T Minus One

Today is THE DAY BEFORE and it's my worst anxiety day of any trip. Let me fill you in on a couple of things.

I shut my left had in a door heading out for a run with Duke on Sunday. I ran with an icepack wrapped around my three middle fingers. Not the best idea, I know, but Duke was already in the car and I didn't want to cancel. It's pretty hurt and blood filled under my nail -- worried about having to drain it but I expect I'm out of the woods now. I couldn't use my left hand at all yesterday -- so no typing. It's improving though and now it's just my fingers.

What does this mean? No preview packing. I took an 8 mile hike yesterday and bumped my hand (*stars*) so I needed to elevate and ice yesterday. I chose the hike over packing because that's the kind of person I want to be lol.

Today is all day packing ... slowly and carefully. So much to do so I'm in full blown DAY BEFORE feelings. It's my MO lately -- something to prevent me feeling my best before a big trip. I'm certain my monthly will join the fun before the trip is over too. At this point, I give up ... whatever, fine, bring it.

My garden is doing so well. And now I leave her for almost 2 weeks. I'm not very confident on the watering schedule. Fingers crossed I come back to something still flourishing living. This year has 2 big trips during the height of growing season. I don't plan to do that next year -- of course, I'll know more next year so maybe it won't matter if I'm away.

I've had a lot of greens this spring.
I'll plant a ton more next year.

Make-shift climbing wall.
Grow little peas

And good luck to my indoor gals too. I'll probably lose a couple to the long drought of no watering. I did last big trip.

I'm excited for the trip though. I need to remember to bring FS attitude and curiosity along and it'll be a success. Maybe I'll take a step toward not getting anxious before travel?!?

I'll stop here -- I'm 7 finger typing and that's getting old. Hope you have a good next couple of weeks. Later gators.

Hello (!!)

I didn't expect to be off-line all week. The bots are active so I decided to give it a couple of days to settle and that became the week.

Let's do a list --- in no particular order, except for the pictures that insist on loading backwards (can't figure this out).

1. My mother came to town. I didn't see her. She played the victim and manipulated the circumstances into "poor her" and "she just doesn't understand how I can be so mean." Lovely. Glad she's gone back north. Crickets from her even though she told everyone she is "doing everything she can" to love me. It was a hard week having her so front and center with my family.

2. Had a week full of stuff-to-get-done and I got it done -- big win. Volunteer training, global entry, chores, etc. 

3. Books. I have a library stack I'm trying to get through before we leave. 

"The Ritual Effect" was very good. Talks about the difference between habit, routine and ritual. It's an interesting way to understand why some things stick, some don't etc. I liked it a lot. "The Secret Life of Groceries" was a bit of a skim read toward the end, but I liked the first chunk about Trader Joe's. 

I didn't particularly like this one. It's a fictitious memoire which is a clever way to tell the story, but there wasn't much of a story to tell. She studied dragons at a time when women weren't allowed to be scholars. That's the beginning, middle and ending in one sentence. The writing is good, but it needs more story.

This is a used book. I ran out of fiction from the library (no time to suspend a hold) so I chose one from my TBR. It is an old library book and I need to remember it's mine when I return the 9 books I have out right now (3 are travel guides). It should be a fast read.

Good so far!

I'll read/skim the other 3 books in the next few days.

4. I found a thrift store that's part of a good community organization. I have bin of donations that will work well for them. Got some goodies yesterday -- here are 2 of them.

Little lidded jar. I picked some
gangly mint so I filled it up
for my desk.

Plant stand. I'll move the gals
around when we get home.

Not pictured -- 2 new plant pots. I'll one to hold clippers (no drainage holes) and one to plant a propagated spider plant for a little gift. 

I also got 2 sets of vintage embroidered napkins that I'll use for crafting journals once garden stuff settles down.

5. *TMI* Still no monthly -- it's late and I guess is waiting to screw up my trip. Fun. Worst part is making room for the supplies on the trip. I tried a cup a few years ago and couldn't get it right.

6. The packing list is started. I have a lot to organize this weekend to make sure I have everything for this (too) long of a trip. I always have travel anxiety the day (or 2) before we travel, but now I'm getting travel DREAD the week before. I think it's because this trip is too long -- makes everything that much harder to get ready. Yes, boo-hoo, poor me traveling too long in Europe. I hear it. I get it. And, I have tons of dread.

I'll feel better when I get my list whittled down a bit more.

7. I've been eating like crap. Stress from mother visit, dread of travel, hormones. I KNOW it doesn't help, but I couldn't get myself together anymore than I did this week. I relied heavily on this old coping and soothing crutch -- I'm working on changing this ... broken record. Even though this was a backwards slide this week, I think I'm making progress overall. 

8. I need to regroup and refocus this summer. The year is going well, but I want to plan out the summer months. I have some ideas and goal progress to work on in June and July -- I'm excited. More on this later.

9. The Chimps 5k ladies are getting together again for the Mushroom 5k (3 of us went last year). I'm glad to be included for the hiking/nature adventures.

10. Even though the week was hard (and I fell back on coping mechanisms), I showed up in a lot of FS ways and I'm proud that I do that even when I'm off my game or when life feels rocky. That's progress for me. And progress to give balance and credit to what I did WELL too.

Hope you have a good weekend. Later gators.

Change of Plans

I'm not going to Asheville this week. If I could shift the trip by even one day, I'd go, but I can't. I'm pooped. In order to leave this morning, I'd need to move mountains and I don't have that energy. Plus I really, really need time at home to finish planning our trip for next week. Hubby is going tomorrow because he can stay longer (I have volunteer training this week). Energy is low because of a lot of work, hormones and SUGAR.

This re-configures the entire week -- in a good way. I want some Asheville time, but I NEED to be home more. Asheville will be there in May.

The HBD party went really well. The cakes were a lot to finish though. All 3 icings needed to be rewhipped and assembled. I made it -- just barely. The cake was delicious -- Cakes by Courtney. She has outstanding recipes. I had 3 variation for everyone's food sensitivities. (I still can't figure out why the pictures load backwards.)

Cake jumped ship!
I cut slices to freeze and this
last one fell over.

Not level, but good looking.

All the choices.

Messy drip, but I didn't
have a drip bottle.

Crumb coat

Trying to pretty it up

The stack

Assembly chaos.

Now for a re-entry day today. Even though I didn't go anywhere, I need a transition day. It's a day where you get organized enough and do enough to be able to start back to regular life -- tomorrow.  

That's today. And I'm taking care of myself too. Peloton ride, gardening, reading -- no rush, no fuss.

BTW, I finished this last night. 5/5 -- excellent book.

Hope you're off to a good start on this Monday. Later gators.

HBD Celebration

Today is my eldest's 30th birthday. It's a celebration day (!!) I love that we get to celebrate together.

I cooked the pak choi ... from this to this. It was tasty -- I'd like to grow more next year. Easy spring plant.

I finished 2 more components to the peanut butter Oreo chocolate cake. This was a tester for my hubby -- a very sloppy cupcake. I'll assemble the cake this morning. It SHOULD look better than this lol.

Cream layer is cream cheese, whipped cream and crushed PB Oreos. Buttercream is PB with cookie crumbs. Tops with a ganache I'll make today. 

After I cleaned up and sat down (and read) for the evening, I realized the icing and filling have Oreos and my DIL is GF. Ugh. I made a GF cake, but forgot about the cookies. Took everything out again and made a vanilla bean buttercream. 

As much as I prepped yesterday, today is still a full kitchen day. 

The menu ...

German cheese spread (easy recipe in a food processor)

Lemon hummus (easy in a blender)

Pigs-n-blanket (also easy)

Cowboy chicken 

Loaded mashed potatoes

Lazy deviled eggs (with 2 different toppings)

Broccoli salad

Cake and ice cream

Tinto Verano

All simple things but lots of components and steps. I'll be happy to take a break from the kitchen this week (mostly).

I finished this book -- it was very good (and a bit disturbing in a creep-good way) ...

Started this and it's really, really good so far. Hope it keeps up this level of story.

That's all from here. I need to get moving -- family arrives at 2 o'clock.  Later gators.

Ladybugs

It was a really good, long day. A little bit of a lot and I enjoyed it all -- phew. 

First released those ladybugs and tended to more gardening. Picked a pak choi (similar to bok choy), planted more seedlings, and prepped plants to share. I'll cook the pak choi today.

Lunch today

Growing well

Doing their work on this pepper

Best in low light after a rain

Then I ran Duke at the park. We had a little window after the rain, before the humidity and sun -- it felt good to run, but it got miserable as soon as the clouds pulled out.

Home to shower and get to the kids' place. Delivered a table and a bunch of plants. Went to the park with my DIL, baby and her mom. Fun afternoon, but really GA humid!

Quick stop at Trader Joe's for flowers and a few frozen meals.

Home again for another shower and prep for happy hour which turned into a late night. We had a nice time catching up with neighbors (friends). They were overly generous with beautiful flowers and a super nice Italian tray with meats, cheese, fruits. Big contrast to my pigs-n-blanket lol. I made other things too, but it was a little country to their fancy. Doing me, being me. It worked out well though.

Today is cake and more cake. Fingers crossed for an easier go of it. 

This week is definitely my definition of living a full life. Full life = joy = tired. Hope you're having a good weekend. Later gators.

Cake Baking Mess

Cake baking drama and a splash of trauma (!!)

I decided to bake the cake layers last on my list yesterday -- probably a mistake. I made humus, German cheese spread, gardened, ran errands and THEN started the cake. I was tired before I even started.

It's a strange recipe. Not hard, but different. I messed up the batter twice and had to dump it. WTH! 

When I was getting vanilla bean paste from the pantry, I pulled out a liner and knocked tons of glass jars over which dropped on the floor, smashed. Liquid everywhere. Broke part of the molding off the wall. Broke a dish I had sitting on the floor. Flooded a bowl with tea bags in it. All trashed. Fun cleanup.

I finally got the batter correct and then messed up filling the cake pans. I ended up doing 3 small layers instead of 2 (which you cut to make 4 layers). They baked fine though -- thank the lord.

Then I made the recipe all over again using GF flour -- cupcakes and one layered cake. 

It was a crazy bake. 3 more elements to make -- filling, icing and a ganache. Layers are in the freezer. I'll make the rest and assemble on Saturday.

Uses black cocoa -- tastes like
an Oreo cookie.

I got another thing off of my 24 for 2024 list. LADYBUGS. I'm releasing them in the garden this morning. I have no idea if I even needed them, but I want to try it. 

Flowers are for my DIL

I planted a few more things from the grow room and I'll plant the rest on Saturday. I love gardening and I'm now worried about leaving the plants for 2 weeks. I hope I get the watering schedule well enough to keep things alive. 

I woke up to these garden worries. Seriously?!?! I'm back to the "I have too much to do" anxiety. My volunteer work just amped up significantly too. I'm still questioning is this a full life or am I overextended. I think most will settle down enough, soon. I did overextend the end of April. I'm in the middle of that now and that's probably why the anxiety is here again. 

Today is one of those days. Fulled to the brim from wakeup to bedtime. All good things so I need to remember to enjoy today. When it's full like this, I get in task mode instead of enjoyment mode. 

I hope you have a nice Friday and are set for a fun weekend. Later gators and bots (very active again).

Books

Here's what's up with current reads. 

I finished this short fantasy/mystery read. It was a good story with the mystery of "what's happening" as the through line. It was different and smartly kept short otherwise it would have become boring. It had some interesting messaging too -- would be interesting for a bookclub read. I liked it a lot.

I started this last night. VERY cool premise and has me hooked immediately. My only complaint as of now is there aren't really chapter breaks (that I noticed). I don't like stopping a reading session mid-page. It's a translated Japanese crime novel.

Next up from the library is another Japanese crime novel. Both of these were recommended by Currently Reading Podcast as 5 star reads. She said no one does a crime novel as well as a Japanese author.

I have a boatload of non-fiction coming. This one and 4 more on hold. These will all probably be a couple hours of skim reading unless they are super captivating -- especially the ones coming up. More on those later.

The hike last night was really, really good -- always glad I say yes to hiking. Very fast, in the rain and good conversations. I skipped the dinner after, but the hike was worth the trouble. Sadly for me, the hike leader is moving and this was her last Wednesday evening hike. Maybe someone else will pick it up again.

There are so many fun hikes on the calendar for this weekend and next week, but I can't hike because of my schedule. Then we leave shortly after for our big trip. I'm going to try and squeeze a couple in before we leave - fingers crossed.

Today is cake baking day and prep for Happy Hour tomorrow. Lots to do. Trying to remember to enjoy the process, not just cross off a to-do list. 

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators.

Garden Update

I have the next set of plants planted. Mostly from the farm program (since they were hardened already). I planted 3 of the grow room littles to see if they held. Tomorrow will be the last hardening day.

I picked greens -- enough for another big salad. This is a dinner sized bowl and I chopped the greens (especially kale) so it's more than it looks.

I'm planting around the lettuces because they'll come out soon (gets too hot for them). I also messaged neighbors to see if they want some of the extra seedlings. One of my garden goals is to share -- this type of sharing counts too. I knew these babies when they were just itty bitty seeds lol.

Next up is to figure out fertilizer -- I think they need something, but WHAT??? And little seedlings are prone to fertilizer burn. 

I'm still shaky on the amount of sun. Pretty please let this be okay.

I have a hike tonight and it took everything I had to not cancel. It's set to rain the entire time and I have a lot on my plate. BUT ... I'm trying 2 new philosophies lately and this was an example. First, try new things or try things even if the circumstances aren't "perfect" (hike in the rain). Second, don't take my personal wants off the table for a collective want (make time for the hike even though I have a hosting obligations this week). So I'm hiking -- unless it's canceled because of storms. And I'll be glad I did -- that's the end-game reasoning that started this change. I was trimming too much of life because it wasn't exactly how I do it or because I had other things on the calendar. I have time and energy for both.

I've been applying these ideas for the last couple of months and it's giving me a fuller experience and a more consistent experience. I'm not on/off as much with my personal life stuff. I'm experimenting. How busy do I want to be? What should I say yes to? What is worth the extra effort? Things like this. I don't know without trying lots of things to get a flavor of what I like -- failures actually being the most important information.

Okay, time to get ready for a library pickup. I still and always have a book problem. 3 new ones and 4 the way. All but 2 are non-fiction, probably skimming books so it's not as bad as it sounds. Book chat coming. 

Later gators and bots.

Nice Mashup

This week continues to be a mashup of good things. Fun, productive, family, entertaining, creative.

Yesterday I got up and out early for an 8 mile hike with a couple of technical miles. Out of my comfort zone for sure, but I did it. There were also 2 suspension bridges -- I've never been on one (let alone 2). They were swaying like crazy in the middle. The group was a good one with interesting conversations and nice people (expect one strange middle aged man -- there seems to be one on every hike, but he wasn't creepy, just annoying).

There were also 2 champion trees at the end of the hike -- biggest found inside the perimeter. I had no idea this was a "thing."

I rested my back and finished 2 books non-fiction books. More on some new reads this week.

We went to visit the baby for an hour before heading to the youngest's for dinner. His fiancé is a great cook -- really fun night chatting about all wedding things.

Today is another garden day -- planting a bunch of seedlings. And then ... lots of errands getting ready for entertaining on Friday and Sunday. This is where it feels like I said yes to a bit much. It's taking over a lot of my free time this week. Of course, the birthday celebration on Sunday is something I gladly host, but maybe I bit off too much with the complicated cake. Friday will be nice, but it's work first. We could've gone out, but I prefer staying here so it's all on me that I'm hosting. No sense in regretting my choices (I keep telling myself lol).

Hope your week is going well. Later gators.

Little Bit of A Lot

Today is a big day in the sense that it checks A LOT of boxes. 

Gardening this morning to plant some seedlings from the farm program. Still hardening the grow room plants.

High school spring birthday call. A couple of hours catching up with these women. It's surprising and lovely I have 4 friends from high school that are still in my life. I moved at the start of 11th grade so we didn't know each other very long (at least, I didn't -- they grew up together). I love that we still connect.

Afternoon making an address list for the youngest's wedding invites. Wedding time is flying!

Then eldest and his family of 5 (includes the grand-dogs!) coming over for the first time since the baby was born. We're doing burgers on the grill -- opening season for cookouts. I miss that little boy -- I bet he's grown a lot in 2 weeks.

Bed early-ish because I have a long, hard hike in the morning (with a long drive in Monday traffic).

Little bit of a lot of good things. I'll take it. Hope you have a good Sunday. Later gators.

Hello (!!)

I've been MIA for a few days. Mornings got away from me and hormones are acting up so my energy is low right now.

My couple of weeks of ease have kind of gone by the wayside. Things filled fast and are continuing to fill up. Everything good, but my anxiety is knocking. Probably hormones adding to this feeling. 

Did I say 'yes' to too much? Maybe. Did I say 'yes' to things I are a wishy-washy 'yes' -- probably. Can I turn them into fun times -- also probably, if I clean up my attitude. Where have I heard this all before?!?!

I'm also knee neck-deep in mother problems as her visit looms. None of this is easy. I've chosen to not see her, but that's not bringing peace -- it's the most healthy of the 2 crappy options. I feel in a stead state of icky emotions and that's seeping into other areas. I'm trying to process and my mind spreads this to all areas of my life. 

All this to say, life feels hard right now and that's bumming me out a bit since my calendar says life should feel good. When I feel this way, I usually hibernate and that's not happening so I'm figuring out how to balance the good and the icky. Part of the solution is to give thought space to the good too -- I tend to ruminate on the bad and it overshadows and distorts what's good.

As far as the good goes ... 

Lots of family stuff with the kids over this next week. Gardening is coming along (still nervous about enough sun though). A few hikes next week -- Monday's is a challenge and I'm excited about it. Baking a fancy 30th birthday cake for my eldest (fingers crossed it turns out). Hosting some neighbors for a happy hour at the house. Maybe seeing my sister. High school zoom call for spring birthdays. Good stuff.

That's all from here. Here's a picture of a new little creamer with some propagated clippings from a dying plant. Maybe she'll like the water better than the soil. Later gators.

Aunties

Successful lunch with the aunties-- a little too successful. I got an outfit for my Europe trips this summer -- linen pants and a matching sleeveless top, a new cross body bag and jewelry. $$$. Ouch, but all are classic items and I'll get a lot of use out of them. **justifying as hard as I can lol ** Pictures when I wear them.

I finished this book -- sort of. It fizzled very quickly. I stopped about 3/4 and checked reviews -- seems I'm not the only one who thought the first half was great and then the story went nowhere very fast with 200 plus pages to finish. I skimmed the rest and called it. I was disappointed. I need a new pick today. The last 3 books have been longwinded and my enthusiasm waned. I need something fast and fun OR something super good through the end.  Maybe I should take a few days off to reset before I pick.

I woke up early and didn't feel great this morning. Oddly, I think it was the 2 pears I ate before bed. Sometimes pears upset my stomach -- nauseated, but nothing came of it. I fell back to sleep. Now it's later and I'm rushed to get my morning finished before I leave for an early lunch date ... but I feel fine.

I have a volunteer appointment this evening and it'll be uncomfortable. It's what I signed up for though so I'm all in. Fingers crossed it goes better than I expect.

I was in a boosted mood yesterday and took on a couple of things I may regret. I guess, regret is up to me. I'm having a get-together next Friday with neighbors ... might extend the invite to a few more so this can be one-and-done kind of thing. Not my idea, but I felt obligated to host (kind of my turn). I also got involved finding a dog sitter for a senior dog. I like to help, but often it gets dicy if things don't work out on either end.

My quiet days continue to fill up so I need to be a little more deliberate about homebody moments. Crafts and Spanish and gardening are calling me ... I want that reflective time.

On that note, I need to run and rush again. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Some Tuesday Updates

I have a mix of updates so here's a list.

1. Yep, watched the eclipse with glasses saved from the 2017 eclipse. That's a win in planning for the future. We were at about 85% totality.

The sun getting smaller

2. Garden day. Planted a lot, started hardening grow room plants and sprinkled wildflower seeds. Grow well little plants. I also picked greens and carrots for a nice sized salad. Next year I'm planted a big bunch of greens.

Hardening my grow room might take a bit longer because it's going to be rainy and cloudy the next few days. It needs exposure to sunshine too. 

3. Books.

About halfway -- it's good.

Nonfiction. Very interesting,
scary, heartbreaking. And
a little too long.

4. Coaching. Got some good coaching on forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean things go back to the way they were -- I can forgive and still have boundaries. I'm not ready to open a door to a conversation with my mom at this juncture. I need to process a lot of feelings first. 

5. I'm also working on friendship stuff. I have expectations for some friends that aren't serving our friendship. It's a thin line between expectations and deciding what I think defines a friendship (i.e. a friend is different than a stranger you meet). There are always expectations in a relationship, but some can go too far. I'm trying to figure out how I define all of it. What to keep, what to let go.

I'm leaving it here. My dogs are up and bugging for some reason -- I need to get to them before they wake up my hubby. Lunch with my aunties today. Later gators.