Twists and Turns

Little bit twisty and turny yesterday. 

The home inspection came back with a few areas of concern. I don't think enough that we will walk, but erosion concerns have me worried. There were a number of other things that were a bit upsetting too -- water flow in some areas was very slow -- both running and draining. The gas had been shut off for some reason and none of HVACS or appliances could be evaluated. That's a problem. A long list of minor things that aren't a big deal -- tighten a loose screw kind of thing. 

This feels heavy and feels like bad news (other shoe). I haven't discussed with hubby yet because the report came back after I went to bed. I don't much about anything construction related so maybe it's not as bad as it seems. There were no red light concerns -- only moderate.

I'm also feeling sick now -- rundown, etc. Not horribly "cold" symptoms, but more body fatigue. That's probably a combination of this chest cold and my period. I still plan to hike today. I expect it'll do me more good than harm, but I also wonder if I should be pushing myself. 

I know some of this overwhelm feeling is because I don't feel well, but man, I'm feeling pressure right now. Hubby wants our house on the market ASAP even though we talked about not rushing. I'm worried all over the place about everything.

Not an upbeat post this morning. I feel like I'm losing my centering anchors. We need to de-personalize spaces in the house and my creative, calming areas are going away for now. It's going to be a long bit before things are set up in the new house -- I don't want to rush designing the spaces. Everything is very different in the new house. 

I know, not really problems and very privileged concerns. I know. And yet, I'm feeling it right now. 

I'm leaning hard on remembering to enjoy the process. It's working better some days than others. Today's not one of them lol.

I'll leave it here. I plan something more upbeat tomorrow. Later gators.

Holiday Cold

I have a chest cold starting. Seems like what the kids had -- my plans are still on for today though. I let my aunt make the decision. I need to text friends about the hike tomorrow. People deserve to choose whether they want germ exposure. I don't feel great, but I think it's more that I got my period too. Double whammy. 

I expect this won't actually cancel any plans this week unless I get really sick. I started the zinc supplement so hopefully that helps.

The afternoon hike yesterday was a good group. We had storms in the morning and the trails were a mess with downed trees and debris though. Made for an interesting hike -- lots of maneuvering. We hiked under blue skies so no threats of more trees toppling. 

I'm starting to have mini panic attacks about everything wedding related -- woke up a couple of times from stress dreams. I'm going to make a strong push next week to get some of the details finished (not this week because of the holiday). That'll make me feel better.

I have another full day, but taking a mid-day break for lunch with my aunt. We're going to see the house (home inspection today). It should be fun. Home to finish putting away Christmas -- I'm almost there. Then a quiet evening. I need to rest up. Chest cold and my period mean my body is under stressors. An easy evening and early bed sound good. Tomorrow is an early morning. 

Last couple of days of 2024. It was a fast year and ending with a big bang. Hope you are excited for what 2025 brings (minus the asshole in office). Later gators.

The Other Shoe

Another productive day in the books. Fun dinner last night. Storms moved through without a problem. Looks like hike will be on for this afternoon. Check, check, check.

Now switching gears to what's on my mind because my mind gets weird. 

It's the "other shoe" syndrome. Things are going well. Things I've wished for, wanted, journaled about, etc all seem to be happening now -- at rather lightening speed. I've been grateful and happy and excited. New friends, healthy back, deeper connection with old friends, move to a walking town, fun wedding events, travel, better hiking, crafting, fun with our grandson. The list goes on.

And now I'm freaking out a little (and sometimes a lot). The other shoe dropping (in an equal and opposite direction) is terrifying and probably not true, but my mind is locking in on this possibility. WHY BRAIN, WHY?!?!

It's the worst in the morning and right before bed (of course). So I'm in one of the "worst" times as I write this morning. It'll pass once the sun is up. We've also had a number of people tangentially in our lives (or formally in our lives) who are going through terminal health issues. This is weighing on me. Sometimes this motivates me to "live now" and other times it makes me want to hide safely under the covers.

Safety feels, well, safe. Adventure feels too risky and I'm in full adventure mode. Therefore, I don't FEEL particularly safe right now (even though I probably am just as safe as before). I know safety is mostly an illusion, but not completely. 

I keep reminding myself I WANT adventure and variety and to live with curiosity. That's a full life. And when I say adventure, it's adventure by my definition. I'm not scaling mountains lol. There is no literal danger. 

There's also a little piling on -- I feel guilty for not delighting in my good fortune when I know what others are going through. Doubling the bad feelings. 

Using coaching techniques, I'm remembering to be understanding to myself. Of course I feel this way. Of course I have perspective too. I'm also allowing this part of me to be scared and explaining it's okay. Telling the scared parts that I'm handling things -- I've got us. Scary is a part of adventure. I've made it through a lot of scary things and been more than okay. If the scary happens, I'll be okay again.

Thanks for listening. It usually helps to write things out. Sun is coming up and I'm already starting to feel better.

Hope you're having a good weekend. Later gators.

Spicy Mix

Mostly another ta-da. I finished the pantry (forgot pictures) and half the kitchen cabinets. I ran out of time before the errand and hike -- after the hike I wasn't in the mood.

Right before the hike, I found out an old friend from our very first neighborhood (we've stayed somewhat connected through social media) had died. It was a shock -- heart goes out to her family. I guess I'm at an age that this kind of news is more frequent. It makes you pause and take inventory of what's important and appreciate your health. 

Anyway ... the hike. Oh boy. There was a moment. I won't go into the entire story, but one middle aged man thought the rest of us needed to accommodate his slow pace, frequent stops, shoes untying (apparently every time he hikes), etc. even though the hike write up was very clear what was expected. He was rude and entitled. So I spoke up. It was a thing. I don't regret any of it but I was spicy (I was direct and to the point). I said this wasn't the hike I signed up for and he was the outlier. 

It made for an interesting hike, but I'm glad I spoke up. I'm tired of staying quiet to avoid feeling uncomfortable when someone is acting this way. I ended up going ahead of the hike leader with another woman and we finished about 30 minutes ahead of them. The leader texted me last night and all is well. 

That said, the hike felt good. I needed to be outside and walking. Speaking up also felt good. A little uncomfortable, but good. Another hike on Sunday if the weather holds -- it's iffy. This one is fast.

Today is an all day organization. Finishing the kitchen and working smaller areas. Nothing hard, but it'll be long. I'm really, really, really happy I finished the harder areas first. 

Then -- fun. Meeting friends for an early dinner in our new town. Yea and yea. Also, got the ask to babysit for New Years. I can't wait. I'm not waiting until the house crazy is finished to enjoy things. 

Hope you have a good weekend. Later gators.

Ta-Da

First list done and dusted. It was as hard as I expected, but the primary closet and bath look nice now and feels good to be purged and organized. I donated a lot and trashed a couple of big trash bags. It was long overdue. The list included a few other things -- water indoor plants (it's an undertaking) and both invitations. Relieved to have the day finished.

Today's list is easier, but my schedule is tighter with the hike and running an errand for the kids (everyone is really sick). I'll see what I can get finished. I have wiggle room on the rest of the days to catch up or get ahead. Yesterday was the marathon day.

Still keeping me in the mix of these days. I painted toes and fingers this morning. Sloppy nails drive me nuts for some reason. No time for a pedicure, so I opted for a home version. Hike this afternoon. TV and new book this evening. Last night I finished a young adult mystery that highlights Indian culture -- "Where Wolves Don't Die" (Anton Treuer). It was a quick read and pretty good. I can see that younger readers would enjoy the story and mystery. I like new-book-pick day. 

I finished the 25 for 2025 list. It's an interesting mix this year. I'll do the usual January posts about 2024 in review and 2025 going forward. Still taking time to reflect and plan.

Quick post today and no pictures. I should've done and before/after of the closet. I'm going to rock paint (as I let my nails cure) and then get started on the pantry organization. It's mostly moving appliances out of the pantry and into the basement storage shelves to give the pantry a roomier look. Wipe down, stack, etc. I should remember pictures this time.

Hope your year is wrapping up well. Later gators.

Boxing Day

How was Christmas? We had a good holiday. My youngest hosted Christmas Eve. I brought the main dishes, but he did a great job with everything else. 

Grand-baby was really sick with a juicy, snotty cold (which I'm sure I'll be seeing in a day or two). It put a damper on our first Christmas with him, but he's a real trooper. Tired parents too. 

Christmas Day was fun. I'm glad I was well prepped for our little group. I did all the things that I planned, even with a toned down day. Christmas craft ornaments were a hit. Food was good. Two taste-off contests for chocolate and pound cake. I piped fancy buttercream and made flavored whipped cream. Little touches that made me happy even though the day wasn't what we expected. 

Today begins the MASSIVE house organization ahead of putting it on the market. I'm starting with the heavy hitters (eat the frog first). By Monday I SHOULD be mostly finished with just miscellaneous areas left to organize. First up -- primary closet and bathroom. Biggest of all -- even more than the kitchen and pantry tomorrow because I need to make a lot of decisions on what to keep in my closet. That will require trying on, thinking, etc. 

Lord help me.

And, I'm still putting some me-stuff on the calendar. Hiking Friday and Sunday afternoons. Maybe a visit with my grandson if he's feeling better. The house stuff will get done. I have more time than I'm giving myself. The realtor comes next Thursday and we go from there -- it's fine to still have areas left to prep. The house won't be on the market until probably end of January. 

I've already hit my to-do list hard this morning. Wedding stuff doesn't stop for a house sale or Christmas and I'm in total wedding/shower planning mode. Written rehearsal dinner invites finished (waiting to mail because the post office was out of stamps!!!) and I sent electronic shower invites this morning.

I'm grateful my energy is better and grateful for a healthy back {knocks wood}. I've been going at top speed and my endurance is holding well. I expected a toned down January and that's exactly NOT what's happening. I've been working hard on changing my attitude about it. Saying it's "so much, too much, so hard" isn't helping. I'm focusing on the fact that this is good and making a point to enjoy the process. It's actually working reasonably well. I might have a meltdown (or two) in my future, but I'm being pretty chill otherwise.

And, if you know me --- that's a shock!

No pictures since dang bots and I don't want to share my grandson's photo but I'll leave with this little poem. Later gators.

Christmas Eve Eve

Home sweet home. I had a really nice weekend with my DIL's friends and family. I forgot how much I like Philadelphia. Travel was smooth, Ubers uneventful, food fantastic, walking around lovely. We had some pretty snow showers with big flakes. I felt like I was in a Christmas movie walking around with the lights and snow.

I think I "fixed" the photo problem. Here's a little taste of the trip -- loaded in reverse because that's what it does lol.

Vegan and 0% proof wine.
Ate two meals here.

Shower brunch.

Tiffany mosaic in lobby -- incredible

Philly!!!

Cute coffee show

Vegan restaurant --
Nona's Meatballs.

Squash soup and 0% Wine

I'm in my "color" phase
Found it everywhere

Art neighborhood just
a mile from my hotel

Cool details everywhere

I stayed in the across from Independence Hall in a beautiful historic area. Walked down the street and it switched to a happy hipster neighborhood. I shopped vintage, used books, vegan meals, cool coffee shops. So many row home stoops decorated for Christmas. It was really magical.

A few people at the shower recommended I walk to Rittenhouse Square for shopping. It was too crowded and the stores were all big names. It was a good walk, but a bust otherwise. 

I brought 3 books and read them all. Everyone was so good.

Author I heard speak last month.
I expected it to be meh, but it
was really well written
and interesting story.

Super short.
Little feel good book.

Really good suspense.

I'm hitting the ground running for a switch to Christmas. Baked the 7 day cookies last night and am up to hit Whole Foods when it opens. 

We are meeting the builder to discuss the basement details and the fencing later today. 

Note to self: REMEMBER IT'S ALL GOOD THINGS

I'm still oscillating between "oh my god" and "this is awesome" with the house. The former is because of all the work we need to do to sell this house and make the move. I hope the visit today will tip me more to the excited side again.

Christmas Monday -- hope the week is a good one for you. Later gators.

Looks Like We're Moving

Offer was accepted and written up. I'm much more excited than I am nervous -- this must be a good sign. Final signing today. We signed last night but there was a glitch so we're doing it again today.

I tried to get as much as I could get done for Christmas prep yesterday. Adding to next week is Monday afternoon meeting to plan the basement construction and fencing. That kills my cooking prep time. Everything important will get finished and what's left doesn't really matter. It's already a scaled down Christmas Eve and that feels better.

It's all good things. And, as usual, I need to remember to enjoy it and not be mentally checked out into what's next. 

Speaking of good things -- hiking the mountain hike today. It's a strong hike and I like the challenge. Debuting the camelback -- I'll see if I can figure it out. Lunch after with all of us. Hiking with friends is nice. I like the hiking group a lot, but this is another level of fun. 

I'm still adding in some little things that make me happy. I spent time this morning doing Christmas drawings on packages. Crafty-me is relaxed-me. I'm looking forward to Martha Beck's book in January -- all about creativity as the antidote to anxiety. 

Next up is a weekend in Philadelphia. I'm bringing my FS along and expecting a really nice holiday cheer kind of weekend. Big city, decorated for Christmas, cold front. Classic holiday moment. I'm also bringing myself -- not modifying to fit in or fit the mold of others. Being just who I am. That wasn't always the case. I'd often try to "match" with who I'd see, what they like, etc. I like showing up as myself. And, I find I like people who do the same.

Dreadful packing is still looming for this afternoon. I have some of the things prepped and a few things worked out in my mind. Lord knows this shouldn't take hours, but with me, you never know.

I was so stinking tired from not sleeping well for days, that I couldn't think to pack yesterday. It's okay. That's the only thing I "need" to do this evening.

Pictures are not loading from my phone to my computer for some reason. I've checked and googled -- so no pictures until it works out. I have a few things left to try -- including taking photos off live mode. Screenshots download, but not photos. Strange. Problem for another day though.

Hope you are having a good week. Later gators.

Groundhog Day

We are back to where we were a few days ago with ANOTHER house. Put an offer in yesterday and we wait. This one fits better, but is more $$. My nerves are shot. Nervous about both outcomes. And this will hit up against travel anxiety this week. Fun times in this crazy head of mine.

Today is my last day of Christmas prep before I leave for Philadelphia. Crunch time. Hubby is in Asheville for the day for a service call so can pack in peace and add a few Christmas prep things into the mix. 

I painted a couple of rocks to help keep some sanity. (Photos aren't importing correctly -- so just this one picture)

Added some decor to the car
after this pictures. It's so cute.

Tomorrow is a day I kept for me. Challenging hike and lunch with friends. Looking forward to it even though timing isn't great. Keeping me on the calendar as a priority even when life is a bit hectic -- it feels good, but it's not easy.

I really need a good night's sleep. I wake up and my mind races. I try to stop the ruminating, but it's not working right now. I was awake from 10-2 last night, tossing and turning. Frustrating. I almost fell asleep reading at the hairdresser's yesterday. Last night I dreamt about trying to find a place to take a nap. Dang, brain -- do better.

Still trying to remember telling myself everything is hard, overwhelming, stressful isn't exactly true and certainly doesn't help to feel better. Tell a better story. Same truth, different perspective. Work in progress.

Hope your week is going well. Later gators.

Yep.

I wasn't wrong about the day, but I wasn't as bummed as I expected.

I left for the hike. In the dark. In the pouring rain. Got halfway there (30 minutes in) and hike was canceled. Should I have made that decision for myself? Probably not. Pulling off a full qualifier hike at the last minute is a big ding against the "politeness" rules of the club. I wish I hadn't gotten up so early, drove so far -- and for nothing, but what can you do. The rain forecast changed for the worse. 

That gave me some found time and I made the little Christmas craft from IG.

Then we got the news that we lost the bid for the house. Mostly relief, but a little feeling of scarcity -- will we find another house that works for us? Location, price, etc. It's not easy in that area. Now I feel a bit like I have one foot out the door on this house. I'll need to sort out some feelings on everything. I believe it was for the best though. Just feelings running a little crazy right now (which they would be even crazier if we got the house).

What I need to manage is feeling in limbo. We spent most of our married life this way. Hubby was always on the edge of a transfer and we lived that way. I don't want to do that again. We might move in 2025 and we might not. My garden phase 2 will proceed as planned (unless a move is eminent). We're making a few improvements to the house to get ready to move, but also get to live with the improvements. We often do the things ahead of a move and never get to enjoy them ourselves. I'm looking at you, carpets. 

Anyway, the real disappointment is not moving to a walking town. I'm extremely ready for that change. However, I think we were romanticizing some of that a bit -- caught in the excitement. 

So back to my question ... how can I live this now? That's the way out of limbo. 

Hope you're set for a good week in this busy run to the end of the year. I have a full day, but I'm grabbing some fun too. Later gators.

Bummer Day?? Probably.

It seems in the evening I don't want to move and in the morning I do. They have multiple offers on the house and we were asked for a final offer. We submitted the same offer because it's a strong one and that's as far as we want to go.

We probably won't get the house. I think I'm edging to a little more disappointed than relieved. We went back yesterday to clarify some work we're asking them to do in the yard (other offers are asking the same) and I liked the house even more than the first time. We also scooted over for a coffee before I met the kids downtown and that was kind of the heart of why we want to move -- walkable, community, etc.

All emotions aside, I believe what is meant to happen does. If we get the house it's good for us, if we don't there's a reason why.

We should know by today. 

About today ... I have a qualifier hike and rain showers are predicted for most of the hike. I'm super on the fence, but I'll go and have a hike -- maybe not the qualifier I want, but some time outside. I wish it was a clear decision either way (no rain, pouring rain). AND, the bathrooms don't open before the hike. Dang and double dang. I'm going to need to leave extra early to find a bathroom after the hour drive. 

This afternoon I'm continuing Christmas baking. I baked a pound cake yesterday -- I'll freeze it today. I have an extremely full week until next Monday. No time to diddle around. As I've said before -- why can't I find a balance? I go through these periods where I'm totally over-scheduled for what feels good and then nothing. I don't enjoy the holidays when I'm spread this thin. 

And, as I said before, maybe it's a matter of attitude and perspective. Maybe I'm not spread too thin. Maybe I'm having a great couple of weeks, full of all the parts of life. Hmmmm. Still pondering.

I painted a rock yesterday. Fairy door. I found another quick, fun project that I want to try too. Not sure if I can squeeze it in this week though.

Making time to paint rock
always makes me happy.

I'm planning a bummer day. I don't expect to qualify for the hike (rain and slippery will slow me down) and I expect to hear we didn't get the house. Neither is actually bad, but both are disappointing. Defeatist attitude? Maybe, but it seems realistic given the circumstances. There's that 50-50 again -- yesterday was a really good day. I know both have a dash of hope still, but neither are leaning toward being what I think is a "win." Part of life (and I fight it every time). And, also, maybe both NOT working out IS actually a win in ways I can't see yet. 

Okay, best get going. It's an early morning. Later gators.

And We Wait ...

As expected, house was a mixed bag for me AND as it seems to usually happen for us, there's another offer coming in from yesterday morning. Hubby wants the house and we put in an offer. We won't get into a bidding war, so I expect we'll lose the house.

I'm a little disappointed and a little relieved. This feels like such a 50-50 thing for me. 

We'll know soon.

As you can imagine, my nervous system is in overdrive. And nothing is bad. I want to control this better. It's annoying to get so worked up over "good" things.

I have a qualifier hike with my hiking group tomorrow. If I pass, I'll get to hike at a higher level. I passed once before but it expired -- and I made the time by only 90 seconds and I felt like death on the last mile. I gave it everything to finish. Geez. No room for breaks, slow down, etc. This has me up in arms too. I refuse to drop the hike because I'm nervous I can't finish in the allotted time. If I don't, I know how much I need to improve and I get a good morning hike. Why am I nervous?!?! See? Crazy things get me all wound up. I will drop if it rains and that's a possibility -- hike is mostly rock climbs and it'll be too slippery. 

Today I'm heading downtown Atlanta to meet the kids at the rehearsal dinner restaurant to finalize a few more details and try more food options.

If there's no house stuff, I'm switching gears to Christmas prep. Baking (to freeze) this afternoon and tomorrow. But first, I need to plan and grocery shop. 

I can't seem to find a balance between not-enough and too-much. I'm in too much mode right now. Of course, I wonder if it's really too much or I'm just telling myself it's too much. What's wrong with full days full of good things?? 

I'm going to try to clean up my attitude and see if that helps.

I miss coaching. I could use it now. 

I have a mostly free morning and I'm going to use it wisely. Christmas food planning and rock painting on the agenda for a little bit of to-do and a little bit of creativity. Both will help.

Later gators.

Move in Motion

I started the new future-self exercise (Martha Beck -- perfect day) and since then life is MOVING at lightening speed.

I'm excited.

I'm scared.

I have such a strong desire to hit the brakes and I know that's a fear response. (But is it also a safe and responsible thought?)

I ask and desire and hope for this new life -- and it's showing up and I'm freaking out. 

What to do? I don't know. I'm asking for so many "signs" from the universe and meditating and journaling. 

We look at a house today that fits a lot of our FS list -- a lot. And it's a bit off in other areas. And it's unclear in other areas. Not a home-run, but potentially a solid hit that would be a good jumping off point for this new plan.

Is this enough of a fit? Should we wait and continue to look? The ways it fits are very unusual (like solar panels and net-zero build) and that will be unlikely to replicate. 

Hubby is already packing bags. I'm hitting the breaks. 

I guess time will tell. Looks like we are doing a move though. Plans are in motion -- just when and where to figure out. 

On another note -- hiked with a friend yesterday. We got turned around and ended up over 8 miles which felt really good. P.S. the hike was walkable from the house we're looking at today. Crazy close. I drove by the house on the way there and the way home. 

I also got rosacea medications worked out -- that was a surprise and a relief. Ran Christmas errands. Did the volunteer obligation. It was a long, full, lovely day. Hit so many FS moments and I want more of it. Why? Because it feels good and right for me and expansive.

Here's the last of the new Christmas decor I got with grandkids in mind. It can be inside or outside.

He lights up -- not showing
up in the picture.

I'm still feeling behind in Christmas prep, but I'm making some progress. I should be in much better shape by Monday. 

Why have our family weddings and baby all happened right after the holidays? Do better, kids!! What's wrong with the summer, early fall?? Dang. Makes me want to skip Christmas and hide under the covers. Why am I like this? Reminding myself this is the byproduct of a full and good life. 

Okay, I could ramble about my nerves forever this morning. Update on the house situation tomorrow. One bit of me wants to love it; another bit wants to hate it and be done for now. 

Later gators.

Mr. Christmas

It's another early morning -- first thing dermatology appointment. I changed a rosacea medication and I'm having a flair-up. I need to go back to that medication. Insurance stopped covering it and it went from $50 to $500. The cream lasts about 6 months though (maybe longer) so I need to bite the bullet and buy it. Unfortunately, I'm a year out from my last appointment so I need to "be seen" to get a renewal. 

I have hiking plans immediately after. Then errands. Then another volunteer commitment. Full day ahead.

I ordered a few Christmas decorations from MrChristmas.com. Vintage inspired, but modern technology and so fun for little kids. There's one more -- need to install the batteries.

Plays the sheet music.
It's such a pretty decoration
in person too.

Blow on his candle and tree
lights go out. Blow again
and they come back on.

Next up on Christmas prep is food. I got the meat from Costco yesterday. I have to bake, menu plan, etc. It's a lot considering I'm out of town for a long weekend next week. I also need to finish up Christmas shopping. Stockings and a few toys for the little guy. Oh, and I have nothing for hubby yet. Geez -- cue the panic. 

It all gets finished somehow, but I don't like the feeling of being behind. I'm excited about the trip to Philadelphia, but the timing isn't good. 

I'm tempted to take "me" things off on the calendar, but nope, nope. It's tempting though.

I worked a little on my end-of-year/new-year lists, reviews, etc. Setting intentions for the year works well for me. I never complete it all, but it helps to design a year that feels good. I get closer than I expect each year. I also like marking the new year -- honoring the year. Rituals can be a way to make time feel richer. 

I'll end on that waxing poetic note. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Progress

Busy beaver yesterday -- I made some good progress on wedding and holidays. 

I finished decorating which is pared down again this year, but reorganized the bins. It took a long time but was very overdue. Since I haven't been using everything for the last few years, things got jumbled and mislabeled in bins, etc. I also have some give-away and donation piles. 

I decorated some ME spaces this year. A little bit in my office (after book tree got knocked over), a little bit on a tray in my bathroom and a little bit in the bedroom. Spots I see everyday. 

A gift idea for the family this year is framed pictures of special moments -- bachelor party group picture, best friend picture from a wedding, etc. Hello, CVS same day photos. I got some black wooden frames on Amazon. All this to say, I wrapped them with a little craftiness I saw on IG. The brown paper is from Amazon packing material that I rolled onto an empty paper towel roll. Works great -- a little wrinkled, but that adds character.

Christmas paper my aunt
gave me -- bit thicker
than wrapping paper.

Experimenting on size,
but I like the monotoned
look too.

I ordered lots of tags and such for the shower, found invitations for the rehearsal dinner, contacted some venders, etc. Nexts steps in the process.

I'm having a nervous fit about the house we saw online (and plan to see this weekend). It's really, really close to what we want -- maybe close enough to consider and that stresses me to the MAX. I actually hope we don't like it because the thought of a move is beyond overwhelming. Maybe overwhelming enough to pass on a house that fits because I can't manage all the things right now. I need the comfort of my house and garden and pretty office space and nice neighbors. Lifelines in a scary time. We'll see. This is a worry for "not today" though.

Best get moving. Up early for a volunteer obligation this morning. Hope you are having a good week. Later gators.

Housing Hunting

Did I mention that hubby and I are doing a little house looking in a town that's a bit closer to the thick of things we do, more inclusive, more diverse, and has a community feeling?

We toured a house on Saturday -- great location, interesting, but didn't fit our needs. Hubby found another house and it's a bit closer to what we want. We hope to see it this weekend. I took a ride and looked at the neighborhood yesterday. Not a bullseye, but not a 'no' either. I didn't have a lot of time to drive around and it was rainy with heavy fog -- not best day to peruse. 

This isn't the house I see in the FS visualizations, but I think this could be a stepping stone of "how can I live this now." Hubby wanted to move further out before retiring, but now feels it's too far. I agree (always felt that way). The problem is I love my house here. I feel at home and settled. The thought of a move is daunting -- especially ahead of the wedding. Maybe this will take some time -- we want to be picky because we can. Also, a bit worried to make an unnecessary move during these unpredictable times. 

Anyway ... it's fun to look, fun to imagine. As Mary Oliver says ... something like ... you have one wild and precious life, what do you plan to do? 

We found out a friend from when our kids were little had a medical emergency at 60 and is now on the heart transplant list at level one. Puts things in perspective and reminds you if not now, when do you live the life you want?

I was tight on time looking at the neighborhood because I decided to get the COVID booster. I've been waiting since I had COVID in June and wanted protection closer to the wedding. This week fit the bill in case I didn't feel well. So far, nothing but a sore arm. 

I also got a few prickly things off my to-do list yesterday. That always feels good. Today is much of the same -- unscheduled day to do things for me and some stuff from my list. Tomorrow starts the "work" part of my week. Doing as much as I can AND spending time on things that I enjoy is a good way to spend the day. Once again, I need to remember to use the time well. 

No sofa slug needed. 

But ... this is totally okay.

Hope your week is going well. Later gators.

Granny Hat is Pretty Darn Awesome

It was an amazing weekend. I love this little boy and I love being a Granny. And, as the old adage goes, I loved returning him to his parents. 

We did all the things -- including out to an early dinner with friends. It was so fun getting to know him well. Baby hugs are the best.

And I crashed into a vat of chips and chocolate last night. I had just lunch food prepared (mistake), kids were late by 4 hours (surprise) and I was tired and hungry. Not my best planning or choices. I had the baby by myself since hubby left early morning for a business trip. He has a cold so I decided not to take him out of the house to pick up food. That left me with nothing for dinner and no interest in trying to cook something. I planned to run out after they picked him up but it was late. I thought they were on the way, but they hadn't even left Nashville yet. The final few hours were tough -- trying to keep a tired baby awake and entertained. I could have just gone to bed and called it a day after they left, but I wanted to unwind -- so, you guessed it, snack attack. 

Taking the loss and moving on. 

Today I have NOTHING out of the house. Two days of steady rain ahead. I need a regroup and a catch up day. I haven't planned out the week yet but I have a few things toward the end. The next "big" calendar is the trip to Philly in 2 weeks for the wedding shower. This gives me a little time to pace myself {*big sigh*}. 

As usual, the goal is to not waste this time -- use it to relax and craft and ponder new year, etc. I don't need to refresh by sitting on the sofa for 2 days and snacking which leaves me feeling shitty by the end. I have a solo Monday and Tuesday this week with nothing on the calendar and I want to come out of those days feeling refreshed and ready for the rest of the week. This includes getting a few to-dos off my list in the name of getting organized. 

Mantra for the rest of December

Hope you are set for a good week. You know how last week felt like found days (never-ending Sundays), this week feels rushed. Today has Sunday vibes all over it, but it's Monday. I can't forget where I am in the week -- geez. Have a good one. Later gators.

Granny Hat Weekend

Today starts the BIG 3 days of Granny-ing. I'm excited and nervous. I wish I could keep my feelings to just excitement. That's what I'm hoping by the end of the weekend -- tired, but good tired and lots of fun. He's a little sick and after an antibiotic, he's having big diaper explosions. This will test my Granny ability as we try to take him out and about for the first time solo. Like riding a bike?!?! Fingers crossed.

I'm happy for the kids to have their big bachelor and bachelorette weekend. Safe and fun.

Hubby knocked over my book tree. He HAD to do something with that window (it didn't need to be done anytime soon). I'm annoyed and disappointed. I miss the lights this morning. I don't have the interest in rebuilding it. I barely have any other decorations up -- need to focus there instead.

I listened to the last podcast from SCS as she ends the entire program. Listening to it made me really happy that I ended my membership early. It was the right decision. These last few months were about her and good-byes.

That said, I'm grateful for the program. I KNOW I'm doing life more aligned with what I want thanks to the coaching. I have an extra dose of family stress with the upcoming wedding and I'm handling myself in a way that I never would've without working on my inner crap. It's these times that I really understand the impact of coaching.

It's getting to be end of the year review and 2025 list time. I've started thinking about it. I probably won't write about it until January -- maybe a bit in December. I'm choosing a word-of-the-year this year. I haven't done that for several years. When I listened to Gretchen Rubin's podcast of their words for 2025, a word came to mind and I like it. Remember when I did a Christmas song a day for December? That was fun too. 

BTW, I didn't go to the class yesterday. Listened to my gut -- germs are EVERYWHERE right now and I'm trying to stay clear. It was a good decision. 

I probably won't check in again until Monday. The baby is an early riser too and Granny-ing is two hands on the wheel kind of job.

Wish us luck. Later gators.

Stick to Basics

The week is chucking along. My volunteer position is in a work phase -- usually the case before a court date. Decorating is SLOW, but moving forward. Getting ready to have the grand baby for 3 days so trying to cook ahead (for me), etc.

I pulled a batch of carrots from the garden. We are in full freeze now and I didn't think they'd do well overwintering. I have 2 small batches that are little bits and I'm leaving them, but they might not be ready before I start the spring garden prep (adding soil, etc).

I got fancy yesterday and decided to try a side dish (SmittenKitchen) for Christmas dinner. French onion lentil bake. It's horrible and it was so much work. Too greasy, mushy, odd -- not worth trying to modify or see if I can do better with it. Lots of wasted time and ingredients down the drain. I had another recipe to make today, but I'm bagging it. Sticking to the tried and true basics.

There's a free library class tonight (the 2nd FS thing on the calendar this week). Making journals. I'm on the fence because so many people are sick right now. Sitting for 2 hours next to people might not be wise. But, I'm really interesting in this class. Oh, what to do?!?! It's going to be a last minute decision, but I'm leaning toward not going. 

BTW, the hike on Tuesday was really fun. It was not too cold at all. Put on a quarter zip and gloves and I was sweating by the end. The "founder" of the group sent out parameters for the group again -- one person opted out. She added a couple more people. I appreciate that she's setting boundaries that really amount to simple manners. She also happens to be following Priya Parker's parameters. 

I need to do some volunteer work first thing this morning -- overnight changes. Time to get moving. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Bosom Buddies?

Another flip-flop day. Guess this is the norm this week. No sense rehashing all the zig-zags, but the good news is I got most of my list finished. I have the next few days to finish and I think I'm in decent shape for the moving through December. 

I have a hike this morning and my stomach is not very happy (in the other direction). Hopefully that eases up -- I expect it will. A normal day of eating messed up my gut a bit. 

This is a harder hike with my hiking friend group. We have standing plans on Tuesdays. It's a group of 6 right now. Of course, some weeks people can't join, etc. However, there was a big exodus late last night -- too cold, I'm too busy, not sure. The "founder" of our little group sent a bitch-slap message and I'm here for it. She said she arranges her schedule with this commitment and last minute back-outs don't work. Decide ahead. (Obviously with understandable exceptions.) Too cold was already forecasted. 

I wonder if I'm in a honeymoon phase with this person or we're moving too fast in our friendship -- but, damn, I like her. And, she basically said the same thing to me. Is our perceived compatibility the real thing -- 'cause if it is, we are going to become good friends. Just that fact that we're both wondering the same thing and feeling it's too good to be true makes feel even MORE like a match. 

Our mutual friend who introduced us has known her and her husband for years. My husband used to play tennis with him. That vets a lot of areas. Hopefully, a month from now, I don't come back saying it's not what I thought. I want a friend like her. Go-getter, holds commitments, likes to do fun things, has a flexible schedule so we can meet during the week, likes early dinners, prefers lunches, laughs a lot, interesting conversations. See -- quite a catch lol!

Now I just need my stomach to settle so I don't become a back-out person (just saw the pun). 

Have a good day. Later gators.

A Hit and a Miss

I spent my recovery day working on Christmas crafts. One hit. One miss.

First the hit. I have an old ornament from when I was little and it's become a bit of a family lore story (too long and extra uninteresting to retell here). I'm making similar ones for Christmas table favors. Everyone is getting pictures important to them. Most of us are getting grand baby pictures, but I'm did a couple of others.

My new "thing" is same day picture ordering from CVS. So fast. So inexpensive. First I changed the pictures to Silvertone from editing. I like the vintage look with the soft gold lids.

I spray painted jar lids with some leftover paint, punched a hole with a journal making pick, hot glued holiday fabric and TA-DA.

The original. I had to replace
the ribbon which had disintegrated.

For my aunt.

The back.

I like to have a little crafty project on the Christmas dinner table.

The second project was a bust. I bought the candy -- couldn't find the colors I needed though. Peanut butter needed to be Christmas and topper just silver, but good enough to practice. I found long toothpicks with stars on top. Try as I might, I couldn't get the candy to hold. Toothpick won't go through the top candy. Double sided tape wasn't strong enough. Hot glue didn't even hold. Total bust. Oh well. I have candy to stuff the advent now. IG fail.

Little Christmas trees.

Today is jam-packed with lots of little things. Too many to-dos hanging around and I want to get organized. I already finished a few items this morning. 

The list is LONG and a bit aspirational. I probably won't get to everything, but it should be good progress.

If my stomach holds, I'll be hiking and lunching most of the day tomorrow. Time is ticking on many things and DOING relaxes me when the list itself becomes the stress.

Hope you are off to a good start to the week. Later gators.

The Day After

Definitely not a good night. I finally ran a temperature (not surprising with chills and a headache). I didn't take any meds because I couldn't stomach anything. Advil on a totally empty stomach isn't a good idea. I rode it out with the strangest dreams. 

This morning I had a piece of toast and tea -- both are settling well. My stomach isn't great, but the nausea is gone which feels so good. My headache is gone too. Basically left feeling run over and sore from being in bed for too long.

Fingers crossed that was the end. I'm not sure what today holds, but I'll take it easy. It's that strange state that you don't feel well enough to do anything, but you're not sleepy-tired and you are sick of sitting still. It's like an uncomfortable restlessness. The land between sick and well. 

My bed buddy this morning. He stays clear when you're sick (little germaphobe) so it's a good sign he jumped up for a cuddle.

I have an interesting mix of a week ahead. Nothing major but a couple FS things that I want to keep on the calendar. They're going to require a little bit of pushes (a night class, a hard hike). I also need to use this week for prep for the hosting events coming up. I can't lose an entire week. I've bought exact ZERO Christmas gifts. Nothing is decorated except my book tree. Eeek --stresses me out just thinking about it. I haven't done any of my holiday crafts either.

Of course, we end the week babysitting the grand baby for 3 days. So much fun and so much work. I'm excited and nervous. 

Breath. I can do all this. AND, I can enjoy all this. Hopefully. 

Hope you're set for a good week ahead. Later gators.

Unexpected Twist

I woke up this morning with a big list of stuff on my to-do list -- and a stomach ache. The thought of coffee was an absolute nope. I got everything finished by noon (including a report due for volunteering) and started puking up my guts. Guess that's good timing. 

I've been in bed with a stomach bug the rest of the day. Chills, headache, nausea. I took a 2 hour nap and seem to be a bit better this evening. I read a horror book -- "Diavola" (Jennifer Thorne) -- fast, fun, spooky read.

Everything kind of aches right now. No temperature which surprises me since I have muscle aches and chills. 

BEST part -- I have absolutely nothing left that I need to do tomorrow. I'd like to start decorating, but that's a wish not a must. I can lean into recovering. That rarely happens. I'm so grateful I finished my list this morning. Yea, this morning me hooked a sick girl up.

Yesterday's hike was nice. No sign of getting sick -- 9 miles, fast. Some of the hike is really technical and some is on paved paths. Nice mix. I tried to record the hike route, but my the app turned off in my pocket. I need to pull up on the watch next time.

Huge bird

Suspension bridge

Creek crossing. Some are a big
jump between -- no one fell
this time.

That's all from my sick bed. Turning off the lights and hoping to get comfortable. Later gators.

#OptOutside

Apparently REI made up a holiday and today is #OptOutside -- hence the hike with the hiking group. It's a chilly fall morning (finally) and I'm up early for a full morning hike. Good-for-me decision that feels less-good right now but I trust "past me" more than "right now me" almost every time.

Duke and I had a good run. I hope I didn't push my legs too much ahead of this hike. The creatine and testosterone are helping with recovery. I feel pretty good this morning.

Thanksgiving was really nice. A great group, delicious food, lots of laughs with a baby hamming it up for his audience. 

Colors of Thanksgiving

And, still I'm sad this morning with a side of dread. What is happening? Am I processing everything overnight and waking up with that still lingering? I'm counting on the hike to clear the webs today. I did something similar before hosting the baby shower (for months). Maybe this is that -- I'm hosting Christmas, spa shower, rehearsal dinner and semi-hosting our guests for the wedding weekend. The mother load of hosting. Hmmm, I hope the Priya Parker class helps. 

My recovery stats have been awesome for the last few weeks. I'm eating better and taking creatine and testosterone --  not sure if that's what's helping. I also wonder if protein intake is making a difference. I've had occasion to eat more animal and fish based protein and I wonder if my body likes it. I have nothing against animal based protein, but I tend to eat a more plant based. Interesting to experiment. Thanks, Turkey.

Okay, that's all from this early morning post Thanksgiving. Hope you are doing well. Doesn't feel like a Friday (feels like a Sunday). I guess this bodes well for a few "found" days ahead of the week. Later gators.

Happy Thanksgiving (hopefully)

I'm pleased with my rallied day. It wasn't perfect, but I let stuff roll off.

Meditation was good and I had a cry on the way to the food tasting which was even better (and probably long overdue). Thanksgiving is a big memory with my dad and the last time I saw him -- very long story, but I miss him the most at Thanksgiving. That combined with everything going on (lots of big feelings) prompted a cry when I heard a song on the radio. I'm much more relaxed today. I wish I could cry on command, but it takes a big old workup to get going. 

I visited a hair salon downtown for wedding hair and I'm excited about it. Then walked and found a local coffee shop and got a double decaf cortado. All before meeting the kids and my DIL's mother and sister for the food tasting. Little FS stuff helping the day along.

The wedding venue is amazing and the food tasting was spectacular. It's going to be a really great weekend. And, I let all the "drama" and comments and everything wash over me. I was myself and I had a nice time. 

It is super important to me these days to show up as myself -- when I do this in harder circumstances I'm all the more proud. It feels good.

Obviously, today is Thanksgiving. Hubby is still asleep so I have no idea if he's well enough to come. I have to make stuffing and mac&cheese. I prepped yesterday and realized I forgot to buy onions. I'll hit the store first thing this morning. What was I thinking? 

I'm planning to run at the park with Duke -- still some thunderstorms so it's a little up in the air. I have a 9 mile, hard hike tomorrow so I need to keep my legs fresh enough to handle the hills and the speed of this hike leader.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm ready for turkey and pie -- I rarely get either unless it's Thanksgiving and they are both favorites. Later gators. 

Up and Down

I rallied yesterday and had a good day. It was my choice -- and circumstances offered me very little challenges, so maybe it wasn't so much me lol.

Started by fixing the mess. I like it. Not sure how long the greens will last without water, but I have more on the porch in a bucket. I'm glad I did something just for me because the holidays are a lot about everyone else. Prioritizing this little project gave me a win first thing and that really boosted my mood. I'm determined to not get run over this December, but not completely confident in my determination -- hah.

Hike was good. We went a bit longer (yea) but the 2 new ladies were slow (had to wait many times for them to catch up) and one was very late (unapologetically and then commented on the time we were finishing). Not a good-foot start in my book. We finished late because we started 30 minutes late because of YOU.  Neither is available next week and I kind of hope they don't stay regulars. This is a HIKING group and I know they are pushing for some gentle walks and lunch. That said, I can be a little more patient and a little more open. (But, strike one ...)

I made the cranberry sauce and froze the turkey slices and that leaves just 2 dishes to make Thanksgiving morning. Easy peasy. 

All this goodness and I woke up with moody feels again. Dread. Stress. Sad. Lots of things stirring under the surface and I'm trying to allow feelings and still enjoy all the good things.

Hubby woke up early and said he's sick with a tummy thing -- not the same thing as the kids, but he's staying home from golf. That frees me up to work on some wedding things while I'm downtown at the food tasting, BUT if it's contagious -- goodbye Thanksgiving AGAIN THIS YEAR. 

See ... mood over nothing but possibility of something happening.

Lord help me. Will my mind ever relax? 

On that note, time to get moving. It's an early day again and I really, really need time to meditate this mood. Later gators.

Try, Try Again

I'm fighting an uphill battle to keep my week peaceful. I suppose just the idea of "fighting" is part of the problem. Challenges abound. Why?!? Because I'm currently practicing this FS version and the universe is giving me opportunities to get better. That's an Eckhart Tolle theory -- if you ask for more patience, the universe answers by giving you more opportunities to practice patience. Moral of story -- don't ask for patience (my theory).

But I have been asking for this FS version. How can I live it now? Practice is the answer I guess.

Thanksgiving drama, wedding drama, volunteer drama. All wiggling out my creative time and what I want for balance. Trying to keep ME on the calendar this week is proving harder than I thought. Trying to keep my emotional peace is also harder than I thought.

Here's my creative project from yesterday. I managed the destroy phase but got stopped short of create phase. Instead of creating holiday delight, I made a big mess.

Current situation

Inspirational picture from IG

I'm up and ready to try again today to balance, find peace, enjoy the day, not preemptively stress about what's on the calendar. 

Can I do it? I don't have tremendous faith, but I press on looking for small victories. I'm getting off the computer to let it do an update and I'm putting on Christmas music and giving the book tree another try. 

Hike and lunch with friends. More holiday cooking. Smoothing out some drama. Maybe a better day -- choice is mine. I can't win the week, but I can look smaller for some good.

Later gators.

What a Day :)

It WAS food poisoning -- that totally sucks for the kids. Sicker than dogs. They recovered by evening, but were in that stage of feeling like a Mac truck hit hard. We kept the baby until bedtime. Hard day for them, but such a fun day for us. He was a doll and we loved every moment.

2 hour nap cuddle.
He's still recovery
from an ear infection.

It's a lot of energy entertaining a 9 month old though and we made a HUGE mistake of playing the Baby Shark song and now that lives in our brains with no way to extract it. {starts singing it right now} We were warned. Lived 54 years without hearing the song, but that peace is over forever.

An entire babysitting day put me behind for this packed week, but it was SO, SO worth it. 

Now for the week ahead. Eeek. So much to do AND I decided to make sure I keep my life on the calendar too. I'm looking for the little moments of quiet and creativity -- it helps keep me grounded. I've said 'no' to a few things (or at least bumped them to next week). Hiking -- which takes so much more time than a Peloton ride, but it gives back a lot more. 

All of this is good progress for me. Product of a full life. AND keeping balance. I scaled down Thanksgiving expectations too. This balance is what I'm working toward and I'm really glad for some headway.

And I have anxiety that I'm trying to handle with those things for me -- hiking, meditation, quiet creativity, etc. Can't seen to get the anxiety to go away. Waking up in the night with absolute panic. Dang.

On that note, I want to get moving on a few things. I need to use all parts of the day -- full life, right?! Hope you're set for a good week ahead. Later gators.

HH pinecones on the walk path.
A bit of winter decoration
for the planter -- little
pockets of creativity for me.

Well, That Suddenly Changed

The sleepover postponement was a big old disappointment. Poor baby -- ear infection, but should be on the mend very soon.

This week is filled with good stuff and some dread stuff (writing a complicated court report for one). I'm trying to manage anxiety around the week. Suddenly it feels like too much of a week. But it isn't -- just some strange anxiety percolating. 

I had a particularly nice day yesterday. Brunch was great. Took the dogs to a park for a long walk. Read a new library read in bed for the evening. Something about cooler, darker nights is my jam. Only bummer was I broke a favorite mug I've had for over 20 years. Dang. It fell off my nightstand and hit on the fire extinguisher. Poor luck.

Today is a totally free day since we aren't babysitting now. What SHOULD I do ... the court report. What WILL I do ... remains to be seen. I have it one the calendar for Monday and ---

Just got a text from my eldest -- they both have food poisoning or a tummy bug. Geez. 

Now just got a call -- we need to take the baby. They're super sick. Guess I know what I'm doing today. Fingers crossed it's food poisoning and not a tummy bug.

Later gators.

Big Night Tonight

Slowly in recovery from my "lots of socializing" trip. The hike was restorative -- 3 of us, so I didn't have to over-talk. I declined lunch which was a good 'no' since I needed some recovery quiet. 

Snuck in a Trader Joe's run only to find out the turkey rumor of only small birds was false. Got a 15 lb bird for Thanksgiving. 

Dealt with a little family stir-up over Thanksgiving plans. I'm happy to say I'm going with the flow and letting everyone be who they want to be. Progress for me.

Next week I have 3 hikes planned. I'm in a phase of hiking-is-giving-me-life. I never come out of the woods without feeling better. Feeling better is super important right now and I'm going for it. I'm in a big state of do-what-feels-good -- and is good (i.e. snacking feels good, but it's a false good).

Today hubby and I are having a brunch date and then ... drumroll ... first overnight with our grandson. Wish us every bit of luck and good fortune. This is the practice run for the long weekend in 2 weeks. Eek. I'm not going to lie -- I'm nervous. It's going to be a lot of work and hard on my back. I hope taking care of a baby is like riding a bike.

UPDATE: Got a call -- baby is sick and pinkeye. No overnight. Lordy.

This morning I'll do an easy Peloton ride, arms workout and a longer meditation. All of this sounds really good. Slowing down into my body is a good exercise in being present. 

I let life be chaotic during November (maybe because it was) but I want to finish out this year being intentional about what I do and what I allow and what I feel. It's a daily practice and it worked well yesterday. Looking for the same today. 

Hope you have a good weekend. Later gators.

P.S. Last night sofa cuddles with Duke while watching Bad Sisters and Shrinking. He was completely leaning on my shoulder. Picture I sent to hubby when he asked where Duke was :) I got some downtime. 

Not the Best

So much traffic and accidents on the way home. Thankfully, we made it safely but it added a couple of hours to the trip. It was SO LONG. So long. So boring. So frustrating. Eek.

Back to business today. I have an early volunteer meeting, a hike with a friend and then home to gather life back together ahead of babysitting overnight this weekend. I wish I didn't agree to the hike because I have a lot to do and now an extra early morning, but I'll be glad I did it. I want to hike -- I don't want to talk!

I signed up for a longer hike the Friday after Thanksgiving. Am I doing too much? But scheduling the hike and making this effort IS the kind of person I'm striving to be -- no food coma Friday. Finding the balance is hard.

I'm tired, over-socialized and feel like resting, but as I said yesterday, sometimes my "rest" isn't good for me things. It's more like fall flat on my face rest that leaves me feeling crappy in another way. Can my rest be a gentle, active rest? Will that give me what I need? Do I need to fall on my face? Is the problem before the need to rest -- i.e. make life a little more quiet and gentle?

Questions. No answers.

And now I need to get in the shower because of that early meeting. Geez. Have a good day. Later gators.

Here's a new favorite poet for me ...

Interesting perspective

Good to remember