Hodgepodge

The weekend was a whirl and a success. We moved a lot into the house and figured out a plan for what-goes-where. That's a big step in moving all this stuff. We decided that we are only getting movers for the furniture and moving the rest ourselves because we have the time. Even time after the furniture moves since the house hasn't sold.

We had a last minute showing and they stayed an hour. They are "extremely interested" but need to figure out financing this week. Who knows. We've heard similar before and then crickets. 

We babysat our grandson overnight -- so much fun and it takes ENERGY to watch a 13 month old lol. Only little hiccup was bedtime. We ended up rocking him to sleep and all was well. He's a chatterbox in his sleep using all his little sounds -- precious. 

I got another period yesterday which could explain how I've been feeling the last couple of days. Damn these hormones are back to giving me a run for my money.

The hike for today is rained out -- rescheduled for Thursday and I can't make it happen. Bummer. I'll get my hiking mostly solo this week, but signed up for a big one next week.

This week is focused on moving, but I have a dinner planned with my cancel friend. I stuck to my druthers on the boundary of what time I make available (especially when time is tight right now). I'm really happy about it -- happy to spend time with her, happy that a cancel won't be a problem for me.

Looks like bookclub IS a go for Saturday. Turns out it's inconvenient for me because of house stuff, but 3 people gave a "firm" yes so it's on. I'm excited that I had an idea and followed through on it. It's worth the effort, but these things have a big failure rate for attendance and commitment. 

Of course my friendship universe needs balance. One friendship has an upswing, one gathering is a go -- so ready yourself for a vent. 

My hiking friend wants to participate in bookclub or so she says for every event I organize, but she backs out. She read the book, was excited about the idea, and then learned the date. It's her husband's birthday this week so she's not available. No problem. Asked if it had to be this weekend -- I said yes, already organized. 

Last night our little hiking group decided to attend a rally -- same day, same distance into the city, same time commitment. She's all in, driving the group, etc. What happened to your husband's birthday? I'm annoyed that she wasn't honest about availability. For the record, I've never invited her to these things -- she invites herself. I responded I wasn't available because of bookclub and she didn't acknowledge it -- oops, guess she forgot what she told me. Wonder if she'll backpedal or just ignore.

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. I don't need her there and I also don't really want her in this group. I like a little space with friends. Yet, here I am with my panties in a bunch over it. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe my panties always need to be in a bunch over something. 

Okay, vent (rant) over -- thanks for listening. Possible more to come this week if above mentioned "successes" fizzle out hah!

Today is a hodgepodge of things. Every little "thing" in my airspace needs attention today. Nothing major, but lots of stuff to do. I'm going to knock out a bunch of these things this morning before a workout. That'll feel good.

Hope you're off to a good start for the week. Later gators. (And a little words of wisdom for today lol.)

Three Parts

Yesterday in three parts.

First -- walk in Asheville. I took another route up the mountain because of road closures, but ran into tree removal and more roads closed. Still got a great walk. The rocks I painted a couple of years ago at the top of the mountain survived the storm. Someone had made rock shelters for them and they were still there. This made me so happy for so many reasons.

Not mine -- someone made
a clay cat.

Found typical Asheville on the mountain too.

Spring ephemerals.
Wild Trillium

Happy tucked into the mountainside.

Hooked up to the stream.
Clever and kind.

Love the sound of trickling water.

Yep!!!!! x a million

Finished the walk off the mountain into North Asheville. BTW, the spring smells were fantastic despite areas where you could smell the smoke. I stopped and got coffee and avocado toast at my local breakfast place. Listened to conversations around me -- French, heavy Latin accents. Love to hear diversity. 

Coming off the mountain, I stopped at the house because I had so many goodies from the walk. Books from LFLs, a bird food cage in debris in the woods (not on private property), and cut bamboo left for yard degree pickup (makes great stake for the garden). My hands were full. 

Next up -- Sylva.

It's a cute town and right off the route home. GPS got a bit confused and I had to do some figuring out, but it was fine. I bought beeswax wrap at a kitchen supply store (mine is getting worn out) and learned a bit about the town. The coffee was as good as recommended. I only found the used bookstore and that was a bit of a bust. I think there's another store, but I didn't want to take more time to walk off of the main street. The town is like an offshoot of Asheville. Happy, inclusive, and kind. I think I like Franklin a bit better, but the coffee is better in Sylva and it's less of a detour. Maybe one on the way out and one on the way home???

Finally, home to Atlanta. 

That was a little bit less happy. Hubby was in a mood. I brought the wrong thing home from Asheville (mistook an internet booster with Alexa and now our internet is struggling in Asheville). Hubby was grumpy about it. We got a very low ball offer on the house which we outright declined with no counter. All-the-things suddenly looming again and the peace of my trip dissolved quickly.

Oh well. I think this level of stuff is just the way it is for now. Back at it in full force today before we get our grandson for an overnight. I'm grateful for the respite in Asheville though. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

"Create My Own Adventure" Day

I did exactly what I said I was going to do -- whatever I wanted.

I started with a NAP (!!) I was groggy and still felt off so I nixed a walk and laid back down. I set an alarm for an hour, but was back up in about 30 minutes feeling a lot better. Who am I? This really might be my season of naps. My body needed physical rest yesterday and I took it. 

Next up, getting dressed. Why is this an adventure? I bought a 1960s top from Etsy years ago and never wore it because it's scratchy. I brought it to Asheville with plans to donate to the vintage clothing store and never remembered to take it. I remembered I had it yesterday and I decided to try it on again because it's a color I'm currently obsessed with and noticing it in a lot of places in my life.

Bingo. I like it and the scratchy goes away quickly. I got a number of compliments on it.

Teahouse for chai and more reading. Then my usual stop at the vintage clothing store a few doors down. I found a 1970s shirt similar to a pattern I owned when I was younger. It's pushing my style a bit, but it's fun. I'm heavily into nostalgia -- especially during this shit show of times.

Then a walk to lunch to my favorite Indian street food restaurant in Asheville. They have a new location and now sell postcards -- excellent for my pen pal. I chatted with the hostess about the postcards and we ended up talking books. She's currently reading this and recommended the author.

Lunch was very good and I have leftovers for tomorrow.

Found the happy little bits of Asheville on my walk to lunch.

Maybe my new name for
the "hiking sammie?"

Used book store for these (one from the same author as the recommendation -- signed copy).

Antique market for a mug in my current favorite color (pretty close, at least) -- didn't plan that but noticed when I took the picture. I got a few other things too. Jar for flour, mixing bowl and a thing to hold paint brushes. Everything is wrapped so no pictures yet. 

Still had time on the parking meter so I had another drink at the tea house and finished this book. It was good - easy read, page turning, good ending. Not a literary masterpiece, but solid storytelling. Landed a nice ending too.

Then popped over to visit my sister and family. Fires in the area and it's all smoke over her way. The latest fire is a little close for comfort. 

In bed to watch the sunset out the front window.

Woke up to very high recovery stats -- top 5 of all time. The recovery day worked (and all the other things must have aligned too). 

It's still super cold on the main level of the house. Once the sun comes up, I'll check out the air quality and decide on a walk or Peloton. I'm still planning on a different stop and coffee shop on the way home -- maybe it'll be the new go-to town when I travel solo to Asheville. 

It's been a nice few days. I hope it's enough to stay recovered and ready to move forward with the move. It's not so much the physical move itself, it's all the things that need to happen to make the house our home. That's felt daunting, not fun -- time to flip that narrative. 

I've been gentle with myself this visit. Took the rest I needed. Allowed feelings -- it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. Leaned into my FS. Had fun. Showed up as myself. Good lord -- even took a morning nap hah! 

Time to get home and get ready to be Granny for the weekend. I'm enjoying all the life multitudes lately. 

Later gators.

Made it to Asheville

I'm in Asheville. Downstairs furnace is currently OUT and it's COLD. Waiting for hubby to wake up to help me troubleshoot the issue. UPDATE: Troubleshot and it's still not working. Brrrrr.

Yesterday wasn't the "Asheville joy" I wanted, but it wasn't horrible either.

I ran Duke and did some house stuff so I didn't get on the road until late morning. There was construction that closed the road and then alternated traffic -- I sat for 30 minutes. Turned the car off it was so long and I was really tired of driving from the day before. Total grump while I sat parked. 

I still stopped in Franklin where my mood rebounded. Got the postcard and coffee. I also got a recommendation for a new coffee place in a town down the highway. I'm planning to try it on the way home. 

I also realized that I don't actually like the Indy bookstore in Franklin. Their new book selection is poor and it's a lot of used books for a hefty price. I've only purchased one book there in all the visits. I did get a nice notebook and I've gotten some reading accessories in the past. I think it's off my list. Maybe this other town has an Indy bookstore. UPDATE: Yep, an Indy bookstore and a used book store. 

Arrived at the house at the same time as my sister who had a funny t-shirt to gift for me. Here's the picture -- zoom lower right corner for a subtle message.

I ate an early dinner with thoughts of walking downtown. Nope, got ridiculously tired and felt like I was getting sick. I put on jammies, made a hot tea, big blanket, and read my book. Watched the sunset from the bed again and I slept until 6 o'clock. GREAT night's sleep. 

And a good book. It's been recommended so many times, I forgot I already put it on hold at the library. I tried to place a hold (huge waitlist) and it said I already had it on hold. Turns out I was next. It's about an ice dancing team. I like the style -- interview and first person, and it's building to "something" happened, hence, the interview documentary parts. 

I'm extremely sad to say the good night's sleep supports my mid-day caffeine as the problem (or at least part of the problem). I had a decaf cortado, but no kombucha or caffeinated iced tea. I'm having a chai today, but I'm going to make sure it's before noon. I'll report back tomorrow. Yea, because it might be an easy fix to improve my sleep. Dang, because I love kombucha and iced tea from a restaurant. 

I stopped afternoon caffeine a few weeks ago (just for a couple of days) and my sleep was still bad, but I was in a big hormone surge. I know caffeine isn't the only issue, but logically, it can't be helping. Shoot -- I'm fighting this truth. I wish they made decaf kombucha.

Keeping with the "have my own adventure" this trip, I don't know where the day is taking me yet. It's cold this morning (inside and out) and my body feels like it needs some recovery. My legs are tired and my back is a bit wonky. Of course, a walk might be just what I need to stretch everything. It's a wait and see morning. I'll be walking, it's a matter of how fast, far, and hilly I choose. 

This trip is about what I want and what I need. The intention is to head home rested and ready to keep at this move.

Yesterday evening was also nice because I texted with a number of people -- some I reached out, some reached out to me. It felt like connection and that always feels good.

Sun is up -- time to get moving. Have a good day. Later gators.

Diamorpha

What a hike! The pictures don't do it justice. It was spectacular -- my friend said her favorite hike in GA. It was worth the monster 2 hour drive to the park (better on the way home after rush hour). Sun was shinning all day.

Diamorpha only bloom for 3 weeks in water pools on granite formations (think Mars with pretty flowers). It looked fake -- incredible pools of flowers and then barren rock. The rock has naturally broken in lots of areas -- quarry-like feel.

There were trails in the woods and a water cascade we could walk along side.

We met the ranger station Pittie who was rescued in the woods and is now the official mascot of the park. A nice ranger helped us piece together the hike. Found a grave from 150 years ago. The woman who lived on her land wanted to be buried next to her babies in unmarked graves.

Back to our area for lunch, drop off to the new house, and a quick turn around for my volunteer meeting. The volunteer meeting lasted until 9:30 -- eek, late night for me after a full day.

We almost had an offer on the house, but they decided to go with new construction at the 11th hour. Damn, but getting closer, I guess.

Asheville today. My sister has plans, my neighbor is out of town -- just me and time to ground again. My intention for this trip is SLOW and deliberate. Wander where the day takes me -- no time table, no obligation, saying 'yes' to anything that interests me, leaving whatever doesn't. 

I'm going to get a later start because I want to run Duke this morning. I think the fun for today will be a stop in historic Franklin on my way. I'll get into Asheville late afternoon and most of my usual things will be closed. I might settle in with a book, food I'm bringing along, and have a quiet night. Or not -- as I said, whatever moves me. A little adventure ...

Have a good day. Later gators.

Shrink - Grow

My friend backed out of the hike today. She said it was too long of a drive for her to drive alone. I'm happy to be a friend and happy to do favors, but it's not my responsibility to hold hands. We've talked about this particular hike with these special blooms for over a year. Blooms only 3 weeks out of the year. She's in town, available, wants to go, and decided an hour drive (it's almost 2 hours for me) was too much.

It's really interesting to see how my friends are "aging." It seems you either find this mid-life time a season of coming into your own and growth or a big shrinking.

I have a mix of friends. Some are so inspiring and I love watching them really find themselves in such interesting ways. And some just get smaller. I don't want to be a person that won't take an hour drive to see something that I really want to see. I've known her for almost 13 years and she was never like this -- always a go-getter. 

The friend who's hiking with me today is a growth person -- probably why she's the only one going today. 

I say this because there were many moments that I felt myself shrinking into being afraid, or deciding to stay home if conditions weren't "perfect" and I didn't like it. It's easy to get caught up in the fear and before you know it, you aren't living your life. I have to be deliberate in what I do or my default will be to shrink too. 

This is probably why it bothers me so much when friends are acting this way -- I'm fighting the same issues and I want to be around those choosing a growth path. You know, you are a product of the 5 people you see the most. I don't think that's an exact truth, but peer group matters and what you experience regularly matters. Definitely what you practice matters. 

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to practice what I preach. I had a fear about picking up my grandson from daycare and running errands solo with him. (It's seated in a situation that happened a couple of years ago with the car accident I happened upon -- too sad to talk about again.) I didn't like that fear because it was stopping me from spending time with him -- so I made a point to do it. No more fear and I'm set to have regular afternoons with him once we move. If I had continued to give into that fear, I would've missed out on a great deal.

It's worth making the effort to overcome what scares you when it's something you want to do.

Okay, that's enough pondering this morning, but probably more on this later. I'm running up against something similar with my bookclub event -- looks like it's bombing. 

Anyway ... I finished the car rock painting. I'm not sure what's next.

Hope you have a good day. I'm excited to see the blooms today and hike an interesting park. Later gators.

New Week

Sunday recap:

Started with a HS zoom call. Always nice to catch up with everyone. We've been doing it for 5 years now, even with a west coast zone and a European zone, we make it work.

I had to exit early because we had a showing. "Like the house, but still looking around." Glad we had a showing though -- it's been way too quiet. They stayed for 45 minutes which means there's some valid interest.

Afternoon at the new house with the dogs and the kids. We had a nice time and walked to an early dinner -- again. Dogs were extremely and surprisingly well behaved. Sat on the patio in the shade for a relaxing meal with 2 dogs and a baby. Who knew -- I thought it was going to be organized chaos. 

Back to painting rocks again. It's a de-stressor and fun. One giraffe finished, one blue car in progress (interrupted by the showing).

Wore a new inclusion shirt.

Today is a mother-load of errands. I can't put them off another day. Then I'm babysitting for our grandson including a first time pickup from daycare. 

The rest of the week is full. As usual, I'm trying to balance "is this too much" or "is this a full life." Sometimes I don't know. My days are full from start to finish, but full with things I want in my life and things I've worked to have in my life. I worry about overdoing, but maybe that's just a story I'm telling myself. 

I guess I can't believe I've been going at this pace for this long without a substantial crash. The testosterone cream has helped my energy tremendously. Perhaps time to let the old story die where busy = crash. Hate to always blame hormones, but I suspect it's been years and years of energy stamina problems related to hormone fluctuations.

That said, I feel like I need something. Going back to the idea of what kind of rest do I need? Fun, for sure. But maybe something else too. I hope to find that on my trip to Asheville later in the week. A little solo adventure offers good restorative time.

Also, I'm watching what I said yes to. A friend asked for a favor and normally I would've rearranged my schedule to make it work, but I said no to giving an out-of-the-way ride tomorrow. She doesn't want to drive to the hike and I need to run errands on my way home. Driving to drop her off means doubling back too far for the errands and my time is pressed already. It's hard to say no to things like this, but her reason isn't something significant (i.e. something like if her car was the shop, I would've made it work). Her "preference" doesn't top my errands. I also would've said yes if I didn't need to run the errands, even though it's out of the way. There's a possibility she doesn't come now, but that's her choice -- staying in my lane. I hope she still comes. (And, you can probably tell, I feel a little bit bad for saying no.)

That's all the ramblings from here. Hope you're set for a good Monday. Later gators.

Little Anchors of Certainty

I'm a happy camper and proud of myself for going on the hike. I pushed hard and finished in record time (for me) with about 35 minutes to spare. I also checked about bathrooms before I left, wondering if they opened earlier than the ranger station. Bingo! Drove with no worries about a restroom. Solved a problem. Qualified for bigger hikes. Enjoyed the cool, sunny morning outside. All around winner of a morning.

Came home and started some volunteer work and was suddenly so sleepy. I'm not a nap person unless extenuating circumstances (sick, jet lag, on-call) because naps leave me groggy no matter the length. But I decided to set a timer and close my eyes for 30 minutes. Don't you know I fell lightly asleep for the last 15 minutes or so and woke up feeling rested. Huh. Maybe I'm entering a nap phase in life.

We went out to dinner with friends in our new town. These friends LOVE early dinners too -- 4:30 reservations :) We walked from the new house -- it's so easy. After dinner, we went for coffee and dessert at a little French cafe that sits up on the second story of a restaurant. Very quiet, people watching, lovely. Home by 8 o'clock after a walk back to the new house and a drive home to the old house.

Persian cuisine. Salmon
and crunchy rice.

I listened to a podcast -- discussion about people who live lives with a lot of uncertainty or risk. Maybe start a business, write a book, create something. He said those people will often anchor themselves with little bits of certainty throughout the day. Eat the same thing for breakfast. Run the same route. Routines and environments that anchor them so they can handle the uncertainty in other areas. This also applies to people who are especially uncertainty adverse. 

Hello, that's me and that explains a lot about my routines and environment and why they feel so important -- and hard to lose during an uncertain time. Knowing this means I can look for some other ways to anchor during this time when I'm losing my house comfort and environment familiarity. 

I do this on vacations too. The first day in a new place is unsettling to me no matter how much fun I'm having. I immediately look for something to repeat -- a coffee shop, a run route, a little morning routine and feel much more settled the second day. I know that I do this, but never understood why. It's fascinating and might be quite helpful in the future. 

This kind of behavior is often talked about in terms of helping decision fatigue which can be true, but didn't apply to me. Such an interesting insight from the podcast. Little anchors of certainty.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

FUN

I'm up super duper early for a club hike qualifier. It's a timed hike and a passing criteria to get into the higher level hikes. It's self-paced with the hike leader waiting at the turnaround and at the end so no one cheats. 

This is a FS thing. Why? The last thing I want to do this morning is be up this early, long drive, hard hike, but my FS will thank me. (You're welcome.) My present self will be happy once I'm hiking (and over the first climb -- it's hits hard right from the parking lot). 

The actual worst part is that I think the bathrooms don't open until later and I have to figure that out. There is no way that I can drive the distance and hike the distance without a bathroom. Mother Nature is slim pickings along the route because it's mostly granite climbs and descents. 

I've had to give my FS stuff a bit of a push this week. Once again, I'm figuring out a balance between a full life and rest. Truth is I'm tired this week. Post period is usually like that for me.

The question is what kind of rest do I need? Is hiking this morning a form of rest? Yes - mental rest, but it's a physical demand with the logistics and the hike itself. I'm a little depleted and I'm not sure how to fix it. It's a catch-22. I'm tired so I need rest, but too tired to figure out what kind of rest. 

Maybe this is just hormones -- post period. If so, I should be feeling energized by Monday. 

Of course, the truth is this IS a really full time made more full by the fact that I'm trying to keep my life in the mix of everything. I'm holding firm that the things I want to do are a high enough priority that they don't get pushed out. 

I just took a break to refill tea and coffee and lightbulb moment -- what I need is more FUN. A lot of what I'm doing feels like work, not fun. Feels like tasks to complete, not fun. I'm happy to get things finished and there's a sense of accomplishment, but not fun. 

Yep, that's what's missing and that's how I can rest. Bingo. 

Okay, my intention today is to have fun and laugh. Laughing is rest. Can I do it? Stay tuned. Hike this morning, house moving stuff this afternoon, and an early dinner out with friends. There are opportunities for sure. 

On a side note, picked some spinach and lettuce from the garden this week that overwintered and started growing again.

Happy (and fun) Saturday everyone. Just thinking about having fun feels like a relief. Hope you are set for a good day. Later gators.

It's Like the Pandemic

I mentioned that this time feels a little like pandemic times to me. Why? Because everyone is stressed collectively, personally, etc. This means that people are a little short, a little less patient, a little less attentive to others. People are caught up heavily in their own stuff.

The reason this is something on my mind is that I've felt a bit of that from friends -- like during the pandemic. Friends wanting to vent and needing support, but when the tables are turned, nothing in return.

I don't mean this to imply I'm doing all the supporting and no one is supporting me. Not true, but I'm seeing some of that at times. I've directly told a couple of friends I'm having a hard time and the response wasn't what I expected given I've been lending an ear to them and holding space for their concerns.

So I'm implementing some pandemic "rules" that helped. I need to protect myself and limit the venting, worry, etc from others. I have used the rule that if it's directly about them, I'm all in -- I'm here to be a friend. If it's a story about their neighbor or from the news -- nope, not engaging. I'm not open to general shock-n-awe sessions when their mood strikes. 

Also, I know that the only person who can really take care of me is me. That means when I need support, I give myself support. I screen calls and texts. I set boundaries. I play hooky. If I get support from others it's icing on the cake, but not the cake. When we are collectively stressed, the cake MUST come from me. 

I need to remind myself to not take a lot personally. I need to remind myself to watch my snark and patience level too. If I find myself short, that means I need to take care of myself and maybe step back a minute and regroup before I can be a support to friends. 

Meditation is helping. Outside time helps too. Being creative focuses off the worry. And, of course, processing the feelings. This is something that's new for me and I'm not great at doing it. It's different from feeling feelings and I can't always do it. The more you WANT to process, the less you do. The more you chase the result, the further it gets. It's strange, but when it works it's really good. 

As I've said before, my coping mechanisms are strained right now too. This move means I'm living in 2 different worlds and my comforts at home are in temporary flux. This is privilege, I know, and, it's real for me. Retreating to my spaces gives me immense security (even if that isn't totally true). My spaces aren't available the same way and it'll get worse before it gets better. This means I need to be extra attentive when I'm hurting and find other ways to calm myself. 

Anyway, that's a look at my mind jumble. My hope is that just like the pandemic, these difficult days end up jumping me forward on my growth path and looking back, I can see a silver lining. I'll say again, total privilege to be able to see this horrible time as an ultimate benefit. 

Finally, I'm talking a lot about my own worry, but I'm working on other things too. Supporting a legal immigrant organization (that we've been involved with for years), supporting the queer community, working with the foster system, etc. I'm active with these things at a local level. I'm quiet about it here because of bots and who knows who reading, but it's a big part of my week -- part coping mechanism too. Taking action, however small, that joins a collective toward a different vision for our country. It's a process and I think this might be the jump forward for me that comes from these hard times. We'll see ...

Later gators.

Just What I Needed

It was a good day to play hooky. Super nice hike -- a little over 9 miles. Great lunch and grabbed extra for dinner since the refrigerator is empty. Spring ephemerals are in bloom.

I enjoyed the solo hike a lot. Looked for the little flowers, walked by the river and collected a couple of rocks for painting, listened to birds and woodpeckers. Then the social walk with good conversation. We've walked these trails so many times and just noticed this stone fire pit that looks like a forest potty chair.

The sunshine and fast hike left me feeling really good -- and probably hormones regulating helped too.

The car is packed again with misc stuff to drop at the house and I'm heading to meet my HS friend for her birthday lunch. It's usually a lot of fun catching up with her. I'm going to walk to the restaurant from the house -- first time walking to the Main Street of town.

Hubby lands home tonight.

Not a peep of interest in our house for sale. We did a major price reduction and no showings in 2 weeks. This is the part that feels concerning and heavy. I'm trying not to worry about something that should work itself out eventually, but it's difficult. 

I took care of some FS planning things too. Organizing a couple of meetings at a great organization that supports the immigrant community (bookclub and hiking group), overseeing a "field trip" hike next week. Making sure I put effort into things that are important to me, even if they're a bust. People are reluctant to hold commitments and I put effort into things that fizzle to nothing, but I keep at it for the important things. Putting my energy out to the universe and hoping to eventually find that matching energy back. Also, knowing when I don't want to put energy forward when I'll probably be stood-up -- no is as important as yes.

That's all from here. Later gators.