Picture

I stumbled upon this picture last week.  It's taken on July 2nd (I don't remember the year) which is hubby's actual birthday.  It was his present from me -- a rock scramble and brunch.  I was TERRIFIED (the scramble, not the brunch lol)!!

It was the first and only time (thankfully) I've ever had a real-deal panic attack.  It wasn't pretty at the time but now we laugh about it every birthday.  It's a long and funny story of the day and why I chose the scramble in the first place.  We love to tell and retell it.

The story is funny but the picture reminds me of where I was in my life at that moment -- not so funny.  It was during my 4 years of unhappiness which left me 75+ lbs heavier for 2 of those years.  And miserable.

Miserable came first (for lots of reasons); the weight was a symptom.  I figured out the "why" of the misery, fixed it, but couldn't get the weight off.  A new form of miserable and frustration and self-esteem issues began for the next 2 years.

That place scares me.  The memories and feelings are so powerful from that time, I can close my eyes and be right back there again.  That's why I fight so hard to find my HAPPINESS and not eat my feelings and not go back to that place.  I'm scared if I do go back, I won't find my way out this time.

As is said, a picture is worth a thousand words.