No More.

I've been active on social media.  Saying hard things.  Not staying quiet.  It's time for those relatively unaffected by racism to be OUTRAGED.  I HATE that the demonstrations have become violent, but this is our fault -- society's fault.

Peaceful was tried by taking a knee to draw attention to a never ending injustice -- and people were outraged.
Patience was tried waiting for judicial justice of horrific events with NO GRAY AREAS -- yet it fell out of the news, it fell silent ... justice was stalled and often stopped.
White men arrived with riffles and machine guns, threatening healthcare workers, blocking ambulances ... and this was allowed and even applauded.

What is left?  Pleas for help.  Peaceful cries.  No one listened.  Again and again and again.  This started with us ... with society's indifference and often acceptance of these injustices.  We could have prevented this violence and we didn't.

People are quick to be outraged at by the violent protests.  Where is the outrage for the black man who can't walk down the street without fear of being persecuted -- by police, by rogue citizens?  Look at how this started -- then get outraged.  Then the violence stops.

Out in the Wild

Feels like the heat has finally arrived -- along with the oppressive humidity.  This was the best spring weather since we moved to Georgia 6 years ago.  Summer had to come sometime.  (One BIG problem with Perry is my heat control during PMS -- I'm dying this week and none of my shorts fit.  Fun times.)

Costco was a treat yesterday.  Safe, not crowded, well stocked.  I got organic chicken tenders -- woo hoo!!  I'm heading to Publix this morning -- at the tail end of senior hour when most are masked.  We're having the kids over for a family day tomorrow (hubby's last day before leaving for VA and the original wedding day).  I needed to go to both stores.

New estate papers are signed and sealed -- HUGE thing off my plate.  The last time we made any changes was 21 years ago.  It was outdated and complicated.  The attorneys office requires masks, social distancing, hand disinfecting.  Not thrilled to be out in the wild so much this week, but I'm doing it as safely as I can.

I'm also picking up a cake and cookies from the bakery I used for DIL's "preview" shower.  I ordered and paid over the phone.  They'll put it in the car -- curbside.  Something special for tomorrow.  I'll take pictures.  The first cake was so pretty.  This is simple, but I'm expecting it to look great too.

I started work on the Enneagram.  I'll save details for a chat next week.  I took the 144 question test and I AM NOT THE NUMBER I THOUGHT (!!)  Of course, even the Enneagram has to shake me up.  After I pouted, I read about the number and the test just might be right.  Enneagram purists think the test isn't the best way to figure out your number so I'm still exploring.  There's a lot of nuance to your number and the number wings and so many other factors.  BTW, it's common to "fight" the test results because it shows you things you don't want to admit.  Hmmmm ... it's going to be a journey.

Busy day today getting as much prepped for tomorrow as I can.  Margaritas tomorrow so I squeezed a big bag of Costco limes already.  Homemade is best.  Bacon to cook, veggies to chop, pasta salad to make ... lots to do.  My back will be a mess -- that's why I prep.  Get the backache over today so I can be upright tomorrow.  Good golly, I'm old.

Best get geared up for my grocery store run.  Stay well.  Happy weekend.  Later gators.

Starting with the "Bad" This Morning, Then the GOOD

I'd like to say I'm succeeding on lifting my funk, but not yet.  And, I realize this is the start of PMS -- which has been significantly worse since I started Perry.  I think I'm pressing the pause button on "trying" to feel better until next week.

PMS is probably contributing to the BIG reaction I'm having to something that happened.

I had a fun afternoon planned, but rain changed it (which wasn't a surprise).  The backup was a FaceTime call, but my friend wasn't in the mood (she wanted to have a "lazy" day).  That hurt because I could've used some connection time -- even if it was on a screen.  This is a big week leading up to hubby leaving and a fun distraction would've been nice.  See ... I need to anchor to INTERNAL stuff now because so much external isn't stable.

I expected this friend knew that (since I mentioned it last week and she also knows me well) and that stung a bit too.  We won't have another opportunity for a catch up for a couple of weeks (on her end).  Needing a lazy day is one thing, but so lazy that you can't have a phone conversation??  I have a hard time being open and vulnerable in the moment because it hurts if that's not validated.  That belief was reinforced again.  If I hadn't said anything, I would have been disappointed, but not hurt.  Being vulnerable left me feeling both.  My go-to reaction is a strong pull back -- and that's what I'm doing.  Protection mechanism.

I know she had every right to do what she needed, etc, etc.  I get it.  Logically.  I don't get it feelings wise though.  It was a small thing that meant a lot to me -- and I told her that.  I know that maybe she forgot, or was having her own hard day, or I wasn't as clear as I thought I was AND I'm very reactive this week.  I get it all.  But it still hurts.  I'm still pulling back.

I'm reacting hard because it's hard for me to ask for attention when I'm hurting.  I did and it wasn't received -- from someone I trust with my feelings.  It stings.

Now for a SWITCH ..

I have had some GOOD this week and I need to focus on that.

Two really great calls with out-of-town friends the day before.  Spontaneous and we laughed a lot.  A text conversation from an old work buddy and that was awesome too.

FINALLY finishing the revised estate planning documents today.  It was the last of the 2019 list and it's happening (!!)  Motivates me to figure some sort of 2020 list since writing things down has some sort of MAGIC attached to it (even though it took an extra 6 months LOL).

We're applying for a senior dog through my rescue.  After lots of thought and lots of back-n-forth, I want to go back to my original plan I've had for years.  Adopt sweet oldies.  We have the means and the time to love these dogs.  Can't think of a better way to honor our Parker.  Having Duke, who's only 4, distracted me from seniors because I wondered if he needed an energetic companion.  We've tried to find that for him but he's too competitive.  We think fosters can give him the fun and a senior can be his family.

The caveat?  This old man has only been in foster homes with no other dogs.  We don't know if he needs to be an only or not.  I'm trying super hard not to get my hopes up.  And thanks to Perry, I'm oscillating between excitement and oh-my-god-what-am-I-doing.

He's 10 years old, black poodle mix who needed to be shaved.  12 lbs.  Bad eyes, bad heart, bad skin and someone tried to dock his ears with rubber bands so he they're deformed (but he hears well).  Housebroken, loves to cuddle, loves to car ride, loves to walk.  Sleeps in the bed without a problem.  Downside ... he HATES to be alone.  Wails and goes crazy in a crate.  His foster name is Rusty -- we'll change it if we adopt him.

I'll end on his sweet face ...
Stay well.  Later gators.

Back to the Drawing Board

As I keep mentioning, every little thing I figure out to try and pull myself up and out of this funk, falls through.  Polly was the latest.

I'm trying to anchor myself to something outside myself to stand back up.

Guess that's not what I need to do.  The anchor needs to come from INSIDE.  Ugh.  That's so much harder.  Inside is where I need to ACCEPT and feel hard feelings and stop buffering.

I'm back to the drawing board.

I was planning to start the Enneagram next week when I'm home alone, but I'm going to dabble this week.  Spiritual work = inside work.  Maybe this is a start.

I super duper need my heel to completely heal so I can get back to HARD exercise.  I can barely work up a heart rate and I need some INSIDE calming endorphins from a good workout.  I'm thinking about trying a month of OBE Fitness.  Online classes -- live or recorded, 28 minutes, lots of choices.  It's about $25 a month (discount codes available from a bunch of people on Instagram).  Without a code it's a few dollars more a month.  $199 for a year.  Still thinking on this a little more ...

The Lake House is good.  It's a slow reading book, but when I slow my reading and actually carefully read, I enjoy the descriptive prose.  It's an old mystery from an old family and ... you guessed it, an old lake house.

I'm probably going to be writing a bunch about trying to get my poop in a group again.  I'm really sick of feeling so blah -- physically and mentally.  No promises though.  I'm tired of making, then breaking them.  I'm going to try a little thing each day and see where that gets me.

Off to get a dog walk going before it gets much warmer.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Happy Memorial Day

Our freedoms aren't free and today is when we honor those highest sacrifices.

I think this year has many of us thinking about the big wars and how much people came together, worked together and raised up the world.  And here we are in a world crisis ... protesting mask wearing, refusing to social distance, gathering in big crowds.  It's our right ... right?  Isn't a big, drunk pool party what Memorial Day is really about?  It makes me sick.  As HUMANS, we need to do better.

Switching off my never ending soap box ...

Cobb salad was a welcomed change.  I LOVE a big, full salad with all the fixings.  I made a hot cream cheese dip from all the things I had in the frig ... cheddar, bacon, onion, hot sauce, mozzarella. It was good.  Kids made brownie sundays for dessert and I made another French, lemon Granny Cake.  I have the right size pan now and I only used half the top syrup -- this one was even better.  It was a fun evening.

Today is nothing, like most days lately.  We're doing some house chores and maybe taking Duke for a park walk.  There's a ball field park that is obviously closed with wooded trails around it that are crowded, but the sidewalks are usually empty.  We'll see how hot it feels later.

I have some rescue calls to make, bills to pay.  Regular kind of day.

I was asked to re-foster a snarky, adorable little dog.  I declined because I don't need that this week -- she HATES men.  Still looking for a senior foster.

We'll keep going on Band of Brothers.  It never disappoints -- so well done.

Short and sweet.  Have a great day.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Sunday Blues

I think (at some point) I wrote about feeling frustrated that when I found something to pull myself out of the low, it was taken away by some circumstance.  Plan A, then B, then C ...

Polly's owner came forward.  The shelter let her go to rescue a couple of days early because of the holiday and her owner found her.  I asked if her condition could be from being lost -- shelter and vet said no.  She's been returned to a family who wildly neglects her basic needs.  By law, the shelter is required to hold a dog to give owner's time to find them -- we had no choice but to return her to the lousy life.  If the hold was over and the dog is woefully neglected, we wouldn't have to return her.  The shelter can't risk loosing it's license.

Now I'm extra sad for her.  No foster and an added bonus of worrying about her.  Dang, Universe.  You are fighting hard.

I have no choice but to accept, have faith and move forward.  I pray that she finds some care and comfort.

Am I trying too hard?  Not hard enough?  Is the message to surrender and let things happen or is the message stand back up and try again?  Or is the message that I'm focusing on the wrong thing to feel better?  I'm confused and frustrated.  No answers.

Memorial Day weekend means a re-watch of Band of Brothers.  Amazing mini-series and amazing bravery.  Puts those mask protesters in perspective in a HUGE way.

I started reading The Lake House.  I bought the paperback because it was much cheaper than kindle and the type font is SMALL.  It's hard to read at night when my eyes are tired.  It's a careful read -- lots of descriptions.  This one will take a bit.

Kids over today for another social distanced BBQ.  We've grilled so much, I'm out of ideas so I'm doing cobb salad with all the fixings -- including some grilled chicken I froze a few weeks ago.  Make your own.  Mask up and take your own serving spoon and there you go.  I have no idea about the rest.  My brain is empty -- something will come to me though.

I'm not doing A Course in Miracles zoom call.  It was nothing but upsetting last week -- don't need that right now.

Speaking of zoom, we did a zoom family call yesterday with my mother at her request (in front of the kids on Mother's Day call, so I felt I had no good choice).  It was the first and last.  Her game play continues.  Right now she's "sunshine and rainbows" and the minute I believe it, she attacks.  It's her pattern for decades that I fell for every single time until about a year ago.  She's a master at this play, but I'm a master at recognizing it now.  Understanding her mental illness has gone a long way to help me interact on my terms.  My sister and my aunt are working on this too.  It's complicated and messy.

That was my afternoon ... Polly returned and a mother video.  See??  Universe is playing rough.

I hope you have a great Sunday.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Joints

I've been a bit loose and free with GLUTEN lately for weeks -- not always hog wild, but something every few days.  Crackers, toast, desserts.  The desserts I make are GF, but the ones we buy aren't.

Anyway, my joints are a mess.  They haven't been this achey for years.  My hands hurt holding the steering wheel, my feet ache all the time, my shoulders aren't happy.  Time to clean up the old diet and feel better.  Where have I read this before LOL?!?!

I know gluten is the big culprit for me, but I wonder if all-the-rest contributes too.  Dairy, sugar, other grains, etc.  It doesn't seem that I'm eating enough gluten to feel this poorly (although maybe the length of time is a factor too).

I've hit a critical load of feeling like poop -- and maybe THIS is enough to get me on the right track.  Survey says .... ????

Yesterday felt like a coming to God moment.  Good day shadowed by feeling physically horrible.  "Good" days are so few right now -- what a shame it was overshadowed by something preventable.

I've been low and low means stuffing my face (very bad habit loop, very hardwired).  The best way to ease up the poor eating is to feel less low.  Best way to feel less low is to start acting productive again.

I have this fun Enneagram stuff waiting in the wings, but I need to be productive and purposeful.  I have a few ideas and the first is I'm back to fostering.  Little OLD, sick gal -- the shelter named her Cruella which I thought was mean.  I re-named her Polly (like Polly Pocket).  She's a hot mess with a mass on her neck and lots of other medical.  I'll find out more soon.  Our rescue was looking for a commitment to pull her and get her out of the shelter before the holiday weekend started.  Hubby said yes and we're off to the races with her soon.  Old ladies are my heart and I'm ready for this challenge.

Soon baby ... soon.  This is
not how you have to live anymore.

Between Polly and helping hubby get ready to go to VA, this will be a full week.  I need it desperately.

BTW, early to the grocery store is the big winner idea.  I entered the store at 7:50 and didn't run into any person until the final 3 aisles.  Everything was stocked -- even picked up Lysol wipes for my son and for my friend (we have some).  AND, this is a holiday weekend.  I think I can go weekly if I need to if make sure it's early.

Anyway, dang, I need to get back to myself.  Enough shitting around ... why is turning the boat so hard?  Once I get a little momentum, it'll all be okay.  Have to stop wishing and start DOING.  Keeping my morning promises.  It's like I'm a totally different person come late afternoon.

Have a good Saturday.  It's the best weather day of our weekend.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Memorial Day Weekend

This is probably a good weekend for me to do social-media-lite.  I know it will be picture after picture of large beach crowds, big gatherings, no masks.  Seems like most states are moving to be open enough that this will be "allowed" with precautions that won't be readily enforced.  Large crowds drinking during a pandemic ... what could possibly go wrong?

I have a full day today.

I'm catching the end of senior hour and making a fast run through the grocery store.  I'll come home and disinfect, shower and then errands.  Curbside pickup from 2 stores, dropping stuff off for both kids -- eldest's birthday gift came in the mail and youngest has a low tire and needs the air compressor.  I'll pick up curbside for dinner too.  Both hubby and I are sick of me cooking.  We need something besides potatoes LOL.  There's a restaurant where the kids live that stayed with curbside pickup only -- we did take out from them once before and it went well.

I finished Thirteen last night.  It was interesting enough that I wanted to know how it ended.  There were subplots that took things a bit over the top with police corruption, etc.  There was a bit of a gore factor that seemed unnecessary in the beginning.  If you enjoy murder/suspense, I think it's a worth while read.  If that's not your favorite genre then skip this one.

Next up is The Lake House (Kate Morton).

I'm not going to lie ... it's been nice having hubby working.  He's busy and I'm getting time to myself.  Once more week and he leaves for VA.  That's going to be hard -- I'll miss him a lot and it feels a bit overwhelming.  I'll save this worry for another week though and enjoy our last week together before the commuting begins.

Short and sweet and a bit extra boring this morning.  Hope you have fun plans for the weekend.  Stay well, stay safe ... later gators.

Thursday Updates

I survived the dentist.  It was like entering a grade one level hazmat area -- and I'm all for it!  Hand gel, mask, temperature, mouth swish, hand washing, protective gear, people manning all doors so no one touched anything ... and that was just to enter the exam room.

Today is Duke's grooming.  This is a big week for me venturing into the outside world.  Same precautions as last time before the shutdown -- payment over the phone, drop off and pickup in the parking lot with staggered times.  It's similar to the vet.  Now that hubby is back to work, it's all me.  No more alternating "risk" events for the week.  Duke is a mess and his nails are super long.  He needs to go this week.  Because of the new process, she's grooming far few dogs and appointments are harder to get so I didn't want to wait (she had a cancelation).

I'll get gas at Costco after I drop him off.  They have a great process.  I finally reached 1/2 tank and I'm in the camp that that's a gas fill up emergency LOL.

I called the dress shop to inquire about the dress for the wedding -- it's been MIA since February.  It's located -- and still in China, but ready to ship.  The latest delay is that it gets received into port in NY and that's not up to speed yet (understandable).  It should be here in a couple of months.  Fingers crossed.

My heel was feeling better and then yesterday, I started having spasms in my upper heal.  WTH. It's still freezing up this morning.  Fine, then I can't walk, then fine.  Good lord.

Brene Brown's podcast this week is also on the Enneagram.  What?!?!?  Awesome!!  I can't wait to get started on all the fun.  As I said, I'm pacing things because this is what I want to do in June when I'm adjusting to hubby being gone all week.

Thirteen is getting good-ish.  I'm now curious how it ends, but I'm ready to be finished reading it.  I'm about 65% finished.

A foster called me last night.  She has a friend who needs to rehome a 2 year old golden doodle and she wanted to know if I was interested.  Oh my heart.  I want to say yes so badly, but he's big and young and that might be too much for me to handle alone.  Searching for another dog is a rollercoaster of emotions.

That's my updates.  Stay well.  Later gators.

A Fun Rabbit Hole

I don't need to explain about what a poop bag 2020 is ... for all of us (!!)  I started 2020 with a grand plan for such a fun numbered year when my eldest was getting married, I'm celebrating #50, big trips, etc.

We know that ended quickly, but I moved to plan B, then C, then D ... you get the idea.  All a no-go.

Good to feel good -- or not.  Guess this is "opposite" year.

So I sit, goal-less (except ... of course, The Green Dress), mostly fun-less and feeling super low.  I was ready to lean hard on A Course in Miracles group for wisdom, balance, etc and the exact OPPOSITE happened.  (Opposite Year)  P.S.  If you've ever tried to understand this book alone, it's darn near impossible, so self-study seems futile and the group is not an option for me right now.

Cue Jen Hatmaker and her love of the Enneagram.  Her latest podcast series is a deep, deep dive into that world.  I listened to the first podcast because I needed something light and non-COVID related and then I was HOOKED.

Turns out there is a whole lot more to the Enneagram.  Jen says it was one of her biggest spiritual evolutions (and she comes from a faith background).  It's grounded in self-discovery and growth.  I thought it was a fun, trendy thing (spoiler alert -- it's been around for decades).

Perfect.  Something I can learn from home.  It's insightful, but fun.  No people groups needed.  Books, videos, podcasts, etc.

I have a new "goal" ... explore the Enneagram.

This might sound kind of pathetic, but I need SOMETHING.  I need new and fun and interesting and helpful -- AND something I can do during an unpredictable pandemic.

I'm going to have some fun and explore this more fully.  I've taken the free test online at the prompting of my life coach last year, but the full test is recommended ($12).  I'll give updates as I explore more.  Right now I'm savoring the fact that I have SOMETHING to look forward to so I'm pacing myself.

I'm excited!!

Jen's giving away goodies every week and you bet that I entered.  Fun.  Just what I need.

Have a great Wednesday (this week is going quickly).  I have a dentist appointment out in the land of germs.  Wish me luck.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Pictures

Here are a few of my goodies.  I have more ... lol, but the other stuff is for my birthday and it's in packages that can't be opened without spoiling the fun of it.

First up ... Tommy John PJs for Mother's Day.  Jogger bottoms and a tank top.  I wanted a darker color so I can be out back with dogs in the morning.  I haven't worn them yet because I'm not feeling slim enough to fit into the tank.  It'll fit, but my lumpy bumpy rolls will bother me.  (That's a story for another day.)

Another new set of PJs.  Ellen's online store.  Short and a t-shirt.  Also haven't worn them because ... see reason above.  In this case, the shorts won't fit.  Ugh.

New shoes from the eldest and DIL for Mother's Day.  Air Birds. Latest in comfortable foot wear.  I love them!  They are super comfortable and have a little heel lift that makes them great for my back too.  These fit -- woo hoo LOL.

Coffee:

An early birthday gift that I'm saving for June.  Real deal Kona coffee.  Also, my youngest got me a 3 month coffee subscription for Mother's Day (think Stitch Fix for coffee lovers).  The first came -- Colombian coffee.  It's awesome.  Kona coffee can wait. 

Even in the bag, the smell is amazing!

Remember these?  I used to do these as a kid all the time.  I thought it was a good rainy day, quarantine project.  It was only $10 so if I don't like doing it, no big deal.  All things nostalgic are especially appealing right now.

A Complicated Day

Yesterday flipped all over the place, but let's start with a couple of good things.

The strawberry ricotta cake was AMAZING.  @eminchilli on Intstagram.  Probably the best scratch cake I've ever make -- even though those darn strawberries sank.  It's super flavorful and moist -- just like I like cake.  I'm not a huge icing fan so these European style cakes are my new jam.

You can just see part of a sunken strawberry in the cut piece.
More in the center -- every piece had at least one and a subtle strawberry
flavor came through on every bite.

In more nice news, I'm reading a few books.  Still on Thirteen, but needed a break from it -- it's heavy on the creepy.  I'm almost finished Glennon Doyle's new book -- Untamed.  It's all things liberal and awesome.  I haven't like all her books, but this one is hitting a good nerve.  I also started this book of little one page advice stories from Leslie Blodgett.  I remember seeing her on QVC years ago.  It's quirky and reads like her personality.

We had a nice afternoon with the kids.  Youngest had car trouble so hubby ended up picking him up which put a little damper in the afternoon, but it was fun once we all got together.  We spent a little more time inside because it was humid and buggy out.  Still precautions, but a little looser.

Now for the strange twisty part.  I had a good yoga workout and a long meditation.  Feeling happy, I took Duke for a walk with hubby.  We ended up getting into a super hurtful argument over nothing, but the nothing had meaning for me.

Here's a bit of the backstory.  Parker, who died in January, loved hedgehog toys.  Our grand-dog, June also loves hedgehogs.  When my attendance on the zoom call Saturday night was canceled because the wife canceled, I went on Amazon to order more dog treats.  Looking up the order from a few months ago, I saw the hedgehog I bought June.  I decided to see what other ones that company made -- turns out, lots of them.  I ordered 4 hedgehogs in costumes.  It made me HAPPY to remember Parker and imagine the fun of giving them to her (over the weekends she comes over) -- really happy.  Enough that it made my gratitude list.

Hubby notice the order on Amazon that morning and wouldn't stop criticizing me for ordering them.  I explained (as I have before) what it means to me and he said I was ridiculous -- this went on for about a mile of the walk.  I lost it.  Turned around on the walk and got home and sobbed all morning.

I still miss my big boy so much.  I'm trying so hard to find little bits of HAPPY in my day.  I trying to pull myself up from this low.  And he couldn't let that go.  Hubby apologized, but I'm still upset about it.  He said he's stressed about the new job and guessed he was in a snarky mood.

I pulled my crying together (for a little while) to join the Course in Miracles zoom call.  Mostly a horrible bust.  The current format is to do a checkin for each person.  About half of the 20 people on the call talked about refusing to wear masks because they aren't afraid, thinking this is blown out of proportion, saying if you're scared simply stay home.  I muted people as soon as they said bullshit stuff (wearing a mask is about respect and love -- not fear).  Fortunately, some people were sane enough and talked about opening the economy, but safety -- with masks, with social distancing.  I spoke up when it was my turn.  They want to take the group to an outside meeting starting in June.  Guess I'm finished with this group for the foreseeable future if they go live.  Far too much time spent talking about COVID and only 15 minutes on the lesson for the week.  Not what I needed, not what I expected.  This group was important to me and now it feels like a loss.  I'm not sure where it goes from here.  2020 is kicking HARD.

Once I start crying, I have a hard time stopping -- I cried for hours and gave myself a whopper of a headache.  I needed the cry, but I still don't feel better and that's a bummer.

That was my complicated Sunday.  Some fun, lots of sad, complicated frustrations.  Stay well.  Later gators.

(P.S.  Pictures of goodies on hold, but not forgotten -- I still haven't opened the packages because I wan't in the mood to enjoy it.)

Sunday with a little Fun?

I'm going to remember to take some pictures of my fun stuff for a post tomorrow ... I promise (!!)

Today is a little attempt at a return to a normal Sunday.  Kids are coming over again for another outdoor dinner.  It's going to be hot today, so outside might be a little less nice this weekend, but I'm not comfortable with inside yet.  Burgers, oven-baked potato "chips," broccoli and dessert.

I missed A Course in Miracles zoom class last week (didn't see the email until it was over).  I'm not sure if it's happening this week too -- no link sent, but I'll try the one from last week.  Fingers crossed.  It won't be the same, but it might be enough.

I made an Influencer's Italian Ricotta Strawberry cake for dessert today.  I'm not sure it turned out though -- seemed a little oily when I flipped it and my strawberries sank.  It's another single layered round cake with no icing -- very European.  The first BIG trip I'll take when this is over is back to Italy.  Not with the girls, but with hubby.  I'm in love with that country (and my hubby).  This Influencer is the lady who runs the week long Italy food tours.  She's an American married to an Italian with a grown daughter -- she's lived in Italy since college. (@eminchilli on Instagram)

Now for a petty complaint.  Second time this week a social zoom call was cancelled at the last minute.  Zooming with hubby's bff and wife (we did it once before) ... set for 6 o'clock.  I didn't make backyard plans with my friend and her husband because we had the call scheduled.  All set up and 20 minutes before the call, she bailed -- her back hurt.  Hubby still had the zoom (he's under a happy star right now).  I understand canceling if you were planning to go out, but you couldn't say hello for a few minutes from your sofa?  Guess who also has a hurting back?  Zoom call rudeness is a thing in my life.  It's a virtual commitment, but it still counts as a commitment.  People are people, virtual or not -- and they bug me often LOL.  Okay, complaint over ;)

I'm slowly getting up from my low blahs.  I'll chat more about that this week -- I think it'll be a full post because I have lots of thought swirling.  Food and mood?  Maybe.  Focus and perspective?  Maybe.  Connection and community?  Maybe.  Goals and productivity?  Maybe.  Fun and laughter?  Maybe.  (Is this list style annoying -- probably!!)

Hope you have a great Sunday that lifts you up and makes you smile.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Some Nice Moments Yesterday

Here's a list of a few things that made me feel better yesterday.

(1)  Everyone was wearing a mask at the grocery store except the Pepsi delivery guy.  I felt safer than I have in a long time.  I did all the usual precautions, but I didn't have a lasting feeling of doom.  Going to the store just as the senior hour ends is the way to go for me.

(2)  Popcast podcast made me laugh.  The pandemic episode of strange things people are doing.  I listened to it last night and it was just what I needed.  Their tag line is, "we take a deep dive in the shallow end of the pool."  It's all things pop culture from faith based writers (not a lot of faith talk, but they are kind people).

(3)  Remote ordered some Pampered Chef goodies from a friend in VA.  A couple of things for me and a couple of things for my DIL.  I like Pampered Chef and haven't seen their stuff for years.

(4)  An Instagram influencer did a story on how she's having a hard time.  Doing what she needs to do, but is feeling low.  She was speaking to how I felt and it was comforting.  I'm seeing a lot of celebrating ("it's over"), a lot of anger (us vs them), a lot of doing great ("heading to our vacation home for the summer").  I'm mostly feeling low.  Not horrible days, not great days either.  Lingering in low level blahs.  I get angry and frustrated which levels off to feeling sad.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.

(5)  Chatted with my aunt yesterday.  Family zoom calls are probably over (not a bad thing).  The call felt like old times and we had a good laugh.

I'm going to look for feel-good things today again.  I need to do something to pull out of where I'm lingering.  Low level vibrations.  It's not where I want to hang out for this long.

Post with the new goodies coming soon.  Probably Monday.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Another Week Ramblings

The weeks are a blur and are flying by.  Anyone else feel that way?  March was the longest month in the history of months ... then time started warping to light speed.

We had a date night last night -- another episode of The Newsroom.  It's still fun to watch.  Binge watching it might be a bit much so we'll stick with a couple of episodes a week.  I made egg salad to put over a green salad.

I'm up early to head for a grocery store run.  Wish me luck for stocked shelves and no Rona.

MORE plants arrived from Bloomscape.  I think the order processed twice.  I now have 2 sets of the 6 plants I ordered.  I need to check that I'm not getting anything else.  That makes 14 living plants in my house -- a new record.  Bets on how many will make it to 2021?  I might give a few away because I have no place to put them.  Returning them isn't a good option.

I'm getting better at Sudoku.  Now I KNOW I can do the puzzle so I don't need to prove anything more, but I was so stinking bored yesterday.  Bored enough for Sudoku.

I never figured out anything to move me forward (except eat better) -- not when I can't do anything physical.  Once my back and heel recover, I have a list that should help.  It's all connected.  Move more, do more, eat better.  It's a circle and without 2 of those things, the other is hard.  Justification.  Excuse.  Yep, but it's the best I can do right now.

It looked like a few good podcasts dropped this week.  Nope.  Nothing was helpful and, honestly, not interesting.  Brooke's been on a "love everyone" kick which isn't resonating with me.  I don't often listen to Rachel Hollis, but this week was about goals during quarantine so it peaked my interest.  Nothing concrete and more a humble brag and sales pitch for their app launch.

It interesting how much easier it is to DO SOMETHING than STOP SOMETHING.  Make myself exercise -- got it.  Make myself stop snacking -- no way.  It's not like someone is force feeding me.  Mystery of my psyche and maybe mystery of the entire universe LOL.

I'm officially OVERSTOCKED on coffee beans.  I was concerned about running low, so I made sure to have a full pantry stock.  Then I ordered 3 bags of Kona coffee.  Then my youngest got me an online coffee subscription for Mother's Day.  I have coffee out my eyeballs.  Not that that's a bad thing.

Speaking of THINGS ... I'll take some pictures and show my newest quarantine goodies this week.  I have quite a few, but some are still in the garage finishing up the isolation period.  And, a couple of Mother's Day gifts too.  Lots to show.

Best get moving for my "power" walk on the treadmill -- I can barely move enough for a sweat, but I do it anyway.  Then the grocery store with half a day of decontamination to follow.  At least I have something to do.  Bright side ;)

Extra rambling today.

Stay well.  Later gators.

What I need ...

... is to be able to run again.  I have no idea why my heel is still wonky.  I can't risk doing more damage, so I wait and wait and wait.  Meanwhile, PERFECT running weather is flying away.

I know a lot of things would clear up for me if I could have a strong cardio workout and get those endorphins pumping.  My body feels blah.  My mind feels blah.  Other things help, but nothing works as completely as an early morning run.

Our family zoom was canceled at the last minute again.  It's kind of annoying ... one person can't make the call and it falls apart.  I mentioned last time that we cancel with a little notice because I plan the evening around the call.  Nope.  It's been punted to next Wednesday.  I'm annoyed enough that I might boycott the call next week.  Mature -- nope, but I'm bothered by it and speaking up didn't solve the last minute problem.  We'll see what next week brings.  P.S. I realize the irony that I wasn't really wanting to have the call ... the issue is I changed up my evening to accommodate the time just to have it canceled.  I won't do that again so I probably won't join the call.

Hanging with my girlfriend yesterday was the highlight of the week.  It feels so NORMAL and refreshing to talk in-person ... 12 feet apart, but it's better than zoom.

Today is nothing.  Not one thing.  I did a bunch of house stuff yesterday and that leaves nothing for today.  Tomorrow, I'm braving the outside world and going early to the grocery store.  I contemplated going this morning, but I'm on the fence because I'm mentally foggy -- store runs need brain power these days.  I imagine Fridays are more crowded, but I hope going early helps.

I need to find some way to be productive.  Yesterday was a good day because the day was full of productive things -- paid bills, washed sheets, organized paperwork, etc.  The hurdle is my back is stressed so deep cleaning or big projects (organizing pictures) have to wait.

I NEED my physical body back to running at full capacity -- pretty please (!!)

Maybe some of the pains are related to gluten and sugar.  I probably need a break to see if that helps.  *Cue two year old temper tantrum*  I don't want to (!!!)

Can you tell I woke up this morning on edge?  Maybe a long meditation will help.  I'm cranky and restless.  Time for some THINKING to figure this out.

Stay well.  Have a good Thursday!  Later gators.

Back -- Again

Good morning.

I tossed my back unloading Costco groceries.  Honestly, why do I have so many muscle, joint, ligament problems?  It's not horrible -- I was able to sleep.  Certain positions and it seizes up when I'm walking.  I've been happy about doing more yoga since I can't run (hello, heel) because the stretching is good for my back.  Is it?  Dang.

Anyway ...

I'm meeting my girlfriend for our park chat today.  She's going to be up my way, so we're headed to another park.  Hopefully we can find the perfect empty shade area again.  In-person makes me happy. I'm also glad to check out how crowded the park sidewalks are during the day.  The trails are full, but the sidewalks in the park are usually empty unless sports are happening (which aren't).  I need a place to walk Duke because he's bored.

Tonight is scheduled to be our family zoom call (all the gals) but no notice yet.  I bet it's over now that areas are opening up and no one is technically sheltered in.  My Florida cousin is acting like there are no restrictions and she's out every night with groups of people.  I'm not in the mood to hear from her.

Hubby starts his job on Monday if all goes as planned.  I'm feeling lots of feelings about it.  More than I expected.  It's COVID that's making me nervous.  Keeping him safe is all that's important.

Our year punch list was due on our house in March.  It was put on hold and now they want to start the work.  Every single room has something -- nail punches, settlement marks, etc.  We're asking for a postponement again.  Opening up is happening too fast for my liking.  I'm a bundle of nerves.

Will and trust updates were not simple.  We need to redo everything because we live in GA.  The process is starting so it'll get finished, but not for a couple of months (most likely).

Yep, stress.  Some would say that's why my neck and back have been wonky.
(Always a disclaimer ... I KNOW we are fortunate and others are suffering in horrible ways ... this is my personal stress not meant to undermine more serious situations.)

P.S.  No chicken at Costco so the new recipe is on hold.

Stay well.  Happy Wednesday -- for those of us who need a reminder (ME!!).  Later gators.

It's Tuesday

I need reminders.

Remember The 19 for 19 List of things I had last year?  Finally doing the last of those today.  Updating our will and trust.  We finished the comprehensive account list earlier this month.  The 19 list is actually complete -- other that the 2 things I nixed mid-year.  I bumped one travel trip with a friend to February (but we booked it in 2019) -- first and only trip for 2019.  Who knew?  I can't believe it's finished -- six months late, but wow.  (I also can't remember what I nixed other than meeting my life coach in person.)

I finished Broken Girls.  I'd give it one thumb up -- the ending was too nice of a wrapped up package.  It was a bummer because the premise wasn't bad, but everything got a perfect ending.  The story was gritty and a rosy ending didn't fit.

I started Thirteen last night.  Reviews are good, but some negative comments about the ending.  The serial killer is on the jury.  Lots of twists and turns and clever idea.  I'm excited.

The cuticle dissolver came yesterday.  It worked well, but I missed a couple of sections.  I didn't want to keep applying it so I'll live with the results until next time.  I have very aggressive cuticles and there was a lot of dissolve and push back.  My thumb was a little irritated from over doing it.  Reviews said to be careful, so I stopped redoing it after my thumb.  They look loads better and now I can polish them again.

Hubby is heading to Costco today.  It feels like a HUGE day when either of us does a Costco run.  We are empty on all fresh veggies and I hope he can find what I want -- including some chicken.  I have a new recipe to try once I can get all the ingredients.  Stay tuned ...

Okay, I have nothing more to chat about since I want to take a break from talking about all the yuck happening.  I've been working on changing my focus, perspective, etc.  More on that when I figure it out ;)

Stay well.  Later gators.

Mother's Day Recap

This week I lost Thursday, now I've lost an entire week.  I SWORE that this weekend coming was Memorial Day weekend.  Oh well.  Best not to trust my calendar skills right now.  "Finding" an extra week isn't as fun as it sounds -- hah!

Mother's Day was fantastic.  It felt amazing to hang out with our kids and the dogs again.  Dinner was spot on for an outdoor meal too -- eating outside worked fine and bugs weren't anywhere to be found.  I got a couple of fun gifts -- more on that this week.  Waiting for one to come.

I've started serving dessert on the dinner table for regular meals -- and I love it.  It started when I had the lady's luncheon (so many moons ago in January LOL) because I figured it was less formal and, if it's already on the table, they would partake.

Whenever I make a dessert that's not pie or ice cream, I serve it WITH dinner.  The family likes it this way too.  We still have dessert, but less formal feels simpler.  If anything, it encourages table lingering -- I use my vintage plates now, offer coffee (usually a 'yes' because it's mostly decaf).  Of course, for special occasions with a special dessert (birthdays, etc), we'd do it separately.  No getting up to clear dishes yet ... we can hang out and relax during dessert.  Eat dessert at any point in the meal too.  I cut the coffee cake into small squares so we all had several pieces.  Having the small dessert plates works well -- something nice about putting dessert on a separate plate.

Our grand-dogs were so happy to come over.  They love the "adventure" of Granny's house.  Living in a high rise during a pandemic is cramping their fun too.  The weather was incredible and we played outside all afternoon with them.  All 3 dogs were exhausted by the end of the night.

My eldest son complains that we don't have any pictures of the two of us.  He renews the complaint every Mother's Day and my birthday when there are no pictures to post on social media (I tell him he can skip the post).  This year, he did a series of pictures where he superimposed his face on whomever I was with -- it was hilarious.  Clever boy, always funny.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend.  Two "social" events made it feel almost normal and cool, sunny weather put it over the top.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Bloomscape

A little more about the plants from Bloomscape.  I ordered 3 sets of small potted plants (thought I ordered 2 -- I got 2 of the same one, probably my mistake).  I'm sure they're pricier than going to a local nursery, but for someone like me with no plant experience in a pandemic ... this works.  Last time I was at our local nursery looking to buy my first plant, the staff wasn't helpful.  It was my friend who told me how to care for the plant and what I was doing wrong.  Bloomscape makes it easy.

They came well packaged with information cards and little plastic sticks to put in the plant so I can remember what needs what (water, light, etc).  The information card has a safety section -- what if my child or pet ingests this -- good to know.  Because of that, all my plants had to go out of reach of my dog ... just in case.  He doesn't bother my other plant, but a foster might.

NINE plants that need to be out of reach, in varying levels of sunlight and somewhere I can see them.  That's a tall order.  My husband said ... poor plants, they got a bum deal coming here hah.   I'm going to try to keep them all alive and hope they never need to be transplanted (!!)  If they do, hopefully, it's when the pandemic is over so I can enlist my gardening friend for a "transplant" luncheon.

All 4 on the bottom shelf.  This gets morning sun.

My bedroom gets sun the longest.
These are the plants that need to most light.

On Mother's Day, I am a plant mother to 11 living plants.  Wow.  Actually, this reminds me, I better check on the other 2 -- I can't remember when I watered them last.

Last night was fun.  We were perfectly distanced from people with no touch interaction.  We ended up staying for 3 hours and it felt like no time at all.  I think we're all craving human interaction.  Since it was my next door neighbor, we ran home for our own restroom breaks and drink refills.

Today is the kids BBQ out back.  I'm still feeling concerned that this is stepping out too much.  Am I being paranoid because it's new or am I being rightfully concerned?  This is a gray area.  We'll take a lot of precautions, but it's different with family -- I think we'll have a tougher time remembering to stay 6 feet apart, not touch each other's chair, not share a serving spoon, etc.

My heel is STILL messed up.  Dang.  No running, limiting walking and I have to slow my pace.  I wonder if I messed it up doing yoga.  The day before it hurt running, it was bothering me a little after yoga (but not enough that I though much of it).  My neck is fine though.  I'll hold off boxing for a while ... until I can actually run outside again.  It's so frustrating to go from injury to injury to injury.  I can't get any traction and it's not for lack of trying.

I scheduled a coaching call the first week in June.  It's the last of my current package and after this call, I'll decide to continue or not.  The last call was a dud (the only dud ever) and I think that was because we were all frozen with the pandemic and there wasn't really anything to talk about.  I'm thinking of enlisting her help with accountability for my healthy habits.  I need something ... and soon.  I scheduled it for the first week hubby is gone since I bet I'll be out of sorts.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who is a mother in any way.  Stay well.  Later gators.

The Weekend

My Bloomscape plants came yesterday -- 9 of them (I thought I ordered 6 ... ooops).  I have to "place" them and I'll take some pictures.  Stay tuned ...

Broken Girls is getting better.  I read a lot last night and scared myself a little.  Ghost stories at night will do that to a gal.  I think my prediction of a ghost story AND a real villain is spot on.  I won't ruin the ending so that's the last I'll speak details of it ... it's a guess on my part, but I'll finish it this weekend.

Dead to Me dropped the second season.  Added to my list!  I might wait until hubby leaves for VA to give myself SOMETHING to do.  Looks like contract is going to work out (still not finalized, but moving back in the right direction).

I'm doing HORRIBLE on my healthy eating this week.  HORRIBLE (!!)  I've been baking and eating and not caring and stressed and sad and defeated and angry.  The Green Dress is now a pipe dream.  Ugh.  Double ugh.  I'm not going to even bother to talk about standing back up ... I'm breaking every promise to myself so I need to stop making promises until I'm ready to do the work.

We are seeing a friend's newly landscaped backyard tonight.  Taking a drink and our chairs and hanging out for a little while.  12 feet apart, outside and no contact at all.  This feels in my comfort zone.

Tomorrow the kids are coming over for a distancing Mother's Day.  This feels a little bold.  We'll be outside, wearing masks when not eating, they'll use another bathroom, dinner will be plated and no touching serving utensils, etc.  But, the dogs.  The dogs will go from person to person, as dogs do.  We'll be VERY diligent with hand washing, wipes, etc.  No one is sick and no one has known exposure.  This is where hubby says I'm being OVERLY crazy about quarantine.  (My family calls me by my childhood nickname, Tina ... no one else does, unless they're joking around.  He nicknamed me Quaran-Tina because I'm being crazy.)  That said, I can't wait to have everyone over.

Menu is steak, mac+cheese and green beans.  I'm baking a GF coffee cake for dessert (odd choice, but it won the vote and I'm happy).  Nothing else because it wasn't shopping week -- running low on fresh things.  The dessert choices were also limited to what I have on hand to bake.  I have the basics, but not a lot of flavor add-ins available (no chocolate chips, no lemons, no fruit, no PB, etc.)  You bet I'm serving on my new vintage dessert plates though.

Have a great Saturday.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Day of the Week

We laugh at memes and such that tell you the day of the week ... yep, everyone has to think about it for a beat.  Days blur together.

Then ...

Legitimately, hubby and I thought yesterday was Friday.  We thought this until about mid-day when he opened a calendar and we stood like fools staring at it.  OMG -- it's THURSDAY.  Suddenly, those funny reminders are actually PSAs.  We spent a minute reorienting ourselves to life ... we live in GA, it's 2020, we are married, today is THURSDAY.

Wow.  Guess who will open a calendar everyday from now on (or at least look at the home screen on my phone)?

Hubby got his employment contract and there's a glitch.  It's off to the contract attorney and, perhaps, we have a deal breaker.  Wouldn't that be a sudden change of fate?  I don't have a preference about it either way.  I want whatever is for the better good and I'm okay with either way.  Glad we've kept the announcement under wraps.

Do you remember the murder of the unarmed young man out jogging in GA in February?  Sadly, I DON'T.  There has been renewed outrage that his white murderers who chased him down and shot him were not charged.  Father and son and the father worked for the county in some capacity.  I joined the outrage since I've seen the story.  Yesterday, because of public outpouring, the men were arrested and charged.  Speaking up can make a difference.  We need to use our voices.  I joined the outrage once I learned about it, but shame on me for not knowing.

There is a video.  There is no denying what happened.  This is a beautiful man gunned down for absolutely no reason.

I try to stay away from news because it's depressing -- I need to be better informed though.  It upsets me that I had no idea this happened in the state where I live.  These days I'm using my voice.  Politely quiet has to stop against horrifying acts.  I hope this is the start of some justice for Ahmaud and his family and his community.  We can't let these acts of cruelty continue unanswered.

Maybe these times of so many troubles and divide are FINALLY wakening people to speak up, stand up ... for what's good, against injustice, for humanity.  I'm speaking up, but I need to find ways to STAND up.  

Stay well.  Later gators.

Still Ups and Downs

I canceled the hotel for Italy.  Of course.  Yet, somehow that made me sad.

The original date for the kids wedding is quickly approaching and that's making me sad too.

Hubby is leaving for VA in 3 weeks -- I'm worried and expecting to be lonely.

Our rescue took 30 dogs from ONE woman yesterday.  Mamas and puppies -- all terrified, not socialized, living outside, HW positive.  This OVER FILLS our rescue.  We didn't take any because I knew they'd be tough and we can't take tough right now.  The entire situation is making me sad -- from all directions.

I was in a "flow" with everything happening and now I'm not.  I'm upset and sad and worried and frustrated.

So many people are "celebrating" the quarantine being "over."  WE are quarantining harder in May because too many people are throwing caution to the wind.  As I'm having this sad phase, people are heading to beaches, renting hotels in vacation towns, going out with friends, going to restaurants, heading to coffee shops with groups of people.  Happy (and stupid).  It feels like their "happy" is stealing from me since I can't loosen the reins when people aren't following the social distancing rules.  My version of loosened reins is grocery store runs once a week and kids over on Sunday.  That feels risky now.

When I get this way, everything becomes SOMETHING in my head.  I need to find my happy place again.

I know this time is going to be full of ups and downs.  I also know I'm heading into a big adjustment in June.  And, I know my big birthday will feel bitter sweet.

Even hubby is happier.  Happy to be going back to work.  Happy he found his birthday gift (nice watch) and he can order it online.  (My birthday ring will be well after my birthday.)  His big Ireland golf trip is rescheduled for 2021 and even better than before.  (All my trips are canceled, not postponed.)  He's happy, while I slump.  (P.S.  I'm glad he's happy, but I wish I was happy with him.)

Yep, a pity party.

I need to do some soul searching to find things that I can move forward with -- I think feeling STOPPED is what feels upsetting.  I can see lots of things that I CAN'T move forward on, but very few things that I can.

Can't plan vacations.
Can't foster for the next month.
Can't find "my new dog."
Can't run.
Can't hike (trails way, way too crowded).
Can't shop for my new birthday ring.
Can't do anything special for my big birthday.
Can't see my family.
Can't travel.
Can't have cleaning crew (my back is a mess).

The CAN list is boring -- things that are part of regular living.  Not anything special or ABOVE what I expect from a regular day.  We've had nothing but regular days and I want something, anything more.  (I AM grateful for what I have and our health and security ... of course.  This is about the missing the "hot diggity" part of life.)

Can do yoga.
Can walk the neighborhood.
Can be outside.
Can read.

Being stuck was fine when everyone was stuck.  In this together.  Working for a solution.  Now lots of people are out having fun, gathering with friends and family, taking trips, being happy.  The contrast is hard.

Enough said.  I'm even bringing myself down ... off to find some HAPPY.  Later gators.

Schitt's Creek

I've tried so many times to watch Schitt's Creek.  I re-watch the first 2 episodes and decide it's over-the-top and not my thing.

But, "everyone" has it on their Top 10 list of shows and I've run out of things to watch.  So I tried -- again.  By episode 4 I was hooked.  I FINALLY see what the hype is about.  Funny, warm, inclusive.  I need to slow down and savor it a bit.  If you haven't watched it, go for it.  Give it a minute if you're like me and not sure ... you'll love it.

I'm a little stuck on a book, The Broken Girls (Simone St. James).  It's not bad, but it chapter switches between past and present and I can't seem to get hooked enough that the switch doesn't make me put the book down.  Sometimes switches work, sometimes I think it's lazy story telling.  It's a mystery that is leaning toward a ghost story.  It'll probably be a bad guy with a hint of a ghost story that lingers.  I'm plugging along since I'm only 25% read.  I can't remember who recommended it ... it was someone on Instagram.

The Kona coffee came in the mail.  I'm saving it for my birthday.  I'm STILL trying to salvage some fun for the big day.  I'll have new pajamas, special coffee, ladybug cake.  The Green Dress is probably a pipe dream at this point.  I think I'm too far to get there by my birthday.  Still working at it though.  Bloat from my monthly might be skewing my perspective.  If I could get back to running, that would help.  Running works like nothing else for slimming down my arms and legs.  My heel is okay for walking, but still hurts barefooted and on stairs -- no running yet.

A couple of things happening today.  Phone call with my bestie -- catch up call.  Phone call with my BIL for his trust stuff (ugh).  Date night with hubby.  Burgers and potatoes for dinner ... The Newsroom episode for our series night.  We've watched 2 episodes so far and we like it.  Not sure we'll watch the entire series, but it's good for now.

Still nothing much to report.  I guess that's the product of a pandemic.  Hope you stay well and find some happy today too.  Later gators.

On a BRIGHT Side ...

... I got my monthly yesterday.  Boy, that was a lead up.  Things are a-changin' but I was "on-time" this month.  Headache is over.  Still working on the rest, but I should be back to myself by tomorrow.

An upside to quarantine during this time is I can sit and sleep and rest ... no fighting through feeling lousy.

Weather front coming through this afternoon and temps are dropping for the rest of the week.  Glorious!  Anything between 60-72 is perfect.  Above it, I'm complaining.  Below it, others are complaining.  Hitting a sweet spot.

Hubby doesn't have his employment contract yet, but it's in the works.  No boxes left to check.  Looks like he's heading to work.

I'm slowly adjusting to my anger over people and sloppy precautions.  Coming to accept I have no control over them and their happy hours and I need to do what I need to do to keep as safe as possible.  I was starting to float the idea of grocery store runs every week, but I had to let that go -- 2 or 3 weeks at most.  I'm holding firm through May to see what happens.  We have a plan for June to start to open ourselves up (hubby will be in VA).  Fingers crossed our plan is enough.

Once again, I'm short on words this morning.  I'll rally for tomorrow.  Have a good day and stay well.  Later gators.

Granny Cake

The French lemon cake was good -- simple and easy, not very sweet.  No picture, but it's a round cake with no icing (a little powdered sugar before serving).  I love that it's called a Granny Cake.  Apparently, French grandmothers make a lemon cake -- everyone has a family recipe.  Something simple for breakfast or an afternoon snack.  I used my French dessert plates too.  (Now I wish I had a picture.)

It gets a glaze of powdered sugar and lemon juice when it comes out of the oven that forms a top on the cake that's very nice.  It's a perfect dessert for summer or after a heavier meal.

The new to-go containers worked well for the kids.  Perfect portions for meals.

The rest of the meal was good too -- I ate too much though.  Feeling sluggish this morning.  I didn't eat an enormous amount, but I've been eating less at night and a big, heavy meal felt rough on my stomach.  Ribs, potato salad, green salad and deviled eggs -- then lemon cake.  It was a MEAL (!!)

A little girl talk ...
I was hungry and craving sweets like crazy last night.  I hope my monthly comes and this isn't a skip month.  Headache is there, mood is there.  I need some hormonal relief.  Between hormones and my neck, heel and back -- I'm a mess.  I feel pretty lousy overall right now.  Perry is going to give me a run for my money.  Fortunately, only YEARS to go ... hah.

Nothing much on the agenda for today.  Hubby is getting his car serviced and new tires.  I'm his ride so he doesn't need a loaner car.  No cooking today either (and back to lighter food).  Two days in the kitchen and my back is tired.  I need to clean this week, so a low key day is good for my back.  My toes are in need of attention too.  That has to wait until my back is less sore too.  Old lady problems.

This is a particularly boring chat, so I think I'll call it finished.  Food coma is wrecking my brain.

Stay well.  Later gators.

Refreshing

We had a couple over for a backyard happy hour chat.  They brought their chairs, drinks, etc.  We had ours.  Sat about 12-15 feet apart and had the best time.  They stayed a couple of hours.  We'll do it again soon.  It feels SO GOOD to see people in person.  These friends have been in strict quarantine too.

We have a basement bathroom that can be accessed by the backyard basement door.  I cleaned the bathroom and the doorknobs on Tuesday and we haven't touched it since.  They used that bathroom.  I'll let it sit for a couple of days and then clean it again.  We only use that bathroom to give it some use .... easy to isolate it and perfect for outside guests.  We'll only see people we know have been taking precautions.

Our backyard is private -- backing to the woods and shaded late afternoon.  Even though we sat far apart, it's quiet so we didn't have any trouble talking.  Another plus is everyone was drinking from a tumbler and WHAT we were drinking never came up in conversation.  I had iced tea and didn't need to explain my choice.  No sharing and no refilling -- I have no idea what they were drinking.  It's refreshing that that didn't matter.

They told us their town was packed with people Friday and Saturday night too.  Standing room only at the one open bar.  Not one mask to be seen.  Large groups of people hanging out around the outside tables.  It's scary and disappointing and frustrating.

I bet I don't go to a restaurant for the rest of 2020.  No takeout from any place that is open to seating either.  Good thing I can cook (!!)

Ribs today.  Lemon cake seems interesting -- I'll give the scoop once we cut it.  I made potato salad too.  Summer dinner.  We're sharing with the kids.  I got a pack of to-go takeout containers.  Not very "green" but lets me drop off meals to the kids.  They can be washed and reused if they want too.  

My heel is healing.  I'm able to take walks now --  no running yet though.  It still bothers me if I walk up stairs or walk barefooted.  My neck is a mess.  I strained a muscle and by the end of the day, I can barely hold my head up.  If I had a soft neck brace, I'd wear it.  My headache is still there too.  Perry or neck strain or both.  Not sure.  50 years young?!?!  I'm not so sure.

The shopping bug got me again.  I'm looking for summer pajamas.  The ones I wear are well over 10 years old -- maybe older.  I'm picky about sleepwear and haven't found anything ... UNTIL ... Instagram influencer showed me her new set.  Tommy John.  It looks like what I'm looking for ... more to come when they get here and I'll go over my list of must-haves in PJs.  She had a 30% off code for that day -- sold (!!)

I wish the Course in Miracles class would go virtual.  It's going to be a long time before I can meet in person and I miss the class and people a lot.  I might email and see if they have any plans going forward.  Sundays aren't the same.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.  Stay safe.  Later gators.

Porch Picture and Random Things

I remembered to take a picture!  "Give that girl a gold star ... "

The wood was naked wood -- waiting until it matured (green gone) and could be stained.  It almost looks like paint.  We like the light color (a bit lighter than I thought though).  Makes it look more like a porch.  The posts are the house trim color (cream) and the wood is a light gray/tan -- hard to see in the picture.

We got a big storage tub that doubles as a food buffet, but it's a little big.  Yes, I measured.  Don't know what I did wrong.  We thought about returning it, but we could only find much smaller.  This is probably the best size even though it aesthetically takes over the space ... functionally works great.  We've had it for about 6 months.

Quick RANT.  In case you wondered how DAY ONE of Georgia restrictions lifted worked out, it didn't.  Social towns were packed (videos to prove it) and no masks, no social distancing, large groups.  WTF Georgia?!?  I read that malls delayed opening which gave me hope, but only to find they are opening Monday instead.  So the delay was about them, not safety.  Rant OVER (although I could go on forever about people with a total disregard for public safety).


Here's a RANDOM motivational steal from Gretchen Rubin's post.  Wise words.

Want to see LOVE defined in a picture?  This was a picture from 2018 from another foster and I got permission to post it because I think this is beautiful.  This abandoned, discarded dog was adopted that day.  Best friends forever -- babies and dogs love unconditionally.  It pops up on my Facebook memories and makes me happy every year.

I'm cooking a big Sunday dinner to distribute to the kids.  I found a recipe for a French lemon cake that uses greek yogurt and lemons -- both of which I need to use up this week.  The name of the cake translates to Granny Cake.  I love it since my grandma name is "Granny."  I already have grand-dogs so I had to choose a name.  Baking that today and BBQ ribs tomorrow.

I have a hormonal headache that won't quit.  Last time I had a headache this long, I skipped my monthly.  I think Perry might be making an appearance this month.  I had a few months of regular after the skip ... we'll see.  I'm due in 4 days.  It's possible the headache is related to my wonky neck (that I hurt boxing) -- that's still in play too.  Falling apart at the seams.

Remember how I didn't recommend Jen Hatmaker's new book because she says it BETTER in her podcasts and interviews?  There were a few new gems though.  This is a page in the book where she quotes Brene Brown.  I sent it to a friend because we've talked about this experience in certain situations, but had no words to describe it.  Thanks, ladies.

Hope you have a great and SAFE Saturday.  I'm glad to be staying home for the next couple of weeks again.  Georgia isn't safe right now.  Later gators.

Shopping Bug

I definitely have a shopping bug.

I've been craving a hot matcha drink in the blender (hot water, matcha, coconut oil and collagen peptides).  Wiz it up and it's frothy and creamy textured with a great flavor.  Turns out, I'm almost out of matcha which I ordered online a couple of years ago.  Guess what ... matcha and expensive tea on the way.  All matcha powder is not created equal (in taste and quality) and this is a great brand -- and it lasts a long time.  I don't drink it everyday, but I wanted to drink something with some body -- since wine or beer is not happening right now.  I got their summer blend, decaf and a box of really fancy green tea bags. (DoMatcha)

Tea made me think of coffee.  Fancy tea made me think of fancy coffee.  Straight line to REAL Kona coffee thoughts.  Guess what?  On the way for my birthday in June.  It's also important to trust the vendor -- lots of knockoffs out there.  It's pricey, but I have 50 reasons I'm worth it!  (Koa Coffee)

I got influenced on a cozy blanket too.  I checked it out for a baby gift (which I bought) but added an adult blanket for me.  I'll save it for my birthday too.  My comfy throws have been taken over by dogs and hubby.  This one's for me.  (Minky Couture)

Yep ... there's more.  I have a BAD bug LOL.

Spanx is sending me ads like crazy since I bought the bras.  I ordered a black tank in their clothing line because my nice black tanks are giving up on life.  Pilled, ripped, discolored under the arms, faded.  I've had most of them since before I moved to GA (that was 7 years ago).  Time for a replacement.  I'm curious about their clothes.  Black tanks are my summer staples because they don't show the sweat.

That's all, but that's enough.  Special things that cost $$$ ... justified by the fact that I'm not spending money on much of anything and my big birthday is around the corner.

Jen Hatmaker webinar is available for viewing for 2 days.  She started with the music guests -- not my thing.  Made-up songs about being in quarantine played through an iPhone.  I bet Brene was last.  I'll watch later today.  I finished her book and I wouldn't recommend buying it.  Listen to her instead -- podcast circuit and such.  She says it all there and it's so much better hearing her speak these ideas.  I LOVE Jen Hatmaker, but this book felt redundant.

Switching gears sharply -- we got sad news last night.  An old friend of our family out of NY died of COVID.  We're heartbroken for his wife and son.  They're a special family -- Sal volunteered with the local ambulance service after he retired and he was exposed to COVID helping others.  He was in his 60s.  Knowing someone is a blast of reality.  Imagining how extra hard this will be for Marie with only out of town family and no funeral gathering.  Every number is a real person.  "ONLY" so many deaths means nothing if it's someone you love.

That's a sad way to end today, but Sal, Marie and Brandon deserves my sadness.  Sal was a great man.  Stay well.  Thinking of everyone who's struggling.  XOXO.