50/50 Day

Yesterday felt like a 50/50 day and my head wants to focus on the crappy 50.  Why?!?!  

Nothing bad happened, but my "fun" was taken away -- that's the thing that gets me most disappointed lately.  I seem to handle mishaps fine, but disappointment -- nope.  I guess I'm really good at hyping fun stuff in my head and then when it doesn't happen, I get pissy.

I went out of my way to stop at The Ginger Room teahouse to get a ginger juice before errands.  It's so good and spicy.  Just ginger, water and lemon.  Their juicer machines were down -- I've been craving this for days.  I ended up getting the ingredients and making my own version, but it's not as good.  I was hot, tired and disappointed.  It felt like a failed FS thing.  What would FS do -- take myself out for a ginger juice even though I don't have someone to go with me.  I little date with myself -- but nope.

Then my foster friend who retired a couple of months ago canceled the second week in a row on our Friday plans to hike.  First cancel with no explanation.  This one was her ex-boss from her ex-company wanted to pick her brain about a client over breakfast.   Here's an idea ... say 'yes, but not on Friday morning since I have plans.'  We rescheduled until next week, but I'm implementing the 3 strike rule on hiking.  I set my activity for the week based on the hike -- hiking alone worries me a little.  Looks like I have ANOTHER CANCEL ("reschedule" which is just a polite cancel) friend.

I'm trying not to be an ass, but this is one of my most major pet peeves about people lately.  Dang it, my time isn't flexible for their whims.  Manage your own dang calendar.  I manage mine and don't cancel because something else came up.  'Oh she can change times because she doesn't do anything.'  Change up YOUR calendar, not mine. Guess a boundary is going up around hiking.  Lunch cancelations are frustrating, but I don't organize around them usually.  

I need to think and regroup about tomorrow once I'm in a better headspace about it.

Anyway ... reading this book -- loaner from a friend so I want to get it finished.  Massive great reviews.  I've never heard of it.  Another heavy subject read though.  Next pick needs to be easy breezy.

I didn't schedule a coaching call this week because I didn't think I needed it and hubby ended up being home all week.  Privacy is hard when he's around.  Now I wish I had a call -- hard to get last minute coaching times.  Guess what I need coaching on?!?!  I need to figure this out because I'm so annoyed with friends lately -- and I know it's me.

I got text messages from 2 of my pals yesterday whom I'm having issues (my issues, but issues still).  Both text messages annoyed me.  One was a check in that felt like an excuse for her to brag.  The other confirmed why we didn't do a birthday celebration this week.  I could choose to look at both in a better light but I can't get there.  I'm assuming the worst based on past hurt that I'm not over.  It's totally possible (and maybe even probable) that this was just a thinking of me and wanting to share their life with me situation ... and I'm assuming something selfish.

Yep, I need coaching on this in a big way.

See ... focusing on the bad 50.  

Time for a regroup to see if I can salvage the week.  "Expect to be delighted" feels like long ago.  Hah.  Dang you 50/50 (!!)

Later gators.