I'm Trying ...

I walked the walked, talked the talk and did my things yesterday.  I had some rollercoaster moments, but the day was more up than down.

Sunshine helped.
Getting out of the house helped.
Meditation -- check.
Workout -- check.
Healthy, regular meals -- check.

I also did some oldie but goodie things that make me feel good.  I had a few days of forgetting to add fun compounding a rollercoaster mood.

After the dentist (no cavities - hah), I went to my usual lunch spot for my favorite greek salad, time to read and relax.  It's counter service, but the owner recognizes me now.  She calls me hunny and she's really kind.  It makes me feel good having a little private lunch, but feeling welcomed at the same time.

I online shopped a little too.  I know shopping to feel good can be a no-no, but this was a few little happy things -- a little pick-me-up.  Quote cards -- I'll tell you about them when they come and a gift for my girlfriend this weekend.

I also took the dogs out for a walk in the afternoon since the sun was actually out.  Next 3 days are rain again.  Here's Tulip's walk ...

Dog stroller with straps so she can't jump out.

Duke cuddles -- always nice :)
He usually cuddles with hubby.

A big down moment came because Mimi is getting returned.  I don't feel like they gave her a chance - they made a big error with introductions and aren't willing to have our rescue pay for a home introduction session and evaluation.  They are snapping to a judgement and 2 days of dogs together with some very positive interactions is not enough time.  Dogs growl -- it's a communication.  There was nothing more.  Things happen for a reason and I have to trust that this was EXACTLY the way it was meant to happen for her.  Sometimes I can get myself to that place, but sometimes I'm sad about it.  And, I was so pumped about the universe stepping in to help her -- it feels like it flaked.  I need to trust this IS the universe helping her.  What's that quote ... everything will be alright in the end and if it's not alright, it's not yet the end.

I'm making progress in Christiane Northrup's book, The Wisdom of Menopause.  I'm finished with the parts about emotion and brain changes.  The rest of the book is hormones, replacement options, diet, symptoms, etc.  I'll read if I'm having issues -- otherwise, I'm skimming.  The chapters on emotion rang true for what I'm experiencing -- and make me feel better about the process.  I swear -- I've never cried this much for this many days about seemingly nothing.  Crying during meditation is a regular thing now.  No specific reason.  Just crying.

Talking emotions ... the part I'm trying to navigate is allowing verses wallowing.  Sometimes it's easy to see the difference, but other times it's a gray line.  Is the crying healing?  Are the emotions valid or is it a story I'm telling myself?

The conventional menopause talk says the "extra" emotion is simply hormones.  The NEW convention (supported by a community of forward thinkers) is that menopause is a time to heal things that you were too busy caring for others to take the time to feel.

As a woman, we do this -- others first during our "childbearing" years -- nature's way of ensuring a family dynamic.  Menopause (peri) is a time for inner reflection and moving that caregiving hand inward.  THIS is exactly how I've been feeling the last year -- and it makes sense to me.

Lordy, it's messy and a rollercoaster of a lifetime.  Christiane Northrup (and others) say hold on, do the work and the other side is well worth it.  Don't do the work, suppress the emotion, fight changing and the second part of your life can be riddled with things like anxiety and dis-ease and general unhappiness.

Why aren't we talking about this?  I'm floored.

I promise EVERYDAY won't be about The Change, but there will be talk.  This is HUGE in my life right now and I want to walk the walk well.  Doing HARD so that things can be better.  I don't want HARD without better.  It's worth talking about.  P.S.  I'm hoping for a quick peri-menopause stage -- not knowing when my monthly is coming or how heavy is ALREADY a big pain.

Today is a totally free day on the calendar, but I have lots to do getting ready for my trip this weekend.  Not sure what I need to do for Mimi today either.  My "free" might become full.  Rain all day -- already started.  It's a little-dog-poop-in-the-house day.

Later gators.