So many toddler toy options. Getting a shopping cart and a truck today. I also got a carseat mirror that I needed for my car. I also have eyes on stools -- more on that later if it works out.
Today is a bit of a hiccup. It's a saga in my mind over the usual complaints. Friend who cancels, canceled lunch today. I turned down other plans, reserved that time against add-on house things (so they were squeezed into other days), and was set to go. Her text had no apology, just "I'm needed to babysit." I texted back in a more direct way than I usually do. I let her know my situation and feelings. She finally apologized with a few more details. Everyone, including the sitter is sick. So I canceled dinner plans at their house on Saturday. We have our grandson's birthday next week -- out of town family and I don't want to get sick.
I needed to be truthful and I'm really disappointed -- neither feels great. I'm losing this friend to her co-dependent relationship with her husband and daughter (which she readily admits). I know I need to redefine the frequency of our relationship and how I approach plans, but I'm at a loss. She is regularly unreliable and that doesn't work for me. Dinner is different than us getting together. Her husband isn't fun to be around and it impedes our time together (we just talk about him and his interests). In this case, I'm not taking a chance on getting sick or a last minute cancelation. It's all disappointing.
We probably need to have a discussion about it at some point soon. I'll use the technique of "we have a problem coordinating what works for both of us -- what can we do to work around it?" Make it a joint solution. She will always cancel plans if her daughter says 'jump' so how do we work around that in a way that respects my time too? Last minute options? Evening? Weekends?
Friendships are hard. Friendships are complicated. I need to consider myself too -- and I haven't done that most of my life. Speaking up feels so important these days and I still am practicing language to do it fairly. I don't want to overcorrect in a way that damages a friendship.
Do you want to hear my hiking saga too? Yes, same old thing. Possible rain and storms tomorrow. Decision on the hike will happen this afternoon. It's leaning toward cancel so I'm running Duke this morning and taking a short hike with a friend this afternoon. If the hike is on, it'll be a hard leg push but if it cancels, I'll be glad I didn't take a rest day. Damn weather again!
I suppose all this is a lesson for me. I see the lesson, but the solution is harder. Accept what is. Accept what happens. Stop trying so hard. Stop gripping so hard on the outcome.
Oh, and forest fire in Asheville spurred on by winds and flood debris. Wonder if my trip is okay for Monday. Honest to god -- so many things right now.
On that stress inducing rant, time to settle into meditation.
BTW, I was invited to a monk meditation Friday evening, but the class is full. Keeping my eyes open for another chance. This is the 2nd time this has come across my radar. Probably won't pursue it until after the wedding because breathing in a room full of people for 90 minutes screams "let's get sick" but I'm very interested. I was on the fence about going on Friday because of wanting to stay healthy for the birthday party.
Have a good Thursday. Later gators.
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