10 Days

I have a way fuller-than-normal next 10 days. I've done pretty well managing my mind around this, but I'm having a bit of a panic this morning. Woke up with nasty nightmares (including water dreams that always are a sign of stress) and those disturbed feelings are lingering this morning.

Here's what I've been telling myself. THIS IS FUN. You chose this. You worked toward this. This is a full life. Adding life to your years. Nothing has to be perfect. Take pressure off yourself. One thing at a time.

And I'm filled with dread. 

Here are the intrusive thoughts. You won't have any sleep. You'll feel horrible because of sleep/eating irregularities. Just get through these days. Maybe you'll get lucky and something will cancel. Maybe you'll get lucky and get sick. Someone will probably get you sick. Never do this again. Clear everything for April and rest. 

See the problem? Of course I don't want to be sick or have something cancel or need to stop everything and rest. 

I have a coaching call this morning and I'm debating talking about this (I'll see how I feel when the call comes around). I planned a talk about my reluctance to make real progress with Spanish. BTW, those 2 little goals that I wanted to do for 6 months?? Basically not doing it anymore -- Spanish and no dessert. I still do them sometimes, but not daily. I meant to mention that when I "bragged" about the other goals I'm doing well, but I forgot. I'm sure the reason is in chapter 2 of some psych book lol.

It's almost like I have travel anxiety today. Hmmmm. A lot might have to do with not feeling packed and ready for this first trip. I need to bring SO MUCH. Rock painting supplies, hiking gear, rain gear, hostess gifts, food to share, food for myself (most meals I won't be able to eat), drinks for myself (I'm bringing wine too, but I won't drink). Everything is in a partial state of ready. Lunch was canceled today, but now I'm visiting my grandson (and maybe a little babysitting) -- which I'm thrilled about :) But I thought I had today opened up for getting ready. Last night I found out I'm loosing the afternoon.

I also got my monthly. Cramps all night and still going this morning. It's not helping things, but at least the worst will be moving behind as this stretch starts. That was a lingering worry too -- I knew it was on the way ... but when?!?!?

Lots of unnecessary stress. Why do I do this to myself? I'll have fun or I won't. It's not the end of the world either way. And I'm in control about feeling like I'm having fun. It's less about circumstances and more about my thinking.

I've been collecting "feel-good" messages to read over and over. Good lord.

Anyway, I need to get moving. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.