"The Entire Sea"

I woke up wondering this morning. 

Life is FULL right now -- really full. All good (ish) things and, of course, good can mean stress too, but I'm not (really) complaining (this morning lol).

Somehow I'm doing all the things. Juggling the balls and just when I think it's calming down, something gets complicated. 

And, yet, I'm okay. 

The wondering is if I'm going to have a massive crash at some point. Am I pushing too hard? Is it possible to have this endurance back AND be enjoying my days. Is it possible to be pulled in so many different directions and keep my shit together?

For example -- today I'm hiking with my friend group and because it was extended to a number of new people, we hike to the lowest denominator. It's not the level of hiking we initially planned. In order to keep building my hiking chomps, I'm going early to hike a few solo miles. Is this a "too much" push given my life right now. I needed to get up earlier to an alarm, prep the house for a showing (just in case), etc, etc, etc. I'll be gone for most of the day between extra miles, the regular hike and lunch which means a scramble this afternoon to work on other things. Should I say 5 miles is enough and be content for the status quo and have a calm, slow morning? Or use that time to work on other things? Why add to an already full day?

I'm obviously choosing the bigger life option today. Of course, every decision is a choice so that doesn't mean I ALWAYS have to choose the "more." 

Maybe the conflict I feel is wondering if this is pulling me into an old lifestyle of task master, run ragged, no actual fun, just do the list person. It seems different, but is that the sneaky way the habit rears its head -- fooling me into believing this is different.

Am I afraid to let anything drop off MY list? I remembered I haven't written in my reading log in January because I packed up the log book. I'm concerned about it now. Can't let that drop off. But why? Maybe I can during this time or maybe taking the log book out again and spending 5 minutes logging books is no big deal. Why does this feel like a heavy decision? Then I remembered I wanted to change up the log a bit because it's getting long enough to benefit from some actual organization. Now this is even bigger. But it's really not. 

See -- crazy mind shit making problems where there are no problems. 

No answers today, just rambling. I'll end with a poem that's resonating so much (I think I shared it before). It speaks to why these seemingly small things feel big to me. There's deeper meaning -- curating my life, honoring what I want. I lived too long doing neither and now it's "the entire sea." 

I'm sorry there's no author credit.
I searched, but nothing came up.