Sunday Ramblings

It's seems I'm on a spinning recalibration loop with my attitude and mood. As I said before, I'm just going with it because I can't seem to stop it. I'll be going along fine and dandy and, bam, I'm suddenly terrified we just blew up our lives on a whim. Low key panic attack. Couple of breaths and I remember a random reason I want this and then I'm super delighted for a couple of minutes. I'm dizzily running this circle all day. I've been awake for an hour and I've run the circle no less than 10 times. 

It's awesome.

It's horrible.

It's fine.

I got through the ugly, pesky chores yesterday and that feels good. One more to go today. 

I'm looking forward to the hike this afternoon. I'm really looking forward to the solo hike before -- solitude with the trees does magic. The hike that was canceled yesterday was moved to February -- registration opened 30 minutes ago and it's already full. I'm glad I jumped on again -- I debated until I saw the rapidly growing list. Wow -- people up early to get on this hike. Or it's early people who like to hike. Hmmm.

Atlanta is possibly back to snow on Tuesday -- can't make up her mind. It was a smart decision to postpone Asheville. I want a good trip -- I need to feel grounded in the way Asheville does for me. I'm sad to see the destruction, but I still think she'll still deliver on the feels and the chai (of course).

I'm trying to enjoy the process of everything -- because there's a lot of fun stuff right now, but I'll admit, I'm also glad when something is finished. As much as I'm trying to keep ME on the calendar, some things are slipping a little. I haven't had the mental space to craft and I miss it. I'd like to thrift stuff for the house and wedding, but that takes a lot of hours and time in germy public. Not a great idea ahead of all the wedding things. It's a complicated balance of things. 

All this to say I'll be glad to have the shower finished. I know it'll be a good day, but right now, it feels like a damper. Specifically trying to minimize exposure to germs -- the week feels constricted and a little bit ominous because of it. Over reaction -- yep. That's why I need to remind myself to enjoy this too. My default isn't fun.

I know none of this is major or really a problem. I've said before, it's taken me my lifetime to put myself into the mix and live in a way that feels like my choosing. It's an unsettling feeling to be pulled away. I don't have my cup full yet. Managing that pull is still a learning process because life will always pull. I'm exploring ways to hold both.

Morning ramblings. Thanks for indulging me. 

Have a good Sunday, stay warm. Later gators.