It started brewing yesterday when I tried and tried to get 10 minutes to do my meditation. Every time I was interrupted ... revolving door. Including hubby texting me non-stop and then texting to see if I saw his texts. I got very annoyed. (The meditation is on my phone, so every text with double notification kept over-riding the voice.) Delivery people with multiple phone updates, cleaning ladies with changing time, etc. You get the gist. So by the end of the night, I was pissed off, grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. I felt smothered by my life. P.S. no meditation.
I just wanted 10 minutes of UNINTERRUPTED time. No wonder I get itchy about space. Here is actual evidence that an entire day (most of the day) can go by and I can't find 10 minutes for ME.
The other parts of my day were filled with party errands and getting the spare room up to speed for company next weekend. Again - it felt like doing for everyone and I just wanted 10 minutes for ME.
I realize I have time in the morning -- this journalling time, but I need other moments too. My morning routine is nicely set and it works. I don't want to add meditation now, I want to do it later. That shouldn't be too much to ask. I shouldn't need to spend the rest of the day for everyone else.
Because I feel claustrophobic, everything is bugging me. Hubby is forcing golfing down my throat this weekend. I have to pull together a bbq for Memorial Day. Again - everyone else. I have a list of things I'd like to do this weekend (read, go to a movie, go the the dog park, etc) and none of them will happen. I'll end up doing what everyone else wants me to do. I want to be left ALONE for just a little while!!
It feels disrespectful and frustrating. I'm resenting people needing stuff from me ... all. the. time. Ugh.
Am I making a mountain out of a mole-hill? Maybe, but it's how I feel and it's dragging me down. I don't know how to fix it until I get those glorious days in 2 weeks.
I don't like a post to be nothing but one big complaint - sorry for the rant. This mood is strong and I don't know when it's going away.
I have lifting this morning and house chores this afternoon. I'd love to take some time for ME today, but my youngest is home and hubby might be home early. I don't know if I can find it. That revolving door is in constant motion.
Okay. Enough is enough. I'm even getting sick of hearing myself. My INTENTION today is extra self-serving. Do ONE thing that is completely and only for me today. Force the time. Wish me luck (otherwise wish my family luck lol). It's not even that time of month (I checked!!).
No comments:
Post a Comment