The Other Shoe

Another productive day in the books. Fun dinner last night. Storms moved through without a problem. Looks like hike will be on for this afternoon. Check, check, check.

Now switching gears to what's on my mind because my mind gets weird. 

It's the "other shoe" syndrome. Things are going well. Things I've wished for, wanted, journaled about, etc all seem to be happening now -- at rather lightening speed. I've been grateful and happy and excited. New friends, healthy back, deeper connection with old friends, move to a walking town, fun wedding events, travel, better hiking, crafting, fun with our grandson. The list goes on.

And now I'm freaking out a little (and sometimes a lot). The other shoe dropping (in an equal and opposite direction) is terrifying and probably not true, but my mind is locking in on this possibility. WHY BRAIN, WHY?!?!

It's the worst in the morning and right before bed (of course). So I'm in one of the "worst" times as I write this morning. It'll pass once the sun is up. We've also had a number of people tangentially in our lives (or formally in our lives) who are going through terminal health issues. This is weighing on me. Sometimes this motivates me to "live now" and other times it makes me want to hide safely under the covers.

Safety feels, well, safe. Adventure feels too risky and I'm in full adventure mode. Therefore, I don't FEEL particularly safe right now (even though I probably am just as safe as before). I know safety is mostly an illusion, but not completely. 

I keep reminding myself I WANT adventure and variety and to live with curiosity. That's a full life. And when I say adventure, it's adventure by my definition. I'm not scaling mountains lol. There is no literal danger. 

There's also a little piling on -- I feel guilty for not delighting in my good fortune when I know what others are going through. Doubling the bad feelings. 

Using coaching techniques, I'm remembering to be understanding to myself. Of course I feel this way. Of course I have perspective too. I'm also allowing this part of me to be scared and explaining it's okay. Telling the scared parts that I'm handling things -- I've got us. Scary is a part of adventure. I've made it through a lot of scary things and been more than okay. If the scary happens, I'll be okay again.

Thanks for listening. It usually helps to write things out. Sun is coming up and I'm already starting to feel better.

Hope you're having a good weekend. Later gators.