word, etc.  Those only work if I'm tired and zoned-out so I almost "sleep."

I like meditations where you think of three things and are grateful, for example.  The problem is it becomes "pressure" to come up with something everyday.  It feels forced.

What about prayer?

Religion is complicated for me.  I've tried to find an organized religion that fits ME and I come up disappointed every time.  I've been super, super involved with a church - didn't fly.  I've joined alternative churches (I left when the witches took over - that's a story for another day).  And tried lots in-between.  Nope.  Not ME.

Prayer for me is also complicated.  Is "thank you" really a prayer?  Is a thought really a prayer? Shouldn't I pray for everyone else, not me - that's selfish.  What if I only pray for some people - what about my best friend, what about my cousin?  Prayer GUILT.

Somewhere in-between meditation and prayer is where I think I'll find my balance.

Enter Jen Hatmaker.  She approaches religion in a way that resonates with me.  Not thought for thought, but something makes sense to me in her relationship with a high power (for her it's Jesus).  I'm drawn to it in a way I'm usually not.  I'm reading and listening to her and soaking it up like a sponge.  I like the way she prays.

Is this my ticket to figuring it out?

A sort of medi-prayer.  (Did I just make that up or is it a thing?)  A combination that lets me be a bit selfish (no guilt), no pressure to think of things, relaxing, comforting.  Prayer has a mixed-up connotation for me.  But this isn't THAT prayer.  Meditation is boring, pointless without some thoughts (for me anyway).  It's a hybrid in all the best ways.

I'm exploring still.  It seems like a VERY slow-roll down the right path.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  Stay tuned.