Steady rain all day. Sun is up, but it's dark and snuggly in the house. Don't get me wrong - too many rainy days are a bummer. One is PERFECT!
It one of those not-the-normal things about me. I like cozy. I like dark. I like lower ceilings (not two story grand rooms). I like lots of things smaller, crozier. I love fall when we "fall back" and it gets dark early. I love getting up in the morning before the sun comes up. I like running in the dark.
Anyway, I'm happy about the rainy day. P.S. Rainy is different than stormy - we get some doozer storms down here. Me and the pup hate those days.
Today is my split workout. Some cardio at home and lift mid-day. I planned to hit Trader Joe's after my workout (I'm halfway there already) but we'll see with the rain.
Today is another low-key day which I'll gladly take because there is a big build up coming over the next 2 weeks. If the rain quiets down, the gang is going to a baseball game in the new stadium tonight. Being a non-sport person (except Steelers) and with only 4 comped tickets, I made the sacrifice and am staying home. WOO HOO. I can't celebrate yet because they may not go with the rain. Rain - a curse and a blessing lol. I'd love the evening to myself. Fingers crossed.
I'm drinking one of my last caffeinated coffees this morning. I move to 1/2 caff. next week. I'm in no hurry. I'm handling the caffeine well -- sleeping fine, no hand tremors, no "nervous" feeling.
I decided after the rush of the party for hubby, I'm making a schedule for getting crap done. The crap I don't want to do. Period. It's happening. I feel better about it. It might still seem a bit procrastinating-like (and it is) but it works for me. I can get myself back to feeling good, good routines, etc and then get working. It makes it all less overwhelming. It needs to get done, but doesn't need to be today.
The party has me overwhelmed enough. I love to entertain, but I also hate to entertain. I get really nervous about it. Is the food okay, are people going to have fun, are they going to stay, do they really want to come? Insecurities left-over from growing up. I force myself to do this because I don't like this part of me. I don't want fear to dictate. I've become okay with most casual entertaining. And I've redefined myself - most friends say I'm an entertainer. Mission accomplished.
But this party is more than casual. Some extra people are coming (Fred's buddies). It's a mix of family and friends (never done that). I'm trying really HARD for this party - aka not casual entertaining. I'm out of my element and it has me nervous. I'm trying to label this as VARIETY and go with it lol. I feel like I need to "host" more than normal. Make sure everyone has someone to talk to, feels included, feels good. Usually, it's all peeps who know each other well, so I can relax and let them socialize. This is an eclectic mix. Some say that makes for a more interesting party - I'm not one of those lol.
Then all the new foods I'm making. Hence the trial runs for almost everything. I can make something a dozen times and when I need to make it for other people, I flop it. Ugh.
Okay. I'm working myself into a nervous sweat. Enough of that for now. Plus this post is already long.
My INTENTION for today is to be PROUD of myself. I need that today. My insecurities are showing, but I have lots to be proud and confident about - we all do. Today my focus is on those things. Amazing me lol!!
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