Rollercoaster

One minute we're giving high fives, the next we're up at 2 am tossing and turning.

Too much to think about.  Too much to do.  Too many questions unanswered about what life will look like this year.

I think it's like any big news ... time is going to help process this new (temporary) normal.  Until then, we're on the rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts.

I try to have perspective -- again, not bad news, but simply CHANGE.  Why is this so hard for me?

When I'm up and refreshed, all is good.  Then I get tired or lose control of my night dreams and the worry starts again.

The good news is I'm up, coffee in hand and feeling better this morning.  Once I can talk about it and let it out in the open, it's going to feel better.  It's crummy to keep this quiet -- makes it feel shameful somehow.  I think that's part of the reason my brain keeps "naming" this bad news.

Tonight is the last night in this house, last night sleeping in our bed (it's going to be at least a month on the mattress on the floor - oh boy).  This change is hard too.  I can't say enough -- I need baby steps with change -- but I'm leaping instead.  I want MY bed.  MY Tivo.  My old life ... for just a few minutes.  A quick visit back to all my CERTAINTY, but I don't want to stay there.  I want ALL this change.  I'd be upset to go back -- that's how I know it's okay.

Change = growth = meaningful life.

I'm ACCEPTING (trying hard at least) and moving forward.  Believe it or not, meditation is helping (who knew??).  After I finish meditating, I'm excited, feeling strong and feeling happy.

Heading to close on the house this morning -- we'll own 2 house and have zero jobs.  Hah.  An adventure rollercoaster.  Later gators.