Farm Flowers

Look at these pretty farm flowers I ordered from our local farmer -- he picked them about 30 minutes before I got there.  $25 (!!)  Today I'll thin them out and make a smaller arrangement to take to bookclub and keep the rest here.  It's a bummer to break up the band -- but it's probably overfilled in the jar.

Weather is iffy still, but I might go a little early and walk around.  Worse case scenario is I park and sit and read in the car until bookclub.  The forecast is changing hourly so it's still a last minute decision.

I want to push into FS stuff a little today.  I'm having a strange kind of mood after yesterday.  I've been proud of myself recently.  Deciding to go solo to CO, practicing Spanish, doing solo trip to Asheville and living hard into FS.  And yesterday I felt a little knocked down.

You need to eat inside regularly again.  You need to learn Spotify.  You'll have fun by yourself in CO.  Take care of DIL's mother on the girls' trip -- don't let her feel uncomfortable.  

It upset me a little.  I'm doing a lot of out-of-box stuff for me -- yet I should do more and never mind kudos for what I'm doing.  I can be alone, take care of myself, manage stuff -- but let's worry about other people (and have you take care of it).

On one hand, I can look at it as a strength -- and I'm seen as strong enough, but it feels like I'm being left to fend for myself.  Given that things are challenging for me right now, this doesn't feel good or fair.  

I know the answer is keeping my pride and such as an inside story.  Outside validation or criticism doesn't count.  I'm proud of myself that I can travel to CO and find my own fun.  I'm proud I'm trying new things -- things I want to do.  When and if I want those other things, I'll do them.  

Anyway, that's why today feels important.  I want to live FS for myself today.  I see who I am, who I'm becoming and I'm proud of me.  

Hope we all have a good Sunday.  Later gators.