Self-Care becomes a Pity Party

I feel like screaming, but since I'm new and improved, I'll simply say the Universe is offering me a chance to learn and grow.  *gag*

My re-scheduled massage got CANCELLED.  April is only working on Thursdays now (instead of 5 days a week).  So suddenly she had to cancel her schedule this week.  You know what that means ... she's out the door any minute.  Writing's on the wall.  The exit has begun.  I have it rescheduled again, but holding out little hope.  I think she's quitting sooner rather than later.

I'm trying to continue self-care in my schedule --- pockets of fun and whatnot.  It's not working for me.  I'm living self-yuck instead.  UGH.  Doing the meditation and the "things" but nothing feels good or helpful.  It's the biggest dump-fest every time I turn around.  Practically NOTHING is going easily right now.  My week is a Pity Party for One.

Aspen is being returned from her new foster today.  She can't handle her and isn't willing to give her enough time to adjust.  I told everyone she'd take a lot of time to get settled.  Shouting from the mountaintop and no one is listening.

Duke discovered "something" in the master bathroom.  Maybe a cockroach?  He's gone crazy.  Crying, scratching, racing around.  I had to take him and sleep in another room last night.  24 hours of CRAZY DOG.  I gave him calming supplements and it's not working.

I keep thinking there will come a moment I will either EXPLODE or CRY at some random moment.

But, you know I'm trying all this new stuff.  Paid for all this LIFE COACHING and damn it, I'm going to WIN at it.  Period.  I refuse to cave in.

Today's plan is ALL THE THINGS.  Pulling out the big guns of life coaching, personal growth, self-care.

The biggest, most important thing I need to focus on is the PRESENT MOMENT.  Not for enjoyment's sake, but to ditch the worry and anxiety.  You can't have either of those emotions if you stay in the moment.  I've been hanging out in future worry all week.  And, of course, a lot of the stuff I worried about is over (some worked out fine, some didn't) but EVERYTHING was worse because I lived some future fantasy in my head over and over.

That's the lesson.  Crap happens.  Usually, when crap happens it's quick and done.  What makes crap seem so much bigger is worrying before it happens and reliving it after it's over.  I AM TRYING to live this lesson.  Why is it so dang hard?

Living present doesn't mean NOT taking action.  It's the opposite.  Take action, but action from a place of PROBLEM SOLVING not from a place of over-emotion.

That's my sermon today - preach it!  Now, I need to live it.

First up ... I'm writing a brain-dump list of all the things that prove my pity party WRONG.  Is this really true?

 *****  I'm trying to continue self-care in my schedule --- pockets of fun and whatnot.  It's not working for me.  I'm living self-yuck instead.  UGH.  Doing the meditation and the "things" but nothing feels good or helpful.  It's the biggest dump-fest every time I turn around.  Practically NOTHING is going easily right now.  My week is a Pity Party for One. *****

After is a workout because that cures all things too.  I'll go from there.  Fingers crossed, wood knocked.

Later gators.