The strawberry ricotta cake was AMAZING. @eminchilli on Intstagram. Probably the best scratch cake I've ever make -- even though those darn strawberries sank. It's super flavorful and moist -- just like I like cake. I'm not a huge icing fan so these European style cakes are my new jam.
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| You can just see part of a sunken strawberry in the cut piece. More in the center -- every piece had at least one and a subtle strawberry flavor came through on every bite. |
In more nice news, I'm reading a few books. Still on Thirteen, but needed a break from it -- it's heavy on the creepy. I'm almost finished Glennon Doyle's new book -- Untamed. It's all things liberal and awesome. I haven't like all her books, but this one is hitting a good nerve. I also started this book of little one page advice stories from Leslie Blodgett. I remember seeing her on QVC years ago. It's quirky and reads like her personality.
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We had a nice afternoon with the kids. Youngest had car trouble so hubby ended up picking him up which put a little damper in the afternoon, but it was fun once we all got together. We spent a little more time inside because it was humid and buggy out. Still precautions, but a little looser.
Now for the strange twisty part. I had a good yoga workout and a long meditation. Feeling happy, I took Duke for a walk with hubby. We ended up getting into a super hurtful argument over nothing, but the nothing had meaning for me.
Here's a bit of the backstory. Parker, who died in January, loved hedgehog toys. Our grand-dog, June also loves hedgehogs. When my attendance on the zoom call Saturday night was canceled because the wife canceled, I went on Amazon to order more dog treats. Looking up the order from a few months ago, I saw the hedgehog I bought June. I decided to see what other ones that company made -- turns out, lots of them. I ordered 4 hedgehogs in costumes. It made me HAPPY to remember Parker and imagine the fun of giving them to her (over the weekends she comes over) -- really happy. Enough that it made my gratitude list.
Hubby notice the order on Amazon that morning and wouldn't stop criticizing me for ordering them. I explained (as I have before) what it means to me and he said I was ridiculous -- this went on for about a mile of the walk. I lost it. Turned around on the walk and got home and sobbed all morning.
I still miss my big boy so much. I'm trying so hard to find little bits of HAPPY in my day. I trying to pull myself up from this low. And he couldn't let that go. Hubby apologized, but I'm still upset about it. He said he's stressed about the new job and guessed he was in a snarky mood.
I pulled my crying together (for a little while) to join the Course in Miracles zoom call. Mostly a horrible bust. The current format is to do a checkin for each person. About half of the 20 people on the call talked about refusing to wear masks because they aren't afraid, thinking this is blown out of proportion, saying if you're scared simply stay home. I muted people as soon as they said bullshit stuff (wearing a mask is about respect and love -- not fear). Fortunately, some people were sane enough and talked about opening the economy, but safety -- with masks, with social distancing. I spoke up when it was my turn. They want to take the group to an outside meeting starting in June. Guess I'm finished with this group for the foreseeable future if they go live. Far too much time spent talking about COVID and only 15 minutes on the lesson for the week. Not what I needed, not what I expected. This group was important to me and now it feels like a loss. I'm not sure where it goes from here. 2020 is kicking HARD.
Once I start crying, I have a hard time stopping -- I cried for hours and gave myself a whopper of a headache. I needed the cry, but I still don't feel better and that's a bummer.
That was my complicated Sunday. Some fun, lots of sad, complicated frustrations. Stay well. Later gators.
(P.S. Pictures of goodies on hold, but not forgotten -- I still haven't opened the packages because I wan't in the mood to enjoy it.)
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