Lunch Date

I tried to "talk him out of it" lol, but INDOOR lunch date with my youngest is on for this afternoon (after the lunch crowd).  So when if I am sick in 3 days, it's all on me.  Eeek.

Spanish and a COVID risk -- yep, I'm a bit nervous this morning.  Wish me luck on both fronts.

SCS coaching call was good yesterday.  Friendship issues.  A friend who disappointed me without apology -- and now I can't let it go.  In the past, (not proudly) I would've been passive aggressive to get over it -- a little dig comment.  "New me" finds that speaking up and saying something in the moment works well, but in this case, I missed the moment because I couldn't find the words to say what I was feeling.  If I speak up, I don't need anything to change, but saying it out loud feels like I telling myself I'm important too.  (Lots of childhood issues here.)

Now I'm stuck with resentment and the desire for a passive aggressive dig.  Coaching helped a lot.  It's a long story, but the short version is to understand MY feelings of resentment and hurt first.  Then, can I find a turn around that makes me feel better (very Byron Katie).  I found one and I feel better.  I still feel entitled to my feelings about the situation too, but I think the big sting is over.

Next work is how can I get over a hurt somewhere in-between passive aggressive and speaking up -- because sometimes neither is a choice.  Passive aggressive should never be a choice, but I still go there with some people who I don't consider good friends -- not sure if I'll ever change on that front.

Jen Hatmaker was a panel speaker at a conference about friendship.  She has the link to her discussion on her website and it was interesting.  Two of the speakers have books (one now, one out in September).  Guess what I bought?  More once I read the books.  (BTW, I really, really need to READ and stop buying books -- this might be the worst I've ever been -- oops!)

I'm doing a bit of a deep dive into friendships since that seems to be my work right now.  I'm annoyed with existing friendships a lot and feel some friendship scarcity too (which probably fuels a lot of the annoyance).  How can I be a better friend?  How can I expand friendships?  How can I stay connected to the friends I enjoy?

I'm going to work with coaching on this and see where I land.  Stay tuned.  I guess this is the next logical step in my growth.  

I'll leave with two pictures.  Tomato plants from fallen seeds.  Don't mind the dead wildflowers -- waiting for the big hornet nest to be taken out before I pull them.  Second picture is the strawberry plant that was a shell of nothing after the Japanese Beetles and now is back and producing.  I almost pulled it because it was so dead.

Have a good day.  I'm excited and a bit nervous -- but doing it anyway (hopefully without COVID).  Later gators.