Almost there ... maybe

I hit a big old wall yesterday afternoon.  I was busy and productive all day, then bam ... it hit.  Junk food withdrawal.  How to fix it?  Eat healthy.  What I did?  Eat junk.  Bummer.

We have a kid back in the house and that means junk food has arrived with him.  My being-healthy state is weak and temptation was strong.  Today will be better.

I have an active morning.  Quick cardio workout, meeting a friend to walk and then my noon lift class.  I find the more active I am, the less likely I am to eat junk.  I need all the help I can get right now.  Then the afternoon is filled with errands (more grocery stores) and chores (hello bills).  Going to fight the wall today.

My massage felt great - I needed it.  My nails look great too - back to basics on them.  I cooked up some healthy food yesterday (lots more to go).  Started the house pick-up.  Big cleaning is on hold until my back is fully rested.

Broken record time again ... I need SPACE.  My youngest is home all day, everyday (he's studying for LSATS and not working).  Hubby is coming home early today (he likes to spring it on me - so bill paying and hubby home is a bad combination).  If I had a heads-up I would've planned differently, but bills need to be paid today.  Dinners have become expected again.  The kitchen is always in a state of a bit messy (crumbs, full trash, full dishwasher, etc).  Hubby invited all the kids for dinner and snacks to watch the hockey game Wednesday.  And just like that ... I've lost myself again.

I hate that I'm complaining about this.  I just had two weeks of a fabulous vacation, my family is awesome, my life is blessed.  But I don't have enough ME in this mix.  This week is full with EVERYONE ELSE.

I take a step forward with my chores and then someone messes up something ... or needs something ... or adds to my list ... or eats all the food I just made and I feel like I've made no progress.  Everyone's stuff is more important than mine right now.

I realize I'm making time for my workouts, friend visits, massage, nails, etc.  But that's still not the ME that I need.  When I don't get the space I need, everything feels like a chore, a compromise.  This week is filled with me saying "yes" to only have the "yes" grow to something bigger, something needier, something harder.  This was a problem before my trip and I need to figure out a solution. Why?  Because I always eat my way to feeling better when I need SPACE.

I've tried explaining this to hubby and it doesn't register with him.  I can't really blame him.  This is a ME thing - always has been - and it's hard to understand.

Well, this post turned into an unexpected bitch session.

I'm going to call it a post and start prepping my chores while I drink my last collagen tea.  My INTENTION for today is to not kill my hubby ... just kidding ... we have a no-kill policy in our marriage lol.  I think my INTENTION needs to be STANDING UP FOR ME.  Not taking on bigger "yeses" ... not adding to my pile until the pile is manageable again.  And, maybe a double INTENTION to look for SPACE in my crowded life.

BREATHE.