It's Like the Pandemic

I mentioned that this time feels a little like pandemic times to me. Why? Because everyone is stressed collectively, personally, etc. This means that people are a little short, a little less patient, a little less attentive to others. People are caught up heavily in their own stuff.

The reason this is something on my mind is that I've felt a bit of that from friends -- like during the pandemic. Friends wanting to vent and needing support, but when the tables are turned, nothing in return.

I don't mean this to imply I'm doing all the supporting and no one is supporting me. Not true, but I'm seeing some of that at times. I've directly told a couple of friends I'm having a hard time and the response wasn't what I expected given I've been lending an ear to them and holding space for their concerns.

So I'm implementing some pandemic "rules" that helped. I need to protect myself and limit the venting, worry, etc from others. I have used the rule that if it's directly about them, I'm all in -- I'm here to be a friend. If it's a story about their neighbor or from the news -- nope, not engaging. I'm not open to general shock-n-awe sessions when their mood strikes. 

Also, I know that the only person who can really take care of me is me. That means when I need support, I give myself support. I screen calls and texts. I set boundaries. I play hooky. If I get support from others it's icing on the cake, but not the cake. When we are collectively stressed, the cake MUST come from me. 

I need to remind myself to not take a lot personally. I need to remind myself to watch my snark and patience level too. If I find myself short, that means I need to take care of myself and maybe step back a minute and regroup before I can be a support to friends. 

Meditation is helping. Outside time helps too. Being creative focuses off the worry. And, of course, processing the feelings. This is something that's new for me and I'm not great at doing it. It's different from feeling feelings and I can't always do it. The more you WANT to process, the less you do. The more you chase the result, the further it gets. It's strange, but when it works it's really good. 

As I've said before, my coping mechanisms are strained right now too. This move means I'm living in 2 different worlds and my comforts at home are in temporary flux. This is privilege, I know, and, it's real for me. Retreating to my spaces gives me immense security (even if that isn't totally true). My spaces aren't available the same way and it'll get worse before it gets better. This means I need to be extra attentive when I'm hurting and find other ways to calm myself. 

Anyway, that's a look at my mind jumble. My hope is that just like the pandemic, these difficult days end up jumping me forward on my growth path and looking back, I can see a silver lining. I'll say again, total privilege to be able to see this horrible time as an ultimate benefit. 

Finally, I'm talking a lot about my own worry, but I'm working on other things too. Supporting a legal immigrant organization (that we've been involved with for years), supporting the queer community, working with the foster system, etc. I'm active with these things at a local level. I'm quiet about it here because of bots and who knows who reading, but it's a big part of my week -- part coping mechanism too. Taking action, however small, that joins a collective toward a different vision for our country. It's a process and I think this might be the jump forward for me that comes from these hard times. We'll see ...

Later gators.